a letter to alina

. ✧ ・゜. +・o ✧

The waiting room of the hospital was filled to the brim with the friends and family of William Byers. While Joyce and Jonathan waited inside his room for the boy to wake up, the rest were forced outside, all sitting side-by-side in their shared trauma, the scars of what they'd experienced evident on some of them. Nancy Wheeler's hand was bandaged from when she'd attracted the Demogorgon with her blood. She, along with Jonathan and Steve Harrington, had managed to draw it away from the Upside Down, so Hopper and Joyce could rescue Will safely from the horrible place.

Steve sat with his arms limply by his sides, his face lined with bruises, a scab on his lip from when Jonathan had fought with him. He stared at the blue walls of the waiting room, trying to process what he had seen. He'd come to reconcile with Jonathan and ended up fighting a creature from another dimension, and now it seemed like he was struggling to comprehend where his life had taken him.

Perhaps the most alarming sight in this hospital waiting room was Alina Fairgrieves. Her face and hands had been cleaned of blood, and she'd exchanged her bloodied shirt for one the hospital had given her, but bruises littered her cheek from the hits both James and the bad man from the Lab had nailed on her, and there were heavy bags under her eyes. She slept now, her head on Lucas Sinclair's shoulder, her soft breathing a stark contrast to what she was doing when she was awake. The boy she was leaning on was asleep as well, snoring loudly, his mind whirling with dreams, both good and bad.

Beside Lucas was Dustin Henderson, who slept easily knowing that the threat was over. But Mike Wheeler, who was awake beside Alina, found that he simply could not sleep, that the mercy of it eluded him. Tear tracks streaked down his face, and his eyes were red and puffy from the crying he'd done when he realized that Eleven was gone, and that she wasn't coming back.

He hadn't been the one to find Alina, and neither had Lucas or Dustin. It had been the paramedics that had quickly rushed to the scene once they heard of several deaths occurring within the halls of Hawkins Middle. They'd found Alina curled on the floor in a puddle of blood, sobbing her eyes out with destruction wrought around her, and had wasted no time in leading her away from the chaos—and the dead body she was clutching at with trembling fingers.

Now Alina slept to keep her sorrows away. She'd lost two people she loved in one night—Eleven, who had been the subject of her mystery but then grew to be one of her closest friends, and her dad, who had been there for her when her mother wouldn't, who taught her how to read and how to ride a bike, and who had cared for her more than anyone else.

In her left pocket was the bloodied notebook Brandon Fairgrieves had given back to her shortly before his death. Alina couldn't bring herself to open it yet, even though he'd told her that it would explain what he'd done. And so she just slept, mercifully without dreaming.

Then she was pulled out of her sleep.

"Guys!" Mike Wheeler's voice caused Alina to jolt awake, his hands shaking her shoulders before moving onto Lucas and Dustin. "Guys, he's up! Will's up!"

For a moment, Alina didn't process what he'd said. "Mike?" she muttered instead, wiping drool off of her cheek and sitting up. And then everything came back at once, crashing into her like a wave. Eleven shrieking as the Demogorgon dissolved into ashes. Brandon Fairgrieves smiling fondly down at his daughter before he closed his eyes, his breath stilling.

"Guys, Will's up!" Mike said again, and that was all it took for Dustin and Lucas to spring out of their seats, beginning to run after Mike. Alina didn't budge, knowing that it was most likely that Will wanted to see his best friends first, not some random girl who he'd barely spoken to.

But then Mike poked his head back into the waiting room. "Al, are you coming?" he asked, seeming confused that she wasn't springing to her feet like her friends had.

"You want me to come?" Alina stood up in shock, gaping at Mike Wheeler. The boy who had insisted that she wasn't a part of the party was now wondering why she wasn't coming with him. How fast things changed.

"Yeah, of course!" said Mike. "You're one of us now, silly. Now come on! Will's waiting!"

After a moment, Alina stood up, following after Mike. She didn't smile. She didn't know if she ever would again. Still, Mike's words were enough to get her moving, albeit slowly, as her ribs had not quite recovered from the bad man's kicks.

Alina followed her friends into Will's room, where Joyce Byers was standing, smiling, and there he was. A small, almost sickly figure with tubes up his nose, but regardless, it was him. Will Byers. The boy that Alina had risked everything for. The boy they thought they buried. Alive. Smiling up at his friends. The boy who'd hidden just enough to survive. The boy whose song still echoed in Alina's head.

She'd never see anything like that again. Alina didn't know whether to be happy or sad about it. Right now, she was just numb. It was like she was in a transparent bubble, with everything that had happened tonight pounding on the outside, unable to get in. Soon, the bubble would pop, and all the emotions she should be feeling right now would flood in. But for now, she didn't feel anything.

"Byers!" Lucas grinned, sprinting after his friends towards Will's bed. Mike, Lucas and Dustin all piled on top of Will, embracing the boy tightly, but Alina hung out in the doorway, knowing that for now, at least, she should give them space. Of course, she'd talk to Will afterwards, but he should have some time with his friends first.

