Carmen's tongue darted to moistened her lips as she eyed him over. Something about Stephan appeared different, his brown eyes more firm and confident, and his shoulders pulled back just the slightest bit more. The upward curl of his lips suggested his visit was purposeful. Carmen blinked slowly, and it was as though a defensive side of her was called upon, her arms crossing over her chest and eyebrows knitting together.

"What are you doing here?" she asked right away, her posture straightening. How did he even know that she would be there? Something felt off. Carmen's eyebrows knitted together, the crease between them forming.

"What? Not happy to see me?" Stephan's voice feigned hurt and he placed his hand over his heart. "I know you're fucking someone else these days but that doesn't mean you could show a little excitement to see me."

"I'm not excited at all, though," she said bluntly, her voice dripping with irritation. Her eyes narrowed so that only the blacks of her pupils could be seen, giving her an animalistic aura. For the first time, she felt uncomfortable standing before him in only Harry's shirt. She tried to discreetly shift her thighs, the bare skin rubbing together, and concealed the black lace of her panties. Stephan noticed, his eyes darting down for a short moment, before returning to her supple face, which was contorted in confusion and defense.

Stephan was almost amused with the way she puffed out her chest to appear more intimidating than she was. Beautiful and confident, but she could never appear intimidating, not with her gentle features and small frame. She was even more beautiful than their last encounter, which had been weeks ago now; her eyes appeared more luminous and lively, as if something within her had been awakened. He envied who or whatever had been able to do that to her, to spark the life in the soulless depths of her eyes; he had spent a year trying to do just that, and was never successful.

"You can at least pretend, sweetheart," Stephan murmured, his lips pressed in a flat line. He raised his hand, and Carmen flinched instinctively, but didn't back away as he let his fingertips caress her cheek. "We all know you're so good at pretending."

Her nostrils flared slightly as she inhaled a breath. "I thought we've already been over this."

"We have," he nodded, slowly stepping closer to her and shutting the door behind him. Carmen felt uneasy with their close proximity, so she took a few steps back to increase the distance between their bodies.

"So why are you here? Your ego can't honestly be wounded-"

"My ego is perfectly fine," he said through gritted teeth, his voice strained. He cleared his throat and sifted his fingers through his thick hair, which had grown some and now curled behind his ears. He was just as handsome as ever, but Carmen felt no attraction to him in anyway. Studying him over, even as beautiful of a man as he was, she couldn't help but prefer the way Harry looked in every sense. His hair, his jaw, his lips; Harry had blinded her perception of beauty to the point where she only was pleased with his appearance.

"What do you want, Stephan? Harry won't be happy if he comes home and finds you here..."

"I know," he spoke, his voice and features softening. His lips tucked into his mouth as he recalled what he had come for in the first place. "I'm sorry for showing up at such late hour, but I needed to talk to you before my flight tomorrow."

Carmen arched her eyebrow and tilted her head to the side, genuinely confused. "Flight? Where are you going?"

"Out of the country," he answered vaguely. "I won't be living here anymore, for personal reasons. I need you to know something, though, because I honestly do care for you, Carmen. I know what we had was nothing to you, but my feelings grew from it. I cannot stand by and watch the love of my life make a huge mistake."

Stephan did his best to keep the sincerity in his voice, despite the smug smirk that urged to curl on his lips. Sure, Carmen would never be his. But he would make sure that she wouldn't be his either.

His words hardly moved her, not the way that Harry's emotional confessions always did. She gathered her hair in her hands and moved it over her shoulder, not sure of what to say for a moment. She didn't know whether to take Stephan seriously, or to disregard everything he was about to share with her. It was times like these where she wished she was better at understanding people's feelings, because maybe then she could decipher the motive behind Stephan's visit.

"Whatever it is you want to tell me, you should know that it won't change the way I feel about you," she spoke after a few moments, her expression baring no empathy. The sting from her statement did not go unnoticed; Stephan took a deep breath and did his best to keep his focus on the task at hand, not on something he would never be able to change.

"I know that, Carmen," he sighed. "You have made your feelings, or lack of, very apparent."

Carmen crossed her arms over her chest and observed him intently, an impending silence filling the air around them. She wasn't sure what she expected him to announce to her, but she grew increasingly weary as he stayed quiet, his teeth gnawing at his bottom lip.

"Just say it already," she huffed, her patience wearing thin due to her irritation and exhaust. It was late, almost morning, and the last thing she wanted at the moment was to stand there and wait for him to say something.

"I saw him with a woman," he admitted lowly.

Carmen's body tensed.

"I was at The Wild Things with a coworker, just going out for a few drinks. I had no idea he worked there or that he even had relations with you at the time. I saw him sitting at one of the tables with some guy who appeared to be his friend beside him, and with a blonde woman in his lap. They were behaving very... intimately."

Carmen brought her hand to her stomach, clutching it as a searing pain sprouted from within her gut.

"What were they doing exactly?" she requested, her voice just above a whisper. Her eyes gazed blankly at the ground as she did her best to not let her knees give out, and fall to the floor.

"His hands were like, on her thighs... And she would kiss his neck while he was talking to his friend. I didn't watch that much because I didn't even know who they were then, but that is what I remember."

"When was this? And how do you know that it was him? You shouldn't even know about Harry..." She frowned to herself as she now pondered the thought; she had never actually told Stephan about her relations with Harry.

