013. An Unthinkable Fate
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The frenzy of competition. The thrilling delight of hazarding your all. I am referring not to the lure of London's luxurious gaming halls, but to a gamble of with far higher stakes. Matrimony. For once that particular wager is placed, it cannot easily be undone. A fact which, I am sure, is met with both regret and sheer relief.
Lady Whistledown, 1814
Anthony and Edwina's wedding would be hosted by the Queen herself, making it the most coveted event of the season. The diamond would be marrying a member of the most illustrious family and while celebrations engulfed the Bridgertons and Sharmas, a sense of concern and dread emitted from a few, especially after certain events had unfolded between two certain individuals behind closed doors.
While getting fitted for his tux, Anthony wasn't quite satisfied. Regardless of how much the article of clothing got tailored, something felt wrong about it. Nothing reached his satisfaction, which was raising his mother's worry that perhaps this was about something more.
"It is not yet right. See how the cuffs are an inch too short?" Anthony expressed his concerns as he showed the tailor his unfit tux.
"Very well, sir."
"There is plenty of time to adjust it to your liking," Violet assured him, her words going in one ear and out the other. "The wedding is not for another month."
"There is still much to do," Anthony argued as he scurried away from a possible lecture.
"Will Miss Edwina live with us?" Gregory curiously asked.
"Indeed. After the wedding, she'll be the lady of the house and responsible for you all," Violet said as she grabbed ahold of her cup of tea.
Colin's eyes widened, "Lord, help her."
Ignoring their conversation, Anthony could only focus on getting through the wedding preparations. The sooner that it's over, the better. "Which reminds me, our carriages must be polished to a shine, and the horses' manes braided. We should bring out the finest silver. The queen may be hosting everything at the palace, but we must be ready to entertain here."
"And what of us, brother?" Benedict questioned while stretching his arms out. "Should we also be polished and braided for the big day?"
The rest of his siblings laughed at his questions, but Anthony found absolutely no humor at his apparent teasing.
"We'll all be on display. Perhaps you might even scrub your hands for the occasion?" Anthony noticed the paint and charcoal residue on his fingernails, choosing to utilize this opportunity to fire back at his feisty brother.
Benedict thought nothing of it, which definitely worsened Anthony's already frustrated mood. "I've been occupied at the academy."
"What about Miss Windsor?" Hyacinth nonchalantly questioned once remembering her departure was happening quite close to the wedding date.
At the mention of her name, Anthony hastily looked up as if a strong force had hauled him in. "What about her?"
"I heard from Aurora that she will be leaving in a month with the Duke," Hyacinth clarified, unaware of the curious looks the rest of the family were sending him. "Will she be able to make the wedding?"
"Oh, I do hope she does," Eloise admitted as she looked up from the book Elizabeth had lent her. "I cannot imagine losing another intelligent woman to a man."
"Another?" Benedict narrowed his eyes, teasing apparent in his voice. "Mm. You're overcounting."
Anthony's jaw clenched as he still couldn't comprehend how she had accepted leaving London with the Duke. Let alone so soon. She could be leaving in a few hours, a few days, or even years, and it would still not be enough time. London without her would be dull, unworthy of residing in and lacking anything purposeful.
Why did she have to agree?
He could only hope the Duke didn't have any more intentions. Imagining her becoming betrothed to another felt like the worst possible torture. It felt like the greatest tragedy, but the more he thought about this, the more ridiculous he felt.
Elizabeth had every right to marry whoever she desired. Their agreement had been for this very reason, so he should be ecstatic for her courtship, but not even through all the rationality coursing through him, it didn't cease his never ending thoughts of detesting the Duke being by her side.
Anthony was truly losing his mind and it would only be a matter of when he would explode.
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"I do wonder about the trim. Is it too much?" Edwina questioned, worrying her dress would be anything but perfect.
Lady Mary smiled at her daughter and tried easing her concerns. "Nothing is too much now that the queen is hosting."
"Let me show you the French tulle," Madame Delacroix suggested before she and Lady Mary went to discuss more options.
Elizabeth couldn't help but smile as she watched Edwina's face brighten with excitement. She was already the most beautiful bride and whichever dress she would choose, she will look breathtaking either way.
