026. The Decision

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Days have passed ever since Elizabeth's illness took a toll on her. Night and day, she was struggling in fighting against the fever that refused to abandon her. Daily visits from the doctor were the only visitations granted and while there were some moments when hope was resurfacing, the darkness threatened to hold her in its grasp.

Due to the wedding being canceled, the ton became more wary of the true reason, seeing as the Windsors refused to explain what occurred to a society that only desired gossip and wouldn't offer good wishes without hypocrisy. For now, it was a mystery on why the most awaited wedding had been postponed.

It sure didn't help that Lady Whistledown stopped publishing. Ever since the scandal surrounding Eloise Bridgerton and a young man from the printing press, the columnist went silent. The Bridgertons have remained out of the public eye, except for when Violet would send flowers to the Windsors to express her well wishes.

During all this time, Anthony has been burying himself in his work to keep himself busy. His mood has been irritable for the past few days, causing his family to dread his appearance whenever he would enter the drawing room to discuss their family affairs. He was aware of how much he was vexing them, but his emotions were clawing their way out and being placed on display in the worst possible way.

Anthony expected his family to comprehend the importance of being responsible, but as he read over various listings, he was infuriated of how much money was being spent and how much information was being kept from him. After years of carrying the responsibility of fending for his family, they were adamant on doing as they pleased with their fortune without consulting him. It was frustrating not being trusted with this, especially after everything he's done to ensure their financial stability.

"No one informed me that we have lost three staff in the last month," Anthony stormed into the drawing room where his family was gathered, all of them looking up from their tasks in perplexity at his sudden outburst. "These are precisely the things I must know about."

Violet narrowed her eyes in concern, "We are not the only ones affected by our ill reputation of late, Anthony."

Glancing toward his brother, he ignored the evident worry of his mother, "Colin. Would you care to inform me about anything?"

Colin faintly shrugged, "I do not take note of staff changes."

"What about our accounts?" Anthony questioned, refusing to believe his brother was this dense not to know what he was referring to. "You do not seem to take note of them either, since I spent the last two days balancing our books, only to discover that you have taken out a rather large sum. Whatever for?"

Everyone looked toward Colin, wondering the same exact thing, but fearing as to what possible ideas he could have come up that made him decide not to tell anyone.

Colin seemed hesitant, but he knew better than remaining silent any longer, "If you must know, I was exploring an investment with Lord Featherington."

Anthony sighed heavily as he couldn't believe his brother's carelessness, "This is just what makes the difficulties in this household. No one gives any thought as to how it must be managed."

"He is one and twenty, brother," Benedict tried defending him.

"Is no one allowed to make their own decisions?" Eloise interjected.

"You, keep doodling," Anthony addressed Benedict with a resentful tone before looking toward his sister. "And do not ask me to speak of your activities. I wouldn't know where to begin."

As if Eloise wasn't feeling terrible enough, his judgment became the last drop before spilling the glass. Closing her book, she averted her gaze for him in vexation, "May I be excused?"

"I must go too," Colin followed in her footsteps, but not before stopping shortly in front of him. "But do not worry, brother. I shall send you notice of every step I take today."

Benedict soon followed, "Yes. Doodling awaits, I suppose."

"I do have so much to read," Hyacinth said, practically bolting out the drawing room.

Gregory thought the same and went after his sister, "I have my Latin."

Anthony knew he was being unreasonable. He was taking his frustrations out on his family and it wasn't fair on them, but it was destroying him not knowing if Elizabeth would awaken. He wanted to visit her and spend every waking minute by her side, but it was the fear of losing her that kept him trapped. What if she didn't get better? What if death were to decide to take her as well?

"How is she?" Violet knew her son like the palm of her hand. She knew his outburst was linked to his worry for his beloved and it pained her seeing him this way and not knowing how to help.

Anthony's heart dropped at her question. He wanted to confide to his mother about how he felt, but his stubbornness prevented him from taking the reasonable route. "I do not know. I have not-"

Violet gaped at him in disbelief, "You have not been to see her? It has been a week."

"Have I not made it clear I've been busy?" Anthony expressed a seriousness that masked his fear as a way to protect himself.

"I would be lying if I said I was not worried about you, Anthony," Violet approached him and for a brief moment, she noticed the unease gathering in his eyes, but he had years of practice to mask his emotions that he turned the switch as if it were nothing.

