A bus had run over Sadiq.

Metaphorically.

His aching bones woke up in a pool of sweat and self-hatred more than 20 hours after his last fix. In his execrable sleep, he had spilled and dragged the last dose on him to ruins. He had nothing left.

It was impossible not to vomit, he emptied the crap into the toilet bowl, cursing the part that intercepted with his clear thinking. He knew what was coming.

Desperation.

Before it could hit him square in the face, he sought his least dirty clothes, raising his weak arm to sniff the ammonia odor on him.

His appearance took a back bench, he was beginning to get generally desperate. The, do anything for anyone desperate to get what he wanted.

He stumbled out, wiggling into positions he hoped would be comfortable for him straight to the first POS joint he could find.

Sadiq's bank service was terrible. All his cards declined. His desperate attempt to make a transaction through his mobile app or E-transfer was a disaster. His least-liked option became the only option; he had to get to the bank as soon as he could.

But...not looking the way he did.

A few steps towards his house, Umma's car pulled up and he instinctively jumped, finding home behind a shadow until her car disappeared into the house, probably to pick up something she forgot. He waited minutes confirming her disappearance into the main house before he tip-toed in like the rat he was, swiftly disappearing into his edifice.

Sadiq took a quick shower, not sure the dirt was washed off but at least he didn't smell like ammonia anymore. It was the best he could do, the first set of sweats and T-shirt he could find.

His phone vibrated against his fingers once he got a hold of a bank check.

Abi

He sighed, glancing sideways before swiping the answer button. His greetings were answered sharply, the next question making him hesitate. "Kana ina?"

"Bank." Was his short answer.

"If you're there to withdraw money, save your energy. Jamila had me freeze your accounts. Kazo gida."

The betrayal was short to register, his question being, "Kano?"

"Ina Abuja." the line went off.

Sadiq released a long hiss, the queue behind him holding eyes on him. He returned the stare, hissing and exiting the bank to where he was sure he'd regret going.

And regret did he.

He hadn't had physical sight of his father for months. The man had darkened in shade, a representation of how his heart darkened with each second.

"This is the life you chose?"

It was a food for thought.

Which life was better?

His father's life based on the expense of people? Or his life based on the waste of potential and bringing pain to his loved ones?

The time had arrived. He couldn't answer the question because as much as he hated to admit it, he was the monster he dreaded he'd become. A me-too version of his father.

"Kazama asarrare. You're wasting your life, wasting your business, all because of a girl?" Abi pointed a firm finger at him, "Don sakaranci?"

Sadiq maintained his poise, biting the insides of his cheeks. His father did the opposite, ready to jump him.
The man hissed a few minutes in, "Kadena shaye shaye. Nide na gaya maka. Leave my sight."

Sadiq did not, he inched further.

"Abi..." he was trembling, he had no recollection of the onset. "I'll stop. Wallahi I will. But please..." he momentarily stared at his empty hands and rose blurry eyes to his father, "Please help Amani. Don Allah interfere with her case. Use your power, make her win," his desperation wasn't exclusive to drugs anymore. It was using the things he hated to an advantage as well. The day his father's notoriety was advantageous had come. "I promise I won't do it again. I won't take another drug for the rest of my life...if you do this for me. Please-"

"Bakada hankali." Abi shook his head, almost in pity. "Nide na gaya maka. Ka dena shaye shaye."

Sadiq slumped in defeat, his father's oudh scent heightening and dissolving once he walked past him and disappeared. His arm hung at the side and his facial followed, his tears making a big appearance.

It was one of his biggest struggles, the rush of emotions he found himself battling with a lot more. Expression was never his thing, yet his lacrimal glands became the most hardworking glands present in his life.

The emotions, the thoughts, so extreme, so intense. So drastic, he had to make an effort on his condition. It was a sincere effort and was the only thing that kept him from crashing into the numerous cars he was at war with on his journey home.

"Umma." He called before he stepped into the cool-scented parlor of his mother, bypassing the glass doors to a sight of his mother and Jays splayed on the carpet. "Umma please help-jays," he turned to instead, glancing around the empty room as if in search of a better way to approach her.

"I'll stop the drugs." He collapsed before Jays, seeking her hand into his trembly ones.

"Alhamdulillah," mother and daughter exclaimed, framing into a sedentary pose.

