His hand dug into his pocket, feeling around for the cool metal of his keys. His eyes were tinged red, breath laced with alcohol, and heart heavy. He was expecting to come home to a warm apartment, perhaps with the fireplace lit, and his dark beauty laying on the couch, hair sprawled out as she waited for him. The thought made a lazy smile quiver on his lips.

"Carmen?" he called once he pushed the door open. The only response he got was his voice echoing off the walls, his smile fading. He called her name again, closing the door behind him and playing with his keys in his hand. Looking around, rubbing at his eyes to clear his slightly blurred vision, he felt his face fall as his dark-haired vixen seemed to be nowhere in sight.

The apartment was dark, with only a single light flicked on in the corner of the living room. It was then that he noticed someone was sitting in the living room, a woman, with her legs crossed and hands folded in her lap.

"Mother?" he sputtered, fingers lacing through his hair in disbelief. He wasn't sure if he was just seeing things, the alcohol in his veins clouding his vision. This was far from what he had expected to come home to at nearly midnight.

"Harry," she greeted with a nod of her head. He blinked slowly before he felt his jaw tighten, the blue vein under his skin becoming more prominent in his neck.

"What are you doing in my apartment? Don't you have any decency?" his voice lowered menacingly; he didn't know why, but something about her presence- the scornful gleam in her eyes, and her statue-like posture- made an uneasy feeling arouse in his gut.

"Where's Carmen?" he questioned before she had the chance to part her lips. He looked around again as if she would appear.

"I assume you are referring to the whore that was strutting around in your shirt," his mother brought a manicured hand before her eyes, her voice disinterested. Harry's jaw clenched impossible tighter, veins bulging.

"Do not speak of her that way," he spat. It was one thing to show up in his place, uninvited, after over three years. It was a complete other thing to degrade the only person he had ever loved.

But that's just what his mother had resorted to these days- coldness, bitterness. Harry could barely remember the last time he had seen her with a smile, her eyes bright and content; it was just before his father had been brutally murdered right in front of her. The day was vivid in Harry's memory, from the sound of his phone ringing as the police tried to contact him, to the way his father's blood had stained the carpet a color of rich crimson, like a spilled glass of Merlot. Rather than the day of his father's death, Harry remembered it as the last time he had ever made contact with any of his family.

How could he look them in the eye, when he was the reason for their loss?

"Your mistress is besides the point, Harry," his mother spoke, her eyes finally meeting his. Harry swallowed thickly and quickly looked away before the guilt he had felt years ago resurfaced. "I came here to invite you to your sister's wedding."

"And why the fuck would I want to go to that?" he grumbled, padding to the kitchen to get some water. His head was throbbing, from the alcohol and overwhelming confusion as to why his mother of all people would be waiting for him in his apartment. The cool liquid felt refreshing as it eased down his throat, but he knew that having Carmen with him would be much more calming.

"Because she is your sister," wax-coated lips tugged down in a frown.

"Yeah, and I'm your son," Harry taunted with a roll of his eyes, something he had been doing much more now that he was around Carmen. "That didn't stop you from practically disowning me."

The woman took a deep breath, nostrils flaring, to signify that she was losing her last ounce of patience. "You should at least consider it. It might be a great opportunity to make mends with your family after what you did."

Her words stung him just the way she knew they would. The plastic of the water bottle in Harry's hand crinkled loudly as his grip tightened, body tensing. His breath thickened and he let his eyelids fall shut, invisioning the feel of Carmen's arms around his body in attempt to suffocate the fire burning in him. He needed her so badly. He needed her to protect him from himself, and the haunting past that he didn't want to recall. Carmen was his now, and hopefully his future; he reminded of himself of this, and visibly relaxed.

"I will think about the wedding," he said quietly, voice strained. He wasn't sure if he was telling the truth or not. "Please, just... go. I'm fucking tired and I don't need this shit right now."

The sound of her heels clicking against the floor broke the silence that followed his words. He watched her with a steady gaze.

"Fine. I will go," she clutched her purse and dropped her voice to just above a whisper. "But know this, Harry. That girl of yours won't change anything. Only you can."

He didn't understand what she meant, and he didn't care to. For all he cared, she was dead to him. The sound of her heels rang through the quiet apartment once more as she went to the door and left, leaving Harry with a pounding headache and a lonely bed to sleep in for the night.

***

The next day, Harry sat in his office at his desk with a book in his hands. His cheek was pressed against the palm of his hand, elbow leaning on the mahogony, and eyes barely able to stay open as he glanced over the pages. It was The Catcher in the Rye, a book someone had suggested to him, and he was only reading it out of pure and utter boredom. He was hardly registering the inked words, his thoughts astray.

A knock to the door freed him of the pretentious work some people actually called literature. "Come in," he called, creasing the page he was on before slamming it shut and setting the book on his desk.

