"j-josh, p-please stop. y-you're h-hurting me," tyler choked out.

"you get what you deserve," josh growled, his big, strong hand wrapped around his husband's throat.

"i-i d-didn't do anything," tyler coughed, falling to the floor gasping for air. "p-please, c-call an ambulance," he pleaded, everything starting to go black.

and whatever trance josh was in, he snapped out of it.

"i-i c-can't breathe," tyler said weakly before completely passing out.

"oh my god, tyler," josh said with panic in his voice, immediately dialing 9-1-1.

***

tyler woke up in a hospital gown four hours later, immediately panicking and starting to rip at the IV in his arm.

"tyler. tyler!" the nurse said, quickly restraining his arms. "you're ok, mr. joseph. please, trust me."

"w-where's jo-"

"don't speak, tyler. your throat is already damaged enough. but i'm assuming it's your husband you're asking about. he um... he thought it would be best if he wasn't here right now."

"why?" tyler mouthed.

"well, i-i don't know how to tell you this, b-but he is the one that caused this," the nurse said carefully.

tyler immediately bursted into tears.

"i'm so sorry. i can't imagine how hard it must be for you. h-he said something about him getting help and that he thought it was best if he spent time away from you for a while. actually, here. he left this note," she said, hanging tyler a paper with scribbly, yet very legible handwriting.

'tyler,

i can't believe i let my anger get the best of me again. you do not deserve to have to call someone who physically harms you to the point you lose consciousness your husband. you're much, much too perfect. i promise you i am going to go get help. right now. i'm going to figure out what's wrong with me and i'm going to fix it. it just isn't the best idea for me to be around you when i'm like this. i don't know what's gotten into me, baby. i hope i can still call you baby. if i can't, i understand. i wouldn't like being called a pet name by me either. but if you'll let me keep being married to you, that's all i want. but only if you're happy and feel loved. and what i did doesn't make you feel loved at all, and for that, i'm sorry. from the bottom of my heart.

as for oliver, i don't think it's the best idea for me to be around him either. i don't want him growing up thinking it's ok for him to hurt who he's in a relationship with or that it's ok to be hurt by who he's in a relationship with. i hate leaving you alone with him. i know it's going to be hard, but if you trust me enough, maybe when i get a little better, i can babysit him while you go out with your friends. i didn't really do a great job of doing that, either, baby. and i'm sorry. you're your own person, and i shouldn't be allowed to take away your ability to go see your friends. but i did. i was really controlling. and i didn't mean to be, but i was, and i'm sorry.

i promise that when i come back, if you let me come back, i'll be a better husband. and a better dad. but, husband comes first. i really love you, tyler. please tell the nurse if you need anything. her name is jenna. she's very nice and i told her to do anything and everything she can to make you feel comfortable.

i love you, tyler. and i'll see you when i'm a better husband.

joshua.'

"y-your son is on the kids' floor if you'd like to see him," jenna said quietly.

tyler nodded his head and sniffled, reading the note over and over again.

a few minutes later, jenna walked in holding oliver, the baby squealing happily as he saw tyler.

"BABA!" he exclaimed, hugging tyler tightly.

"h-hi, bubba," tyler said weakly.

ollie and tyler just took a long nap together for the rest of the afternoon, not having anything else to really do.

there were bruises around tyler's neck from josh's fingers, bruises on his knees from where he hit the floor, and bruises on his back from being slammed so forcefully against the wall.

bruises marked josh's imperfections as a husband. an area that was in much dire need for improvement.

and if their marriage was going to work, josh had to make those improvements.

***

three months later

joshua was diagnosed with IED, and he was placed in therapy and given medication in hopes he would improve.

and luckily, he did.

a lot.

he was nicer than he'd ever been. he no longer had random outbursts. and he had even been encouraged to go see tyler again by his therapist.

just for a quick meet up.

a date, some might call it.

the boys were meeting at a coffee shop, and joshua was nervous.

beyond nervous.

how could he face the one thing that he loved after he hurt him so terribly? but he went for it.

he had to prove he had changed.

he sat in a chair at a table for two, his leg bouncing up and down nervously as he sipped at his coffee.

he looked up and saw the most handsome boy walk in through the columbus snow, his eyes widening.

he had forgotten how stunning his husband was.

tyler approached him and sat down across from him, shivering from the cold.

"h-hi," he said quietly.

"h-hi," josh responded. "o-oh. h-here," he said, taking his jacket off and handing it to tyler.

"o-oh. t-thank you."

"so... h-how have you been?" josh asked.

"a-a lot of v-voice rehab," tyler said. that's when josh noticed the strain in his voice. and knowing that he caused it tore him apart. "b-but i-i'm ok. w-what about y-you?"

"oh, um. i-i've been going through therapy," josh said. "a-a lot of therapy."

"t-that's good," tyler said.