"Wallahi I will." He promised again, squeezing Jays's hands and putting one for his mum. She clasped his hand and it downed how lucky he still was. Their ability to forgo everything for him was overwhelming. It was selfish for him to ask what he came to, but he needed that selfishness to have a full life. "Please Jays. Y-"

"Anything." She affirmed a blind cause.

"Please beg Abi for me."

"He had them free-"

"Beg him to interfere with Nanu. Her case, she needs to win...I need her to win."

Jays' tearful joy was seized, the pressure of reassurance she provided to his palm lightening. "Sadiq..."

"Please." He cried, shoulders quaking.

"Get out." Her heart broke as she spoke on behalf of their mother who had already slumped her side back to the couch. "Get out of my sight Sadiq."

"Plea-"

"Get out." She screamed, streaks of saliva falling on his face. "Leave!" Jays emphasized with a shove, Sadiq's body surrendering to the mild contact and falling to his side.

He held unto his shoulders.

Jays. Jays. Jays.

His broken voice continued to call out, his cries harsh and coated with rage and fear, helplessness and pain until his larynx was overwhelmed, no coherent words formed from him again.

"Sadiq!" Umma yelled once the air filled with cracks from Sadiq's head continuously crashing into the tile he laid on.

He entertained the idea of dying, his expression a mishmash of tears and a smile at his fantasy. His grunts persisted, the hands-on him grabbing him, begging him to stop, stop it Sadiq, stop, only fueling him.

His side and head suffered the most, his act gashing the skin on the areas of his head and cheeks, blood trickling from the area receiving assault.

Jays threw her weight on him, a futile attempt at holding him down. Their bodies rose and crashed back into the tile, violent sobs resonating from each breathing soul in the lounge.

Until Sadiq lost his breath,

Laid in sudden peace.

***

Walid had spontaneously let it past Amani that Nadeen had been going into crisis a lot more than normal.
Amani was ravaged by the guilt already, refusing to see her sister was the most likely stimulant to Nadeen's heightened illness.

Under her compulsion, Walid stuttered through his narration. Nadeen had missed the entire term in school, a few more weeks to exams and she was still attached to drips.

The news was harsh, knowing it still wasn't going to change her mind about seeing Nadeen. It made her self-hatred amplify, her hands clasp around her throat in search of oxygen. The toughest share of it was her energy being drained on not breaking down.

How could she break down in front of Walid?

She dismissed him, counting the seconds leading to her next hearing just to be shattered at the side of the defenses gallery. The court was in session and yet- no sign of Laura, Hanne, or Sadiq. Were they tired of it already? Had they lost the hope that she never had in the first place?
Thinking the day couldn't get any worse, Helen found gaiety in proving her wrong.

Amani fisted her pants at the sight of her stepmother on the witness stand, Helen's voice hiking as she walked towards her.

"State your name and relationship for the record, ma'am."
Mama nodded, rehearsed sorrow masking her true features. "Maryam Ahmed Atah, first wife of the deceased."

"Mrs. Atah. You were married to Ambassador Saad. Was he..." Helen trailed, glancing at the audience, Amani mostly before turning to twist her fingers. "Violent towards you?"

"No." The answer came in a breath and Amani closed her eyes.

"Was he violent towards your children?"

"Not at all." Of course, she'd lie, Amani was not surprised.

"What of your stepchildren?"

The question had Amani's eyes fluttering open to find Mama's vicious eyes on her. Although the woman tried to, she couldn't hide her vileness. "No."

"What about your co-wife? Was he...violent towards her?"

"Not that I know of."

Some truth was to it, Amani couldn't be a bigot. Her father was a cruel bastard who thought ahead of his vileness. He made sure to keep the bruises he inflicted on Mommy on parts of her body exclusive to him. Designed her with marks away from prying eyes.

And it was working, already in his favor.

Amani swallowed a stubborn lump.

"Can you tell the court what you saw on the day of the murder?"

Mama didn't disappoint, narrating things even Amani could not remember. She could not even deny it, most of her memory was missing from that day.

"Who and who was in the room when you made it there?"
"Amani, Walid, Binta, my husband, Nadeen and Hanne."

Helen nodded as if it was new information to her. "How did you find each of them?"

