Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Eighteen

—

"I'm not a queen, I'm not a saint, I'm not an angel;
Sometimes I'm wrong, I can be bad, act like a stranger"
Falling Slow | Tori Kelly

—

Lilla
[Monday, May 20th, 2018]

Maxwell: hey sunshine ☺️ lunch today? (7:56 AM)

I let out a heavy sigh. Piper looks up from her worksheet and looks at me, panicked.

"Shawn Mendes isn't coming to Seattle for his tour, is he?" I tense up, and mentally curse myself.

"Shit. I have to check that, but no, that's not it right now."

"Well I would put your phone away before Monroe notices it's out. She'll mount your head on the wall next to her desk."

I briefly think about this consequence, and picture it to myself... The last thing I want is for my memory to last in this bullshit science class. No thanks. I slide my phone into my purse, and Piper turns more toward me.

"'Kay, now what's wrong? You look... Conflicted." I smirk a little at how she chose that word, like she could perfectly sense how I feel.

"I've had Maxwell on read since this morning. He wants to have lunch today." Pip blinks back in surprise.

"You normally can't go a half hour without texting him back ASAP. When did that change? And if you say Jason—" She pauses, because I say Jason at the same moment she does, and she gives me the are you kidding me look. "Lilla."

"What?" My voice raises, exasperated. "I'm sorry, but last time I checked, Maxwell is not my boyfriend, and yet you all keep acting like he is. I'm one of the only people to show Jason patience and care in a long time. He needs me."

"You can't keep burdening yourself with other people's problems," she argues.

"It's not a burden."

"You're ignoring your friends!"

"I'm not ignoring Maxwell. But if he's bothered by it, he needs to get a grip."

Piper sighs, tiredly. That ends the debate, or at least slows it down. I look down, guilty that I'm upsetting her. We always try to express what we feel is best for the other person, whether it'll upset them or not. I'm just being defensive.

"I'm sorry. I appreciate you trying to get me back on course, and please keep letting me know if I'm being a total fuck up. But no offense, I'm worried about Jason sitting with you guys. Remember what Cannon said to me last week? I'm not sure he's interested in opening his heart to the new Jason. He had mentioned that he missed him, but... I guess now that the opportunity is presenting itself, he's gone back on that." She sits, listening to me quietly, nodding as I express concerns. When I'm done, she jumps in to assure me.

"Well, Cannon can deal. I think it would be good if Jason sat with us, without you. He needs to be able to swim without floaties, and I should probably get to know him better, right? And just so I don't suffocate with all of the guys around, I'll ask Raquel to come sit with us. We like her, right?"

"Yes, we definitely do." I take a moment to consider the rest of what Piper is presenting to me, and I know she's right. It hasn't been that long since Jason started sitting with us, but he should adjust. I can't be attached to his hip all the time, right? Even if I don't mind it, and I don't think he does either. "Fine. You are making a very solid point, I will tell Maxwell to meet me at The Barn. You're gonna be such a good lawyer one day," I tell her, shaking my head. She flips her hair.

"All of that How To Get Away With Murder is finally paying off, huh?"

I just laugh, because while Viola Davis could teach a pig to do the quick step, I'm pretty sure that Piper's stellar debating abilities are a natural born talent.

—

Maxwell is already in a booth at The Barn when I walk in. I greet the employee at the counter, give her my order, and then walk over to him. He smiles wide, bouncing up to give me a hug.

"Thanks for coming over here," I express. "I know it's a bit of a longer drive for you than me. How'd you get here so fast?"

"It's worth it because I get to eat with you," he winks. "And I asked to go to the nurse a few minutes before the end of class. Got me a head start."

"You could've gotten caught! You can't just..."

"But I didn't." I scoff, rolling my eyes, and take a sip of the water. "We haven't talked in awhile. How are you? How are classes? How's that kid you've been spending all your time with?"

I can clearly identify the snark in his voice, and before I can give him a response a waitress comes and drops our food in front of us. Hungrier than I initially thought, I take a large bite out of my sandwich before saying anything.

"Jason, you mean? He's great. I am too. But you don't sound too hot," I smirk. "Where's this attitude coming from?" Without looking up from his burger, he shrugs.

"I just think it's weird that now that the musical is over, all of your spare time is going to some guy you barely know."

"So you're threatened or lonely?" This makes him lift his head, and I even see a small glare starting in his eyes.

Oof. Maybe a little harsh, Lil. A man's ego is fragile, don't forget.

"Curious," he challenges. Our eyes lock in place, seeing who will tear their gaze away first. Shrugging, I look away.

"You have every right to be, but you don't normally get like this when I do a show."

"That's because when you do a show, I know you're not—"

"Attracted to my cast mates?"

"Was that you admitting you're attracted to Jason?"

"Was that you admitting you're jealous?"

Check mate, I think to myself, satisfied. He huffs and leans back into the backrest of the booth. I take a bite of my sandwich, and wait for him to talk.

"You just don't seem that into this—" he motions between us, "—us, anymore."

Yet another person making it seem like we're dating. Am I the only one who remembers our agreement? Gawd.

"Us? I didn't know that this—" I make the same motion between us that he did, "was an us. That was never vocalized. But if there's something you need to say to me, the floor is yours."

He chews the bite of his burger that he just took and stares at me intensely. I casually continue eating, but I see what he's doing: he's trying to see what changed with me. He's been a good friend, sure, and is a great kisser. But is the chemistry there? No, and I should have expressed that earlier. I can admit that.

"Forgive me for assuming, but I just kinda thought... You know, that we were heading in that direction?"

I sigh. Have I been sending mixed signals, or has he just developed these feelings on his own accord?

"Listen, Max..." He puts his hand up to stop me.

"I know what that tone means. It's the tone you use whenever you talk about all the scenes that you cry during in The Sixth Sense." We both give a half-hearted smile at that. "Just... Is it because of this Jason guy?"

"No. No it's not," I say. I briefly think about how much of a lie that is, but then I remember that nothing has started between him and I.

Yet, something in my head screams.

Oh, shut up.

"Okay," he breathes. I feel like this lunch is over, so I catch an employee who is walking by and ask her for a box. Maxwell and I are still sitting quietly when she plops an empty cardboard box in front of me. I put the other half of my sandwich in the box and tap the table in front of him to get his attention.

"You're awesome. Okay?" All he does is smile and nod. "We'll talk soon. I still wanna be your friend." More nodding. I have a feeling he's not taking this well.

Letting out a large breath, I toss a twenty dollar bill on the table, scoot out of the booth and leave the restaurant.

I can still see him sitting there as I pull out of the parking lot.