"I do not have time for this," he argued.

"Well, perhaps you might wish to make time," Violet advised him.

Anthony was soon left alone. He knew she wanted to offer him comfort, but he took her advice as double meaning. Making time sounded as if he might need to say goodbye just in case her condition wouldn't improve. While visiting was all he desired, this was the reason as to why he refused to do so. If he did, he was terrified it would be the last time he were to see her.

It has been a week and her illness hasn't improved. Many would consider it was time to make preparations and he knew he wouldn't be able to survive if he were to suffer another loss. He had a reason to continue after his father died, but now, his reason had been Elizabeth. If she were to die, nothing would make sense anymore. He wouldn't be able to move on and pretend as if nothing had occurred. Life wouldn't be the same, so it would be an easy decision to follow her to the afterlife.

His brothers were older. They would be able to take care of each other and ensure the rest of the family would continue prospering. There would be no need for his care any longer, so he prepared himself for the worst, afraid his worst night would come to life and his purpose would be lost.

God, he prayed the universe would be on his side for once and bring his Elizabeth back to him.

__________________

Windsor Manor resembled a haunted home. Silence filled the corridors, a darkness surrounded the once lively rooms, and the flowers sent were wilting as if the air were poisonous. If it weren't for Violet Bridgerton sending arrangements constantly, there wouldn't be a small glimpse of light present.

Sitting by her bedside, Adelaide tried focusing on the book Elizabeth tried convincing her of reading. While she preferred books about knowledge, she chose to give this romance novel a try. When her sister would awaken, Adelaide would express her surprise on how much she enjoyed the book, but her hopes were starting to fade as the days went on.

"Any changes?" Kate asked as she and Edwina entered the room.

"Her fever hasn't returned since last night, but she hasn't awoken yet," Adelaide said as she slammed the book closed and placed it aside.

"She will wake soon," Edwina paced around the room, afraid of never getting the chance to tell Elizabeth that she forgave her and wanted to move forward.

"I hope she does, because if she doesn't, I will never let her live it down," Adelaide tried pretending she wasn't worried, especially when all she's ever been was the picture of stoicism and sarcasm. She never liked putting her emotions on display, but the uncertainty of not knowing if her sister would awaken brought down her mask the furthest it's ever been.

"Lizzie will be here soon. I know it," Aurora chimed in as she gently sat at the end of the bed.

The two Windsors and the two Sharmas took their usual spots beside her. Whether they were reading a book or working on their needlework, they never left Elizabeth's side. They didn't want her to believe she was alone. When she would awaken, they refused the first thing she would see would be an empty bedroom. It didn't matter if nightfall came, they remained by her side and prayed for her recovery, hoping their prayers would be heard.

It was nearing the afternoon when a soft movement appeared. Elizabeth felt her eyelids opening and her hand stretching toward the nearest source. Her room was silent, but it wasn't empty. Her family was with her and in spite of everything that occurred, she was beyond joyous to see Kate and Edwina.

"Why are you all so quiet?" Elizabeth grumbled.

Breaths of relief filled the vicinity, soon followed by Adelaide calling for the rest, "Mama! Everyone! Make haste!"

"Finally you awaken!" Aurora leaped onto her and she laughed at the harsh impact, wincing slightly but still feeling happy to be surrounded by those she loves.

Kate stroked her hair softly, "I'm so glad to be hearing your voice."

"Thank the heavens you're alright!" Victoria exclaimed as she kissed her forehead.

"If you died, I would have never forgiven you," Adelaide threw her arms around her shoulders, submerging her in the tightest hug she's ever given.

"Then I would have haunted you instead," Elizabeth softly laughed as she felt the embrace of her sisters, but it wasn't until Edwina joined when everything was complete.

"I am so sorry for being so terrible to you," Edwina rushed through her words as she joined the group hug. "I should have never said you weren't my family, because you are and always will be."

"Do not apologize. I deserved it," Elizabeth reassured her as she tucked her hair behind her ear. "But I would really appreciate it if you could let me breathe."

"Oh, sorry," Edwina hastily moved back, but still remained fairly close by holding her hand.

"Do you remember anything?" Kate asked.

