Jinyoung's smile is wide and honest, warm in a way Jaebeom could never expect of someone like the younger man. Jinyoung smiles like someone who's happy with life, who is content and wouldn't change anything, someone who accepts everything life throws at him, someone strong and determined. Like someone who isn't anything like the boy Jaebeom's gotten to know.

"How did you find me?" Jaebeom asks, suspicion rising in his guts.

"I wasn't stalking you if that's what you were wondering," Jinyoung replies easily, looking ahead, to all the cars passing by while leaning back casually, his hands on the rail but they don't seem to be of any support. "I came here just because, I don't really think of the places I go, I just... go. I was here and I saw you and you looked like someone who lost everything in life."

Jaebeom sighs, feeling drained of all energy again as his worries and thoughts come back at him. Jinyoung isn't a distraction for his inner chaos, the city has spit him out and he's left to deal with his emotions that are too much for him. It's months of bottling things up, it feels now the contents reached the brim.

Overwhelmed and scared he might tear up in front of someone he barely knows, Jaebeom turns away and focuses on the sunset.

"I haven't lost anything yet... but I might have to let go of something too important," Jaebeom whispers, too low for anyone to hear when the sun is barely setting and the city sings louder than his voice.

"Do you have to?" Jinyoung asks and Jaebeom turns so fast to stare at the younger, surprised he actually heard him. Jinyoung meets his eyes without turning his head, but Jaebeom can see the little smile that confirms that yes, he heard him.

"How...?" He doesn't finish the question, squinting to see Jinyoung better, that odd guy who keeps surprising him. He is just there, sitting on the rail so casually as if he didn't show up out of nowhere, as if he couldn't hear Jaebeom's whispers meant to be carried away by the wind without anyone listening to them.

"Unless forced, you don't have to let go of the things you don't want to," Jinyoung continues, smiling more kindly this time. "Is someone forcing you?"

Jaebeom takes a deep breath, feeling his throat closing up because part of him feels pressured to let go of his mother and the hope she might wake up. And here is Jinyoung, reminding him that he doesn't have to do that if he doesn't want to.

"Could you talk to me without sitting on the rail?" Jaebeom asks instead of speaking about the issue. Jinyoung can hear his whispers so now his thoughts are only save in his head.

"Oh, why? Does is scare you I might fall?" Jinyoung taunts, humour in his voice and it is reflected in his grin as he starts to lean back, face mocking as his eyes widen. "Oh, oh, oh!" He exclaims and Jaebeom feels his body paralysing with fear as Jinyoung tilts backwards, dangerously.

"STOP THAT!" Jaebeom screams, jumping to life and moving, his arms reaching for Jinyoung immediately, wrapping around the slim waist and holding him. His own body slots between the younger's legs and Jaebeom just holds on to him for dear life, keeping him from falling.

"Ei~," Jinyoung laughs. "I wasn't going to fall, my feet keep me hooked," he continues but Jaebeom doesn't let go. "Is this just an excuse to hug me? You needn't to, just asking is enough. I'm very generous with my hugs."

Jaebeom doesn't pull back, his heart is hammering just in fear at the idea of seeing Jinyoung die. Seeing anyone die terrifies him because it's a reminder of how his mother is with one foot in the afterlife. That fear of losing his mother is taking the best of him, all his feelings and emotions go haywire. He's choked and overwhelmed, scared and lonely. He hasn't let people comfort him, not really. He's born all the burden on his own and he's exhausted. There's warmth now surrounding him and Jaebeom just can't pull back, his knees are weak and he's drained. He's heartbroken and lost.

Jaebeom actually needs a hug.

He buries his face in Jinyoung's chest and holds on to him tighter, keeping the young man from falling, even if it's accidentally, and also keeping his face hidden because he can feel it, the burning of tears that cannot be contained anymore.

"Hyung?" Jinyoung calls softer this time, probably noticing Jaebeom's slight tremors and how he hugs the younger tighter.

"What if holding on to her is only hurting her more?" Jaebeom whispers, his voice broken like his heart.

Jinyoung doesn't ask whom Jaebeom is talking about, instead, the younger wraps his arms around Jaebeom too, leaning closer and offering comfort that makes Jaebeom come undone right on the spot, on the bridge of the Hangang, hugging the oddest person he's ever met, someone who doesn't really know him.

"That's not something anyone can tell you," Jinyoung mutters, pressing his cheek against Jaebeom's top of his head, embracing him so tightly as if like that he could keep all the pieces together, as if he could keep Jaebeom from falling apart.

It almost works.

"They say..." Jaebeom begins, but his voice breaks and he chokes against Jinyoung's chest. The younger doesn't push him and waits patiently until Jaebeom can continue. "They say with every day that goes by it'll only make it worse if she wakes up. That we shouldn't keep her for more than three months..." he explains, his heart twisting in the most painful way. "It would be more merciful to let her go instead of holding on to her, keeping her here because we can't let her go is cruel."