"I have never mentioned him to you! You shouldn't know what he looks like," she pointed her finger viciously at him and rested her other hand on her hip.

Stephan raised his hands defensively. "Let me explain," he cooed, hoping to calm her down. "About a week after that, he came to my apartment and basically threatened to kill me. I recognized him then, but I couldn't put my finger on it. I realized the other day where I had seen him from, and knew I needed to tell you."

"I swear I'm telling the truth," he added quietly when Carmen failed to meet his eyes.

Her head hang low and her shoulders visibly slumped, as if burdened with the weight of Stephan's acclamation. Carmen Vicino was never the kind of girl who feared such things; men were always too wrapped up in her for the worry of them being with someone else to bother her.

He means nothing to you, she reminded herself.

You shouldn't be hurt by this. You're not even in a relationship with him.

She huffed out a breath, blinking slowly to rid her eyes of the moisture, and looked to Stephan.

"Thank you for sharing this with me, but I think it's time you go."

"Okay. This is goodbye then, huh?" He bit his lip and reached his arms out to her, desperate to hold her one last time. To smell the sweet almond scent of her hair, to feel her smooth skin against his, to hear her heart beating quietly in her chest.

Carmen sighed before encasing herself in his outstretched arms. A pair of arms that used to feel comfortable to her, now were cold and foreign. Stephan buried his face in her hair, his hands finding the small of her back and pushing her body more firmly against his.

"You deserve the world, baby," he whispered in her ear. His chest tightened. He loved her more than he could handle.

She didn't know what to say in return, nor did she want to say anything, so she simply wound her arms around his waist and hugged him for a few silent minutes. She didn't pay attention to the closeness of their bodies, for her mind was filled with images of a blonde woman sitting on her man's lap. With her man's lips on her... his hands on her...

"Goodbye, Stephan," she sighed, pulling away from the embrace finally. She wiped the back of her hand over her forehead, feeling even more drained and exhausted than before. Sleep was the only thing that sounded good to her; or more specifically, sleeping in Harry's bed where she could be enveloped in his lingering scent.

"Bye," he smiled smally, "Do what's best for you, Carmen. Okay?"

"Hmm." Her eyes went to the floor, finding sudden interest in the smooth tile, so pearly that it showed a milky reflection of herself. She hated what she saw. She saw a woman who wasn't beautiful enough or gentle enough to please the only man she ever cared about. She saw a woman who would be stuck there forever; stuck in London, stuck in her body, stuck in her mind. And all she wanted was to get out.

She barely heard the door shut as Stephan left, leaving her in Harry's apartment all by herself.

Her thoughts were silent and deafening all at once and it was the most sickening feeling she had ever experienced. Her body felt heavy, her feet barely lifting off the floor as she ambled down the hall. Her head throbbed.

Her heart ached.

She kept Harry's shirt on her body as she burrowed under the covers of his bed. His pillow ended up crushed in her arms, so tightly that if it were alive it wouldn't have been anymore. Her nose was pressed into it, filling her senses with the sweet, minty musk that was laced into the fabric. It was her most favorite scent, and was enough to bring the smallest of smiles on her lips.

"Why me?" she whispered into the pillow, her smile fading and her lips quivering.

And then she began to cry.

The kind of crying that erupted deep in her gut. The kind of crying that made her lungs give out, her ability to breathe being robbed from her, and the salty tears streaming relentlessly down her cheeks, leaving wet stains on the pillow. It was the kind of crying that was silent and painful, her sobs begging to be heard even though she was alone.

She had only cried like that once before. It had been the night father had come home and passed out on the couch, his lips pale and his pulse faded. An eight year old girl sat knelt beside the couch with her small hands encasing his. She was crying, thinking her father, the only person she had in her life, was dead.

The little girl had cried for hours, until her father finally woke up.

Carmen had only cried two times since then. Once when she was with Harry before the fireplace, and now. Now when she was alone and cold and her body felt emptied. It was as though someone had taken a scalpel and carved her insides out, leaving her hollow like a shell. Her eyes fluttered shut, the quiet and warm tears seeping out of them.

She thought of Harry, as painful as it was. She thought of the way she ran her fingers through his hair, his soft and thick hair that was way too long but she would never ever let him cut it. She thought of his rosy cheeks that were always flushed in the morning, when he was all sleepy and puffy-eyed. He always looked so innocent in the mornings, with the soft daylight making his skin appear luminous and youthful, and his speech slurred even more than usual. She thought of the edges and scars and freckles that were on his body that only she knew about. The faded scar just above his hipbone, that he had told her he had gotten from falling on a skateboard when he was seven years old.

She thought of their first time together in the limo. The way he had filled her so perfectly, so much better than anyone else ever had. The way he grunted quietly in her ear, and let his hands grip into her waist as if he couldn't contain his pleasure.

Her tears dried as her thoughts strayed for minutes, hours. Harry still hadn't come back so she couldn't have been laying there for that long, even though it had felt like forever, her mind numb to time.

"It's all fun and games until someone falls in love," she whispered to herself, her fingers picking at the thread on the pillow, and her words getting lost in the impending silence of the room.

*****

hope this was good i worked real hard on it bc i wanted to make it juuuust right.

please vote and comment. i loved to know what you guys think :O