"can i buy you something to drink?" josh asked.

"n-no, thank you. i-i'm g-good."

"are you sure? they've got the peppermint cappuccino you like," josh said.

some things you never forget.

"n-no, i-i'm ok. t-thank you, though."

they then entered a silence, unable to determine whether or not it was comfortable.

"look, tyler," josh said, breaking the silence. "i-i asked you to come here s-so i could tell you i've changed. i've changed a lot. i-i don't have the outbursts anymore a-and i've learned how to deal with my anger a-and how t-to be a better parent and t-treat you like the prince you are and just... i'm better now, tyler. and i have the doctor's reports to prove it. i'm gonna start taking you out on dates and taking off from work more so you don't have to live like a single parent and i'm not gonna keep you from going out with your friends and i'm gonna start being so much nicer to you and oliver. i promise."

"you p-promised me that t-the day we g-got married," tyler strained. "look w-where we are now."

josh's heart sunk.

he wasn't really anticipating tyler questioning him.

"i-i... ok. i did, tyler. i did. i promised you i'd never put my hands on you out of anger and that i'd treat you with all the love and respect you deserve, and i didn't. even though i realize how perfect you are, i didn't. but this time, i will."

tyler just stayed silent.

"and if you're not ready for me to come back into your life yet, then please, don't let me. i don't want you walking around the house in fear because of me. i'm putting your needs first in this relationship from now on. not mine anymore."

tyler nodded.

"and if you let me move back in, i-i'll gladly sleep on the couch until you feel comfortable with me sleeping in bed with you again. and i'll happily make us dinner every night and i'll do the grocery shopping and the cleaning and i'll help you with ollie way more than i did before. whatever you need, however slow you need it, i'm willing to do it."

tyler nodded, playing with the strings of his hoodie.

"how about you go out with your friends tonight?" josh offered. "i'll take care of ollie."

tyler shrugged. "i-it's ok."

"are you sure? i'm sure ryan and mel are dying to see you."

"they left," tyler said quietly.

"they what?"

"they left. they didn't like that i refused to cheat on you while you were away. they said you deserved it," tyler said sadly. "b-but i didn't think you did."

"oh, gosh, tyler. i'm so sorry. i'm so, so sorry. h-how about i... how about i cook dinner for you and ollie tonight?"

tyler shook his head. "it's alright."

"is there anything i can do for you to help out? do you need me to go grocery shopping or anything?"

tyler shook his head. "no."

"does oliver need new clothes? i'm sure he's grown some. here," he said, reaching into his wallet and pulling out $250 cash. "use this to buy him some new clothes."

tyler shook his head. "i-it's alright. i-i just got him some things a few weeks ago."

"then use this on something you'd like," josh said. "what about that ukulele you wanted for so long?"

"no use if i can't sing with it."

"what do you mean?"

"i won't be able to sing again due to the damage to my throat," tyler sniffled.

"oh, ty..." singing was the one thing tyler enjoyed more than anything, and josh took that away from him. forever.

tyler sighed, wanting to say it was ok, but it wasn't.

he could no longer sing his son to sleep. he could no longer sing about his sadness as a coping mechanism. he could no longer use his voice as a way to support his family financially.

"please, just let me know if there is anything i can do to help at anytime. just call or text me and i'll be there as soon as i can," josh said.

"o-ok."

"here, i-i'll walk you out to your car," josh said, leading tyler out of the cafe and opening the door for him.

"i-it was great getting to see you again," josh said. "you never fail to surprise me with your beauty."

tyler blushed and nodded, the tiniest smile on his lips for the first time in three months.

the lips joshua missed oh, so much.

he was dying to kiss them, but he didn't think tyler would be comfortable doing so, so he refrained.

"i-i would um... i'd love to maybe, take you out again some time. on a more formal date, if that's ok with you," josh said.

tyler nodded. "s-sounds nice."

"ok, great. how does a movie sound?"

tyler nodded, a sad, tiny smile on his lips.

they used to go to movies all the time. they would bring in a blanket to snuggle under, holding hands tightly and kissing as they pleased. it was one of tyler's favorite things to do with joshua.

and maybe he'd be able to have it back.

"alright, cool! just um... just text me when you're free."

"i-i'm available whenever," tyler said. "whatever works best for you."

"i-i'm in therapy until 3 every day, but after that i'm completely free. how about next wednesday? i'll pick you up around... 5?"

tyler nodded.

wow. therapy every day.

josh really was trying to change.

"ok, cool. i-i can't wait," josh smiled.

tyler nodded and smiled weakly. "i-i'll see you then."

"see you then, tyler."

tyler then got in the car, about to close the door before josh stopped him.

"oh, and tyler? i-i'll bring the blanket."

tyler smiled and nodded, waving a shy goodbye before driving off, josh's hoodie still on his body.

both boys new he had it on.

and both boys liked it that way.