Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Fifty Six

—

"In these coming years
Many things will change
But the way I feel
Will remain the same"
The End Of All Things | Panic! At The Disco

—

Jason
[Saturday, February 23rd, 2019]

"SURPRISE!"

Ho-ly shit.

In front of me, holding my hands, is Lilla; and she is beaming at me with hope. Mom, and Mama and the twins and Dad and Carl and Penelope are all standing behind her along with both sets of my grandparents and friends from school and other family members—all with the same smile on their face.

"Oh my God," I finally look around the backyard, seeing how they strung lights and and set up the outdoor furniture. "This is insane—who did all of this?"

All eyes shift to the girl in front of me.

"Lil?"

"I— I may have had a hand in it," she tells me, shooting me another nervous smile.

"It was her idea!" Somebody yells, presumably Peyton. The two of us chuckle.

"Your idea?" I pull her hands towards me and smirk. She squirms.

"Kind of."

God. Is there anything she can't do?

"But! But, your family helped me out so much."

The whole thing makes me grin. This kind of happiness used to be rare, but now it's more and more common, and I can't help but blame that on Lilla.

"This is amazing," I look at her to say it, but then look at the crowd of people. "This is amazing!"

The whole backyard erupts into cheers and screams of happy birthday. Lilla clasps my hand and pulls me into the madness, and I barely have time to put my arm around her before family members are taking away my ability to breathe with their hugs.

When Penelope brings me into the house, I get to see the mountain of presents that have been stacked on the dining room table, the black and gold balloons in every corner of the downstairs, and especially the trays off food that Penelope was a slave to for the past few hours.

That's another thing that she emphasizes Lilla's help with. And after talking to Mom, Dad and Loraine, it sounds like they were the ones "helping" and Lilla took the lead on this.

"She wanted to do something sweet for you," Vince explains to me as he sips on a Cherry Coke. "She's an annoyingly good person. Get her to rob a bank or something."

"Spray paint some weird shit about Kinley in the cafeteria," Patrick offers. The guys and I all laugh.

They continue coming up with crazy conspiracies of things that Lilla could do, but I keep thinking about the first thing he said. That she wanted to do this for me.

It inspires me to scan through the crowd to try and find her, because I haven't talked to her all night. I catch a flip of her curly hair over by my father's mom, and note that they're in deep conversation full of smiles and laughs.

Oh well. I'm going over anyways. Sorry ladies.

"Can I steal her for a sec?" I sneak up behind Lilla and give my grandma a sweet smile. She pulls me down to kiss me on the cheek and the corners of her mouth turn up at the sight of Lilla and I together. She nods.

"I've kept her long enough. Go, enjoy each other's company." Grandma Sophie waves the two of us off, and I grab Lilla's hand to pull her away as she rushes a sweet goodbye and a nice to meet you to grandma.

"What's going on?" Lilla asks as I drag her through the house and up to my room. Her giggle rings out as I shut the door.

"I haven't gotten to thank you for this whole thing," I explain, guiding her towards me by putting my hands at her waist. She throws her arms around my neck and gives me a full hug. "I'm having the best time. So thank you."

She lifts away from the hug so that we are face to face.

"Of course," she says, as if it's obvious. "You deserve it. It's the least I could do."

"You didn't have to do it though. It's a lot."

"It was no big deal. I had your parents helping me with stuff so it wasn't like I was doing it by myself." She continues to be humble and casual, just brushing it off. But it feels bigger than that to me.

"Thank you."

"You said that already."

"I don't just mean for the party; I mean for everything."

"Everything?"

"Don't play dumb," I joke with her, "you are the reason that I have group of friends downstairs who are here for my birthday. You are the reason I've felt physically and mentally better over the past year. My family and I are closer. No one at school is afraid of me anymore and no teachers treat me like glass anymore. You do realize that it wouldn't have happened if it weren't for you, right?"

I can see the gears turning in their head at my little speech, even though none of it should be news to her. She wanted to help me for a reason, right? Did she not think it would work? If so, why would she even try?

"I guess I just didn't think about it like that," I hear her admit. "The chain reaction. I never realized how far it went."

"Well, it went pretty far," I mumble, pressing my lips to her forehead. "You're amazing."

She giggles again, and I love it, and then we are both laughing in each other's arms and I pull her even closer so that I can fully wrap my arms around her. Barely, I kiss her temple, and I have a feeling so strong that I'm surprised I didn't say it out loud:

I love you.

