Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Forty Three

—

"What the hell did I do?
Never been the type to let someone see right through"
i love you | Billie Eilish

—

Lilla
[Sunday, August 1st, 2018]

"Mom?" I call out into the house as soon as I'm through the front door.

"Lilla?" She yells back. Seconds later, she joins me in the entryway, arms open for a hug. We embrace, and I soak in the feeling of getting to be home and sleep in my own bed.

God bless.

"How was it?" Mom asks me as we pull away, grabbing my bag to bring it up to my room as I get settled back in.

"It was awesome! Vince's house was great, the food was great, and the beach was amazing as always. The only bump in the road was Bianca and Shayla showing up, but I got through unscathed."

Mom looks back at me to shoot me a disgusted look.

"How did those two end up at the house?"

"They were invited," I sigh, reaching the top of the stairs.

"Why?"

"They claimed to want to make amends, but they really just got on my ass about Jason again."

"God," Mom hisses. "Don't those two have their own shit to worry about?"

"You would think." I plop down on my bed, relishing in the smell of the fabric softener that we use and the familiarity of my own pillow. She comes and positions herself on the other end of my bed, facing me. "In other news, Ally wants to make up."

"Are you gonna talk to her?"

I shrug.

"Yeah. She sounded really sorry when she texted Piper and I. She didn't come to the beach for a reason, because she knew we wouldn't want her there. It doesn't mean we'll be besties again, but I wanna hear what she has to say."

"People show you what they're capable of," my mom scolds. I roll my eyes, having heard this same speech since fourth grade. "Tread carefully if you're going to be so forgiving."

"I know, Mom," I groan. "It's not like I'm forgiving the whole lot of them. Shayla and Bianca still have some sort of distorted view on the situation. But if Ally is truly remorseful, I don't think it would hurt to have her back."

"Okay. Just remember."

I nod, hoping to change the subject. Luckily, my mom does that for me.

"So, what else? Update on Jason?"

I was only gone for around five days, but everything that's happened with Jason washes over me like a months worth of events.

"Oh my gosh, so much happened."

"Well, tell me!"

"First of all, we were kinda touchy the entire car ride down and the whole car ride back. Hand holding, hands-on-legs, that kind of stuff. It sounds weird, but it was so normal? That sounds crazy. But it was so nice."

"It feels like that sometimes," Mom chuckles. "With the right person," she adds.

"Yeah, well, whatever it was, it continued for the rest of the trip. He let me sleep on him while we watched a movie—"

"What movie?" Mom interrupts to check, sounding urgent. I can't help but giggle.

"The Sixth Sense." Nodding her approval, I continue. "Anyways, I fell asleep on his shoulder and I'm pretty sure he carried me down to my bed. I also had a dream about him—"

"Oh God, what kind?"

I shoot my mom a glare for cutting me off.

"Just kissing, very PG. Maybe PG-13 depending on how you look at it. And then, I slept in his bed—" Her eyes go wide, and I hold my hand out, gesturing for her to let me finish. "—because he told me what happened the night that Joey died. And he was worried about having nightmares."

"He told you what happened?" Her voice drops, like we have to be quiet or else somebody will hear. Obviously, it's just the two of us, and my bedroom window isn't even open; but she knows how important this information is.

"Yeah, he did. It was awful, Mom. He gets a call in the middle of the night that Joey is at some kind of rager, and when he gets there, Joey has already been holed up in some bathroom for ten minutes. The door is locked and no one answers when he knocks, so he breaks the door and when he gets in the bathroom, Joey's curled up on the floor with a heroine needle laying next to his arm. And then they went to the hospital and everyone was there and it—"

"Oh my God," Mom mumbles.

"I know. It's just... So, so, so morbid. I can't believe that Jason had to suffer through that, I can't even—" I pause. Are there words to describe how I felt when I heard this? "It's indescribable."

"No kidding. He's a strong kid, that one, for being able to relay all of this to you and go through life with that on his shoulders."

"I know. I'm still trying to comprehend it."

A few moments pass by of the two of us sitting on my bed, in silence, thinking about Jason and Joey. We're still silent when my phone lights up, somebody calling; but I don't recognize the number.

"Who is it?"

"I don't know." I put the phone back down next to me and let it go to voicemail, but soon after, a voicemail comes through.

"Lilla?" A small voice asks. "It's Carl. Jason got home and tried to go into Joey's room but Mom and Dad cleaned it out and there was yelling and—" I straighten up, looking around my room aimlessly with a panicked expression. Carl sounds like he's been crying. Mom looks at me, silently questioning what's going on. "Jason punched Dad and he ran to his mom's house and he's really mad—"

My heart rate speeds up, and my chest aches again, the familiar ache that always seems to sneak up on me when Jason is involved.

"I'm really scared and worried about him, I'm using your phone number from Dad's address book, and I'm going to tell you the address of his mom's house so if you can, please go check on him Lilla, please—"

He follows up the message with Jason's mom's address, and I repeat it in my head over and over so that I have time to put it in my phone.

"What happened?" Mom asks, frantic.

"They cleaned out Joey's room," I tell her, already running out of my room and downstairs. "He lashed out and left to his mom's. I need to go make sure he's okay."

"He probably doesn't wanna be around anyone, Lil—"

"Carl asked me to go over and check. If he doesn't wanna see me, that's fine. But I need to tell Carl something, because right now he's freaking out from watching his favorite person in the world punch his father." Slipping on some shoes, I take my phone, keys, and open the front door. "I'll be back soon," I tell my mom, and shut the door behind me.

