February 15, 2017, Manila

Wait. What? Tama ba yung pagkakarinig ko? Did Sir Mark really just ask me out for lunch?

No. Wait.

Let me clear my thoughts. Hindi dapat ako magpaapekto with something as small as this. Baka naman thankful lang talaga siya sa pagiging delivery girl ko kahapon? Saka dyahe naman talaga yung pinagawa niya sa akin. Paano naman ako makakahanap ng boyfriend kung aakalain ng iba na may jowa na ako dahil sa pagbitbit ko ng flowers kahapon , 'di ba?

Right. Walang other meaning for this. I shouldn't give another meaning to this. This was just a thanksgiving lunch. Nothing more. Nothing less. Tama na ang kamalasang hatid ng isang katulad ni Sir Mark. We shall not fall for his trap anymore!

"Uhh, Sir. Hindi naman na po kailangan. Like what you've said, on the way naman po talaga yung bahay ni Althea sa amin. It's no big deal," sagot ko kay Sir Mark, trying to make my voice sound as natural as possible.

Sir Mark looked at me like he couldn't believe what I just said. I wanted to go and tell him na mas hindi kapani-paniwala yung gusto niyang mangyari ngayon, but I chose to keep my mouth shut. Ano nga ba'ng mapapala ko kung makikipagtalo pa ako sa kanya, 'di ba?

"I insist. I know what I asked was uncomfortable for you. I really should have delivered it myself but I just can't bear seeing Althea cry because of that. I mean, I've been doing that every year ever since my brother died so I should have gotten used to it. I did that before to lift her spirits up but everytime I give her something on Valentine's day, she just keeps on crying, telling me that he misses my brother every single day," dere-deretso niyang kuwento sa akin. Okay? Hindi man lang ako nasabihan na may ganitong back story pala yung kalokohan ni Sir Mark. Akala ko naman kasi ka-LQ niya lang si Althea right now kaya ayaw niyang magpakita sa tao at ako na ang nautusan niya kahapon.

Hay, ewan! Should I just agree to go with him for lunch na lang ba para mabawasan man lang yung guilt na nararamdaman ko ngayon?

But nah. What if gawa-gawa lang niya yung kwento niya ngayon? What if he was really a player pretending to be the boy next door type of guy that you would like to introduce to your family? What if pinagtitripan niya lang ulit ako ngayon?

Ay, leche.

Sobrang dami ng what ifs na tumatakbo sa utak ko. I wanted to weigh the pros and cons of this situation kaso sisimulan ko pa lang sana, bigla namang kumulo yung tiyan ko.

Shocks. Bakit ngayon pa?

"I guess you really have to go out for lunch now. Let's go?" Sir Mark asked while trying his best not to laugh dahil sa nangyari sa akin. I mentally slapped myself dahil doon. Of all times na pwedeng magreklamo yung mga alaga ko sa tiyan, bakit ngayon pa kung kailan gusto kong umiwas kay Sir Mark?

Since wala na rin naman akong choice dahil sa lakas ng pagkalam ng sikmura ko at dahil sayang din naman ang libreng pagkain, I decided to join Sir Mark for lunch. Minsan lang din namang mag-offer ng libre 'tong si Sir Mark so might as well grab the chance, 'di ba? Saka baka first and last time na rin naman 'to. Ayaw ko na rin namang magkaroon pa ng issue kasama siya.

The walk towards to elevator was eerily silent. Well, I was thankful na wala kaming nakakasalubong na employees since less issue nga 'yon for us pero ewan ko ba. Naloloka na talaga ako. To make things worse, kaming dalawa lang din ang sakay ng elevator. I was silently praying na huwag sanang masira yung elevator at baka ma-stuck pa kami rito. I don't think I could handle being stuck with him in this tiny space--or any other space for that matter--so when the elevator landed at the ground floor, I sighed in relief.

"Does this lunch really make you that anxious? Relax, Thea. It's just me," Sir Mark said which he ended with his signature smile. At that time, my insides melted and I wanted to go and brag that I was having lunch with one of the most good looking person in the office. I know, ang labo dahil gusto ko naman ngang umiwas na sa kanya pero there's this part na gusto ko ring ipagyabang na kasama ko siya. Ang gulo, but at the end, I just kept silent. I then looked at Sir Mark acting like he didn't have any effect on me at all.

But of course, I failed. I failed to keep my mouth shut and I kept on blabbering things that I ended up regretting in the end.

"That makes things much worse, you know. People might talk about things when they see us together."

"Then let them talk. I don't really care," he said nonchalantly. Jusme. Sobrang wala lang ba talaga sa kanya na pagchichismisan kami ng mga tao rito? Ang lala na nga nung usapan dahil sa nangyari sa amin kahapon, e. What more kapag nakita pa nila kaming magkasama ngayon? Baka akalain talaga nila na may something sa aming dalawa kahit wala naman talaga.

"But I do. Paano na lang ako magkakahanap ng boyfriend kung ili-link nila ako sa 'yo?" I blurted out of the blue. At that time, gustong-gusto ko nang sakalin yung sarili ko o kaya naman ay putulin yung dila ko. Lechugas. Bakit ba kasi ang daldal ko?

For the first time in my life, I suddenly wished that the floor would open up and swallow me whole. I actually thought that things couldn't get worse from there. But boy, I was wrong.

"If ever that happens, ako nang bahala sa 'yo," Sir Mark seriously said, not an ounce of joke evident on his voice. Jusmiyo. Ano ba talagang gustong mangyari nitong lalaking 'to, ha?