"Guys, guys." Jonathan moved past Alina back into the hospital room. He was grinning. "Go easy on him."

"You won't believe what happened when you were gone, man," chirped Lucas. He looked happier than he had all week. Alina leaned against the doorframe and listened to her friends chatter to an excited Will.

"It was mental!" said Dustin.

"You had a funeral."

"Jennifer Hayes was crying."

"And Troy peed himself!"

At this, the grin on Will's face only got bigger. "What?"

"In front of the whole school!" confirmed Dustin gleefully.

Just then, Will burst into a coughing fit, and the joyous mood sobered, as if they all remembered what Will had gone through and was still recovering from. Alina watched the boy, still numb, wondering how, if he was able to, Will would recover. She didn't think she ever would. Didn't know if she even could.

"You okay?" Mike asked softly.

Will nodded. "It got me," he said. "The Demogorgon."

"We know," said Mike. "It's okay. It's dead. We made two new friends. One of them... she helped us find you. The other one... she stopped it. The Demogorgon. She saved us. But she's gone now."

"Her name's Eleven," said Dustin.

Will furrowed his brow. "Like the number?"

Alina wondered if she should stay here, but when she turned to leave, Jonathan shook his head, as if urging her to stay. Even though she felt like an outcast once more. Like everything that had happened this week had been thrown out the window.

"Well, we call her 'El' for short," Lucas shrugged in response to Will.

"She's basically a wizard," Dustin piped up, and Lucas leaned forward.

"She has superpowers."

"More like a Yoda," corrected Mike. That was all it took for the boys to launch into a detailed explanation of Eleven's powers. Alina watched, trying to suppress a sob. Eleven... who Will hadn't even gotten to meet. She was gone now. And she would never come back. Never.

Nancy, who had come to see Will as well, put a comforting hand on Alina's shoulder, giving her a watery smile. Alina tried to smile back, but the corners of her mouth refused to turn up. Nancy's face fell as she watched Will, and Alina knew what she was thinking. Although the party had been blessed with the return of Will Byers, Barbara hadn't been so lucky. The sight of her deadened face would always be imprinted into Alina's mind, and she knew that the Upside Down would be Barb's final resting place.

I won't forget her, she thought fiercely. I won't forget Barbara or my dad or Eleven or anyone else killed by that thing. I promise.

Nancy turned out of the room, unable to watch anymore, and Jonathan followed. Alina stayed behind, but that was only because Dustin had mentioned her name.

"And you know Alina," he said brightly, gesturing to the girl still standing at the doorway. "She's so cool, too. She's the other friend we were talking about. She helped us find you. And she also has superpowers!"

Alina licked her lips. "Had," she corrected faintly, and all eyes were drawn to her, including Joyce's.

"Huh?"

"Had. I had superpowers. But... but something happened. And they're gone now. And I don't have them anymore. I'm ordinary again."

"Well," said Lucas after a moment, "you're still supremely cool."

"Yeah," Dustin leaned in close to Will, mischief in his eyes. "Lucas has a crush on her."

Lucas smacked him, Dustin letting out a fake cry of pain.

Will, meanwhile, was chuckling. "I know," he said. "He always wanted me to talk to her for him. He was too scared to do it himself."

Dustin and Mike immediately burst out into giggles. Lucas stood there, looking offended for a moment, before letting a chuckle slip. Soon, all of them were laughing. All of them except for Alina.

Later, Alina found herself in the waiting room again, the bloodied notebook in her trembling hands. She knew she'd have to read it. Her mind was burning with questions about her father's last words, and she knew that unless she opened her notebook, those questions would go unanswered.

And so she did. And immediately, an envelope slipped out, falling to the floor. Alina picked it up. It was addressed with her name in simple handwriting. Her father's handwriting. Right here was proof that Brandon Fairgrieves had existed, had lived and breathed, his warm hand tracing words on the backside of an envelope.

Alina opened it, unfolding the letter from inside.

And then she began to read.

Ally—

At the time I'm writing this, you hate me. Which is perfectly understandable, as I found out that information from reading your notebook, which was invasive of me. And it's understandable because I've been a real terrible dad to you. I've kept secrets from you, I've lied to you, I've been with the men who hunted you and your friends. I guess I haven't just been a terrible dad. I've been the worst of them all.

This letter is an apology, and it is also an explanation. I don't want to lose you, Ally. I love you so much. I've done all of this—the secret-keeping, the lying, everything—all for you. So here we go.

Hawkins Lab... they did these experiments. I thought that they were harmless. Linda told me that she enjoyed them, even. In MKUltra, they strip you naked, put you in sensory deprivation tanks. You can't feel anything anymore. And your mother told me that it was the most peaceful moment of her day. I didn't see that they were ruining her on the inside.

But even your mother, that bitch (I know I'm not setting a good example by swearing, but I've got to let out my feelings in some way, Ally) knew that being pregnant while participating was most likely a bad combination. So when she got the big news, she quit the experiments. She thought it would end there. I didn't.

