Hey Guys! 

This is a fanfic I found on AOO. 

*****

I couldn't remember the last time I felt the cool night air touch my skin. Not really. That smirking whore who controlled my every whim liked to keep me close enough that I'd occasionally forget what open air and clear skies felt like, but every now and then, when I played my game perfectly, she'd forget I was really her enemy and let me out to do her biding where I could pretend to be free for a few hours. Tonight was one such night.

Calanmai.

Or Fire Night, as I preferred to call it. The night of lovers and magic amongst the courts. Including my own. She'd make me participate in her own special way later, but for now I was here on business. It just wasn't her business like she thought it was.

I didn't mind a chance to see what Tamlin was up to. Much as he and I were united against Amarantha, we still shared bad blood between us. A chance at spying his movements on a night he would be totally unaware of my very presence was a rare gift.

And if I were particularly lucky, as I regularly was when able to be my usual charming self, some stupid sap would give me ample reason to drag him before Amarantha upon my return and I could avoid the guilt of manipulating an innocent altogether.

But none of this mattered. As I winnowed into the Spring Court's grassy hills and came upon the wood side where the bliss of darkness and starry skies burned my eyes, all thoughts of Tamlin and Amarantha dissipated in my mind as I thought of the girl in my dreams.

I smelled her immediately, her scent coming quickly to my senses. It was easy to spot even at what I could tell was some distance away and countless other bodies lingering about. I had woken up with her scent in my nose, my mouth nearly every morning for a month straight. Her dreams were my dreams, her horrors my nightmares, all of them amplified since the day she crossed the wall into Prythian. Why she had come, I had yet to understand, but I treasured every moment she shared with me, be it good or bad, for the reprieve they gave me from my torturous waking life.

When I saw her dreams of Fire Night and realized what court she was in, I knew nothing would keep me away. I had to find her, even if only to catch a glimpse.

The strength of her scent increased as I edged along the outskirts of the gathering. Best not to intrude into the folds of people lest someone spot me and grow suspicious. Even in my simplest fashion, a plain tunic though still of high quality, I was having difficulty controlling the attraction my powers had to the darkness that now began to cling to every piece of me it could reach. How long had it been since I'd been able to indulge it?

The scent took me further along the trees. A cave in the distance revealed to me where I would likely find Tamlin if I felt so inclined. Had it not been for my desperation to see her, I would have left then and there to avoid running in to him, but I had to know. I had to at least see what she looked like, see the eyes that gave me visions every night, the hands that painted tableaux unlike anything I'd ever dreamt.

And then I turned around a bend in the trees and there she was.

With filth crawling all over her.

I froze, taking in the scene of three fae males encircling her, touching her. One ran his hand along her side and I could almost feel her skin crawl as his hand pressed in at her ribs, her hip. My mind opened up swallowing them whole, allowing every gruesome thought they had to run through me. Such disgusting thoughts they were, even for a night like Calanmai, and here she was defenseless to be so preyed upon.

Though I had no right to be, I was jealous. Some feral beast deep inside of me was boiling with desire to get to her, to protect her with every part of my being. And then they pushed her and I moved.

Her skin was cold when I touched her and it struck me how human she was in this faery realm, how out of place. I pulled her up under the shoulders away from the filth clawing at her.

"There you are," I said casually, as if I had known her my entire life. It sometimes felt like I had. "I've been looking for you." And again, it wasn't a lie.

The three cowards froze, morbid fear taking over their features as they took me in. This girl now standing in my reach may not know who I was, but her captors certainly did. It gave me great pleasure to know that though my situation in the courts had changed the last fifty years, the sight of me still commanded a certain dose of fear and respect. My game was working.

I slung an arm around the girl's shoulders and looked at the fae males. "Enjoy the Rite," I spat, cruelly enough to watch terror overtake their eyes as I scented them before they turned on their heels and bolted out of sight. I would find them easily later.

The second they were gone, the girl stepped out of my reach to look at me. The Thank you I read passing through her mind became a vague memory as she saw me for the first time, replaced by another more pleasing thought I would not soon forget: here before her stood the most beautiful man she had ever seen.