"Haha. Si Sir patawa." I laughed kahit na halata namang pilit. Bago pa man makapagsalita ulit si Sir Mark, humirit na ako. "Sir, gutom lang po 'yan. Kain na po tayo," pagyaya ko sa kanya and off to our lunch we go.

Akala ko, pagkatapos ng awkward moments namin kanina ni Sir Mark dahil sa walang prenong bibig ko, magiging okay na ang lahat. Kaso anak ng pating lang talaga. Bawat minuto na magkasama kaming dalawa, feeling ko palala nang palala ang nangyayari.

How was I supposed to eat lunch properly when someone like Sir Mark would rather look at me while eating instead of focusing on his own meal? Yes. It's insanely awkward. Feeling ko, bawat subo ko ng kinakain ko, may kumakalat na sauce sa mukha ko kahit na wala namang sauce yung kinakain ko. It's making me self-conscious and I just wanted to stop eating and run back to the office. Hindi na yata ako matutunawan nito. Iwan ko na kaya 'tong lalaking 'to rito?

Kaso, leche. Hindi pa nase-serve yung dessert, e!

"Sir, may sasabihin po ba kayo or what? Kanina pa po kayo tingin nang tingin, e. In case 'di niyo po napapansin, 'di na po ako makakain nang maayos kakatingin niyo. Tapos para pa kayong baliw na ngumingiting mag-isa. It's kind of creeping me out already," I told him nung hindi na ako nakapagpigil pa. People were looking at us as well, and I hated the attention that they were giving us as well. Mas lalo lang akong nako-conscious dahil doon.

"After this meal, I should probably stop for apologizing for what happened yesterday, right?"

"Yes po, and honestly, it's no big deal. You didn't even have to take me out for lunch just because of that," I told him and unexpectedly, he smiled after hearing what I had to say. Shucks. Was Jenny trying to set me up with a psycho? Before Sir Mark could even tell me something that could freak me out further, I secretly pulled out my phone and sent a message to Jenny.

Thea:
SOS! Baliw na yata 'tong si Sir Mark!!!

Jenny:
MAGKASAMA KAYO???
What on earth happened???

Thea:
He's creeping me out already...

Jenny:
Where are you???

"Good. Because after this, I want to try going out with you for real." Halos mabitawan ko yung cellphone ko at grabe ang panlalaki ng mga mata ko dahil sa sinabi ni Sir Mark. Muntik na rin akong mabilaukan sa kinakain kong tempura. Buti na lang talaga hindi.

Pero teka. April Fool's ba ngayon? Bakit ba kanina pa niya ako pinagtitripan?

"P-po?" tanong ko sa kanya nung naka-get over na ako sa pagkabigla ko. Hindi ko pa rin kasi gets yung sinasabi niya. Like sure, I was getting the gist of it pero mahirap nang mag-assume, 'no.

"Thea, let me make this clear. I want to go out with you not because you did me a favor. I want to go out with you because I want to. If it's not clear enough for you, then let me put it this way. Thea, I like you."

Thea, I like you...

Thea, I like you...

Thea, I like you...

Everything felt like we were in slow motion and I had the urge to press rewind and play over and over again para makasiguro kung tama ba talaga ang pagkakarinig ko sa huling sinabi ni Sir Mark. When everything sank in, I started to panic.

Thea:
Oh shit.
I think I just died.

I sent another message to Jenny pagkatapos niyon. After that, tinago ko na yung phone ko. My heart was beating so fast and I couldn't think properly. Oh my god. Seryoso ba talaga siya sa sinabi niya?

"S-sir..." I started pero wala nang sumunod pa na salita na lumabas sa bibig ko. I was speechless. Shock would be understatement in describing how I was feeling at that time. Hindi ko alam kung ganito ba talaga dapat yung feeling kapag may umamin sa 'yo na may gusto sila sa 'yo, pero oh god. I was not even sure if I was happy or not.

I mean, I was not even sure if I like-like him too!

For the past few weeks, it was all Jenny. Siya lang ang nagsasabi lagi na may gusto sa akin si Sir Mark. Siya lang din ang nagdildil sa utak ko tungkol sa so-called feelings ni Sir Mark. Lahat, puro si Jenny ang may pakana. Ang problema ko ngayon, kahit na narinig ko na nang face to face yung confession ni Sir Mark, I feel like the sparks weren't there.

Oh shit. Nasobrahan na yata ako sa kakanood ng mga K-drama. Feeling ko tuloy, dapat laging may sparks kapag kasama mo yung lalaking gusto mo.

I mentally shook my head to clear my thoughts. Sinubukan kong i-analyze ulit yung sitwasyon namin ni Sir Mark. Sure, he made my heart beat fast, but I was not even sure for what reasons. Baka kasi dahil lang sa mga naipasok na thoughts ni Jenny sa akin kaya ganito. Pero I like his smile and I like the fact that he's good with people. I mean, he's kind and approachable. And there's the fact na gwapo siya. But do I really like-like him? 

Teka. Sa ganito ba talaga nagsisimula ang lahat?

Oh god. Is something wrong with me?

"Drop the sir. Kapag tayong dalawa lang ang magkasama, drop the sir. Mark would be okay."

"Okay?" matipid kong sagot sa kanya, unsure if tama pa ba 'tong nangyayari sa aming dalawa. Our lunch then ended quietly (na halos hindi talaga ako natunawan) and when he tried to hold my hand on our way back to the office, an idea popped into my mind.

I need to leave to be able to think things through. And I need to do this ASAP.

I guess I'll see you sooner than I expected, Japan.