You know that feeling when your angry or hurt and you don't want to show it in any way so instead you just have a clog of emotions up your throat that are chocking you? And you can't do anything about it or you'll end up crying? Namjoon could tell Seokjin was feeling that way at the moment. He could see how his eyes glistened with tears every few seconds, never falling, but still there nonetheless. His jaw was clenched, and his fists were balled up on his lap where he sat in the car.

It was rather quite between them, at least no human sound was heard as Namjoon drove home. The alpha had tried earlier when they left the mall, but the omega had shut him down with a simple; "At home." That's all he said, and since Namjoon didn't want to be on a much worse side of him than he already was, he didn't argue. Instead he kept his eyes focused on the road, and his senses on the omega. He could tell he was really hurt from earlier, and the only way he could fix it was to talk to him.

When they got home, Seokjin scrambled out of the vehicle with a the few bags he could carry. Slamming the door on his way out.

"Jin, can we talk?"

"Julia, can you help me with the bags please." He said in a rather sweet tone to the lady who scurried away with a smile. He completely ignored Namjoon, going up the stares like a pair of eyes weren't on his back.

Namjoon followed him upstairs, he timed when the omega put the bags down before spinning him around and bringing him to his arms. "Baby please, can we please talk?" He pleaded with his eyes and his voice hoping the omega would listen.

"Who was that Namjoon." Seokjin questioned, wiggling out of his grasp and taking a step back. He crossed his arms over his chest, letting the alpha know this wasn't going to be easy.

"That was Joy." "I already know that Namjoon, was she like an ex girlfriend or something?" Seokjin asked, the jealously in his tone unconcealed.  Namjoon sighed "Can we sit down."
"We can talk standing."

"Please." Namjoon begged, the omega rolling his eyes but sitting after, in the couch in their room. "Joy and I were not in a relationship, not that kind. We had more of an arrangement type of thing." Seokjin just raised an eyebrow probably a 'what kind of arrangement' eyebrow, although it did settle him a little to know the two were not in a relationship.

"We had a sex arrangement type of relation, never together. Just helping each other relieve themselves whenever the other was in need." He watched the others expressions catching one his silent questions. "I have had a couple of such arrangements, we never get attached, just fuck and go. Of course a few rules are laid here and there but that's about it. Joy and I had that for a while."

Seokjin felt tears prickling at his eyes, he let them flow freely listening to Namjoon. That choke of emotions finally letting go of him. It wasn't like he was in Namjoon's life back then, or he could satisfy Namjoon sexually back when they met. It still stung a little though, to think he had done all those things with different people.

"When is the last time you were together?" Seokjin asked in a shaky voice, a tear slipping off his face. Namjoon wiped it before taking the Omega's hands in his. What he was about to say would cause a lot of problems for them. "That first day we danced at that restaurant. I realized I was falling in love with you, something I had never felt before, so I went to her that night, then again and again, until I couldn't go anymore, and I couldn't deny it anymore. The weeks after the orphanage I stopped. Completely. Am sorry Jin."

The omega just nodded slowly while Namjoon run a his thumbs on his cheeks to wipe his tears. "So why didn't you stop Joy when we got together."

"I guess it just slipped my mind. When you and I got together nothing mattered to me anymore, you were my only priority then and now. I love you Jin, more than anything."

"Sweet words aren't going to get you out of this." The omega warned with a pout knowing the alpha had a way with his charms. "I know baby. But am not saying this to get you to forgive me. Am saying this because its true. Your my everything now." Seokjin agreed, his tears ceasing to go down his face.

Namjoon pulled him to his lap, pushing some hair off his face. "I have a lot of past Jin, we've talked about it right? I don't want you to think for even one second that you are a part of that, or that you compare to any of that stuff. Sometimes I wish I could erase it, go back in time and rewrite, just so I could be pure with you. But I can't do that now, and like I have asked you before, am asking you again. Please bare with me."

Seokjin hated to see Namjoon beat himself up the times he talked about his past. Seokjin wasn't a saint himself  but he could see the longing in the alpha's eyes to experience purity, something he was rid off young. Mostly because he was an alpha. As much as it irked him to meet the exes and the flings, he had learned to put it behind him. To live in the present, try to work the future, and let the past battle itself.  He wanted to embrace him and tell him that it was alright.  "As long as its the present. Am here with you."

Namjoon gazed into his eyes, happy he chose seokjin. "Am sorry about earlier Jin. I didn't think that would happen. I should have stopped joy as soon as it ended."

The omega bit his lip, a question lingering in his mind. "Is there anymore I need to worry about?"

Namjoon thought about it for a second, his eyes never leaving the omega. There was nothing to be worried about. He hadn't seen his few exes or flings or arrangements in ages. At one point Seulgi crossed his mind, and a part of him wanted to tell Seokjin about their new partner being a fling, but he didn't want to bring that up. It meant nothing any way. So he shook his head with a firm No, confident there was nothing.