"Did I tell you we will be married by the archbishop himself?" Edwina expressed to Kate and Elizabeth, unable to contain her joy and anticipation any longer.
Kate glanced up from the variety of fabrics and softly laughed, "Yes, several times."
Elizabeth fidgeted with her hands as she tried forgetting the person Edwina was marrying. She was trying to get through the next month by imagining someone else had popped the question, but it was the every day things that made it harder to forget the torture that it was Anthony.
"I just cannot contain my excitement any longer!" Edwina ran her hands through the delicate fabric, admiring the beautiful texture and meaning of it. "I do have to thank you, Lizzie."
Elizabeth perked up at her name, unsure why she was being thanked. "You should not, Edwina. This was your success."
"On the contrary," Edwina argued, glancing back at her through her shoulder. "Whatever you told him helped sway him into declaring himself. This is as much as your triumph as it is my sister's and I."
Everything that transpired at Aubrey Hall pounded against her head. All the desires, the longings, the passions, and the guilt was being experienced again. She wished to put the memories aside, but the memories had become a part of her as if they were the organs keeping her alive and the blood rushing through her veins.
It was a dream and a nightmare at the same time.
"We must find you a dress too," Edwina addressed the both of them. "I want you both to match and stand up there for me at the altar."
"I do not think that I should be up there," Elizabeth quickly denied as she couldn't imagine witnessing them marry in such close proximity. Attending the wedding would have to suffice and besides, even if she agreed, it was uncommon considering only the maid of honor should be up at the altar.
Edwina stared at her with pleading eyes, "Please, Lizzie. It would be remarkable to have you up there with me as well. You and Kate have helped me so much and nothing would make me happier. Help me with this, Didi."
"It would be incredible having you up at the altar with us," Kate placed her hand on hers, siding with her sister, both of them now imploring her further involvement.
However, Elizabeth was still determined not to follow through with this. Even if it would make Edwina happy, this was the one thing she couldn't agree to. "While I appreciate you both wanting me up there, I cannot accept."
"But Lizzie-"
"Edwina, please," Elizabeth cut her off, her expression hardening for a quick second before returning to its forced ecstatic one. "I shall be supporting you from the sidelines alongside my family and the Duke."
"You and him are set to leave London in a month, is that right?" Kate changing the topic of conversation made her feel the most grateful.
"Yes, we will be heading to Edinburgh," she affirmed, now feeling regretful for having accepted his invitation, but it was too late to back out now.
"I have a feeling he is going to propose," Edwina became more excited at the prospect of celebrating another marriage. She truly loved weddings, especially when it involved the people she cared about most. "He wouldn't have asked you to accompany him if he didn't have the intention."
While Elizabeth hoped a declaration would occur, she was also dreading the possibility. She was trying extremely hard to love him like he deserved, but she only found an amicable love. The one reserved only for a friend and it vexed her that she didn't meet him first instead of Anthony.
"Maybe, maybe not," she bluntly said and Kate was quick to notice her downcast mood.
"Everything alright, Lizzie?" Kate whispered, making sure Edwina couldn't hear.
"Of course," Elizabeth tried forming the most convincing of smiles, but knew it would be rendered useless. Kate was extremely attentive and noticed the smallest of things, which meant that none of her efforts would go to good use.
"It will be so exciting living in London," Edwina expressed, her smile continuing to grow wider. "The viscount said there might even be snow this winter. Won't that be exciting?"
"It truly will, but you must remember to enjoy it without me, Bon," Kate reminded her of her departure since it seemed Edwina had forgotten.
"You will be leaving as well?" Elizabeth curiously asked, receiving a nod from her.
"I am to set sail back to India once Edwina's married," she admitted. "I will only come back to visit, but my sister keeps insisting on wanting me to stay."
"London will be better with you, Didi," Edwina tried pleading her case. "Both of you will be leaving soon and I cannot imagine living here without my favorite people, but it brings me comfort knowing you both will return to visit."
In all honesty, Elizabeth didn't intend on returning. She couldn't envision seeing her and Anthony married. It would only make everything much harder and if she was intent on moving past her feelings, distance needed to be kept. It would be the only way to resolve this predicament, but of course, it seemed everything wouldn't be as easy as she hoped.
"And when the viscount and I are blessed with children, you shall be their favorite aunts!"
