—Present life, year 2017—

What the hell is going on?

The thought stayed with me all through the night ever since Jungkook turned his back on me and fled. I kept questioning things — about what happened, on why he kissed me, and how things suddenly turned into such a complete mess when all I wanted to do was to get to know him better by letting him accompany me the whole day. Yet no matter how hard I tried to find answers, nothing about it made any sense.

Why did he kiss me? I kept questioning myself. But more importantly, why did I kiss him back?

I felt a terrible urge to pull my hair, to slap my own face and snap me back to reality, but I did no such thing. What I did right after he was gone from my sight was to turn around and walk away from the dorm building. Then I started walking. And kept walking. At one point, I even ran as fast as I could and had let my own two legs lead the way. Until I finally arrived at this place.

I had no idea how I got here. Or why my legs had brought me here. I could not even remember what was going on in my head when I walked past the ground lobby and went up the elevator as if it was the most normal thing to do. My mind only cleared up once I reached the floor which I had intended to go to and was standing right in front of a locked door while still lost in a daze and in fright.

A lot of things went through my mind after that one kiss. But it was nothing compared to seeing how shocked and frightened Jungkook's eyes looked right after, or how guilty I felt once I realised what had happened.

The more confusing part of it all was that my whole body seemed to react on its own accord to bring me here once I got out of the shock. As if there was a pull which was so strong that I just gravitated towards this place, to run to him.

I was losing breath as I stood there, staring straight at the door, and my heartbeat was pacing like my chest was about to explode. My emotions kept running like a river, going all different directions that had me losing control of myself. My head was buzzing with white noises which made it hard for me to think clearly.

Perhaps that was why I was brought here, why fate had chosen to lead me to this place. As if the whole universe had taken that control from me before I could completely lose control of myself.

Taking a deep breath, I raised my hand and started knocking on the door. The sound I made against the hardwood came out so loud — or, at least, in my head it was — that it made the buzzing noises echoing in my head instantly faded into none. I heard nothing else after but silence, until shuffling noises started coming from behind the door, followed by a muffled sound of — "Coming!", then the door finally opened.

The moment I saw his face, the moment my gaze was met with his surprised one, everything started to fall apart. Reality came crushing into me and the guilt came to me just as strong. A sob came bubbling in my throat and the first thing I could say was,

"I'm sorry."

His smile instantly turned to a frown. "What? What's wrong?" he sounded concerned while my dam broke apart. Tears came flowing out without reason and the sight of him rushing towards me with opened arms became a blur. All I felt next was his calming embrace as he wrapped his arms around me.

"_______? What's happening?"

Sniffling as I looked up, I tried my best to blink away all the tears in my eyes so I could see him clearly while I felt his fingers on my face, chasing down the tears that had fallen. My voice came back with another breath, sounding extremely broken, lost, and confused when I finally said,

"I'm sorry, Jimin. I am so—so sorry."

It always came to me the same way.

The cold would be the first to come.

Then I would usually find myself in nothingness. I had yet to open my eyes, but deep down, I could already tell what to expect when I pushed my eyes open. Void. Emptiness. The darkness surrounding me like a massive cloak.

But the moment I finally did open my heavy eyelids, the black void around me took no time to fade away and I suddenly found myself stranded in a dark alleyway. It was eerie, lonely, but there was something familiar about the place that I had to look back and forth between one end of the alleyway to the other to figure out where I was.

This was new, I wondered. But I was still alone, like always.

"Hello?"

I had no idea what coaxed me to try and speak. Other times, I wouldn't have any voice coming out even if I tried. This time, however, I could feel it coming from inside of me. My chest vibrating with the words that came out of me, even if my voice seemed so far away.

"Where am I?"

I expected an echo to answer. The same way it had always happened when I was pulled into one of these dreams. But something else came in its place. A hush came from behind me and I turned to see what it was.

That was when I saw him.

A shadow of a male, standing right at one end of the alleyway, staring at me from the distance. It was too dark and he was too far for me to see who he was. Yet somehow, he felt just as familiar as this place was. His hair had fallen over his face, making it even harder for me to recognise him, and the only thing I could see moving was his mouth as he spoke.

Just like how it always was for me, nothing came out of him even if he kept talking. Until the voice — if it truly was his — came to me through an echo.

"I'm sorry."