Mama took a sharp breath, leaning forward. She rose an index at Amani, an accusative finger. "Amani was the one. She was sitting on the floor, smiling and crying and staring at her bloodied hands. Walid and Hanne were with Binta, pressing her wound to stop the bleeding. Nadeen had fainted in front of the bathroom door. My husband was barely alive. Blood was..." If Amani didn't know any better, she'd say the tears in her stepmother's eyes were genuine and so were Helen's pitiful hands that handed her tissues. "Blood was leaving...leaving his mouth and chest. He laid on his side until he died."

"What did you do?"

"I screamed. I-i just screamed...I came-came to help. My husband. He was-i didn't know what to do...I went out of the house. There was no driver...none of my children were home. I could not drive-"

"You can pause if you need to," Helen suggested, handing another unreasonable amount of tissue to Mama who took the offer, sniffing and wiping her tears.

"I called everyone. My sons, the drivers, our relatives. I told one of the workers who said he could drive to get the car ready so we can take my husband to the hospital, but as I entered the house...we heard the ambulance. I don't-i didn't call them. I still don't know who did."

"Thank you, Ma'am." Helen nodded after a minute of silence, "No further questions."

Amani watched Mike in deep disembodied hope. She wasn't showcasing, but her life depended on him and what he did every time they were in the courtroom. She wished for a good end.

Mike stared at his files, ignoring the judge's request for a cross-examination before he thumped the file close, thrusting his chair back, before rising.

"I am sorry for your loss, Mrs. Katagum."

Mama barely responded, nodding and leaning back.

"You said Amani did it. I didn't object, but that was a very vague statement. What did Amani do?"

No hesitation, "Kill Saad."

Amani took a glance to her back, at the prosecution's gallery and met a sight of all her elder brothers except Rashid. Eyes met, emotions unfathomable. Her breath came sharper at Akram's stare. Not welcoming, yet not vile. What did he think of her anymore?

"At what time did you enter the scene?" Mike's voice brought Amani's eyes back to her stepmother.

"I don't know the time." It was honest, even Amani had no idea what time she came home.

"You have a different apartment from your co-wife, right?"

"Leading, my lord."

"Sustained," Judge Grace gestured at Mama, "Answer."

"Yes," Mama affirmed with a single nod.

"So how did you know something was happening in your co-wife's room?"

Simple, "The screams." She rose an open palm, "I was on the veranda and the screams were extreme. Walid and Hanne kept screaming. I had to check."

"Let me get this clear, everything had happened before you came in?"

The woman went mute, lips setting into a straight line.

"Did you or did you not witness the murder ma'am?"

"I am sure that I hea-"

"It's a yes or no." Mike straightened, his tone hard and demanding no humor.

"No," Mama answered after a heated staring quest with the counselor.

"No, you did not witness my client," he took a step back, throwing an arm to the dug Amani occupied, "Amani Saad kill her father. Or no, you witnessed my client plunge that knife into her father's chest and killed him."

"She was smiling when I came in," Mama opted for, seeking the judge's back up by turning to her, "Why would she be smiling?"

"Answer the question."

Amani only breathed once the question was answered, "No, I did not witness it."

Mike hummed, nodding before retiring.

Amani retired to prison, having cleared a slate at court but gained a bigger truck of disquiet in her head, principally after ejecting disturbing information out of Mike. Laura had abruptly left the country for reasons unbeknownst to him; why would she leave Nadeen behind in that condition? Hanne had traveled to her hometown; what was more important than staying with Nadeen and Walid? Sadiq had not attended her hearing; she dismissed him but why? Why was he giving up? His betrayal over a year back wasn't enough, he had detached from her too?

What had she done?

She was only in prison. She needed to be loved at her worst. Even if that love came from people who pushed her further into her downfall.

It wasn't shameful to her anymore, she wanted comfort for it. For it all. Someone close. Blood. Intimate.

Someone she no more had. It'd be cruel to drag Walid into her mess, she couldn't imagine what it was like in his head anymore.

Her rows of self-destructive thoughts left her with a hanging option. She needed someone to say it all to. The raw, the harsh, the reality. She needed to say it out to someone who wouldn't judge her. Before Mike left, she had requested he summons Sadiq for her, promising not to dismiss him like the last time.

And like a puppet answered to its master, Sadiq answered to her call, being the first to arrive on her visiting day.
The guards did not struggle, surprised to their toes, she didn't turn around like the last time. In fact, she had eagerly waited for her handcuffs to be cleared off her wrist, her gait less lifeless than always.

It was a soothing effect, knowing she called and it was answered.