She had no idea who I was. That much was clear straight away and it was probably for the better she didn't know. She didn't say anything. She didn't move. A soft, almost awed expression overtook her and we just stared in silence at one another for several seconds.

It didn't matter that she was human. It didn't matter that she was out of her wits to be out on Calanmai alone. It didn't matter what she thought of me from this point forward or what a risk it was to be in my presence. All I knew was that I had found her and she was the most stunning creature my heart had ever beheld.

I wanted to know her.

"What's a mortal woman doing here on Fire Night?" I asked, taking a risk with the caress in my voice and the smile daring to breakout on my lips.

The girl retreated a step. So she was smart then too.

"My friend brought me."

And a liar.

She was listening to the drumming as it increased, taking in the sight of my fitted clothing and the elegance it displayed. She even noticed the way little bits of darkness flocked about my person. The darkness was not invisible to others, but somehow it felt like she was seeing beyond the darkness in that moment, like she could see my Night.

"And who are your friends?"

"Two ladies."

Strike two.

"Their names?"

I took a step closer, wanting so much to be close to her again, but she took a step back and I knew I was in risky territory. I was playing a dangerous game even talking to her. Nervous, I stashed my hands inside my pockets where they made fists out of my adrenaline.

But the girl didn't answer my question. Just continued to stare inquisitively at me as she pondered whether I was a worse trap than the fae I'd rescued her from. That was the last thing I wanted her to think.

"You're welcome," I said, chuckling as I delighted in how human and pure she was to be so rightly fearful of me. "For saving you." She took another step back and rather foolishly, I moved as well, circling her to get a full view in my arrogance. "Strange for a mortal to be friends with two faeries. Aren't humans usually terrified of us? And aren't you, for that matter, supposed to keep to your side of the wall?"

I was fishing, fishing for any piece of her identity I could glean from her to take back with me to my hoard of her dreams that got me through the night. I felt fear roll off her in waves, fear she believed I could not detect.

"I've known them my whole life," she said, sounding self-assured. "I've never had anything to fear from them."

"And yet they brought you to the Great Rite and abandoned you," I said, coming to a stop between her and the bonfires she contemplated escaping from me to.

"They went to get refreshments."

Strike three.

I smiled, impressed with her nerve. She was clearly terrified of me, but she still found me devilishly handsome in that wicked, daring head of hers. Whoever this girl was, she was smart and nothing more than my determination to be here tonight and poor timing on her part had put her in what she believed to be a compromising position.

The beast that had sat stewing under my skin at the sight of those males flanking her stirred again, but this time in acknowledgement. Something about this girl - this woman - called to the very blood in my veins. I had to know her. It was foolish, reckless, but before I could think twice about it, I was digging my hand out of my pocket and offering her my arm.

"I'm afraid the refreshments are a long was off," I said. "It might be a while before they return. May I escort you somewhere in the meantime?"

It was my turn to strike out. The second I said the words, I knew I'd made a mistake.

"No," she said, cutting off the most dangerous thought of all. What was I doing? I was smarter than this. Equal parts relief and crushing disappointment crashed over me as I realized I had to get far, far away from her for both our sake.

The arm I had offered I now found sweeping wide to allow her by towards the bonfires she longed to flee to. "Enjoy the Rite, then. Try to stay out of trouble." I tried to impress the importance of this into my voice before I left her.

But I had not gone far before she called out again. Called out to me.

"So you're not from the Spring Court?" she asked and again I experienced the overwhelming feeling that this woman well and truly knew me.

An idea began curling into existence at the back of my mind. My skin crawled and my heart ached, painfully ached for this woman before me that I knew only in dreams, who saved me night after night. I was meant to find her, be it tonight or any other. She was meant to be with me, to know me in some way. She was...

Fear crept into my veins as I shut down the thought immediately before it could fully hatch.

