July 2017

Lisa was on cloud nine. Their latest single, As if it's Your Last, had garnered positive responses and even achieved world charts. Not only that, but they would soon be starting with their Japan activities beginning with their very own showcase in less than a forth night. August and September are going to be hectic for her and the girls as they would mostly be staying in Japan for the promotions, performances and TV appearances.

She was giddy with excitement at having such a packed schedule and of course performing in front of her precious Blinks. She and her unnies had been brushing up on their Japanese. They even talk to each other in the language as much as possible.

But of course her group is not the only one who are going to be busy bees for the next few months. Lisa heard from a very reliable source a.k.a Jungkook that BTS were in the midst of preparing for their next comeback. Though the little shit wouldn't let her hear any of the tracks. Lisa thinks it's grossly unfair of him as he had the privilege of hearing their new single before it was released.

"We're here," she heard manager oppa say.

The boys had just gotten back from Sapporo and she wanted to see them. She had missed them especially her Kookie.

She had already texted Jungkook that she'd be dropping by today with snacks. She didn't say time as her little revenge.

Seeing the ominuos black door, she silently groaned at what awaits her as she enters. Lisa had been dropped off at BigHit's back entrance. The one they use for their celebrity guests. This entrance insured that they wouldn't meet any of the staffs, it's perfect really if it wasn't for the endless flight of stairs. No elevator was in site which is exactly why she and their group of friends didn't frequent the place as much. If they happen to want to hang out it would mostly happen in JYP or in Sub Rosa.

Lisa sighed and started her trudge upstairs. She thanked the heavens Jungkook had informed her that they would be locked away in the practice room instead of the studio. At least she only had to suffer five floors instead of six.

She was slightly panting when she reached the designated floor. She walked towards the familiar hall, glad the other doors were closed.

When she got into the Bangtan's practice room, she was surprised it was open. Lisa sneaked a peek and her eyes widened at what she saw. The boys had taken a break as they had visitors inside— Mamamoo sunbaenims.

As much as she would like to say hi to them as she was a big fan, she couldn't. Except for their members, 97 liner friends, managers and probably their sajangnims, no one knew of her friendship with Jungkook and they wanted things to stay that way for now.

Seeing as how the girls were waving and bowing to the boys, she deduced that they would soon be leaving. She immediately ran back to the stairs in order to hide.

Just when she thought she was safe, she slapped her forehead at her idiocy.

Of course they would use this way to exit paboya!

Lisa saw the knob turn and she suddenly leaped towards the upper floor in a hurry, almost tripping in her haste.

So much for being thankful. You still ended up climbing six floors.

"We'll listen to the track Byul and tell you what we think about it. Thank you for making the time to come visit us," she heard Namjoon oppa say.

"Thanks Joon. Oh and tell Jin I'll meet him tonight with the rest of the gang! Bye!" Moonbyul sunbaenim replies.

"I'll see you off downstairs noonas," volunteered Jungkook.

"Perfect! Because I need to talk to you anyway. Bye boys!" Lisa heard, guessing it was Yongsun-sunbaenim.

She heard the door close followed by steps going downstairs. She placed her hand on her heart in relief. She was about to stand up from her hiding place but froze mid stance when she heard Yongsun sunbaenim ask Jungkook, "Kook-ah, can you give me your hand?"

I thought they had already gone down?

"What is it noona?"

"Just give it." Lisa heard the shuffling of paper though she wasn't sure.

"Noona—" she heard the exasperated tone of Jungkook, making her wonder what was happening.

Yongsun sunbaenim interrupted whatever he was about to say. "Look I tried telling her there was no point but she insisted. Says it's better to try so she wouldn't have any regrets."

Her explanation was met with silence and Lisa's stomach dropped at what was happening.

"You can do whatever you want with it. You can text her, throw it away, or what. But she is a nice girl Kook-ah and I think you two would suit each other. I think being in love would be a good look for you maknae. Just think about it, ne?"

Lisa sat on the cold floor, her heart beating hard to what felt like a mile per minute. This time the feeling of her pounding heart was painful instead of euphoric. The thought of Jungkook with someone else made her dizzy. She didn't want to think about it, but who was she to stop him? They technically weren't together.

For the first time since their confession, she realised how risky it was to open yourself to someone that you couldn't call yours.

Lisa could do nothing but wait with bated breath for Jungkook's response, hoping it wouldn't be something that would end up breaking her.

"Noona. I... I can't." Lisa breath hitched at his answer.

"Why?"

"I.... it's a bit complicated noona."

A long silence followed his stuterring explanation.

"Fine, I'll tell her. I'll come up with something. By the way whoever she is, she's a very lucky girl to have you," she teased.

"Noona—" Lisa couldn't help the smile upon hearing Jungkook's whinny tone. He never shows this side of him to just anyone which goes to show how close the two are.

"Kook-ah just be careful ne? Don't take too long to make whatever it is uncomplicated. You know what I went through, don't make the same mistakes we did."

"Noona." This time Jungkook's tone wasn't whiny but instead it was full of sympathy. Even Lisa's heart clenched at the evident hurt and regret in her voice. Lisa wished that Yongsun sunbae would get past whatever happened and find happiness.

"Ahhhh. Kaja! The girls are probably wondering where we are."

Only their fading steps were heard after Yongsun-sunbae's forced cheerfulness.

Lisa stayed in her hiding spot. Thinking about her sunbae's advise. She contemplated if it was healthy to continue as they were— not exactly friends but not exactly lovers either.

We didn't pursue a relationship because we felt it wasn't time yet. But when is the right time? How do we know if it's the right time? I like him. I really really like him.

Or maybe what I feel for him goes beyond liking.

Love? Am I in love?

Is it love when thoughts of him give me butterflies? Is it love if I only see him when I look into his eyes? Is it love when his hugs make feel safe? Is it love if I feel comforted even with only his voice? Is it love if I miss him when I don't see or hear from him? Is it love when his simple hellos bring a smile to my face? Is it love when I accept his flaws and sometimes even find them endearing? Is it love if his happiness matters as much as mine? Is it love if it hurts even imagining him with someone else?

Is this it? Is this love? Am I in love with Jeon Jungkook?

Lisa was so far into her thoughts that she jumped at the sound of the door closing. She took a deep breath to calm her raging thoughts.

She took the bags of snack she bought for the boys and opened the door. Again she made her towards the practice room.

Not hearing any music, she knocked and opened the door slightly.

She saw Jungkook through the mirrored wall, practicing what was probably their new choreography.

The intesity in his eyes and the ryhtmic movement of his body captivates Lisa.

Jungkook catches sight of her and his whole demeanor changes. His body relaxes, his eyes soften and his bunny smile in full force.

He turns and their eyes meet. Once again her vision tunnels where she sees Jungkook and no one else.

Yes Lalisa Manoban, you really are in love. Now the only question is, what are you gonna do about it?