Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Fifty One

—

"So hold me up,
I know you'll never let me down;
Hold me up,
I need someone like you around"
Hold Me Up | Conrad Sewell

—

Lilla
[Tuesday, October 24th, 2018 - 4:07 PM]

I don't answer my phone when it rings very often. If it is a number I don't know, I ignore it. If it's one of my friends, depending on my mood, I might ignore it. I will only answer it, no matter what, if it is one of the three following people.

My mother, my father, and Jason.

Right now, Jason is calling.

I haven't been very cool with him the past day and a half—even though I don't want him to think anything is wrong. I've messed this up so bad. My plan has backfired. My coldness has convinced him that something is wrong.

Shit.

Obviously wanting to try and undo the damage that has been done, I instantly answer after one ring.

"Hey, Jace."

There's a sniffle on the other line. My heart stops.

"Hey, Lilla."

He didn't even call me Lilly. God, is he that upset with me?

"Jason, what's wrong? You sound upset."

"Were you going to ever let Charlie tell me that Joey was Clarity's bully?"

My throat locks up. Air feels thick in my lungs. I—

I should have told him. He just has been coming to terms with everything and finally recovering from the mental and emotional exhaustion he's had over the past year and I thought for a moment that this news, damaging to Joey, would stunt that progress. He would have found out eventually, I just didn't think now would be the ideal time.

"He told you," I exhale, slowly. "Jason—"

"Why didn't you want me to know? Did you think I wouldn't be able to handle this? I'm not strong enough?"

"Jason—"

"I've been through shit, I would think I'm plenty strong enough to have this piled on top of everything like a cherry on top of a cake, wouldn't you?"

"Yes, of course you're strong, I didn't want you to feel like you weren't, I just didn't want you to move one step forward and two steps back! When Charlie told me, I threw up, so God knows how you would have reacted—"

"You threw up?"

"Yes!" My voice raises. In an attempt to calm myself down, I take three deep breaths, and breathe out slowly. "I'm sorry, Jason. I didn't know what to do."

"I wish you told me," he tells me, desperation in his voice. I feel an elephant stomp on my chest. "I would have rather heard it from you than Charlie—even though I don't think him and I are going to have any issues anymore."

Straightening my back, the pencil that lay on my homework rolls onto the floor.

"What's that mean?"

"It means that him and I talking about it is going to help both of us move on. I know what there is to know about my brother now, and can move forward. This was my closure, Lilla."

Hearing these words is a strange relief. I am filled to the brim with regret and frustration at myself but I can't help but let the relief slip through the cracks and acknowledge the fact that Jason got to this point without me.

He's definitely stronger than I gave him credit for.

"I'm so, so sorry, Jason. This was my fault. I misjudged the situation and take full responsibility for it and—"

"It's okay, Lilla."

"No, it's not."

"Maybe then it wasn't. But it is now. I have my closure. You've apologized. Charlie might even be less of an ass now."

I let out a small laugh at that. I couldn't help it; I can hear his smile over the phone.

"But seriously. We're moving forward. I don't want to stop."

The water in my eyes that I didn't even know was there begins to run down my face.

"I don't want to stop either."

—

[Saturday, October 27th, 2018 - 6:42 PM]

"And what time do you think you'll be home tonight?" My dad asks me for like, the fifth time.

"Sometime in the middle of the night or morning, probably. It's a Halloween movie marathon. We'll be at his house for awhile."

"Okay. If you need anything just call me, okay?"

"I'm not going to call if it's 3AM."

"Definitely call me if it's 3AM."

Laughing, and grabbing my purse, I reach over and give my dad a hug.

"I'll see you tomorrow. Love you."

"Love you too." Walking towards the door, I hear him yell one last thing after me, "tell Jason hi for me!"

After a 10 minute drive, I'm pulling up to Jason's dad's house with my purse and a whole tub of RedVines. Before I can even knock, Jason is opening the door. The past couple days of school have been good between us after the Tuesday phone call, even though the guilt is still weighing heavy on me.

But Jason said he forgives me and wants to move forward. So my guilt will have to wait, because he looks so excited that I'm here.

"Hey!" He exclaims, taking the RedVines from me and pulling me into his arms for a hug.

Suddenly, the guilt is gone.

Being outside of school is different, with no reminder of Charlie and all of our friends around. It feels more personal. Peaceful.

Granted, our friends will be here later; but now I have Jason all to myself.

We pull away from the hug, and he keeps his hands on my waist and I keep my hands on his shoulders and for a moment I wonder if we are going to kiss again. He leans in, very slowly, and eventually pulls me completely against him to press his lips to my cheek.

"I'm so glad you're here," he whispers, and I feel every part of my body pause. My breath stops in my chest, and before I can respond, there are footsteps coming from the kitchen.

"Lilla!" Penelope makes her graceful entrance and gives me a hug just as tight as the one that Jason gave me. "We are so excited that you and your friends are coming over. Stephen and I will be upstairs, so if you guys need anything, let me know."

"I'm excited for this too. I hope you don't mind that I'm here a little early—" Penelope waves her hand passively.

"Ah, you're perfect. You go get settled while you wait for everyone else."

"Thanks Penelope!" I yell as she runs up the stairs, overlapping with Jason's "Thanks Penny!"

And then we are alone in the entryway again. Like a dork, Jason overly-gestures his hand towards the living room, and bows.

"Ladies first."

Giggling, I curtsy, thank him, and take his offer to go to the room that is filled with blankets and pillows.

We both throw ourselves on the couch (very close to each other, might I add) and dig ourselves under the blankets.

"So, what's the lineup for tonight?"

"Um, I have a vague idea—The Shining, Halloween, Psycho—but I also wanna see what the group wants to watch and we can improvise as we go."

"Sounds good. I love The Shining," I tell him, and that launches us into a conversation about horror movies, and before we know it the doorbell is interrupting us.

"Before you go answer that," I grab his arm when he stands, "I just wanna tell you how awesome it is that you invited everyone over to do this."

He straightens his posture and gives me a proud smile.

"I think so too."