To the bigger question, she hadn't asked but began to read her answer off Sadiq. First, it was the adhesive stripes on his left cheek and forehead that gave it away, slowing her steps. Second, the Iv stuck to the back of his palm that he used in waving at her. He was leaner, his weight down and his eyes puffy.

"What is wrong with you?" She asked before she could stop herself, slowly sinking into the chair opposite his, the wood gap hiding most of him except for his neck and face.

"Nothing," He said, voice taut in mirror to both their nervousness. "Anemia." He added.

Amani wanted to say sorry but couldn't bring herself to. She instead fisted her hands, slowly dragging her feet and casting her eyes down. It was the urge to rant that made her request for him. Now that he was there, who choked her?

"We have an hour." He reminded once they sat in silence for a few minutes. His reminder wasn't for the time, it was for her voice. He wanted to hear her talk as he watched her. It was peaceful alone watching her, what could her voice further for him?

"Sadiq." Her voice trembled.

"Buba." Sadiq sought instead, "Please call me Bubba." He yearned for the name he once hated. It only sounded right if she said it.

"Sadiq," she shook her head, her voice quiet and shaky. "My sister..." it was torture to begin, "She has...she has her whole life ahead of her."

"You called me here to talk about your sister?" Was he cruel for wanting to talk about her? Or him? Or them? Not her sister?

Amani harbored too much that she was scared she'd explode. She didn't halt. "She needs to finish high school, I promised," Amani wiped her nose, sniffling, "Her-i promised I would make sure she goes...goes abroad like she wants...I'm sure our lot is soon going to be filled with people who want to marry her."

Sadiq nodded quickly, "What about me?" Voice hiking in pitch as for the first time, Amani managed to hold her head up, glossy eyes meeting helpless ones. "You think I don't want to marry you?"

She didn't know anymore. With everything she had gone through, was going through, what she had become; physically and emotionally, did he want to marry her?
Sadiq chose the worse place, the worse time to ask his question, "Will you marry me?"

The door blasted, and Amani exploded with cries, her palms swiftly flying to her face to cover her eyes. She was struggling already, why was he doing this to her?
"This is-" she spoke gibberish in a wobbly voice before a word came out, "Mistake." She kept repeating. "Bad idea. Go. Get out." She could be facing death if her verdict ruled out in favor of the prosecution. After all, no one saw her commit the murder didn't convince the law that she did not.

"I am not going anywhere," He said. If it meant watching her cry for the next hour even if it shattered his heart a million times, he'd stay.

"I don't want to break down." Even if it was what she needed. "To break down in front of Nadeen and Walid. I can-i can't." Her arms slackened to her side.

"Please break down," he begged. "It doesn't make you less strong." Where that was coming from someone who relinquished the idea of dying a few days back, he didn't know. The things love made us do. "It shows you are more human than most of us." He hoped she at least was not overwhelmed by the pain like he was. His pain was numbed with the drugs only for it to come back stronger.
"I feel," her bottom lip began to jut out, her fingers shaking against her chest. "I have no...purpose. No purpose at all."

He might not have them, but he believed she did.
"Nadeen. Walid. You're the closest representation of mommy they have. We won't let you give up," even if he had given up on himself, "and me." He poked desperate hands against his chest, shaking his head at her heightened convulsions. "You want-you wanted to make the world a better place. Please. I'll stop," he made empty promises again, "I'll stop everything."

If only wishes were horses.

"I'll come see you more." It'd be his first step to full sobriety. Looking forward to seeing her would thwart his debt to the opioids. She was his rehab.

Amani could only nod, the rest of their time flowing in quiet sobs until the guards announced their time was up and they both moved without energy.

It was impossible placing a finger on what Sadiq felt more; jollity or woe. It left him stomping slowly, out of the facility and face on with a crowd of reporters.

His hand came to shield his face from the sun, a step to the side to avoid the crowd before him.

A couple of feet away from his car, he had heard enough of the question thrown at him by a persistent, short reporter.

"Sir, can you brief us on the Katagum case?" If he got a coin for how many times he had been asked that, he didn't need to sell valuables for meth. "Is it true? Did Ambassador Saad's daughter kill him and laugh at his corpse?"

He paused.

Rage overpowered his patience, blurring his senses as it unwinded in a way Sadiq was not known for. It didn't stop until his fist smashed into the face of the man, facial bone cracking under the assault.

"She did not kill him!" He shouted.

I love this chapter with all my heart and i hope you do too!