Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Five

—

"It's obvious so open up your eyes,
Don't you know that me saying 'I'm fine' means I'm not fine at all"
Fine | Tayler Buono

—

Lilla
[Friday, May 12th, 2018]

When he is finally done working out, we fall into a slightly tense quiet. He inhales a long, deep breath. I don't push him, that's not what I'm here to do, and we both know that. So he doesn't talk for awhile, as we walk to my car, and I watch him hop inside the passenger seat.

More silence.

To be fair, the silence isn't the worst kind, you know? There's the kind that's tense as freaking hell and has your stomach churning. There's the kind that's awkward, like you got caught doing something you shouldn't, almost doing something you shouldn't, or are stuck with someone you don't know. There's the peaceful kind, when you're alone, or the empty one, if you don't want to be alone.

This was just comfortable, which I was (oddly) smug about. It showed that Jason and I had a relatively solid connection and could make this relationship work. I personally think that if you can have comfortable silence with someone, then there's great chemistry between you and that person.

"When it happened," his voice breaks me out of my stupor, "no one could look at me. They thought they couldn't be normal around me, they couldn't joke around me, because I was in a bad state and didn't want to pretend everything was fine. But that was all I wanted." His eyes get glassy, and I see the water that's raised in them. I grab his hand. "I've been pretending for years that my family isn't a dysfunctional, fucked up mess, so what's the harm in pretending I didn't find my brother— Find him—"

Jason is about to break down. I can tell. He hasn't spoken to anyone about this, clearly, and now that it's all coming out, the emotions come with it. I remember being in a similar position with my mom, sitting on my bed, clutching my teddy bear, screaming and crying about things that had happened years prior to the conversation.

"You can cry," I whisper. "Tears are normal. Pain is normal. If you need to cry, I'm here."

He takes a deep breath, and runs his hands over his face, once, twice, three times. Another deep breath, and he speaks.

"Anyway, I shut down because people couldn't stop it with the sympathy, and walking on eggshells, and the looks. The looks were the worst. So, one day I decided to be an ass. If I was a dick, if I distanced myself, I wouldn't have to be around it anymore. And that's what happened, soon enough. I quit football, I quit going to any social event or anything school related. I stayed in my room, earbuds in, and punched things until my knuckles were bloody."

Glancing down at his hands, I notice that they're red and have scars from scratches and scabs on them. My fingers brush over the damage while he continues.

"But, eventually, I started to miss the jokes, the games, football. But I had already made this school wide name for myself, and me clearly being the mess I am, didn't know how or if I could go back. So the attitude stayed, the earbuds stayed, and the anger lingered. There. Now you know why I'm an asshole."

"So what are you hoping to get out of my help?"

He snorts.

"I thought you were supposed to know that?"

"I'm here to help, regardless. What you want to take from it is up to you."

He sighs. Everything is quiet again, until a loud voice interrupts us.

"Yo, Harris! You banging someone in there?" My head snaps to the left where I notice Vince Sakioto walking towards my car, a smirk on his face and his hoodie thrown over his shoulder. Rolling my eyes, I tell Jason I'll be right back and get out of the car to approach Vince.

"No, I wasn't banging anyone, why, were you hoping to watch?" I ask. Vince has been flirting with me jokingly since the beginning of sophomore year and it is still as constant as it was then. He flirts, I tell him to eff off, it's like a routine.

"No, I prefer experiencing the real thing, and with looks like these I have plenty of opportunities," he says with a dopey smile on his face. The corners of my lips tilt up slightly, but I bring them back down instantly.

He's funny, what can I say?

"So, any other reason you're here than to bother me?"

"Normally, no. But now, yes. The team and their girls are going to Lorna's for a quick bite and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me...?"

I feel bad for rejecting, I would've been fine if it was just the guys, but I'm not on the best terms with their girlfriends at the moment.

Another story for another time.

"Listen, Vince, I would love to, but I'm not sure I would be one hundred percent comfortable with some of the people that are going to be there, and I'd rather not insert myself into that situation." He looks a little deflated, and I feel bad, but it's for the best. Besides, I'm helping Jason, and I am not going to just ditch him. "But hey, next time maybe it could be the team and the girl friends and not the girlfriends?"

"Yeah. Next time, girl friends only."

We say our goodbyes, and I jump back into the car with Jason, who has a curious look on his face. I start to dig through my purse for my lip gloss when Jason starts talking.

"Did he just asked you out?"

"No, he asked me to dinner with the guys and their girlfriends. I politely rejected, as you may know, I'm kinda pissed at their girlfriends so I thought it was best not to go." When I look of from my purse, Jason looks like a kid whose mind has just been blown. "What?"

"He asked you out."

"Oh my God, no he didn't."

"He actually just asked you out and you're so oblivious!"

"No I'm not! He was asking me to come to a thing where all of his friends had a..."

"A date."

"No, they had a female to accompany them who they just happened to be in relationships with. We're friends so he thought he could ask me so he wouldn't be third-wheeling it with anybody."

"Deny all you want, he was trying to ask you out and you shot him down in flames." My eyes roll so hard they almost roll into the back of my head, and then I change the subject.

"So, off the topic of my lack of a love life, is there anything that you specifically want me to help you with?"

He plays with his fingers in his lap as he thinks. I try not to look at him, I don't want him to be uncomfortable, but it's hard not too. He's so deep in thought, and it's almost mesmerizing to watch.

"Just, someone to talk to. My dad is a pain in the ass. I've refused to talk to shrink's about that night. And, I just need you to help convince the guys that I'm better." My mouth stretches into a grin.

"I can do that." We sit quietly in my car, not completely sure of what to do next. I mean, our situation is weird. Fake dating? Getting his friends back? It's an idea that I feel like I'm going to be pissed that I came up with. "So, um, Starbucks? On me."

He bashfully grins, looking at his hands in his lap, and nods.

"That sounds great."