The sound bounced against the surrounding walls and it was hard to hear them. I tilted my head, waiting until the echo stopped so I could hear every word more clearly. But the moment it did, I still couldn't really understand what he was trying to say to me.

"Who—who are you?"

My voice sounded as if I was speaking inside an airtight space instead of — whatever this place was. Then the echo came back to me seconds after his lips were moving without another sound.

"I'm sorry."

This time, the sound came louder than it was before, which sent my body vibrating along with it. As if something inside me shattered like broken glass, my whole body reacted with a jolt and my legs started to move. Without waiting for him to speak again, I turned around and started running.

And I ran away towards the other end of the alleyway without ever looking back at him again.

"Babe?"

I woke up with a gasp when I felt somebody shaking my body.

My whole body still felt terribly cold, yet the moment I opened my eyes, warmth instantly engulfed me like a tidal wave. It took me a moment to realise that I was not on my bed, or that the room was not mine. Then a thumb came to rub gently against my cheek, pulling my attention to finally notice the warm presence beside me.

"Hey, there," Jimin whispered. He had his arm around my waist while holding my hand with the other, and that was when I finally noticed I was shaking. His thumb kept rubbing circles on my skin, coaxing me to relax. Which I did, after awhile. With a sigh of relief, the shaking slowly came to halt.

His smile grew when he noticed me calming down in his arms, then he planted a gentle kiss on the top of my head. "A bad dream? You were talking in your sleep and thrashing," he asked while tracing his fingers down my face. His gaze fell back on me when he pulled away, where I noticed how concerned and worried he looked despite the small smile he was giving me.

"I—I was?" I choked. My throat felt really dry, as if I had been screaming or crying for hours. And terribly drained. "I don't remember what I was dreaming about," I told him, which wasn't a complete lie.

Everything was a blur. The only things left in my mind the moment I woke up were the feeling I got from it — the eerie chill and the emptiness. And then the voice—

"I'm sorry."

"What time is it?" I asked him after looking around, noticing how dark the room was with only his night lamp turned on and the curtains closed shut.

"A little past 11 PM," he says. "You haven't slept very long."

I looked over to him before stretching out my body, waking up my senses in the process. I felt so exhausted and it wasn't all because of a dream.

I remembered running all the way here from my dorm, conflicted and lost and so desperate to see him. I spent a whole hour telling him everything that happened. Shame and remorse came to me when I had to recall everything and admitted on kissing another while he was waiting for me the whole afternoon. Then as he held me in his arms while I was begging for his forgiveness, I started crying, and crying, until I fell asleep.

"You carried me into your bed," I whispered, to which he nodded his head, smiling sheepishly when he said,

"Yeah, you looked tired. I figured sleeping on the couch wouldn't be comfortable and it's warmer here under my blanket," he said. "I can move to the couch if you're uncomfortable with me here. I was actually waiting for you to wake up while studying before I heard your voice, and—"

He was already starting to pull away, ready to leave me on his bed. But I stopped him. Clutching on his t-shirt, I pulled him back to me and stopped him before he got a chance to leave.

"Don't go. Please stay with me," I pleaded while looking into his eyes.

"Okay," he said, kissing my brows. "How about I get you a glass of water?"

Shaking my head, I held him close to me. "No, I don't need anything but you."

He looked at me for a moment, staring deep into my eyes as if he was searching for something there. Then he moved his thumb, rubbing the creases between my brows as if it would be enough to erase the unsettling feeling I had inside my chest away.

"I'm sorry—" I started to speak, only to have Jimin stopping me by pressing a finger on my lips.

"_____, there's nothing to apologise for—"

"No, you don't understand," I insisted to speak and pulled his hand away, holding it in my hand when I continued, "I kissed someone else, Jimin. Someone who isn't you. Why aren't you mad at me? You should be mad at me, you should be screaming at my face."

How could he not be mad when I'm mad at myself? I wondered then, realising it just as all the promises and all the words I had exchanged with my best friend about all the possibility of having Jungkook — the same Jungkook as the one in my memories — coming into my life.

I should have run. I shouldn't have let him in. And most of all, I shouldn't have kissed him. Not if I really wanted to change everything.

This time, when he stopped me from talking, he pressed his lips against mine. Our lips moulded together as if we were two pieces of puzzles finding each other and falling perfectly in place. Slowly but surely, the worries and insecurities inside me started to fade away, and something else started taking their place.

