—First life. St. Vincent's Hospital, year 2027—

As if I have not had enough surprises for one day already, another was waiting for me once I returned to my room after revealing Jimin's secrets.

Someone was already standing there as I entered, his eyes were on the placard hanging on my bed with a deep frown framing his feature. I stopped at the doorway when I saw him, feeling my heart near to jump out at the sight of him.

Never in my mind had I imagined him being there. Or that he would find me here and find out about me this way.

He must have sensed my presence when he turned before I even had a chance to make a sound. His sudden move surprised me that I was rooted at where I was. As if the wheelchair was planted on the floor while my mind was too busy trying to make sense of his sudden appearance, that I never made a move to wheel myself away and hide.

The frown on his face stayed as he saw me, before his eyes widened. The shock was as clear as day on his face, lingering there for a moment before his gaze changed. Everything he was showing before now shifted into anger, sadness, and disappointment mixing together. My heart clenched in my chest, both for the fact of finding him there and for seeing the betrayed look he was giving me.

"Why?" he choked out after a moment of silence. "What—how?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The look he had on his face allowed me to see how he was hurting to find me like this. For having been kept blinded by my condition. As much as I wanted to make him leave without telling him anything, a part of me was dying to explain myself to him. I could only gnaw on my lips when I could not decide what to say to him, my hands clenching tight on the armrests by my side as my body was shaking with heartbreak.

"What the hell is this, ______? What is going on?" he snapped as I fell silent. "Why are you on a fucking wheelchair?"

"Jungkook—"

"This is a joke, right?" he said, his voice shaking with disbelief. His eyes kept looking around; from looking down on me, on the wheelchair which I was sitting on, on the bed, and all around the room. His gaze was filled with sadness when it returned on me. "Please tell me that this is all a joke."

His voice came out unintentionally loud, filled with anger, that I flinched. "Jungkook, please. You'll create a scene," I begged him. I was still on the entryway with the door opened wide. No doubt his voice was bouncing off through the walls outside, allowing other people around my room to hear him.

He visibly winced after he heard me, and then his voice softened when he asked again, "I just—I don't understand. What is wrong with you? You're sick? How did I not know this?"

My mind quickly tried to figure out how to explain. But I was still shaking with shock that everything just clumped together and I had no idea where to start. Clearing my throat, I finally spoke, only to voice out the one question that I was dying to ask,

"Jungkook, how did you find me? How did you get here?"

His face paled briefly, and he raised his hand, covering his mouth while remorse soon filled his gaze. His eyes were shaking when he started to speak, "I—uh," he stopped, heaving out a deep breath to calm himself down before continuing.

"I've been trying to find you. Yoongi wouldn't tell me anything, but I know that he knows where you are. He knows about you. So I had been following him. Then I saw your brother too, so I followed him too. Then—then I saw them going here, every single day," he admitted, looking anywhere but my face as red shade started creeping on his skin. "At first, I just found it odd. You were never there with them, and I never saw you. I refused to believe that their visits to this hospital had anything to do with you, but I had to know. I waited until I could make sure that Yoongi wouldn't be here. I—I took a chance to ask the people at the front desk by mentioning your name, telling them that I'm your husband and th—they led me here."

His eyes found me again after he was done explaining himself. They were glossy and deep with emotion that I nearly cried my own tears. "What is going on, _____?" he asked again, begging me softly. Desperately. And I knew that I had no other choice but to tell him the truth.

"Jungkook—" I started, and for a moment, he suddenly looked hopeful. Biting my lips, I studied his looks. He looked just the same as the day I left him at our home, only sober this time. And I was not sure if he would manage to deal with what I was about to tell him. "I think you need to sit down."

Jungkook helped me move from the wheelchair onto my bed when he saw how exhausted I was, before he took a seat next to me. The door was closed this time, giving us the privacy that we needed.

