Since his mother's accident, Jaebeom often dreams of car accidents. It's never him the one getting in an accident, he's always a witness or the perpetrator, and in most of those dreams, his mother is stuck in an upside-down car and he cannot get her out. The young man wakes up with a scream stuck in his throat, cold sweat pearling his skin and the horror reflected in his eyes. It gets worse when he wakes up from those dreams at home where he cannot find his mother, but it's not better when he wakes up at the hospital and she's still in coma.

It's just never easy.

Tonight, when in his dream, though, the person trapped inside the upside-down car is Park Jinyoung. He hangs, trapped with the seatbelt, his black hair falling and from his scalp red drops slide down like the raindrops he saw rolling through his skin the last time he saw him in real life. His fair complexion is tainted with blood and he looks like a nightmare from hell, cuts everywhere and arms twisted in unnatural angles; but when Jaebeom goes to save him, Jinyoung only grins.

Stop trying to be a hero and let me die, says the Jinyoung in his dream and Jaebeom is even more perturbed but he doesn't listen and reaches out to unbuckle the seatbelt.

You can't always save me... or anyone else for what matters. People will die on you, sooner or later. Better get used to it.

No, no, no, Jaebeom mumbles, refusing to let anyone die if he can do anything to save them. It doesn't matter who that person is, whether his mother or a crazy person like Jinyoung, Jaebeom will try and save them.

Jaebeom wakes up from that dream frantic and desperate instead of terrified like he normally does, his determination increasing his heartbeat and making his breathing ragged. Jinyoung's expression in his dream was the most disturbing thing, how surrendered he was, how accepting and welcoming of death.

Trying to calm down, Jaebeom checks the time on his mobile and realises he had another half hour before his alarm had to ring so he deems pointless trying to go back to sleep. Instead, he gets out of bed and goes to get a glass of water and just starts to get ready for the day. His head feels stuffy and he's more tired than usual, but he had a bad night sleep and got soaked wet, not to mention the traumatic experience with Jinyoung.

When he's back in his room—after showering and getting dressed—to get his belongings before heading out to the hospital, he finds the rest of the bread Jinyoung gave him. A little smile comes to his lips as he grabs it in his hands and takes a new bite. It's not bad so he eats it all as he heads out of his home, without even worrying if his father even came back last night.

To the hospital, he takes the bus in the morning as there's one that goes directly from his sector to the hospital so he doesn't need to commute and it's just the most convenient thing, so he swallows his wariness and takes it. There's an empty seat so he goes for it and just listens to music to distract himself. He'd normally read but now he doesn't read unless he's reading to his mother so she won't miss a bit of the story.

The visit times don't start until nine AM, but even if his father is registered as the guardian, Jaebeom is the acting one and everyone knows it so he can come and go as he pleases. On his way to his mother's room, he greets the nurses on shift at that time, the sleepy doctors he runs into and anyone else. His mood has improved a bit since he woke up, but he still feels exhausted and his head has started to hurt.

However, Jaebeom puts everything aside to focus on his mother when he walks in the room, smiling brightly as if there was nothing wrong. She cannot see anything, but that doesn't mean he won't try.

"Good morning, eomma. How are you feeling today? Isn't a good day to wake up?" Asks the boy as he opens the curtains. "It might rain a bit in the afternoon, but for now it looks like a good day. It's not too hot or cold, the skies are clear and I miss you a lot so I would be extremely happy if you wake up."

There's no reply other than the beeping of machines and the constant numbers that barely change day after day. Jaebeom sighs but doesn't get discouraged as he approaches his mother to greet her with a kiss on her forehead, like he always does.

"I came earlier than expected, but I woke up from bad dreams and decided it was useless staying in bed. I prefer spending some more time with you," Jaebeom continues, speaking nonstop.

Every time he does this he wonders how Jackson does it. He can speak for hours and hours without losing energy. Granted, his friend can also spend hours quiet like Mark, and Mark can also spend hours talking (rarely and depending what you feed him with). Jaebeom gets exhausted from talking too much, way too easily.

Without much ado, Jaebeom spends a few hours with his mother, reminding her that her sister will come soon and that she won't be so lonely anymore. Then he goes to his classes but it gets harder and harder to concentrate or do things as the day progresses. He's feeling more poorly by the hour and no matter what he eats, it doesn't change.

Mark, with whom he and Jackson are having shabu shabu together, reaches out across the table, his palm agains Jaebeom's forehead, pushing his hair—which is quite long by now—out of the way.

"Mmm," the older muses. "It seems you have a fever. I think you might be overworked with everything going on. You need a break, Jaebeomie."

"Nah. Last night I got soaked wet so maybe I caught a cold. What an inconvenient time to get one, though," Jaebeom guesses, pinching the bridge of his nose but it doesn't help.

