ANAIS

"Hey, honey..." A gentle smile broke across his lips as he stroke my hair. I looked around to find that I was in an unfamiliar room. Dad was sitting next to my bed and I had IV drip on my left arm. "Are you okay now? Masakit pa din ba?"

"Dad, how's my baby?" I put my hand to my stomach. I remembered being rushed into the hospital with an unbearable pain and I kept falling in and out of consciousness because of the pain. The last thing I remember was me in the emergency room with the doctor injecting painkiller in my drip.

"The baby's okay." He said and then tears filled his eyes. "I don't know what I'd do to myself had something bad happened to you and your baby. I'm sorry..."

"Dad, it's not your fault." I took in a deep breath, trying to keep my tears at bay.

"It is. The doctor said you were in extreme stress kaya ka nagkaganyan. I'm sorry for putting you through so much." He took my hand and kissed the back of it. "Siguro nga hindi ko pa talaga matanggap na magkakababy ka na but I never wished for something bad to happen to the baby."

"I know that." I said, my voice breaking from tears.

"Always remember that I love you so much. I will protect your heart so much more than I'll protect mine. I was hurt when you told me that you're pregnant. I couldn't accept that my baby girl is going to be a mother soon. Masyado ka pang bata. Marami pang pwedeng mangyari sa buhay mo. I felt like my whole world collapsed under my feet."

"I'm sorry, Daddy. I didn't mean to hurt you." A sob escape my throat. I threw my arms over to him and hugged him. "Akala ko hindi mo na ako kakausapin. I'm so sorry. I thought I'd lose you."

"That would never happen, my love. Never think that because you did something you'll lose me. Your Mom, you, and Bryce are my life. Kayo ang rason sa lahat ng ginagawa ko. Without you three, my life would be pointless." He kissed my forehead.

"Walang magulang ang hiniling na mapasama ang anak nila. Anais, you've always thought of me as your superhero, didn't you? Hindi ba madalas mo sabihin sa akin na akin iyon noong bata ka pa? I am not perfect. You have to know that I'm only human and I make mistakes. I will stumble, I will fall, and I will make mistakes. Alot of them. But no matter what, palagi mong tatandaan na kahit anong pagkakamali ko ang kapakanan niyo lang ang iniisip ko. I am forever learning how to be a good dad to you and Bryce. Kahit na tumanda na kayo at magkaron kayo ng sariling pamilya, I will still learn because I will never stop being your Dad. I've been hard on you and I'm sorry for that. I was disappointed in myself. The first time I held you in my arms, my love, I promised to protect you from everything in this world. I was so angry and frustrated with myself. Pakiramdam ko napabayaan kita. Hindi kita naalagaan ng tama. Nagkulang ako bilang magulang."

"No, Daddy, you didn't. Ako yung hindi nakinig sa inyo." I buried my face into his shoulder and cried.

"I love you more than you know, Anais darling. I may not always be the Dad you need but I will love you until my last breath. Your time is different than mine and sometimes, I'm stubborn. I'm not one to accept defeat or change but teach me. Teach me what makes you happy, what upsets you, what you love, what you hate. There's no one in this universe more important than you."

I hugged him tighter and cried harder. "I love you, Daddy."

"I love you too, honey. Kahit anong pagkakamali ang gawin mo hindi magbabago yun. Your Mom and I will always be here for you."

The door to the room opened and Bryce came running in. Mom followed behind her.

"Hi Ate Anais!" She jumped between Dad and I. "Mom and I bought you your favorite jelly beans."

She handed me a bag of jelly beans.

"Aw, thanks." Kinuha ko iyon mula sa kanya.

"Were you and Dad crying?" She said and looked at me and Dad, confused.

"No, sweetheart. Your Ate Anais and I were just talking about her baby." Dad answered and pulled her into his arms, making her seat on his lap.

"How is the baby?" She asked.

"The baby's okay." Dad answered. "Ate will be out of here in no time."

"Kumusta naman ang pakiramdam mo?" Mom sat on the edge of my bed.

"I'm okay now, Mom." I wrapped my arms around her waist and rested my head against her. "I love you, Daddy, and Bryce."

"I love you a little." Bryce said. "Well I love you more than I did before because now you don't call me little imp and you don't make fun of me and you don't stick your tongue out at me."

I shook my head and laughed, sticking my tongue out at her.

"She's doing it again, Daddy!" She frowned. Mom and Dad laughed.

"Inaasar ka lang ng Ate mo." Mom chuckled. "Bati na daw kayo, di ba, Anais?"

"Yeah, you're going to be an Aunt soon. Ikaw na ang tutulong sa akin mag-alaga ng baby ko. You're going to be changing diapers."

"Ew." She made a face.

"Dad..." I looked at him and bit my bottom lip. "Can I ask you something?"

"Anything, honey." He answered.