Obviously, I didn't say it out loud because Lilla doesn't say anything, and just sits in my arms, contented. And instead of confessing my feels when we aren't even together, I decide to change that last fact—

"Hey, I think I figured out what I want for my birthday," I whisper.

"Might be a little late for that, but what is it?"

"I want to stop calling it fake."

This, the thing I actually say out loud, does spark a reaction.

"What are we calling fake?" Her eyebrows knit closer together as she looks up at me with curiosity.

"Our relationship." She tenses in my arms. "It's real for me. And I want to make it real. I don't want to keep kissing and hugging and hanging out but referring to it as the show we've been putting on. I'm invested in this, Lilly."

The way she is looking at me is making my face hot. It's introspective, curious, even a little hopeful; and she doesn't say anything for a moment.

"How long have you felt like this?"

"Umm," it's hard to pinpoint for me. There was never really a time where I was faking it. "I don't know. It's just always... Been there, unacknowledged. Until now, obviously."

More silence. Unspoken words make the air thick around me, and briefly, I consider the idea that I had this whole thing so, completely wrong. That she's really been pretending this whole time or enjoying the lack of strings attached like she had with that Maxwell guy.

But then I hear her whisper something.

"What was that?"

"It was always real for me," is her confession.

And to me, it is a relief.

But I don't want to push this, I want to go easy and be cool and take it at whatever speed she wants, because she has the reins. She always has. I'm following her lead.

"Yeah?" I ask, voice a little high. I likely sound like an insecure 13 year old.

She doesn't respond, and is unusually quiet; but sucks her bottom lip into her mouth as she nods. We finally lock eyes, and her lip pops out, and I can't help but swoop down and kiss her. It's all different now. The line of intimacy that we hadn't even thought about has now been crossed, and now we aren't kissing as friends who are fake dating, but as two people who have romantic feelings about each other.

Just that last thought makes this feel crazy, but in the most awesome way possible. So maybe I am pressing the kiss a little bit; maybe I am holding her tighter than usual and maybe my hands are wandering a lot.

And maybe, for the second time, the L-word almost slips out.

But she's not complaining.

We both briefly part for air, and it hits me how legitimately dizzy I feel—like my brain has isolated my senses and all that I am taking in is Lilla. That's it. The soft cotton of her turtleneck under my hands, the perfume radiating off of her skin, the tea that she was drinking while she was talking to my grandmother, her lips rounder and redder that probably look identical to mine—

All of it at once. It's foreign but familiar at the same time, knowing this adoration for Lilla that I have but also the pang of romantic infatuation that heightens everything I feel.

"There's a party waiting for you downstairs," she says, still clutching my neck and back. Her voice is low and weighed with her deep breaths.

"But you're right here."

"I'll still be here when they're gone. But they're here for you."

I huff. She's right, like she always is, so I give in.

"Fine. I think it's time for cake and a toast, anyways." The special emphasis I put on the word toast causes her to give me a suspicious look, but it doesn't last for long. I swing her hand into mine and drag her downstairs with me.

"Penny, can we get the cake out?" I ask my stepmom as soon as I see her talking to Mom in the kitchen. I then turn to the latter and make another request. "Can you please get everyone from out back into the house? I was thinking I could say a little something before dessert."

Both women oblige instantly, and suddenly, people are flooding the living room and there are two devil's food chocolate cakes being brought to the dining room table. Once I see the last of the guests trickle in, I give Lilla a peck on the cheek.

"Get ready for a shoutout, Babe."

I don't pay attention to her reaction when I stand on the coffee table and yell "Hey!" at the buzzing audience a few times. The conversations die down.

"Hi, everybody! Thank you all for coming out to celebrate my eighteenth birthday." The guests clap and cheer. I wait until it's quiet again to continue. "As many of you know, my family and I were dealing with a big loss over the past couple years. I— I was not doing very well. A lot of things went downhill, and I spiraled for awhile, but that is not the case anymore.

"There are a lot of things I wish I could change. I wish my brother was here, but the fact that he's not is something that I have been able to cope with a lot easier. I'm lucky enough to give that credit to the reason that you are all here tonight: Lilla Harris."

The aforementioned woman, not known for blushing easily, is a bright shade of red as more applause clap through the house.