Jackson, next to Mark and in front of him, also reaches out but instead of checking his fever, he uses his index and middle fingers to press at Jaebeom's temples for a few seconds then releasing, then doing it again. He lets the other man work on the pressure points of headache because Jackson is extremely precise and knowledgeable about body aches and how to cure them, due to his life as fencer. Jackson is really good and was actually offered a scholarship to go to Stanford but he chose to stay in Seoul and pursue business instead.

"Why did you get caught in the rain? You always carry an umbrella," Jackson asks, still making pressure.

Jaebeom answers once his friend is done, with his head a bit more cleared and feeling less about to die.

"Something happened with someone. I saved someone from getting in an accident, and in my rush I dropped the umbrella," Jaebeom explains, focusing on the food now, mixing all the ingredients they gathered and making sure they are well cooked.

"You're saving more people now? Or was the one you already saved twice? What was his name?" Jackson jokes, laughing immediately but Jaebeom doesn't say anything, he only keeps his eyes low to avoid getting caught.

It doesn't work.

"Wait a minute... it was him? For real?" Jackson's mouth drops when Jaebeom doesn't confirm it. "Hyung, this is getting even a bit creepy."

"His name is Jinyoung," Jaebeom answers instead of confirming it was Jinyoung whom he saved, but he doesn't need to, Jackson can actually read him so well. It's the curse of being childhood friends.

"Do you think he's following you? 'Cos it's not normal to meet three times when he's about to die, you know? In other circumstances I would insist on the whole fate thing, but now I'm creeped out."

"It's me arriving to the place where he already is, so if someone is following anyone, then logically that would be me," Jaebeom points out and Jackson's gasps in utter shock.

"Hyung, are you stalking him? Why? Is he an idol?"

Jaebeom feels his headache coming back just because of Jackson stupid guesses.

"No," he deadpans. "Although he could be one," he adds next as an afterthought, not meant to be heard.

"Why? Is he handsome? How handsome? Mark hyung handsome or me handsome?" Jackson continues, first using his hands to point at Mark as if he was explaining a new product you must buy, and then doing the same to himself. Mark grins amused at Jackson's antics.

"Mmm, he's handsome in like a romantic and composed way? He looks like the type your mother would love for your younger sister to date."

"I don't have a younger sister," Jackson interrupts but Jaebeom completely ignores him.

"He looks like an actor and impeccable person with the perfect manners and all that... but he's crazy."

"No one is perfect," Mark points out as Jaebeom takes a tteok from the pan in the middle, trying it and deeming it's ready to start eating so he turns off the burner.

"Yeah, but he's suicidal, so no matter how perfect he might look on the outside, he's crazy. And he's disconcerting when you talk to him."

"Well, there must be a reason for it," continues the older. "Maybe a trauma or a difficult situation, you don't know. There could be a perfect logical explanation and his suicidal tendencies are nothing but a cry for help because he cannot do it alone?"

Jaebeom turns to look at Mark and his stream of logic, blinking in surprise because he hadn't even considered that option. He concluded Jinyoung was crazy and never thought more about that. Maybe there is a reason, maybe Jinyoung needs help and not someone who pulls him back, but someone who makes him stop trying to kill himself.

If that's the case, Jaebeom doesn't want to offer himself for the job. He has more than enough on his plate.

"No one wants to kill one self for no reason, hyung, so you shouldn't be that harsh and just call him crazy for that, you should try to understand instead," Jackson continues Mark's train of thoughts, seriously and even a bit scolding, like a parent giving advice.

"Please, don't finish each other arguments," Jaebeom pleads. "It's creepy. And I know, it was wrong of me to judge him so quickly. Still, that doesn't mean I should be the one to understand or help him just because I've stepped in his suicidal or not exactly suicidal moments. I can't deal with that."

"We are not saying that you should take care of him or help him," Mark begins.

"Just to be less judgemental," Jackson continues, completely ignoring his request.

"We actually applaud that you have saved him three times already," Mark speaks next.

"Well done, hyung," Jackson finishes making Jaebeom shiver and make faces in disgust, which is exactly why they keep doing it.

Mark's and Jackson's sync is one of the most curious things because they are complete opposites but they have a connection, since they met, that makes everyone wonder how? Jaebeom has known them for years and he can't still figure it out.

"You two disgust me," Jaebeom groans. "I want to enjoy my food, please stop."

The two laugh cheerily but thankfully, they don't continue arguing together and they focus on eating.

In a corner of his mind, Jaebeom thinks that if he ever runs again into Jinyoung, he won't be that judgemental. For his own good, though, he hopes they won't run into each other again. The younger leaves him feeling so unsettled every time, and he's not looking forward that feeling any time soon.

∞

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I got a job! (at Starbucks, I'm a fan fiction cliche so I hope any celebrity comes my way and falls for me xD and when I say celebrity I mean Im Jaebeom) so I'm still adjusting to my new schedule and such, but after I'm settled I hope updates are more constant and reliable. 

Bel, xx