Sweat hung in the humid air as I swerved around, gyrating bodies toward the bar right at the edge of the dance floor. Internally, nerves gnawed at me like little gnats trying to get my attention. Trying to tell me to run and hide in the bathroom.

Going to a club alone was dangerous. It was stupid. And I had to look weird.

 I hushed the voices in my head as I swung up onto one of the velvet bar stools, clearly recently cleaned. I knew this establishment well. Cassidy was friends with one of the bartenders, but the red-haired woman wasn't here today. I was truly and utterly alone.

It took a while for one of the bartenders to stop by my stool. The place was pretty crowded and I wasn't great at standing up for myself. Finally, I got the courage to lean forward a bit more and ask the nearest one.

"Hey, can I just get...," I started, pausing as I realized I hadn't come to a conclusive decision. Crap. "A margarita, I guess?"

Very fruity but it would do the job. I didn't really care all too much. 

The bartender took my order with a slight nod before shuffling off to grab tequila for my drink. Already, I could feel the sweat pooling under my arms and a few droplets at my hairline. Thankfully, I wore dark colors. 

The margarita was stronger than expected and I took a large sip before analyzing the rest of the club. A guy standing by the bar wearing a pair of khakis and a polo shirt eyed me. He was objectively attractive, but not my type. I looked away and turned my back to him, hoping he'd catch the hint.

The danger of going to a bar alone was that any man felt they had free reign to  your attention. It was so much more intimidating for that reason. I took another gulp of the margarita, wincing a bit at the strength of the alcohol as it burned my throat.

What was I even supposed to do now?

All I had really planned out was how to get here. I didn't really think about what else I would do. I'd made the impulsive leap, landed in this situation, and now felt like I was at a traffic stop.

Reality seemed to cave in on me, rushing down even as my thoughts got muddled from my drink. I should just go home. Right? Why stay here? I should go home where Cassidy would be and she and I could talk like we used to because it had been a while since we had actually talked. I missed her. I missed being close to her and hanging out more. I wished she knew.

I opened up my phone and immediately started to draft a text. Cassidy's icon came up as soon as I typed in a 'c.'

Hey, I miss talking to you. Are you free right now?

The text sat in the empty space of my messages white background. I waited, finger hovering over the send button. 

"Hiii," came a murmur from right above me.

I jerked upright, nearly bashing my head into the girl who now stood right next to my chair. She was tall enough that even sitting down on the high bar stools, her face was at my height. She had straightened red hair, green eyes, and a multitude of freckles covering her nose and traveling down her neck. She stared at me with a curious look, lips pursed.

Immediately, I felt my guard go up. She was a little too close to me, leaning over my shoulder to peek at my phone. I hugged it to my chest, quickly hitting the off button so that this girl couldn't see.

"Whatcha doing?" she asked,  smiling down at me. Her hair slipped out from behind her ear and it lightly tickled my cheek.

"Hi, sorry?" My brain wasn't working fast enough to compute whatever was going on. I took another sip of my margarita and it sloshed a little out of the glass as I placed it back down on the counter.

"Sorry for intruding. Saw you and thought you were a cutie. Would you wanna dance?" she said and held out a hand.

I eyed my margarita again. If I said yes, I would need to finish that off now. Not just because I didn't want anyone trying to spike it.

Ah well.

What did I have to lose anyway? David had already thrown my dignity out the window.

I drank the last of my margarita in about five seconds and placed the glass back on the counter. I'd opened a tab and would leave it open in case I needed more. I would probably need more.

The girl lead me to the middle of the club where people danced and it was a little bit too crowded for my liking. The girl pressed her body up against mine and started to move back and forth with the beat of the music. I went along with it, trying to get into the rhythm, and trying to get out of my head.

The music crescendoed, the bass speeding up. I remembered this song from some of the frat parties I'd been to with Cassidy. A few people around us started singing along, shouting at the top of their lungs in tune with the music. My body loosened and I felt myself drift away into the song, limbs flowing with each melodic note.

And then I was kissing her.

I don't know how it happened or who pulled the other in, but it was magical. I felt my heart flutter, my brain shut off entirely as I focused on her lips. The sweat around us enveloped us in a cacoon, the mist in the air from the fog sprayers blocking everything else out. Then, I felt something ice cold splash against my arm. Someone's beer, carelessly thrown to the floor. I shoved her away, brain spurring to life as I realized what was going on.

What the hell?

Why did I do that?

I backed away from the girl who was already waving her arms and dancing to the next song, completely oblivious. She didn't even seem to realize I was there. I returned to my seat at the bar, anxiety gripping my heart out of nowhere. What was I doing? Why did I do that?

This was how things had started with David. This was why everything had gone downhill with him. And now here I was, just carelessly doing it again. Not caring about anything.

I turned toward the bartender who looked at me, lightly concerned at my horrified expression. "Another margarita please," I said, my voice mousy and barely audible over the noise of the club.

The next song was slower than the prior one and the dance floor started to clear out a bit. How late was it? I couldn't have actually been there that long. But when I checked my phone it said it was past midnight. I had been there for a while.

I sat at the bar, slowly sipping my margarita, still shaken. Nobody else tried to approach me. Nobody else bothered coming up to me. The bartender started up some small talk about where I was from, but that was about it.

Finally, I got a text from Cassidy.

Hey, where are you? You alright?

My drafted text still sat in the text box and I quickly backspaced it away.

Yes, coming back now.

I pulled my handheld purse to my chest, paid off the bartender and gave him an extra tip for dealing with me, and headed toward the door. The line that had been there was completely gone.

Just as I was passing the threshold out into the cold night, I caught a glimpse of dark hair. Something about it felt familiar but my drunk brain could only process one thing at a time. One step in front of another, walking past the bouncer, through the parking lot. Pulling out my phone and calling an Uber. It said it would be there in twenty minutes.

As I waited in the cold, hugging my arms to my chest and watching people stumble out of the club, I sent another text to Cassidy.

I don't feel good.

She responded almost immediately.

Like...sick? Or mentally?

I waited a second before responding. I didn't know. 

Both.

She didn't respond for a second and instead I saw the little bubble show up meaning she was typing. 

Just come back here. We can talk about it.

Warmth filled my chest as I thought about it. Cassidy had always been there for me. We had had our ups and downs, but right now, she was here.

Maybe I'd fucked up royally by coming out here, but I'd probably forget about it all tomorrow morning. In the morning, I'd wake up and go buy myself breakfast. That would make everything better. I'd read a book maybe. Make some coffee. And try to put everything in my life behind me. I needed a break from it all and coming out here had not helped me feel better in the slightest.

Ten minutes later, I got in the uber and headed home.