"Pwede bang palabasin mo na si Coco sa kulungan? He doesn't deserve to be there, Daddy. Wala siyang ginawa na hindi ko ginusto. We both made a mistake."

I saw how Dad's face hardened again. I was worried that he'd get angry at me again. "Dad, I'm sorry. Naaawa lang ako sa kanya. Kaibigan ko pa din si Coco and he's the father of the child I'm carrying."

"Axel..." Mom touched him as if trying to convince him. "Kawawa naman ang bata baka kung ano na ang nangyayari sa kanya doon. He's been there for a week now."

"Fine." He huffed.

COCO

Tong-its. It was my favorite past time. Life in here wasn't as bad as I expected. The prison food was the worst but all in all, it was alright. Araw-araw naman akong pinupuntahan ni Mama at Dad para dalhan ng pagkain.

"Talo na naman!" I shook my head, throwing the card on the makeshift table. "Ayoko na."

"Ano? Di pa ba dadating yung erpat at ermat mo? Nagugutom na ako." Oca, the steroid guys, asked while rubbing his belly. "Ang sarap pa naman magluto ng ermat mo."

"Maya-maya nandito na yun." I answered. Sa kanila ko kasi binibigay yung mga pagkain ko lalo na noong mga nakaraang araw. I couldn't eat because all I could think about was getting out of here.

"Kosa, okay lang ba sa'yo kapag naghiwalay ang tatay at nanay mo, ako maging step-pader mo?" That was Atoy, the stick thin guy with tattoos all over. So yeah, I was now their 'kosa', when someone calls you 'kosa' in here it means your in their circle now. "Langhiya! Ang sarap na magluto ni Mommy ang ganda pa. Mukha pang bata! Tiba-tiba tatay mo diyan!"

"Sabihin mo yan sa harap ng Tatay ko, baka ipabaril ka nun sa mga pulis dito." I shrugged.

"Bakit? Maalaga naman ako ah. Kita mo inaalagaan kita dito. Kung hindi dahil sa akin matagal ka na natira ni Alma." Sabi niya. Si Alma ang kalbong bakla na malaki ang katawan.   

 Oca laughed. "Wasak ka dun, Kosa."

I grimaced in disgust. Iniisip ko pa lang tumitindig na ang balahibo ko.

"Cordova!" Kinatok ng guard ang selda. "May dalaw ka."

"Yan na yung pagkain!" Natatarantang sabi ni Oca. "Ano naman kaya niluto ng ermat mo?"

I stood up and put on my white tank top, if I didn't go topless my shirt would be drenched in sweat from the humid heat in here. Sumunod ako sa guard palabas sa selda at pumunta sa visiting area. 

"Coco." Mama greeted me with a hug. Their faces now weren't grim as they always were when they visit me. "I'm so glad to see you again, anak."

"Ma, I'm sweaty." I told her.

"It's okay. Sanay naman na ako." She chuckled. My Mama was chuckling now when she couldn't even break a smile yesterday.

"Nilalakad na yung mga papel. We're going to get you out of here, champ!" Dad hugged me and messed my hair. 

"Uuwi na ako?" My eyes widened.

"Yeah! We're going home!" Dad said.

"You're not kidding?" 

"Magbibiro ba ang Daddy mo ng ganon!" Ma said with a wide smile. "Inurong na ang kaso laban sa'yo."

Halos maluha-luha akong niyakap sina Mama at Daddy. I thought I'd spend years in here. Akala ko hindi ko makikita ang anak kong maipanganak at lumaki. Akala ko hindi ko man lang maririnig ang iyak at tawa niya. I couldn't remember feeling this happy before.

"Bakit inurong ni Tito Axel ang kaso?" I couldn't help but ask.

Ma's face shifted. "Well, Anais was rushed to the hospital last night." 

"What? Kumusta siya? Ang baby?"

"We don't know what happened to the baby. Hindi ko na natanong kay Val, ang alam ko lang okay na si Anais. I was just so happy when she told me na inurong na ang kaso mo. I forget about everything else. I'm sorry." She sincerely said.

"It's alright, Ma." I tried to sound okay but fuck, I felt like my heart dropped to my stomach. Hindi ko alam kung ano ang nangyari sa anak ko. I wanted to rush home and go to Anais to check on her. It would kill me if I find out something bad had happened to our baby.

The baby came as a surprise, we weren't expecting it and it had caused so much trouble not only to us but to our families, but I alrady loved our child. Hindi pa siya napapanganak mahal na mahal ko na siya. I felt unconditional love for something I'd never seen, hear, or hear. While I was in the cell, my favorite past time was thinking how the child would look like and what it would be like to be a father.

I went back to the cell to get my things. I was supposed to be happy but my heart just felt heavy that I had to physically drag myself. 

"Nasan na yung pagkain?" Tanong ni Oca.

"Kosa, uuwi na ko. Laya na ako." Sabi ko sa kanila.

"Putsa! Wala na tayong rasyon!" Reklamo ni Atoy.