You see, I'd done some digging. Found out that some children had been stripped away from their parents—parents who had participated in the MKUltra experiments—and were used as experiments in the lab. I was paranoid that the same thing would happen to you when you were born, so I managed to get a job at the lab to help you in case you ended up like the other kids. They had abilities. They were superhuman. And I was terrified of the same happening to you, and the people from the lab finding out.

You didn't show any signs of abilities after you were born, however. I thought it was because your mother ended the tests early, but somehow, you knew what was happening, and you were suppressing them. You have been for most of your life, Ally, but you're not anymore. I know.

I found your notebook after you stole my file (which was quite the clever break-in, my crafty girl!) and only turned it into Brenner because I thought that I could bribe him not to harm you and your friends. And it worked, but not for long. They'll find out soon. Find out that I tried to warn you, but you got it too late. Find out I've been concealing you for so long.

It's okay, Ally. I'm not afraid. But all I have to say is that I'm sorry. I hope that eventually, you'll find it to forgive me. I love you, Alina Fairgrieves. You are my everything.

Love, dad.

Alina set the letter down, her bottom lip quivering. And then she began to cry, cry the tears that she'd previously been too numb to shed, her vision blurring and tears dripping onto her father's words. Alina Fairgrieves sobbed for her father.

I love you too, dad.

She was still crying when the officers found her, instructing her to come with them for a little chat. Alina just followed, too upset to argue, and slipped the letter safely back into her notebook, pocketing it before being led into an empty hospital room.

She was instructed to sit on the bed, and a strange headpiece with wires jutted out of it was fitted to her skull. It seemed to monitor her heart rate, but Alina hated the feeling of it. It reminded her too much of the friend she'd lost.

The man who'd put it on sat down, a clipboard in his hands. "You're Alina Fairgrieves, right?"

Alina sniffed. "Y-yeah."

"How old are you?"

"Almost thirteen," said Alina. "My birthday's in January. What do you want with me?"

"Just to ask a couple of questions," the man said calmly. "Now, your father worked in Hawkins Lab, is that correct?"

"Yes. He did. And now he's dead." Dead. It was so easy yet so hard to say.

"But your father worked there because there was a chance you had supernatural abilities, is that correct?"

"Yes. He did." Alina was already tired of answering questions. She put her head in her hands, the wired headpiece tugging at her hair.

"Do you have these... abilities?"

"I did," said Alina. "Not anymore. They're gone now. I don't—I don't know if I was ever even supposed to have them. It might've been a mistake. Regardless, they're gone. You can run tests on me or whatever, but you'll find that I'm telling the truth."

The man let out a sigh. "I believe you. The readings are showing negative. Thank you. You may go now, Alina."

"Where?" Alina stood up, ripping the headpiece off.

"Excuse me?"

"Where am I supposed to go, exactly? My dad's d-dead, my mom ran off years ago, and I don't have an extended family. Where am I supposed to go?"

"Joyce Byers has agreed to take you in," the man said calmly. "You'll be staying with her."

"Joyce Byers?" Alina repeated. "Why?"

"You helped her son. And now she wants to help you, I presume. So, you will go with her. Meanwhile, we will continue to look for the girl."

"Eleven's dead." Alina hated the finality of it, but she knew it was true. "I saw it happen. You're not going to find her."

"We're still going to try. She's a very dangerous individual."

"She's a kid!" Alina threw her arms into the air, fury spilling through. "She went through a lot of shit, but she's still a kid. And... if she really is still out there, she's better left alone. I promise you; she won't hurt anyone if she's alone. She only hurts people when they threaten her."

The man scoffed, as if her words were just ones of a delusional child. Well, that was probably what he thought, but what had happened tonight had aged her at least four years. He didn't see that, though. He only saw a twelve-year-old girl gone mad with her dad's death.

Alina wouldn't blame him if she wasn't so angry.

"Okay, Alina. You can go now."

Glaring at the man, Alina stepped out of the room and into her new life. The Byers were waiting for her. She wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

. ✧ ・゜. +・o ✧

a/n: i feel so bad for everything i've put alina through :(( she's got a lot of trauma now, and it's going to be explored more in book two (coming out on wednesday!!!). and also i cried again editing this chapter because of brandon's letter :((( 

living with the byers is also a huge part of book two, and i planned it all before season three came out (and we know where that's going, unfortunately). 

anyway, i hope you enjoyed this chapter, the final chapter of acatalepsy. there's still an epilogue coming tomorrow, but it feels so weird knowing that we're so close to the end. in total, acatalepsy is (as of now) over 94 000 words. that's insane. that's the length of an actual book! and if you compare it to my original draft, that was only 40 000 words. wow. 

thank you so much for all of the support i've gotten. when i post the epilogue, i'll be doing one of those sappy author's notes, so keep your eyes peeled for that, lol. all i can say now is 'till next time!