She narrowed her eyes in thought, all the memories of that rainy day rushing back and more explicitly on her impulsivity on rushing to Lady Danbury's home to apologize in spite of the storm. "I remember not feeling well, arriving at Lady Danbury's, and then..." she trailed off as instant guilt overwhelmed her at the worry she must have caused her family. "Mama, Adelaide, Aurora, I am so sorry-"

Victoria gently stroked her hair, "It is alright, dearest. We are just grateful you're still with us."

"You must rest," Kate suggested as she tucked her deeper into bed. "Do not strain yourself. It has been a hard couple of days."

"How long have I been in bed?" Elizabeth asked.

"A week," Aurora said.

Her eyes widened almost immediately as she hastily leaned forward, "Then I'm afraid I cannot rest any longer. It has been so long-"

Edwina pushed her back into bed, shaking her head in disapproval, "You heard Kate. Rest is needed, so you will stay until the doctor assures us that everything is alright."

Inexplicably, Elizabeth started thinking of Anthony. She wondered if he came to visit or if he didn't care for her condition. She wouldn't blame him if he never once showed, but the thought of it made her heart ache as it would indicate that he didn't care for her.

"Did... he come to see me?"

Everyone knew who she was referring to. There was no use denying the obvious, but while the scandals that surrounded them happened not too long ago, it was not the reason as to why they were quiet. It was due to the fact that he hadn't come to visit her ever since that first day.

"Lord Bridgerton was here in the beginning," Victoria hesitantly told her, nearly everyone exchanging equally concerned looks. "He was... worried."

A sense of relief made her heart skip a beat. He was here and he came to visit her. Maybe she was wrong in believing he didn't care for her. If he didn't, he wouldn't have gone through the trouble of visiting.

"Has he come since then?"

Once again, silence. This time, she was able to perceive the tension. Their hesitance was an indication that she had been wrong again. Anthony didn't care for her. It had been a coincidence that he happened to be at Lady Danbury's. Perhaps he had been there to ask Edwina to forgive him and to reconsider her decision not to marry him. It was the only reasonable explanation, because through it all, they only kissed one time.

Like many say, a kiss doesn't have to signify anything.

Her voice was low and barely a whisper, "Oh, I see."

"But William came here every day," Kate tried to make her feel better, but even she knew it was useless, seeing as the Duke was the furthest thing from her mind.

Elizabeth only nodded in response, thinking back on her decision to finally follow her heart for once. She made the choice to end her engagement and admit her love for Anthony, but perhaps it had been a good thing that this happened. It showed her feelings were one sided and everything meant more to her than it did to him.

"You should rest, dear," Victoria suggested, and she agreed, quickly pulling the covers over her and closing her eyes.

__________________

Anthony sat in his study going over various documentations of the family's estates. He had spent nearly all morning in the same spot, refusing to leave the room and face the disappointment of his family.

No matter how hard he tried not to think of Elizabeth, nothing seemed to work. He was petrified she wouldn't awaken, that he would never get to hear her beautiful laugh, listen to her witty remarks, admire how the sun brightened her face and made her eyes appear as if gold were trapped in them. It was terrifying waiting for the awful news, especially when he had so foolishly believed he could escape the heartbreak if he stayed away.

Why didn't he visit her?

Why had he been so stubborn and not asked her to marry him at the altar?

Damn it.

His mother and Daphne were right. Seeking a loveless marriage and pretending he didn't love Elizabeth was a grave mistake. Instead of wasting all this time, they could have been married by now. God, if he could turn back the time, he would do so without a second thought.

But as always, he ruined everything like he ruined everything.

Footsteps were suddenly approaching the study. Despite not wanting to partake in their family reunion, he knew he couldn't argue with his mother any longer. "I will join the family in the drawing room momentarily."

"Anthony," Violet said his name in an urgent manner, almost like she had news to bear.

With haste, he looked up at his mother. He noticed relief and joy in her expression. Her soft smile couldn't be related to grave news. This was linked to what he had been praying for all this time.

"She's awake?" Anthony asked, afraid he would be wrong and her news were related to something else.

Violet nodded, "Mrs. Wilson heard from one of the maids."

Relief overcame him as he tried containing himself. He tried looking back at the documents, but nothing else mattered now. His Elizabeth was alive. She was awake and he didn't leave him like his father did. He felt like a fool for cursing the heavens in believing they had abandoned him. They brought her back and he couldn't be more grateful that the woman he loves was still here.

