Achieving Unbroken
Chapter Fourteen

—

"How can you just leave me standing,
Alone in a world that's so cold?"
When Doves Cry | Prince

—

Lilla
[Thursday, May 18th, 2018 - Second Period English]

"Hey, Lilla?" Cannon slides into the desk next to me - God bless Mr. Stewart's free seating. Cannon doesn't normally sit next to me, usually I have Gavin on my left and Bianca on my right... But that changed weeks ago. Now it's Gavin, and Raquel Jackson, who is surprisingly nice.

"Hey, Davis. What's up?" I turn my body to give him my full attention, but he's too busy playing with his hands in his lap and avoiding my eyes. I quickly glance at the clock and see that we have three minutes until the bell rings, and I can't imagine what Cannon wants to talk about in those three minutes.

"Jason," he says, getting back my attention.

"What about him?"

Cannon looks up, but starts suspiciously looking at our surroundings.

"You've been bringing him around more. Are you two, like... A thing? Or-"

Why the heck does he care?

"No no no, we aren't a thing," I jump to correct him. "We just started talking recently after the fight. Does it bother you that he's hanging out with us? Weren't you guys, like, best friends?"

He ignores my first question, rolling his eyes. Time check: Two minutes.

"Key word being 'were'. I just wanted to warn you-"

"Warn me?"

"He's a ticking time bomb, Lilla," he aggressively rushes out. "He didn't leave his room for months, except when he came back for finals. He was diagnosed with PTSD before the school year started. Did you see what he did to Charlie last month? Y-" I cut him off.

"What he did to Charlie? God, Cannon, you're more of an idiot than I ever gave you credit for."

He picks up right where he left his rant. Time check: One minute.

"You think you can be his friend, make him forget, act like nothing ever happened, but you can't. Joey happened, Lilla. Jason is never gonna be the same after that."

"If you think I'm that stupid then you clearly don't know me at all. I know that Jason is never going to be the same person and I never told him he had to be. I never said he had to forget. You know what I can do? I can be his friend. And I am. But the fact that you, his best friend, are trying to take that away from him? I would be horrified if I were you."

He looks down again. Shouldn't the bell ring soon? And where is Gavin?

"Jason misses you so much," I say, voice soft. Cannon looks up, painfully. "But maybe he should put his efforts elsewhere." Coldly, I turn away and get my English materials out of my backpack.

"Lilla-" The bell rings before he can say more, and Gavin comes running through the door. Cannon tries to fit another word in, but I don't let him.

"I'm not going to listen to any more, Cannon. Go sit in your regular spot." It was a snap, it would be rude in any other situation. But I refuse to let an idiot act like he knows everything.

I hear him sigh, and through my peripheral vision he gets up and walks to the other side of the room. Gavin rushes to take his place, and I think about how the seat is probably still warm from Cannon sitting in it.

"Hey Lil," Gavin says, taking me out of my reverie by reaching over to give me a hug. "What was that?"

"Hey, Gav," I return the hug, mumbling into his shirt that smells freshly washed. "I wish I knew."

-

[Saturday, May 19th, 2018 - 1:27 AM]

One of the last things I expect at 1:27 AM is to see my phone lighting up. I accidentally woke up again a little after midnight because of a chaotic dream, and was going through my hour-long toss and turn routine to get myself back to sleep, when I get a phone call.

From Jason.

Maybe it's accidental, maybe he's bored, or maybe something is wrong.

My arm reaches out from under the covers and swipes the green icon to answer.

"Hi?" I answer, and my eyes are already fluttering shut.

Until I hear cries.

"Jason? Holy shit, Jason. What happened?" My words are barely tangible themselves, but it's nothing compared to Jason.

I could hardly make out words between the sobs. My heart races, I'm already sitting up in bed, debating whether or not to throw clothes on and check on him ASAP.

"I'm- I'm sorry, he just- I just-" Whatever he's about to say drowns in tears. I feel like my heart is bruising from how hard it's pounding against my chest.

"Hey hey hey, take deep breaths for me, 'kay? Please, Jace, just try for me. Breath in four... Out four... In four... Out four..." Him and I repeat this process for a few minutes to quiet him down, and I don't say anything out of fear of freaking him out again.

"Can I see you?" I hear him croak out, voice strained from weeping for God knows how long.

"Yeah," I say, almost without thinking. "Are you at your dad's? I can be there in 20, or-"

"No, no, I gotta get out of my room. I need to leave." The sound of him scrambling out of bed is barely audible, but I can hear it. Drawers slam and keys jingle.

"You shouldn't drive like this. I'll come pick you up and we'll find somewhere to go." The background noises stop, he whimpers in agreement, and I practically jump out of bed to get some presentable clothes on; Sweats, bra, shirt, socks. Scrambling for a piece of paper, I scribble a note for my mom in case I'm not back before she wakes up. I grab my purse and quietly leave through the front door, hoping I don't wake Mom up. In a flash I'm out on the road, driving to Jason's, trying to calm myself down with whatever they're playing on the radio.

I pull up in front of Jason's, and I see a shadowy figure on his porch. He lifts his head, and he gets up and walks towards my car, immediately getting in the passenger seat.

And may I just say: He looks like shit. His skin is a fierce contrast of pink and white, eyes rimmed with rosy red, lips dry and crumbled.

I wait until he buckles his seatbelt to pull out of the neighborhood. We sit in 10 minutes of long, stretched silence when I reach my planned destination.

"School?" I look over at Jason, and he's looking out the windows, scanning our school campus. "You brought me to school?"

"I thought it would be a good stop," I note, unbuckling myself and shifting in my seat. "How're you feeling?" He groans.

"Ugh, like a wave of emotions just tried to drown me." His voice sounds strained. Instead of burning a hole in his head with my eyes and forcing information out of him, I mess with my fingers in my lap and wait.

I don't know how much time has gone by before he opens up the center console and fishes out the small package of tissues I keep in it, clutching it in his hands, preparing for tears to come.

"Tonight was different," he whispers, almost like he's just realizing this fact himself. I still don't want to ask anything, so I stay with a curious look to keep him talking. "My dream. I've never had a dream like that."

I fight to keep the "Like what?" from coming out of my mouth.

He starts crying again, and my heart collapses. He's in so much pain.

He's a ticking time bomb.

The memory leaves my mind as quickly as it entered, and I focus back on Jason; trying to decipher what he's trying to say.

"Thought there was... Joey... Pale, undead, unnatural... Mad... I should have protected him! He needed me... Hitting, punching... I was screaming for him... He said it was all... My... Fault..."

All his fault? Oh my God.

Then, he buried his head in his hands, and let himself go.

I had no idea what to do. What could I do? He can't bottle up his emotions, and here he is, letting them out, but what do I say? What helps?

I rest my hand on his arm, and lean towards him.

"Hey, Jason?" The crying gets quieter. "Do me a favor, really quick." He glances at me. "Get in the back seat."

"What? Why?"

"Because I can't comfort you with this damn thing in between us," I reply, gesturing to the center console.

He gives me an uneasy look, but gets out of the car, and I do too. We meet in the backseat. There are still new tears coming down his face, sparkling in the lights from the parking lot.

"C'mere," I motion him towards me, reaching to his face and swiping away some tears. This almost makes him cry more, and he pulls me to him in a tight hug. I blink back tears of my own, and slide my arms around him, rubbing up and down his back. In between shaky breaths, he sighs, and pull me tighter.

I don't know how long we stay like this before drifting off into a serene, dreamless slumber.