Internally wincing at such a thought, Elizabeth was finding it harder to pretend to be alright. While she knew children would come with marriage, her heart couldn't prevent breaking when imagining their new family. She hated feeling this way, because in what conceivable way could she feel anything but joy for them?
This entire agreement had succeeded and despite knowing the end would come, she was still shattered that it came so soon. Truly, she pleaded to the heavens to grant her what she needed as it would make this entire deception worth something.
God, she wished for it more than anything, but it seemed that not even in her wildest dreams would her longings be granted.
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The second Elizabeth arrived home, she couldn't withstand her family's peering gazes. It seemed they had an opinion about everything. She couldn't remain locked inside any longer, so she headed to the one place that granted her the needed freedom – the lake.
Sunset was approaching and while she knew it would be dangerous to ride alone after dark, she couldn't care less for any precautions. She needed a moment alone and would do anything to obtain it.
As she rode toward her secret place, she couldn't prevent wishing that Anthony would somehow be there. Only he knew of it and while she desired some privacy, silence with him was more than liberating, it was comforting.
However, the second she arrived, she was disappointed to find that she was alone. She felt like an idiotic fool for having considered that perhaps he would show up, but of course he wouldn't. He was busy with preparations for his wedding, so wasting his time on her would be the most inconvenient for him.
Ever since arriving from Aubrey Hall, they have stopped exchanging letters. It didn't feel proper considering everything that transpired between them, especially now that he was an engaged man and she was being courted by someone else. If anyone besides their families were to find out, a scandal would resurface and ruin everything they've worked so hard for.
Remaining friends didn't seem to be worth the trouble and as much as Elizabeth desired to speak with him, she knew it was for the better. Dreaming of him will have to suffice and even then, it was still forbidden to do so.
As she began removing her shoes, she suddenly noticed something new. It was hanging like a beautiful ornament from a tree branch just a little above the water. It looked perfectly crafted, as if it had been made by the most gifted hands. She walked toward it with delicate steps, unsure if this was actually real. This creation reminded her of back home and how fortunate she was to have had the love from her family.
This was everything to her.
A swing had been created to allow her to soar the skies and hover over the water. It might seem like the most childish thing, but it meant the world to her. She only ever told one person about this and it had been Anthony. That night at the library, she confided in him about her love for the rain and how her father built her a swing. She didn't expect him to remember such a small detail, especially with everything he had going on, but it seemed she was wrong.
Smiling, Elizabeth wasted no time in hopping in. She pushed herself back and then forward, loving the refreshing breeze hitting her face and making her feel as if she was flying to the ends of the earth. Her feet dangled over the water and as she swung with an even greater force, the sunshine casted a golden shadow upon her face. It was an amalgamation of warmth and solace, granting her the needed alleviation from the chaos that's become her life.
Anthony had given her this and it only made her heart call his name even more. He remembered their conversation and went as far as building this swing just for her. How could she ever move on from this?
"So I take it that you love it?"
Elizabeth followed the sound of a familiar voice, finding Anthony standing a couple feet back with a smile on his face. Her heart started beating rapidly and her cheeks were turning a bright red. Just seeing him was making her flustered and for the first time, she seemed to have been able to brush past all of her worries.
"I cannot believe you remembered," she swung harder and leaned her head back, basking under the sun and refreshing wind.
Anthony admired how carefree she looked. She was the most remarkable star his eyes have ever witnessed and he felt like the most fortunate man for having been blessed with such a breathtaking sight. He loved seeing her smile and especially knowing he had been the cause for it. It was all he ever wanted – to ensure her happiness and well being. Building a swing for her was only the beginning that he could only pray to be granted enough time to do much more.
"I always remember everything you say," he admitted, his voice coming out as barely a breath.
Elizabeth turned bashful at his words as she carefully hopped off the swing. Even with their distance, he still lured her in as if a spell had been casted. As much as she wanted to resist his alluring presence, she found no desire in doing so.
"Thank you for this," she softly said, deliberating on whether to shorten their distance or not.
A silence fell upon them. Neither knew what to say despite millions of thoughts running through their minds. There was an obvious elephant in the room and while they knew better than to discuss it, it was becoming unbearable brushing it aside.
