Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Forty Eight

—

"I don't know why you're dancing in my mind,
From the breaking of the day to the middle of the night
All the time"
All The Time | Zara Larsson

—

Jason
[Monday, October 2nd, 2018]

This has taken a dangerous turn. I can feel it now.

And I don't think there's anything that I can do about it, now.

I'm too far gone.

And it's all because of Lilla.

—

[The Day Before]

"I noticed you talking to Jordan Lawrence today," Lilla announces, scribbling down the steps of the equation she is working on. With a final tap of her pencil, she looks up at me. "How'd that go?"

Finishing my own problem, I meet her eyes.

"Are you stalking me now?" I smirk. She rolls her eyes, but can't hide her smile. "It was good. He was cool, and he said that it's nice to see me coming out of my shell. He said, and I quote, 'that Harris girl has done wonders for you, huh?'"

"He did not."

"He did."

"Jesus Christ," Lilla buries her head in her hands. "Is it bad that I think he was insinuating something sexual?"

"Oh, he was definitely insinuating something sexual."

A beautiful, illuminating laugh bursts through her lips as she leans forward, bracing her hands on her math journal.

"Oh well," she sighs, "don't we kinda want people thinking that? If we're gonna be dating, we're probably having sex too."

"Thats true." I pause, trying to think of how to orchestrate my next question. "In public, or at school, how... Couple-y, are we going to act?"

"I don't know, really. I mean, nothing farther than kissing, right?"

Oh, God. Ohgodohgodohgod

"Kissing?"

"Well, yeah, right?"

My hands go clammy. For some reason, this conversation feels like the anticipation that you feel as you climb the peak of a roller coaster, waiting to fly down.

"Jason? Are you okay?"

Kissing her. In front of dozens of people. Showing them that she's my girlfriend.

"Does the thought of kissing me make you uncomfortable? We don't have to do it, I mean—"

"No, I'm fine with it." I tell her. "I just haven't really thought about it. The whole fake dating thing is still new."

"What else?" She asks, staring expectantly. "You won't look at me. Something else is clearly on your mind."

"We're just..." I start, nervous about what I'm about to say. "We're just gonna kiss for the first time in front of everyone? Abruptly?"

This question makes her look conflicted. I think that I've raised an idea that she hasn't even considered, so she takes a moment to think before answering.

"If you'd feel better about it," she slowly steps around her words, "we can practice or something?"

My head buzzes. Practicing kissing with Lilla. What would it be like?

"Like... Now?"

"I guess," she shrugs. "Whatever's cool with you."

How is she so casual about this? I feel like I could pass out and she's just sitting there with that goddamn journal in her lap like it's a lazy fucking Sunday!

Suddenly, she's lifting the book from her lap and moving it off to the side, slipping herself onto her knees. Lilla scoots herself in front of me so that she's perched off to my left, adjacent to my stretched out legs. I must have the stupidest look on my face right now because I honestly have no idea what to do. All my brain can think of is the idea of kissing her, touching her, and it's distracting.

"Are you okay with this, Jason?" Dumbfounded, I nod.

Her soft hands lift from her thighs and one latches on my neck, the other fingering the hair at the side of my head as her thumb brushes my cheek.

"I can kiss you?" She clarifies. Her delicacy makes me fall deeper in the hole that I feel
I am neck deep in.

I'm too focused on her hands and sweetness to realize that her lips are covering mine, waiting for a response from me.

When the feeling hits, my mind goes blank. All that registers is her; her hands, her skin, her mouth against mine and the feeling of soaring down the steep slope of the roller coaster.

I kiss her back, obviously, pushing for more in case this moment is about to end in the next second. I want more, more of her, more of her hands in my hair, more of the sharp intake of breath when my teeth nip at her lip. Her lips apply more pressure after feeling my enthusiasm, and my hands — that have found their place on her hips — squeeze, just the slightest bit, but it's enough to get a sound out of her.

My new favorite sound, might I add.

I feel like my everything is on fire but there's still more to burn; my hands run up her waist and into her hair, tilting her head for a better angle. Lilla's lips leave mine, just for a split second, but mine chase them, engulfing them in another hungry kiss. A sigh leaves her mouth before she relaxes against me, completely, body against body.

Having another person so close has never felt so good.

Until she pulls away, breathing heavy and pupils dialated. My eyes can't help but instantly drop to her plump, pink lips.

"Good practice?" She exhales, staring at me like she is unable to look away. I nod urgently.

"Perfect."

—

[Monday, October 2nd, 2018 - 7:29 AM]

"Good morning," I greet Lilla at her locker the next morning. After our possible makeout the day before, her and I continued to do homework without another word. As much as I wanted to continue — and trust me, I did — I also didn't want to make things awkward.

"Hey, Jace." Her eyes glance up at me from her crouched position at her locker, and she shoots me a warm smile before shoving the last of her things in her locker. "What's up?"

"Nothing much," I shrug. "School. Mornings. You?"

"Same."

Awkwardly, we shift our weight on our feet and avoid each other's eyes. I don't know if we need to talk about the kiss, or ignore it and only talk about kissing when we need to do it in public, or—

"Fuck," Lilla hisses, which distracts me greatly.

But nothing is more distracting than her hands sliding around my waist and pulling me into her; lips latching onto mine with a fast pace. I react without hesitation, both hands coming up to cup her neck and keep her close.

Knowing that this could be over at any moment when somebody enters the hallway, I turn, pressing her against the set of lockers. She is completely pressed up against me, hands running up and down the sweatshirt I'm wearing and balling the material in her fists.

"Lilla?" Someone chirps behind us. We bounce apart, almost five feet between us, and Lilla's eyes go wide in realization.

"Mrs. Reese. Hi."

Oh, shit. Mrs. Reese is the director of the theater department.

"Sorry to interrupt, Hun. I just wanted to double check that you're auditioning for the Winter Production."

"Of course. No hesitation."

"I'm ecstatic to hear that. You're going to have so much fun with this play."

"I can't wait," Lil beams. Even though we just got caught making out in the hallway, she still looks so happy to be talking about drama. It makes the corners of my mouth automatically quirk up.

With a last smile and nod, Mrs. Reese takes off into the theater and leaves me and Lilla in the hallway. We try to take a step towards each other, but another group of a few students trickle in and we seem to separate again on instinct.

Looking out the door, there are only more cars pulling in and students arriving, and I audibly sigh.

"See you in math?" Lilla asks, looking up at me with those eyes that she knows I can't say no to. I don't want her to leave. But it might be best for now.

"Yeah, see you then."

—

[Present]

Yeah.

After all of that, I'm so, totally fucked for her.

And with the way things are about to go, I don't think this feeling will stop anytime soon.