Peace, completion, and something else undecipherable that had my heart coming to life, as if it had been sleeping and dormant all through these years.

Jimin pulled away once I calmed down once again, once he felt me melting against his chest and the tension in my body had lessened. "Apology accepted," he whispered against my lips, smiling, then he pressed his lips on mine briefly and pulled back.

"You have nothing to worry about, baby. It was just a kiss, and it might have happened because the situation had led you two to it. You wouldn't be with me now if it had meant something else, would you?" Jimin calmly looked down on me, his gaze looking so sincere and his smile made my heart feel warm. I said nothing in return and pressed my face against his chest to breathe in his scent, drowning myself in his embrace and enjoying his warmth.

Perhaps he was right. Perhaps that was the reason why Jungkook ran away. Because the kiss meant nothing and he felt awful about it. Just as much as I was. For a brief moment, the thought of it brought closure.

The moment I closed my eyes, however, the blurry face from my dream merged together with his face. Jungkook's. And I could suddenly see him again, standing right in front me, kissing me, and my body recalled the way his lips moved against mine.

"Kiss me again," I said, looking up to Jimin again. "Kiss me then hold me all night, Jimin. Please."

And he did everything I asked of him. As if he knew what it was that I was asking him to do.

With a hand placed at the small of my back, he guided me back into his embrace. He used his other hand to hold me at the back of my head, tilting me up so he could trail his kisses all over my face, taking his moment as he kissed the tip of my nose before finally taking my lips. The kiss started gently at first, until he felt me kissing him back, moving my lips and moulding them against his as I tried to erase all that was left on me from Jungkook's abrupt kiss.

Jimin patiently brushed my lips with his gentle kisses, from one corner to the other, as if he was trying to mark me as his in the most gentle and sweetest way possible.

The thought of it stirred something inside me which urged me to finally let go and do the same thing to him. As his plumped bottom lip brushed against mine for the umpteenth time, I caught it between my lips and sucked hard, until a moan slipped right out of him. Within moments, we were no longer lying side by side as he flipped us both until I was lying beneath him, his tongue slipped between the seam of my lips, his body slipped between my parted legs, and our heartbeats pacing against each other's at the same rhythm.

His hand moved down my waist, holding me there while the other continued to caress my face and hair. I ran my fingers through his hair, letting him deepen the kiss until my breath grew hot and heavy, my chest was filled with warmth that had my body reacting to him to the point my hips started moving on their own accord.

Jimin rolled his hips, brushing his crotch against mine, then pulled back with a groan when his bulge brushed against my heat, while a soft moan came right out of me. But his kisses lingered as he trailed them down to my neck, and I heard him whisper softly with a whimper, "I want to take my time with you. I want to take it slow, but I also want to make sure I won't ever lose you."

With a soft push against his shoulder, I made him look at me, just so he could see that I meant it when I said, "You won't lose me. And you won't have to wait long. I'm yours, Jimin."

His eyes darkened, and I could tell that he wanted to do more. And I wanted to. I wanted to make him happy, to reassure him that I was not going away. I wanted him to make love to me so I would know that this was real, that what we both had was real. Yet the only thing he did was give me a smile, his dark gaze softening when he kissed me gently on my lips.

"I know, baby. And I am yours. Only yours," he said to me as he kept kissing me on my lips, cheeks, on the tip of my nose, and then he stopped by pressing his forehead against mine. "But not tonight. Not when you are confused and lost."

While my chest grew tight with more guilt, his eyes were filled with determination as he looked at me. "When I finally take you, when I finally claim you completely as mine, I want it to happen while you are only thinking about me, when I am the only one you look at, and when I am the only one you have inside your heart. Just the same way I only have you in my heart, love."

I was left completely speechless. Yet for some reason, there was a part of me that felt both relief and hopeful. I opened my mouth to answer him, to promise that I would never let anyone slip into my heart when I wanted only him. But he stopped me, kissing me on my lips before he fell on his side and pulled me to his chest.

"You don't have to say anything, love. I know. Close your eyes and go to sleep, everything will clear up tomorrow," he said to me with his lips pressed against my temple. Once again, I fell easily into his embrace and felt completely peaceful as I was engulfed in his warmth.

"Okay. Just promise you'll hold me all night."

He chuckled softly and brushed my hair gently, his fingers running through the messy strands of my hair when he whispered, "I will. I'm not letting you go."