With slow, delicate movement, I turned back to face her willing the thought to remain incomplete in my mind. She was staring at me, taking in the way the stars and smoke curled off of me in exquisite tendrils. If only she knew how stunned I was by the vision of her right in that very moment. She was extraordinary. Did she even realize it?

I smiled, the kind of smile she would never know much it costed me, before I righted myself to speak to her. Our conversation was almost over, I could feel it, but I'd be more of myself with her for these last few precious moments than I had in fifty years with anyone if it would get me through what remained of my life.

"Do I look like I'm part of the Spring Court?" The expression of disdain that overcame her face at my arrogance burst a quiet laugh I'd not felt since Velaris. If ever I could have gotten to know her, she would have been such a force to be reckoned with where I was concerned. She could probably even given poor Cassian a run for his money for not putting up with my ego. "No, I'm not part of the noble Spring Court. And glad of it."

"Why are you here, then?"

My blood thrummed at the question because of course the simple answer was standing right before me: You. You are the reason I'm here, I wanted to tell her. And she had no idea of it nor how hungry it made me. She must have noticed my reaction because she again retreated from me, the fear returning once more to her eyes.

Grief like I had not known in some time at seeing her cower consumed me. Fine. If fear was how she would remember me and protect her from the horrors that simply knowing of me would bear her, then so be it. I would pave the way for her.

"Because all the monsters have been let out of their cages tonight, no matter what court they belong to," I said, giving credence to her fear. "So I may roam wherever I wish until dawn."

The smile on my face was cruel. No more playing. Time to go, to push her away as I did everyone else so that no one could know the secrets I guarded so faithfully. My anger boiled up as my next task swam before me and the anxiety of being so near to returning to that bitch Under the Mountain rekindled. My night of freedom was nearly at an end and all it had brought me was the cruelty of watching the one person I wanted to know loathe and disgust me. The cost of meeting this dream woman was too high for all I would have to go back to.

She would never know how it broke me to watch her go then, to tell me so void of feeling to "Enjoy the Rite" and dash off to the bonfires where far greater dangers might await her tonight than I.

But I had to. For both of us, I had to let her go with this false vision of me the rest of the courts shared.

I stood immobilized watching her every step until she was a blur lost in the crowd of people and I could no longer distinguish her save for the lingering scent of her from where she once stood so near. I breathed deeply taking in the now familiar scent, savoring it.

But then... then as the human scent of her, so clean and innocent, washed over me, I remembered her, how every moment in her sleeping world had felt.

And I realized that she was no longer only a vague scent or a dream. She was real, the realest person I had seen in years and some part of her knew me just as I knew her. Though I would never dare admit the words out loud or even in the darkest recesses of my mind for fear of the damage it might harvest, I wondered if perhaps tonight had been more blessing than curse.

For months I had been sustained through the worst of Amarantha's tortures by the mere thought of this woman and here the Cauldron had given her to me in the flesh when I never dared to believe I would meet her. If her scent could keep me alive, what might these five minutes graced in her presence do for me?

I remembered her near smile, the awe on her face as she saw me for the first time and the way her mind repeated images to her of the most handsome man she had ever seen. And I smiled. The first real, full smile I'd had in ages.

No, tonight had been a gift, not a punishment, I thought as I began tracking the scents of the fae who had sought to do my human woman harm. I had to see it that way or else I would go insane at the realization of what else I was now losing for the sake of my court. I would find those men. I would make them suffer, reshape their entire lives until they bled for what they would have done to her. It would be miserable, nearly intolerable to watch, but it would be worth it knowing what horrors would have met this woman and my home had she fallen into Amarantha's clutches instead.

For though she would now forever fear me, this woman - whose name I did not even know - had called after me and dared see into my darkness even when she thought me vile. This woman had the potential to see through to the real me that so few saw. And it reminded me that there was light in the darkness somewhere out there waiting for me to return home to. I knew it was an impossible chance, but I thought perhaps if I were very lucky, this woman might someday become the light that led me home even if only by the memory of her before me this night.

And I knew as I headed back out into the night that that thought alone would sustain me for years to come.

*****

(2945 words.)