And yet, Anthony couldn't find it in himself to make the first move.
"It is fine weather we are having, is it not?" Anthony forcefully said, internally scolding himself for having brought up the most dull topic of conversation.
As if his question had flipped a switch within her, Elizabeth was now becoming struck with the remembrance of everything that occurred. "Really? You want to speak about the weather?"
He sighed heavily, now avoiding looking into her eyes. "Well, what else do you wish to speak about? There is not a most appropriate topic other than this."
She wanted to demand for an explanation as to why he was moving forward with this engagement. They were fortunate to have only been discovered by his sister considering that if it had been anyone else, him and Edwina's engagement wouldn't have occurred. If anything, it would have been them instead.
"How about the fact that you still proposed after what happened between us?" Elizabeth walked closer to him and while he knew it was proper to remain distanced, he couldn't find the strength to stay away any longer. "We were lucky there wasn't anyone else to have seen us other than your sister."
Anthony kept his expression impassive as despite wanting to allow himself to cave to these feelings, his sense of duty outweighed his rationality even more. "Which is why I happen to believe this engagement is the most proper outcome for all."
She stared at him in disbelief, "Are you going to pretend nothing happened between us?"
He swallowed hard, refusing to continue this conversation any longer. "Nothing passed between us. I am a gentleman-"
"Gentleman?" Elizabeth laughed at his words and he furrowed his brows in perplexion as he wondered what she found so humorous about this. "You seem to toss that word around as if you knew the true meaning of it. There was nothing honorable about what we did, so perhaps you should look deeper on what makes a true gentleman."
Anthony found himself at a loss of words. He wanted to argue against her, but she was right. A man of honor wouldn't have ignited such action, let alone with someone who wasn't his intended. The honorable thing would have been to have ended his courtship with Edwina, but it seemed his determination in seeking a loveless marriage was more important than his word.
"Nothing happened," he insisted and she couldn't prevent from becoming hurt by his refusal to accept the truth. "It was simply a moment of weakness."
"One that you started," she grumbled, rolling her eyes discreetly.
He scoffed, "And I apologize for it. It was a mistake, so I can assure you it will never happen again."
A mistake.
Elizabeth tried pretending his words weren't aching her, but he sounded genuine when declaring them. Perhaps she was the only one who had viewed everything in a different light. Maybe she didn't know anything about life after all.
"Good. At least I would not have to worry of ever being obliged to wed you," she retorted, her voice dripping with venom and a tinge of hurt.
Anthony pressed his lips into a tight lipped smile as he averted his gaze to the trees, "And I would be spared of suffering an unthinkable fate."
She laughed, more out of vexation than humor, "An unthinkable fate? It sure did not seem like it when you were practically begging me to stay."
"I was not begging you to stay!" Anthony felt like such a fool for believing his outburst wouldn't be brought up. It was the perfect way to argue against him, so despite being irritated at this, he was also impressed at her remarks. "I was angry that you were planning to abandon our agreement for some Duke. You were not keeping up to your word, so I was merely looking out for myself."
Elizabeth watched as a satisfied grimace covered his face. He seemed to believe his reasons would suffice, but she knew better than to let him off that easily. "This agreement was to help one another find suitable matches, which we did. My departure would not have affected anything, so your argument is plainly deficient."
He breathed heavily as he tried finding the strength to compose himself. She was the only one who ever ignited a fire within him and while he despised the effect she had on him, he felt the most fortunate to be entranced by her.
"Do you not think you might be rushing things with the Duke?" Anthony questioned, a subtle attempt on switching the conversation to her.
She rolled her eyes, "Just like you with Edwina?"
He chuckled in defeat as he glanced down and shook his head. "You are starting to sound like you wish for us to have been obliged to wed. Is that not it?"
Elizabeth raised her brows in astonishment, "Of course not. You are the last man I would ever want to be with."
Her words perforated him deeper than anything. She sounded genuine, like she was truly detesting the idea of ever marrying him. "Then I am glad we are on the same page. We have been saved from an eternity of misery."
Frustration now burned through her as if a flame had been ignited, "You truly are the most insufferable man I have ever met!"
"And you are the most vexing woman in the entirety of England!" Anthony couldn't prevent from smiling in satisfaction when noticing how red in the face she was getting. If it were possible, he could swear fumes were about to come out of her ears.