"Pupuntahan ko na lang kayo paminsan-minsan." Bumuntong-hininga ako.

"Amin na lang 'tong mga gamit mo. Tutal, lalaya ka na." Hinawakan na ni Atoy ang bag na dinala ni Mama para sa akin. May mga damit doon, jeans, bimpo, baby powder, cologne, everything she thought I needed. 

"Sure. Sige na, aalis na ako. Kita na lang tayo sa labas." 

"Hoy, kosa! Ninong kami sa binyag ng anak mo ah!" Sabi ni Oca.

"Oo ba." Pilit ang ngiting sabi ko. 

"Talagang pupuntahan kita. Tamang-tama, ilang ang buwan na lang ako dito." Said Atoy.

"Aasahan namin yan, kupal ka." Si Oca.

It was good to be home. I learned to appreciate everything I took for granted before. I had a nice home cooked meal for dinner. Ma, Dad along with my siblings threw a small welcome home party for me. We all watched a good movie together in the theatre room before I decided to call it a night.

I went to my room and looked outside of my window. Anais' blinds was down and her light was off. I opened my window. I knew I shouldn't but damn, I couldn't stop myself. I didn't care if Tito Axel sends me back to prison. I was willing to risk everything just to know she and our baby are okay.

Tinawid ko ang puno papunta sa kwarto niya. I opened her window, it was dark in there. I stepped inside and felt my way to her bed. Biglang bumukas ang ilaw ng lampshade niya.

"Coco?" She sat up, still half-asleep. "W- what are you doing here?"

"Anais..." I climbed into her bed. "Kumusta ka na?"

"Dad will kill you." She tried to keep her voice as low as she could. 

"I just want to know how you're doing. Sabi ni Mama na ospital ka." I cupped her face. I thought it looked thinner than the last time I saw her and she looked pale. I kissed her on the forehead. "What happened to you?"

"I'm okay now. Sabi ng doctor masyado lang ako na stress." She answered.

"Akala ko matagal tayong di magkikita. How's our baby?" 

"Okay naman din daw." She bit her bottom lip as if that would stop the tears that coated her eyes to flow down her cheeks. "Coco, I'm sorry."

"Stop it." I showered her with kisses all over her face. "It's not your fault."

"Palagi kitang naiisip kaya nga siguro pati yung baby na stress." She buried her face into my neck.

"I think about you and our baby when I was in prison. Akala ko talaga nasa kulungan pa rin ako kapag napanganak na yung baby natin." I exhaled a heavy breath.

"Coco..." She started playing with my hair with her fingers. "I missed you. I really missed you."

"I missed you too, Anais." 

She cupped my face and drew me closer to her, crashing her lips against mine. The kiss spoke it all for us, it was full of longing. I swiped my tongue on her bottom lip and she knew what exactly to do. She opened her mouth and eagerly accepted me. I let my tongue explore inside her outh, tasting every inch of her. She was as sweet as a strawberry. She swirled her tongue against mine with sweet little licks. I had to pull away or we'd be fucking. On regular days, that would sound good but she just got out of the hospital. Ayaw kong may mangyari sa baby namin. 

"You need to rest." I pressed a kiss on her forehead.

"Babalik ka na sa room mo?" Idinantay niya ang ulo niya sa dibdib ko. Her fingers played on top of my chest, drawing random shapes.

"Maya-maya." I pulled her closer to me and we cuddled for a bit.

She took my hand and placed it on top of her stomach. "Nandito na ang daddy, baby o! Do you feel your daddy?"

I chuckled and scooted, leveling my head to her belly. "Hey kid, how are you?"

"I'm doing good, Daddy. I missed you so, so, so much." Anais said with a cute baby voice.

"I missed you too. More than so, so, so much. I can't wait to see you. I love you, baby." I looked up at Anais as I stroked her tummy.

"I love you too..." Anais answered back using her normal voice while looking into my eyes. She looked away and cleared her throat and went back to using a cute baby voice. "...daddy. I love you too, Daddy."

I sighed and shook my head, shaking the unwanted emotions. We knew the boundaries of this relationship.

I turned my attention back to her tummy and I kissed it. "Your Mom and I are excited to meet you. I hope you're good and snuggled up inside there. Huwag mo na ulit gagawin iyon ha, huwag mo na pahirapan ang Mommy at huwag mo na akong pag-alalahanin. You scared me, baby."

"I won't do it again, Daddy. I promise." She replied for the baby.

"Good!" I began to place kisses all over her tummy.

"Coco, nakikiliti ako." She squirmed away from me and tried to push my head away. She started laughing as I continued to kiss her. "Stop! Baka marinig tayo! Sige ka, yung baby!"

I lifted my head up and leveled with her again. She looked into my eyes and left tiny pecks of kiss on my lips. I lifted my hand up to pushed back some strands of her that covered her beautiful face. I admired the mother of my child for a few seconds.

"Everything will be okay." I whispered.