I became more anxious as each day passed by and Friday grew closer.

Indecision nagged at my brain. Did I just bite the bullet and go to the party? Or would it be better if I just stayed on the safe side and spent the night in?

I hadn't gone partying since seeing David and I wasn't sure if I was up for it yet. But I also felt like if I didn't go, I would never go to a party again. It would become a habit, and I'd forcibly be avoiding social gatherings all because of him.

After all, that was exactly what David wanted, wasn't it? He wanted to make me uncomfortable and make me think about him all the time.

It didn't help that Cassidy kept hyping it up either. She said it was being hosted by her favorite frat, which to me, was an oxymoron. She kept going on about how it had the cutest guys and how she'd bought a bunch of glittery makeup for it. I wanted to be as excited as she was.

But I just couldn't be.

Thursday morning I finally received a text from Harry following up about the date and asking if I was free. I checked it and didn't reply. I wasn't planning on ghosting him, but I just didn't have the energy to craft a perfectly reasonable rejection. I also got a concerning text from my mom later that same day. I guess the school told my parents about the wellness check.

Mom: Hey, Keira. Are you doing okay? I got an email from the school.

Keira: Yeah, sorry. Ignore it. I think it was a prank.

Mom: Are you sure? It looked pretty serious.

Keira: I'm positive, I'll call you later!

Mom: Ok...

I should just skip the party and go to Poetry Club, right? Why would I even go? 

Friday morning, I couldn't stip fidgeting through all my classes. I was pretty sure I pissed off the guy who usually sits next to me in physics because he kept glaring at me.

But as I sat through physics and slowly stopped paying attention to what the professor was writing on the board, the first inklings of an idea began to form in my head.

All I wanted was to be able to go to a party and not get hit on by anyone, right? And I didn't want randos that I matched with online to try to talk to me.

I could think of a few ways to address the issue. First, I could literally wear a sign on my outfit telling people to fuck off. Probably the most simple, but least elegant of my options.

But another way would be to make it very clear that I was not available. Or at least, that I was preoccupied by someone else.

And there was a very simple way to do that: to find someone else.

I could ask Cassidy if she wanted to, but I was pretty sure she was going so she could find someone to hook up with. 

After class, I headed back to my apartment, mind reeling. 

When I walked through the door, I could hear Cassidy speaking loudly on the phone. It was on speaker, and I could hear Dane on the other end of the line.

"Where are we meeting again?" he asked, his voice robotic through the phone speaker.

"Here. Come here at like eight. Phoebe and Jen are also coming. Bring fireball because I want to pre-game," Cassidy replied.

The door shut behind me and Cassidy whirled around and waved. She had her phone hanging precariously off the edge of the kitchen counter as she cooked an egg on the stove.

"Are you coming tonight?" Cassidy asked as I brushed past her. For a second, I thought she was still talking to Dane.

"Um, I don't know," I stuttered back, a bit caught off guard. I hadn't exactly finalized the plan I had in mind.

"I think you should come," she responded. "Dane and I will protect you."

"Yeah! We'll beat up anyone who comes near you," Dane chirped from the phone.

How likely was it that I would actually be bothered by someone at the party. Sure, I had hundreds of unread messages, but how many of these men would actually try to come up to me, and how likely was it that I'd see them there? I was still worried about seeing David, who probably would show up knowing him.

Maybe I could go and then immediately find someone to make out with and use as a barrier between me and everyone else. Or I could just take up Cassidy's offer to beat anyone up who looked my way.

"What if David's there?" I asked.

Cassidy shrugged. "Fuck him. Don't let him dictate your life. It's really hard, but not going is giving him what he wants."

That was one way of looking at it. But it wasn't like I was letting him run my life - it was that I was just anxious at the idea of confronting him. It was still my decision...

I should just go.

"Yeah. I'll come," I said.

                                                       ___________________________________

Nerves racked my body the entire walk towards the party.

That and the absolute freezing cold.

I wore a black cropped tank top that showed enough cleavage to make my mom pass out with fishnets, jean shorts, and boots. I hugged myself for warmth since I didn't ever dare bring a jacket to a frat party. I'd done that once as a freshman and had severely regretted it when it went missing.

Cassidy, Phoebe, and Jen led our group of five down the streets, all looking equally as cold. Cassidy wore her tried and true little black dress, Jen, a basic top and shorts, and Phoebe, a bralette with leather pants.

I was kind of jealous of Phoebe's outfit. The flared pants were a navy blue with rhinestones at the bottom. I'd always wished I could wear a bralette like hers, too, but they never had enough supportive wiring to hold my chest.

Dane walked alongside me in skinny jeans and a mesh top. "Are we there yet?" he called out to Cassidy as we turned another corner.

"One more block," she yelled back, nearly tripping over a crack in the sidewalk in her heels.

"It's freezing," Dane muttered, so only I could hear.

"It'll get better. We'll be sweating in a minute," I replied.

I knew we'd made it when I saw the large crowd of partygoers hanging around outside of the large white house with pillars and some greek letters that I didn't recognize.

Cassidy pushed through the crowd, climbing up the edge of the steps and said something to the guy guarding the door. He opened the door, and we were let in.

The smell of sweat and old booze assaulted my nose. As we pushed our way down the hall, bumping into hot bodies as other people tried to escape, I felt the air grow hotter and hotter. It was like descending into a rainforest.

Already, I could feel my eyeliner smudging onto my upper eyelid.

The bass from the speakers made my whole body vibrate as we stepped into the main room. Gyrating bodies blocked the entrance and Cassidy had to push through to get inside. I followed close behind as we snacked our way through the crowd, the music nearly blasting out my ear drums. It was an EDM song that I didn't recognize, but didn't like.

I had yet to see David and hadn't been recognized. At least, I didn't think I had.

Cassidy led our group to the little bar counter set up on one side of the main room. When it was my turn, I simply asked for a beer. I wasn't into hard liquor and I had always learned to never trust the frat bars. You never knew what they could slip into your drink. With canned beer, I felt a little more in control.

Everyone else in our group started dancing and getting into it, but I still just felt awkward. I needed to let loose a bit more, have fun. I couldn't stop wondering if every single man I passed thought that I was ghosting him.

I swayed back and forth, taking small sips of my beer, and watching Jen, Cassidy, and Dane get into it. Phoebe seemed a bit distracted, dancing lazily and carelessly. She kept looking around the room, watching some of the other drunk partygoers get way too into the music.

Then, just as the song changed from the upbeat EDM to a bass-heavy rap song, Phoebe's entire body freezed up as she stared directly towards the door. She looked straight across the main room towards, hands clenching and unclenching, body tense. It took me a second to realize what, or more accurately, who, she was staring at. I pushed off from the wall and moved a bit closer to Phoebe, looking over her shoulder to see.

Eve. Her ex.

Eve stood by the door, laughing and doing a shot with a couple of her friends. She bounced in and out of view with the movement of the crowd. But even with it being difficult to see, I could tell she hadn't come to the party single. She had her arm wrapped around another girl at her side who was short with a bob haircut.

Oh god.