"Not only is she the reason that you are here, but it's the reason that the guy in front of you, making this speech is here. I don't know where I would be without her. So, thank you all for coming tonight and showing me the love I am lucky to have in my life, and thank you to Lilla, for organizing this whole party—and for saving me."

When I step down from my pedestal, I am engulfed in the arms of both of my families; all three moms and Dad surrounding me, and my younger siblings wrapped around my legs and hips. Mom is even crying a little bit, so I give her an extra squeeze, and almost start crying myself as I observe my big, fucked up family all together.

We went through this together, and now we're healing together. Pretty fucking poetic if you ask me.

Suddenly, though, the kids are off running in another direction, and going straight towards the recipient of my next hug, who is over with her own parents. Carl hugs her and gives her a kiss on the cheek, while the twins do what they do best and go full-koala. They are dangling from her when I make my way over.

"Great speech, Jason," her mom tells me. She also gives me a hug, which she's done before, but this one is a mom hug. I can tell.

Jake also gives me a compliment on my speech before they both excuse themselves, and I am left with my girlfriend (?!) who is being used as a human jungle gym.

"That was such a glowing review. I might need to list you as a reference for the next job I apply for," Lilla jokes, wincing as Diamond crawls onto her back. She's holding Sapphire on her hip like she's a four year old, not a seven year old. I chuckle at the scenario.

"I'll write you a recommendation for whatever you want—" Diamond, now moving locations, kicks Lilla in the chin. "Hey! Hey, take it easy. Go get some cake and try not to break anyone's bones." I physically pull the two girls off of her and they scuffle away to the dining room table.

"I was handling them just fine."

"You got kicked in the face. Are you okay?" I step into her personal space bubble to cradle her jaw and tilt her face up, looking for any scratches or a forming bruise. Lilla wraps a hand around my wrist.

"I'm dandy. I'm stronger than I look, you know."

I smile at her, probably looking like a lovestruck idiot. Briefly, I think back to a year ago when Charlie Felds was still a prick and threw her onto the ground during the fight—she was strong then, and has only gotten stronger.

"Oh, I know." Hand still cupping her face, I lean in, and she meets me a quarter of the way. The kiss lasts just a second, and I double check with her everything that was said upstairs. "This okay?"

"You're my boyfriend, aren't you? You have the right to kiss me."

The B-word. Positive sign. This is good. This is great.

"Yes I am, and yes, I do." I go in for another kiss, but she turns so that I get her cheek instead; and smirks at me.

"Shouldn't you go and eat some of your birthday cake?"

Playfully, I glare at her, and press my lips to her cheek on purpose this time.

"We'll continue this later, because yes, I do want cake."

One of the cakes has been cut into to appease the twins, but the other is in tact and is being loaded with 18 candles by Dad. Mama comes over with a lighter.

Once the glow of the candles is being cast across our faces, and Lilla and I are sitting at the dining room table with the rest of the family and in the surroundings of the party guests, a chorus of happy birthday rings out.

With Lilla clutching my hand and everyone singing, I motion for Carl and the twins to come over. I whisper to them to help me blow out my birthday candles.

Diamond looks hesitant, and I know why, but a reassuring smile is all she needs to nod her head.

The singing stops. I count with my fingers—one, two, three—and all four of us watch the flames flicker and die as we blow them out. Everyone claps. Lilla leans her head on my shoulder, and gives me a light kiss on the cheek.

Through the curls of smoke, I look at my parents sitting across from me, my siblings at my side, my grandparents and my friends and my girlfriend who are all here—and my heart swells.

As the air in front of me clears, it feels symbolic. We are all through the fog, ready to step into the light of day and move forward like the rest of the world does.

We did it.

Thanks, Lilly.

—

And with that, Lilla and Jason's journey has come to an end.
As much as there is I want to say, I want to keep this brief.
Thank you to the following:

- My mom, who I bounced ideas off of when the plot to this story first came to my head, and helped with development of other components. She also always obsessed about my amount of reads, even when it was 5.

- BooskiBabii who judged this book for a competition and then never stopped reading. You are one of my two first loyal readers whose words filled me with the love of millions.

- RD1730 , who was the other of two consistent and lovely readers! Seeing that you voted brightened every day, and the comments you would leave hit me in the heart like a bow and arrow. I am thankful to have been able to write one of your "Wattpad favs", lol.

And thank you to whoever else is reading this.
Keep achieving, because you can.