But he should have worried about Seulgi. He should have known she was more than just a fling. That night Namjoon unknowingly told his first lie to Seokjin, one that involved not having to worry about any of his past anymore.

That night he told first of the many lies he would tell in the coming weeks.

"Am I forgiven?" Namjoon asked as he pecked the others lips. Seokjin pretended to think about it, scrunching his face in fake disgust. "I don't know, you didn't sound so convincing." "I didn't?" Namjoon asked before kissing the other full on.

"If we keep this up we won't make it to the Gala tonight." Seokjin said between kisses as Namjoon slid his hands under his shirt. He pried himself off the alpha, not wanting to start anything in the few minutes they had left.

Namjoon groaned, laying back on the couch as Seokjin escaped him once more. He had just been forgiven, and he thought he would get a little treat out of it too.

Always an over achiever.

Seokjin picked his chosen suit moving to the closet to put it on. One thing about the conversation earlier was not addressed. Not that it mattered in the heat of the moment, although it still bothered him as he put on his clothes. Joy had mentioned something about Namjoon being some monster in bed. Initially he was too angered to think about it, but now that he was calm he couldn't help himself.

The Namjoon he knew was gentle, loving in bed. Slow and considerate with him. He was never rough when they had Sex, he did have a good cock, but no monster under the sheets. He wondered if maybe Namjoon was being gentle with him because he was an omega. If secretly he had wanted to unleash his alpha on him and loose his cool while they had sex. He couldn't help think if maybe all his previous partners had seen that side of the alpha except him.

That angered him once more. It wasn't the issue with Joy, no he had forgiven Namjoon for that, but the other about a side of him in bed that he definitely had not experience was an issue. Don't get him wrong, Namjoon satisfied him. So much. But having to learn he was completely different person in bed was shocking.

He paused in front of the mirror on the side to look at himself. He did look nice in yellow. Although his face told a different story. 'Maybe Joy's words didn't mean anything. She was probably just exaggerating' He said to himself. Although trying to get himself believe those words a different story. Maybe he could ask Namjoon and get the over thinking over with.

He walked out with his chosen shoes, Namjoon was still on his phone, munching away on apple. He looked up to see Seokjin staring at him. He was having second thoughts about the omega wearing that. He looked too good.

"Can I ask you something?" Seokjin inquired from his position on the door. He looked serious, Namjoon wondered if his questions from earlier weren't over. Either way he was ready to answer anything.

"Sure go ahead."

"Are you OK with how we....how we have sex, am I satisfying you?" Namjoon furrowed his brows at that. He wasn't expecting that question. He stood from the bed. Putting away his phone and apple before he walked to the omega. "Of course baby, why would think otherwise."

"Because earlier Joy mentioned something about you being freaky, or a monster in bed or something. Is it true. Are you denying yourself because you don't want to hurt me." Namjoon knew the look in his own eyes betrayed him. He knew the omega saw and heard the breath he took in. "No am fine, I like how we have sex, don't listen to anything joy said, she talks a lot for nothing." Even his words were jumbled, poor thinking and way to blame it on someone.

"Your not good at lying Namjoon. Why won't tell me if you want something. I am your mate. You don't think I should know, or handle it. Why are you hiding from me."

"That's not what it is babe. Am perfectly fit with what we have, and am not hiding anything. You satisfy me enough and that's all I want." He defended not wanting to talk about this. Of course he was hiding, not wanting to release his full alpha potential on the omega. Seokjin was still fragile. Vanilla sex, maybe in  showers sometimes was OK."

"Enough? Enough but not fully. What are you afraid of? To hurt me?"

"There is nothing am afraid of babe. You satisfy me fully OK." Namjoon tried again but he could tell he was failing. His few words weren't going to get him through this. Of course he didn't want to hurt Seokjin. If keeping his control in place was going to do that then yes he was going to protect Seokjin. Although seokjin wasn't having it. He moved from his embrace. Dropping his shoes and keeping his hands on his waist. With a serious expression he said; " Show me."

"What."

"Show me." He urged again, waiting for Namjoon to agree, to tear of his suit and fuck him on the wall or something. But the alpha disagreed.
"No no no, there is nothing to show Seokjin, there is no fr-"

"What? you won't fuck me like you did others, why not?" This was getting out of control for Namjoon. He could tell the omega was quickly loosing it, but that didn't mean he was going to strip him and just show him what he had been hiding all through. And to think he thought this was over.

"Baby- "

"Don't touch me if your not going to show me." Strangely  Namjoon  thought that was funny, almost comical. He bit his lips to suppress a smile but the omega saw it. "Oh you think this is funny huh."  Seokjin  asked,  his nostrils flaring in anger. Namjoon made to touch him, but he ducked. Picking up his shoes and walking out of the room.

"I'll be in the fucking car." A shout came after. Namjoon just groaned knowing he was going to have a long night ahead.