Elizabeth was fully consumed with fury as she couldn't understand how she managed to fall for someone as intolerable as him. He was everything she would attempt escaping from, but he pulled her in as if an invisible string was tied between them. She hated feeling this way, because in what possible universe could this ever end well?
"You know what?"
"What?" Anthony came closer to the point they could feel their warmth radiating onto the other.
He could see the gears running in her head and based on the challenging beam in her eyes, he was already anticipating her next move. She reached for his arms and held a firm grip on them, but before she could perceive his intentions, he reached for her hands and pushed her to the lake at the same time she intended to do with him.
Cold water seeped through their skin as they sunk deeper. He laughed under the water and as much as she tried remaining annoyed, she couldn't prevent from joining him. She swam up to the surface at the same time he did, both of them now smiling and staring firmly at the other as if the world had vanished into oblivion.
Ringlets of water surrounded them as they splashed each other. The sun's blaze struck them perfectly to the point they resembled the beauty of Van Gogh's masterpieces. Their laughter became linked and created a beautiful harmony that outweighed any song ever having been created. Up to the way their movements were in perfect sync, the way they were their authentic selves, and the way they gazed into each other with a profound longing and adoration, it was undeniable how much they meant to the other.
Mother nature was witnessing one of the greatest stories unfolding. Their chapters were writing themselves through every breath and every laughter. Their book would be one to remain hidden, but once the light would shine on their scriptures, it would be the most marvelous story to be told for generations.
Anthony swam closer to her, allowing himself to enjoy the moment before he'd be forced to return to his burdens. He wanted to remain in this lake with her for all time, but there was a thorn pricking at him, refusing him to continue relishing their time together.
"Why are you truly leaving?"
Elizabeth's smile gradually faded. He asked a question that she had the answer to, but she couldn't admit the truth without revealing her feelings for him, which she was certain were not reciprocated.
How to explain that she was leaving London to escape? How throughout their agreement, she fell for him despite wanting to resist his charms?
"I thought you did not care," she instead deflected his question, making him quick to deny her false statement.
"I never said that," Anthony assured her and for just a mere moment, she believed him. "I just do not understand why you would be willing to leave for someone who has not even declared himself? Are you not worried he won't?"
"None at all," she admitted, which was surprisingly the truth. "Like you always claim to be, the Duke is a gentleman. I am certain he would not have asked me to accompany him if he did not have the intention of proposing."
"Are you going to say yes?"
Elizabeth tensed at his question. If anyone else had asked her such, she would have answered within the blink of an eye, but answering him felt incredibly wrong. However, she knew better than to dive in such feelings now that he was engaged to someone else.
"Most definitely."
A mixture of dread and sorrow consumed him at her confirmation. He knew how much of a hypocrite he was for being engaged to someone else and expecting her not to do the same. She deserved all the great things this world had to offer and while he wasn't fond of the Duke, Anthony knew he would provide her with the needed stability and happiness she deserved.
"We should head back," he started swimming to the shore and she had no other choice than to agree. It was getting dark and as much as she enjoyed being here, she knew how forbidden it was to be alone with him.
As she squeezed the water from her hair, Elizabeth felt this pressing weight falling on her shoulders again. She's reminded of the life that's waiting for her and she dreaded returning to it. Nothing pleasant was behind those doors, especially with the accusation in her family's eyes.
Feeling the same, Anthony was tortured on returning. Wedding preparations awaited him, his eager fianceé as well, and such a thought made him dread facing the life he decided for himself. None of this felt right, but it was too late to backtrack. Through it all, he was still a man of honor, and ending his engagement would create a scandal not just for him, but for Edwina as well.
"I'll see you soon, then."
Elizabeth watched as he headed off to his horse. She wanted to reach for him, to ask him to stay, but it was terribly wrong to admit to these desires. He was betrothed to someone else and she might as well be too.
It was only a matter of waiting, but the wait was easier than facing the inevitable.
Author's Note
Hey, y'all! Hope you're doing good!
The second part of season 3 is finally out, so to celebrate, here's a new chapter!
Hope you guys are enjoying the story!
Don't be a ghost reader!
Comment as much as you'd like! I'd really like to know your thoughts & opinions!
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