He faintly nodded, his eyes welling with tears and hands trembling like never before. He covered his face as an attempt to shield his cries, but it was inevitable keeping this love inside any longer. He loved Elizabeth Windsor, more than life itself and he couldn't imagine not having her in his life.

Violet's heart broke seeing her son in this state. She knew how hard this week has been for him and how much he tried masking his worry with remarks. Despite how emotional he was, he refused to allow anyone to see him this way, even more after Edmund had passed.

"It is unthinkable," Violet softly said as she took a seat beside him. "Finding someone like that. Someone you love." She breathed heavily, the tears gathering in her eyes and insisting on spilling. "I am sorry. I am so sorry that it was you who was with your father that day. And I am... sorry for everything that happened in the days that followed. If I could go back and change things- You have no idea how much I wish I could change everything. It is what I think about every night before I close my eyes, and then again every morning before I open them. It will never go away."

Anthony stared ahead through his glossy eyes. He never expected to hear an apology from his mother, but while it was the one thing he sought after from her, he now knew there was nothing to forgive her for. He understood her pain and while he knew their situations were different, he couldn't blame her for shutting down. He was petrified of losing Elizabeth and not knowing what would happen drove him mad. It broke his heart and soul relying on prayers and faith, especially when he believed ill fortune followed him like a shadow.

If he were to have lost her, he would have been worse than his mother. He would have abandoned everything and would have searched different ways on how to join her. How could he be angry at his mother any longer? He couldn't anymore.

But no matter how overjoyed and relieved he felt, he was afraid of visiting her. He had gone in search of her to propose, but she's still an engaged woman. What if she rejected him? What if she didn't love him? What if he was too late?

"I do not think that I can see her," he admitted.

Violet turned to him as she gently held his hand, "Losing Edmund was the most difficult time of my life, and the pain that I felt... beyond description." He listened attentively, tears continuing to fall down his face, "But there is one thing that has given me at least some modicum of solace. It's knowing that I would still choose the life I led with him, each and every time, and I would undoubtedly feel the same pain I felt all over again if I had to because real, true love is worth it. No matter what. Do not lose her, Anthony."

He didn't want to lose her. He wanted to spend the rest of his life by her side and express his love in all kinds of ways.

"You cannot lose her."

And for the first time, Anthony was certain of what he had to do.

__________________

Elizabeth regained enough strength to stand from her bed and approach her window. She gazed into the gardens, admiring their leafage and bright colors. The doctor cleared her and said she had made a quick recovery, but it would be better if she stayed in bed for at least today, so with reluctance and her family's overprotection, she was kept in her chambers as if she were a prisoner.

She thought back on the kiss she and Anthony shared, how it was the most happy and free she felt. It was a feeling that thrilled her and made her willing to abandon her honor. She loved this sensation and the rush of adrenaline, even more that it happened with the man she found a best friend in and had shown her different ways a woman can love.

However, as she glanced down at the ring William gave her, she couldn't bring herself to continue thinking of Anthony any longer. Not until she ended her engagement. She caressed the ring, relishing in its beauty that would entrance anyone, but it only made her feel trapped and like a fraud.

Elizabeth took a deep breath and removed the ring. It laid in her palm, liberated after so long. It was the right thing and despite being afraid of hurting William, she needed to let him go. He deserves someone better and someone who would love him like he deserved. She wasn't that person and she hated herself for having taken so long to realize.

"Miss Elizabeth?" William suddenly asked from outside her bedroom.

Relieved at his visit, she opened the door and let him in. She noticed the bouquet of roses in his hands and the smile on his face, only making this much harder. "Thank you," she said as she placed the roses aside on her night table.

"I am so glad you are alright. I could not sleep thinking you would never awaken," William's forehead creased with worry, his voice trembling slightly. "Thank the heavens you're still with us," he entangled his arms around her, but was able to notice how tense she was. "Is something the matter?"

Elizabeth took a couple steps back, her hands fiddling with the ring before handing it back to him. He shook his head, refusing to accept this signified the end. "This has always been yours-"

"Not anymore," he denied. "It belongs to you, to my future wife."

"William, I cannot marry you," she stated, her heart breaking when seeing his expression shatter. "You asked me that day of the wedding if I had feelings for the viscount and I tried to deny it. I was too preoccupied about having destroyed everything that I was selfish enough to drag you into a loveless marriage. You deserve everything your heart desires, which is why I am doing this and being honest by telling you that I cannot marry you, because I have fallen for Anthony Bridgerton."