Jinyoung hums, one of his hands rubbing comforting circles on Jaebeom's back, the other gently stroking the hair at the back of his head.

"I don't know your mother, but you do, better than any doctor. What do you think she'd like?" Jinyoung asks ever so softly.

Jaebeom doesn't move his head, still hiding in Jinyoung and trying to think, but it escapes him. He's too biased to think objectively and trying to imagine what his mother would want.

"What would you want?" Jaebeom asks and too late he realises he asked the wrong person.

"If it were me, I would want to be let go. Can you imagine what it's like to be in that situation? Not here but not there, in a sort of limbo. Maybe being conscious but not able to reach? A painless way to agonise but no one hears you scream for help."

Jaebeom feels cold to the bone when Jinyoung puts it like that, making him imagine his mother conscious at some level, but not in the same realm as he is, crying to move on but he's desperately clinging to her, forcing her to stay there, in that limbo as Jinyoung puts it.

"Maybe it's not a matter of whether we want to wake up or not," Jinyoung continues. "Certainly, we can't go on our own."

Jaebeom's breath hitches, holding Jinyoung so tight he must be hurting the other man, but he can't help himself as he thinks that maybe his mother wants to leave, but she can't because he's stopping her.

"Or maybe she wants to wake up and she can't," Jinyoung adds right when Jaebeom felt he was about to lose it. "I am someone who has nothing to hold on in this life, I would want to go. But your mother has a son that loves her so deeply and who is waiting for her. She has someone to wake up for. Maybe she just can't and she can't tell you to wait a bit more."

"H-how... how can I know?" Jaebeom breathes out so lowly that he is sure Jinyoung won't hear him this time. "What if... what if I give up but she could've waken up if we just waited one more day? How can I ever be at ease if I make the choice to let her go?"

"There's no way to know how," Jinyoung answers honestly. "We are not psychics or anything, doctors speak from statistics but those are just a more likely outcome, not the definite one. There's also a slim chance they might be wrong," the younger continues. "Do you think your mother would give up on you?"

"No, she'd never give up on me," Jaebeom knows that, because just as cold as her marriage was, she always said how Jaebeom was the best thing to happen to her. He was her biggest joy, her best accomplishment... she'd never give up on him.

"Then that means she wouldn't give up on her life because it would mean leaving you alone."

Jaebeom feels Jinyoung moving, pulling apart from the embrace and he allows the younger to pull back, his hands on Jaebeom's shoulders to keep him at arm length and meet his eyes. Jaebeom is crying and Jinyoung smiles with sympathy but also optimism.

"Wait for her, that's what you want and what you need. Maybe someone will give her a push and make her come back to you," Jinyoung suggests with a little smile. "Wherever she is right now, I'm sure she can't be alone."

"How...?"

"Humans are never alone," Jinyoung replies without needing Jaebeom to finish his question. "You know? I have a feeling your mother will wake up soon," continues the young man, lifting his right hand to wipe the tears on Jaebeom's face with his thumb, a warm yet small smile on his lips, his eyes kind and thoughtful. "Now that you've let go a bit of the burden I think there's more space for hope and good energies within you."

Jaebeom blinks, caught in Jinyoung's gaze, his arms still loosely around his frame, keeping him close. He hasn't fallen apart in front of anyone, not like this. Jaebeom rarely cries and if he does it's never in front of others. Tears are a sign of weakness in his eyes, proof that he cannot control his own emotions and he's losing his grip. It's the first time since his mother's accident that he's lost control and has let someone else see him break down. When he was told about his mother's accident he was cold to the bone, he couldn't believe it. He screamed, begged the doctor to save his mother, yelled at the driver and wanted to punch someone, but he didn't cry. He couldn't until days later, when everything sunk in and he realised the new situation, when he was alone except from his comatose mother. He cried like a little baby back then.

This... this is the first time he cries in front of someone, letting that person comfort him and wipe his tears. The first time in a long, long time. Only his mother did this before, when he was a kid and he couldn't control his emotions with his iron grip.

"Do you feel any better? Even a little bit?" Jinyoung asks, brushing Jaebeom's hair away from his forehead in the tenderest caress that feels so soft, so kind and warm. It feels like Jinyoung's caresses are slowly and carefully picking up his pieces and handing them to him to put them back together, encouraging him, telling him he can do it.

"A bit," Jaebeom accepts softly and watches how the smile on Jinyoung's lips spreads wider and happier.

Jaebeom smiles tentatively, still somewhat broken, but it's there as he continues staring at Jinyoung against a now dark sky, starless and infinitely vast, like the river bellow. Jinyoung, with his pale skin and his warm smile is a stark contrast with the night sky now that the sun is completely gone from he day. And as Jaebeom stares he's struck with a thought that isn't unfamiliar, but that comes with strength that leaves him breathless:

Jinyoung is so beautiful.

∞

I love this chapter, seeing how slowly Jaebeom falls... I hope you also enjoyed it. 

Bel, xx