I can't do this anymore. I just can't.

Sitting next to Pike as he sleeps, I squeeze his hand just to feel him respond and know he's still there. That he's still alive.

I've lost so much and I can't keep going like this. As bad as I thought things were when I was in denial after I killed Finch and finally came to terms with it, this is so much worse. Not only did I drive the woman I love to hate everything and everyone around her. Not only did that make her try to remake the world to turn us all into her little playthings. Not only did her doing all that force me to kill her instead of finding a way to save her. But worse, in order to survive it, I've driven a guy I actually like to the point that he's nearly dead and might not get any better.

As much as I want him to survive, and not to have done all those things, I did it. It's just too much and I can't live with it anymore. I've caused so much destruction and created so much suffering that I can't go on like this. This is all my fault.

I feel a hand on my shoulder and just as I'm about to turn and smile at them, I hear their voice.

"It's not your fault."

It makes me tense up.

"I know you want to blame yourself, but it's not your fault."

I shrug my shoulders to get her to pull them away and she does. When I hear her stand back a bit, I turn to her with an angry look.

"How the hell would you know?"

"Because I've been watching, and because of what I know."

"These answers you keep talking about."

"That's the one."

"Then who's fault is it? Let me guess, Dawn's?"

"Well she is the one who merged both of them. Although in the larger sense, even Dawn's not responsible."

What's this talking about?

"In the larger sense? What's that?"

It doesn't respond right away.

"Do you really want to know?"

"Would I ask if I didn't?"

Again it takes a second before answering.

"Remember, I only promise answers. I can't promise you'll like it."

Seriously?

"Just tell me already."

"Dawn's path was set in motion a while ago, or at least it's a while ago depending on how you look at it. A decision was made that altered the course of her life, and everyone else's too."

"So, what? We're all just pawns of whoever made this decision?"

"No, free will is still a thing. You all made decisions for yourselves. It's just that things were supposed to play out a certain way, and they didn't because of the decision they made."

They?

"And who are 'they', exactly?"

It turns as someone comes in the door.

"It was her."

B gets this confused look on her face.

"What was me?"

What did B do?

"B made a decision?"

There's even more confusion on my friend's face.

"I did? What kind of decision did I make?"

"Well, it wasn't her exactly."

That seems rational.

"Does one of you want to tell me what's going on?"

Probably a good idea to catch B up.

"According to this thing, whatever it is, someone made a decision that set in motion what happened to Dawn and what's happening now."

B looks at the thing in the room with us.

"And you think I made the decision?"

It smiles at B.

"I don't think, I know. Of course, that doesn't mean it's all your fault."

"What decision did I make exactly?"

"We'll get to that, but first to the reason you're not entirely to blame. First, you didn't know you were making it, and second, we tried to correct it, but that only made things worse."

We?

"And by 'we' you mean?"

"The Powers. Although technically I wasn't a part of them when they did that. I probably could've told them it was going to go badly if I was."

"And what did they do?"

It looks between me and B.

"Touched each other lately?"

Wait...

B and I have the same thought.

"That was you?"

It puts up its hands and backs up.

"Again, not me specifically, but The Powers I'm a part of, yes."

B asks before I can.

"Why?"

"Like I said, they were trying to correct a mistake. A problem that was created by the decision Buffy made."

"And how exactly is it solved by making us want to have sex when we touch each other?"

"It wasn't, but it was supposed to lead somewhere that you never went. They wanted you to develop feelings for each other."

What? Why would they try to do that to us?

Looking over at B,she is about as confused as I am.

At least I'm not alone in this.

"Why?"

It takes them a second to respond.

"You remember the vision you had in the cemetery when you were still trapped in Dawn's world?"

"Kinda hard to forget."

"That wasn't something that Dawn did to you. It's something that actually happened to you."

"Uh, I remember dying and Faith wasn't there for that... either time."

"You remember dying in this reality. But you don't remember the other one."

Uh...

"The other one?"

"You mean the one Dawn created? We remember that one too."

"No, not that one. The one we were trying to correct for."

B says it before I can.

"I'm confused."

"This isn't the original reality you were supposed to exist in. There was another one before it, and it's in that reality that you made the decision that created this universe. This timeline, or reality, whatever you want to call it."

"So, you're saying that there's a universe where Faith and I were in love, and I somehow screwed it up by making a decision I don't remember making but isn't really my fault, and that's why we're here now."

"Basically, yes."

Well that's just...

"That's crazy. You actually expect us to believe all that?"

"Not really, no. Which is why I have proof."

Proof?

"What kind of proof?"

"I can show you... if you want to see that is."

"You can show us this other world where I screwed up?"

"Yes, I can."

"And how would we know that you didn't just make it all up?"

"How did you know it when Pike came to you? Or Willow?"

They have a point about that.

"We just... felt it."

"And you'll feel this one too. If it feels wrong, you'll know it."

Not sure how good I feel about that.

B and I stare at each other.

Glad she's as on board as I am.

After a few moments, I think we are on the same page.

This is going to be bad.

B turns to this thing and takes a deep breath.

"Okay, let's go..."

What are we getting ourselves into?