William turned silent as he averted his gaze to anything but her. He knew her feelings were elsewhere, but he had faith that with time, she could fall for him and his feelings would be reciprocated. He was too blinded by his affections that in return, he had also been selfish by not liberating her from this engagement.

"I wish things could have been different. That I could have met you first, but I cannot change this," Elizabeth continued. "I care for you so much that it destroys me having hurt you. You deserve all the good things this world has to offer, especially someone whose heart only calls for you."

He tried masking his heartbreak by wearing a mask of stoicism, but he couldn't hide how much this was destroying him. He loved Elizabeth and envisioned spending his entire life by her side. To learn that she was envisioning hers with someone else, it was unlike any pain he's endured.

"I do not understand," he said. "If you love him, why did you insist on wanting to follow through with us? Why didn't you choose to end our engagement right when I offered you an out?"

Elizabeth was afraid of admitting her true reasons for marriage. She didn't want to hurt him more than she already did. How to admit the reason she accepted him was to save her family from ruin? Just thinking about it made her sound like the worst person to exist.

"I was selfish," she admitted. "I was thinking of my family and how our marriage would ensure their place in society. I am truly sorry for having dragged you into this. You did not deserve my betrayal or false promises."

William was silent, which made everything worse.

"I know words will never be enough, but I am truly sorry for the pain I caused," Elizabeth apologized once again.

He swallowed hard as he ran a hand through his hair, "You do not need to apologize, Elizabeth. I knew from the very beginning that our marriage was only for convenience." He noticed bewilderment in her eyes and a tinge of panic in them, "I overheard you and your sister talking about it during our engagement ball. I do admit, I was heartbroken learning your reasons for marrying me were not for love, but for a transaction. I tried being angry, but I just- I could not find the strength to hold resentment toward you."

Elizabeth was distraught to learn this. She didn't expect that all this time, William had known about her true reasons for seeking this marriage. She would have expected him to have ended their engagement when discovering the truth, but to know that he stood by her side in spite of this, it broke her heart to know that she had hurt the most kindhearted man to exist.

"I love you, Elizabeth. More than I ever expected," William approached her as he held the ring, holding onto it as if it were his lifeline. "While I knew your feelings belonged to someone else, I was blinded by my affections, hoping your feelings would grow for me, but I was a fool-"

"You were not a fool," she argued.

"But I was," William stated without an ounce of uncertainty. "I chose my love over what you felt. I put myself before you, which wasn't fair to you. I could have spared you the trouble and you could have married the man you love, but I was... selfish."

Elizabeth didn't know how to respond. She wanted to comfort him, to let him know how he was the most kindhearted and incredible person to exist, but it would only do more harm.

William created distance between them as he held the ring tightly and observed it with pristine attention. It was taking everything not to break in front of her, but he loved her too much to abandon them without offering a farewell.

Slowly, he walked to her, his hand reaching to cup her face as he stared into her beautiful eyes. "I understand, Elizabeth. I do," he caressed her cheek, relishing in her warmth before being forced to part ways. "You brought me the light after years of perdition, but if he is the one you desire, I will settle for the darkness as long as your light keeps shining."

Elizabeth was stunned into silence. She wasn't worthy of his understanding, his care, his love, or his selflessness. She broke his heart and he was being the picture of comprehension. What did she do to deserve this? What did she do to deserve him?

"Goodbye, Miss Windsor," William landed a kiss on her forehead, his lips lingering for a few more moments before parting away. He opened the door, stopping shortly under the doorframe, "I truly wish you the best. Please take care of yourself and be happy. Live the life you desire."

And just like that, William Swan, the Duke of Edinburgh, liberated her like he liberated himself. In spite of the heartbreak of losing her, he knew this was for the better.

Elizabeth Windsor and Anthony Bridgerton were destined for the other just like the earth and the sun were destined to rely on the force between them.












Author's Note

Hey, everyone! Hope you're doing good!
So, what did we think of the chapter?

Sorry to those who liked William, but this needed to happen. Don't worry though, he'll get his happy ending!

The good news is that the first act is almost finished, which means Elizabeth and Anthony's season 3 era will be coming!

Hope you guys liked the chapter!
Don't be a ghost reader! Comment and vote!

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