As I throw myself into my car and back out of the driveway, directions to Jason's second household ready to be followed; two thoughts creep into my mind without warning:

Jason punched his father.

He's a loose cannon. He's a ticking time bomb.

Loose cannon. Ticking time bomb.

Loose cannon.

Ticking time bomb.

—

After finding parking near the condominium, I run up to the front door, and realize that you don't get "buzzed up" there, but you go to a desk in the lobby. That's different from my dad and I's condo so I'm taken by surprise.

"Hi there, how can I help you?" A pretty woman at the lobby desk questions. Slightly out of breath, I make my demands.

"Jason Oakland's family, I'm a good friend of his, and I need to see him as soon as possible."

"Okay, give me a second, I'll call up and give you a fob to use the elevators. It's the only way they'll work; all residents have them and guests get ones that they take and return here."

I quickly nod in understanding, and anxiously watch as she calls up to Jason's unit. After a she explains to whoever is on the other line, she turns to me, pressing the phone against her shoulder.

"Who do I tell them it is?"

Fuck, I'm an idiot.

"Oh, I'm sorry. It's Lilla. Lilla Harris."

The woman says my name into the phone. Another moment goes by before she repeats the same action.

"She wants to talk to you."

Oh my God, make a good impression, she doesn't even know you, I was unprepared for this, I'm not ready—

"Okay," I manage, taking the phone from her hand. "Hello?"

"This is Lilla?" A regal voice asks.

"Um, yes. And, uh... Which Mom is this?"

Smooth, Lilla. Where's your sparkling personality?

The other voice lets out a small laugh.

"The biological one. My name is Saige. It's nice to finally talk to you, Lilla. Jason has spoken about you quite a bit. A glowing review, of course."

Saige is making polite conversation, sounding surprisingly... Calm. Is Jason even there?

"It's nice to speak to you too. I just wish it were under different circumstances. Is Jason there? I really need to see him."

"Oh, Lilla, he's supposed to go to his dad's today. He—" Saige gets cut off. Another woman's voice is muffled in the background, blubbering about something urgent.

I wonder what.

"He— He what?" Saige says, and I hear her clearly. The other woman says more that I can't quite understand. "Oh my God," Saige whispers. "Lilla, are you here because Jason got in a fight with his father?"

I nod, even though she can't see me.

"Yes, I am."

"Tell Melanie to get you a fob and get up here as fast as you can."

The line goes dead.

—

"Hi Lilla," Saige sighs as she answers the door. "I'm so sorry that this is the way we have to meet." We rush through the main floor and pace to a staircase that slightly hides a hallway in the condo. "How much do you know about this?"

"Carl called me and left me a voicemail. He said they cleaned out Joey's bedroom at their house and Jason tried going inside, and saw that it was empty.  I don't know much else besides him and his dad getting in a fight, him punching his dad, and then coming here."

"That's the same summary he gave Loraine when he got here," Saige nods. "I was in my office and didn't hear him when he came in. Loraine runs into my office to tell me that Jason was here and was an absolute wreck. That's what was happening when I was on the phone with you."

We are in a short hallways now, a door only a little cracked open; and I assume it's Jason's room. There's a woman in there already, who I can guess is Loraine.

Saige and I share a look before she presses her palm to the door, pushing it open wider.

Jason is sitting on the edge of the bed, head in his hands, his whole body shaking as he cries. A small blond woman sits at his side, hand running over his back in a soothing pattern, cooing calming words in his ear.

Saige gestures for me to go ahead as we approach.

"Jason?" I try. I go over to the bed and crouch down in front of him while Saige goes to sit on his other side and mimic her wife's actions. "Jace, it's me."

He brings his head up, and I resist the urge to gasp when I see his face. It brings me back to all of those times in my car when everything would hit him at once.

"Lilla," he mumbles. "No, Lilla. No. You shouldn't be here."

"Jason, I'm not mad, I wanted to help—"

"You shouldn't be here to help. This isn't your issue. You don't need to see this."

"Jason," Saige hisses. It doesn't stop him.

"But I wanted to—"

"Maybe you wanted to, but I don't need you to!"

His mothers scold him for that. He quiets himself down.

What is he doing? Where is this all coming from?

"You don't understand, Lilla. I just don't need you right now. I fucked up. It's not your problem."

The bitterness in his voice strikes a cord that has never been played. I don't understand. I don't understand what he's talking about, I don't understand why this is all coming out now.

But, I shouldn't press him any more.

"I'm sorry," I whisper, sincerely. I don't look at him, because I suddenly feel very out of place. I feel wrong. "What can I tell Carl? He's really scared."

"I'm sorry." Is all Jason says. As much as I wish he was apologizing for lashing out on me, I know it's his message for Carl. I push myself up on my knees, and with wobbly legs, make my way out of the room. I feel something latch around my wrist, and I turn to see Saige looking at me empathically.

"He doesn't mean it," she offers. "Take it from someone who's dealt with this before. I'm sorry you had to experience it yourself. Give him some time, and please come back soon. Me, Loraine, and the girls would love to get to know you."

With a weak smile, I shift my arm so that I can grasp her hand.

"Thank you."

She gives my hand a squeeze, and with that, I'm gone.

When I get to my car, before I start driving and before I let a few tears loose, I call the number that Carl called me from.

"He's sorry, Carl. He's really sorry."