The door opened to reveal Mandy, blonde hair tied in a low bun, and her blouse revealing just a bit more than usual. Harry didn't even notice, though. It was impossible to even look at other women that way anymore, another symptom of the wicked spell of love which had been casted on him.

"Someone is here to see you," the blonde spoke, her tongue darting out to wet her lips as she eyed over his appearance. Her attraction to him was undying, no matter how obvious Harry made it that he was uninterested.

"Who?"

"Some girl," Mandy smirked in amusement, as if sharing a joke just between the two of them. It was more than often that girls came to see him, claiming that they were his 'girlfriend' after just a night together. And then there was the occasional desperate one that spewed some nonsense about being pregnant with his child. Those were the most entertaining.

"Should I tell her you're out of town?" Mandy giggled.

Harry sat up and narrowed his eyes at her. "No. Let her in. And treat her like you would treat me from now on."

Mandy's stunned expression was enough to rile a small laugh from Harry. This girl was so clueless.

"O-oh. I'll go get her then." She bowed her head, and straightened her skirt before leaving the room.

Minutes later, Carmen came into his office, slamming the door shut behind her. "Your secretary is insane," she breathed, shaking her head and striding over to his desk. Harry let out a low chuckle, and let his eyes roam over her, drinking in her appearance as though he had been deprived of her for days. She was dressed in a low cut top, her large breasts practically pilling out of the fabirc. Harry scowled and shrugged off his coat.

"Put this on," he ordered as she came over to him and sat on his lap. She didn't take the coat from him for a moment, so Harry went on and put it over her shoulders himself, making sure it covered her chest modestly. Part of Harry, the slightly crazed and posessive side, had the impulse to rip her top off all together and leave bruises over her chest, just to show any bloke who let their gaze drift too far down that it was his territory.

Carmen rolled her eyes, the usual gesture, but didn't protest. "Miss me?" she purred, leaning her forehead against his and wrapping her arms around his neck. Harry took a moment to reciprocate, a bit stunned by her affection, before wrapping his arms around her and holding her body close to his, chest to chest.

"Yes," he admitted. More than you know. "I'm so sorry about my mother." He visibly grimaced at the mention of her, still thinking of their brief encounter the night before. "I know she bothered you yesterday. I swear to God I had no idea she was coming. I didn't even know she had my address."

"It's fine," she mouthed, placing a feathery kiss to the corner of his lips. They looked particularly red and plump today, and she was dying to taste them.

"Did you talk to her?" he questioned further as the girl in his lap grasped the fabric of his shirt and began to kiss along his prominent jawline.

"A bit," she murmured, tongue swirling into his warm skin. She could practically taste the heating of his blood; she did her best to focus on that rather than their conversation. "She called me a whore."

Harry cringed. It was a good thing his mother wasn't around in that moment, or he might've done unspeakable things. "I know... don't listen to her, okay? She doesn't know about us."

Carmen's lips pulled away from his skin slightly, and she blew over the dark mark she had created, causing Harry to shiver in pleasure.

"She invited me to my sister's wedding," he muttered as her lips reattached to his neck. Her hands felt at his chest, which for some reason felt tougher and less soft than it used to, his muscles straining under his skin.

"Are you going to go?" Carmen murmured between kisses. His hand went to her hair, fingers getting lost in the curly, ravenous locks as if they were a dark forest.

"I don't know," he admitted, and rolled in his lips anxiously. He had been thinking about it since that morning, and had grown increasingly uneasy about it. Something didn't feel right, and he knew going alone would be a death sentence.

"It'd make my choice easy if I knew you would be coming with me," he added, eyeing her intently.

Carmen's lips halted in their assault, detattaching from the skin of his neck. Her body tensed in the slightest, the words that she wanted to say getting stuck in her throat. Her instinct was to assure him she could attend the wedding to make him more comfortable. She could hold his hand the entire time, clinging to his arm just as she did the first night they met. She could see the admirable smiles on his family members when they saw that Harry finally had a girl by his side. She wanted all those things, and that is exactly why she had to carefully shove the words back down her throat, where they would settle deep inside her and never be spoken.

Carmen had a plan to stick to. A plan that she convinced herself would ultimately be better for the both of them.

"I'm afraid I can't go with you, Harry," she said softly, not being able to look into his eyes in fear that if she did, she would say the wrong thing. "I am not very comfortable with meeting people's families... I don't want anyone to get the wrong impression about our relationship."

Harry didn't expect her to agree, but he couldn't help but still feel the sting of her dismissal. Wrong impression about their relationship. He gave her a small smile, the kind of smile that signified that he was used to her rejection, and let his hand squeeze gently at her waist.

"I understand," he nodded, even though he didn't. He never understood anything about her.

****

i'm sorry yall this is so bad. i literally have had no time or energy to write it this week, but i pinky pinky PINKY promise the next chapter will be better. btw im thinking this will end in like ten more chaps or something idk

ily