Darkness slipped back into his life once again, truly uninvited. He had grown used to darkness because it hide his true self that he hated. In light everything was apparent which made it difficult for him to face himself and stay sane. But everything was so different around Radhika. She didn't stare back at him with loathing rage like his inner demons did. Never did she called him with names like he wanted her to call him every possible disgusting name in world. She stared at him with love....The word of four letters, so short and sweet. But nothing was sweet about it and he knew that. Love hurts more than a heart could take and finally at the end it kills the relationship. Love conquers all....He stiffed and gave a sad laugh,"Utter crap, Fucked up rubbish. Love could conquer anything but not betrayal....Which dad gave my mom and funny part, she doesn't even know that."

He still remembered that day very clearly. That memory so bitter and hurtful that whenever he thought about it, salt was rubbed on his wounds.

Flashback

It was the night of Ananya's seventh birthday. Whole mehra mansion was decorated like a bride. Festivity and galore filled the atmosphere. Ananya broke into sobs in Arjun's arms as the little one couldn't find her father nowhere. Arjun tried his best to mallify her but she was inconsolable today. His heart cried along with her and when he couldn't hear more, he decided to go and find dad. He looked for his dad everywhere in the party but couldn't find him. He gave a reassuring smile to his mom who was attending the guest. He climbed the stairs in jiffy to reach to his dad's room but what he heard turned his world upside down.

"You don't need to do this. Give her divorce and come with me."

"Are you even hearing yourself?! I have a son who is sixteen and a daughter who I love more than my own life. I can't just wash my hands off them. Even the mere flea in ear of you and me will ruin everything I have."

"I can't take this anymore. I feel like a home wrecker now, for all you care. Either you tell her or end things between us today itself."

"You know if its only about Avantika, I would have come clean but its not just about her. I can't live without my children. Myra, you won't understand my plight because you don't have anyone of your own flesh and blood. You are right we shouldn't have done this. I can't let go of Arjun, Ananya and maybe even Avantika....My ananya is just seven year old. God!! She needs her mother for every single damn thing, she does. Arjun, my young man is dying to be independent and move out of the shelter of my wings but can he survive without his mother?! Fucking impossible! My children need a happy family and they are just going to get that. I can fall out of love with Avantika and even you but I can't stop loving my children, my flesh, my blood.  I don't choose Avantika or you, I choose them because they are the ones, I love most.

He coulddn't hear and an incoherent gasp escaped his lips,"Dad, how could you?!"

How could dad do this to us, to mom?! He still couldn't find the answer of this question. He still remembered the justification his father no a fucking betrayer gave to him.

'Arjun, you know at some point of time you feel out of love with your wife. I needed thrill and excitement like I had with your mom first but later she couldn't live upto my expectations, my needs, my desires. Your a man now and I know you have had your first time till now. That feeling, craving for each other deduced and soon it was dead. We talked but our hearts didn't, our bodies didn't! I couldn't find my betterhalf, my wife, my soulmate in her anymore all I saw was a mother of my two beautiful, precious children. I love you and ananya that is the only reason I have end things with myra. If you go out and spill the truth out to your mom. Think how shattered and heartbroken she'll be. Your silence will be worth more than the confrontation. Think about ananya who you and I love more than our own lives. She will be scarred for life and she will lose trust in relationships. Our perfect family picture will be torn apart. If still you want to go and tell your mom the truth then I will also warn you of the dire consequences. I will fight for Ananya's custody for I can't survive without my princess. I would have fought for you too but I know you will hate me more if I do that as it is you are an adult now. Ananya isn't grown up enough to decide who she wants to stay with. I just want to let you know that I have broken up with Myra and she is flying to new york today. She will never show up again in our lives. Now you decide what you want?! Your mom and ananya's happiness or you want to see your mom left alone with only you by her side....Because at any cost, I will take away ananya with me if I have to go away. Think deep and think sane, My son. Ball is in your court."

That hit the nerve for him. He could have gone out and displayed his loyalty to his mom and pull off the blindfold she had on her eyes. But alas he didn't because he could imagine the horrifying scenario after the damage is done, his dad had paint for him. His mom would be devastated and smashed to smithereens if she comes to know of the betrayal. Losing Ananya would kill her soul and he would never let that happen. Even if  this secret kills him every day of his life, he'll never disclose it. Never! Only he knew how difficult it was to live with this guilt. Every day he cursed himself with all the shitty names in his knowlege. True to his word, dad didn't keep any kind of contact with Myra. His mask of best husband and best father never fell off with time. Arjun never really understood if it was all fake or real. He didn't even care all he cared about was Avantika and Ananya's happiness which lied in their picture perfect family. They never talked anything but business. He had lost faith in his hero, his dad and nothing could ever change that. Arjun didn't really bring this up ever again but kept a close watch on his dad. With time he had forgiven dad but could never forget that night of that cursed day. Most importantly he couldn't forgive himself for keeping things from his mother. But it was for her own good. Time flew away in jiffy but nothing made him feel even a bit guiltless. That pain was like a knife stabbed in his heart multiple times in zeal force. This was the only reason that made him look for reasons to break up with Aisha. He didn't wanted to be like his Dad. This will bring ruin upon him if there would be no difference between him and his dad. He broke up because he always wanted to! He would never sleep with anyone until he gets officially divorced with Radhika. Forget about sleeping he couldn't touch another woman now. None of them turned him on like her.

His faithfulness and commitment to Radhika, he didn't wanted to call it love because he didn't trust it now. Her innocence smiles, her immortal trust in him, her beautiful eyes, her serene beauty, could there be anyone as beautiful as her?! No one would be because no one could be selfless like her. Radhika had all the qualities, he admired in his mother. She was a carbon copy of avantika if you exclude the looks. And that was what stopping him....He couldn't afford to take away that sweet innocence and leave her scarred for life. He knew he wasn't the ideal man for her. How he wished he was! But how far will you run from the reality. He wanted her for be happy and he could do anything for that one smile which had lit up his dark world. He knew it would be heartbreaking for him to let her go but then there would be a hope of her finding a better man because if she stayed with him, he'll ruin her and she'll be left only with tears.

Only if he knew how deep his love flowed in her veins. She would die before loving another! Even now she was praying for him and his wellbeing. He owned her heart forever. She urged to God to stop her heart the day it betrays him or desires another man. She was his, Only his! There was no going back now.