He gave me a moment to rest, even helped me drink some water before I could continue. He was gentle as he did everything, but I could still sense the tension in the air, the anticipation that he carried, that I forced myself to push away the flutters my heart were making aside, wanting to end things quickly.

"______," Jungkook pleaded, begging me to speak. He reached for my hands and held them. I was too exhausted to pull my hands away, and I knew that I would start shaking the more I speak anyway, so I let him.

With a deep breath and with my eyes on our entwined hands, I started to speak. "Remember my Mom?" I looked up, staring straight into his eyes as he nodded. "Remember how she got sick?" he nodded again, hesitantly this time, and his hold on my hands tightened. Fear started to appear in his gaze, but he let me continue.

"I got what she had. Except that when with Mom, we found out that it started as a breast tumour that was then spread into her spine and her lungs, but with me—" I stopped when I felt near to choke. Yet I took a deep breath, blinking away the tears that had started to build so I could see his face, using his curiosity as a motivation to reveal everything. "In my case, neither I or the doctors could really tell when or where it started. But when I first felt it, it had grown around my spine, targeting the place when I was most fragile, having unattended injuries there."

His face paled and I heard his breath got caught in his throat. I probably should have stopped there, but once I started, I just could not stop. I kept on talking, telling him every single detail of the things I had been going through without his knowledge; from how it started, how I first felt the need to get myself checked in the hospital, and everything else that happened until this day came to happen.

The moment I was done, I was returning his tight grip with my own as we were both shaking. I heard him sobbing before I saw his tears. He seemed broken after listening to everything I said, after knowing that I had kept this part of my life and my struggles from him. He pulled our hands to his lips and he started kissing my knuckles. I felt his tears falling on my skin when he clutched them to his face, never showing any sign of letting go.

"Dear God, what have I done?" he cried, rocking back and forth in his seat as he continued to sob. "I should have been there—"

"Jungkook, please don't do this," I begged him, having no power to hold back when a traitorous tear first fell on my cheek. His tight grip on my hands was desperate and hurting but I did not have the heart to pull away, so I leaned closer, pulling him closer to make him stop moving. "It's not your fault, Jungkook. I—"

"How long?" he asked as he lifted his face all so suddenly. "How long have you known? How long has this been going on?"

I looked away. "I first found out about it about a month before the night you took me out for that company party. The night I left," my voice cracked at the end of my sentence, when the memory of that night returned.

"A month?" he gasped. I felt him frantically shaking his head. "No, we were—we were still together then. Why—why didn't you say anything?"

"I tried. Oh, trust me, I have tried to find a way to tell you," I snapped. "That morning, the morning before we went out for that party, I had made up my mind to finally tell you. I was so afraid of what you might think or how you would react and I was too afraid of this—of all of this, that I tried to ignore it. But—"

"Are you—" he cut me off yet stopping immediately. His eyes were wide, allowing me to see the remaining tears he had left despite they were no longer running down his face. He fell silent, looking as if he would choke if he continued his question, before he asked me a different one. "How far has it spread? How serious is it?"

I held my gaze on him. He never said it out loud, but I could still see it in his eyes. The unspoken question that he failed to ask—

Are you dying?

"I can't say—" I sobbed. Not knowing which one to answer first. I was about to say something when he started shaking his head. His sadness was so quick to be replaced by anger.

"I shouldn't have let you go. There was never a time when I wake up without regretting the fact that I had done nothing to stop you when you left," he kept ranting, begging, his jaw clenched thightly as he forced a determined voice to come out instead of his shaky one. "I'm not begging for a second chance, because I know I messed up all that you've given me already. But I'm not leaving. I'm not going to run and look away this time. I will chase you to the end of the world if I have to, or to the end of time for all I care. I'm not giving you up. Not anymore."

His eyes seemed determined as he spoke albeit he kept shaking his head so frantically, and he never stopped to give me a chance to respond. But the moment he did, I was taken back to the day when he also begged me the same way he was doing now, telling me the same things with the same determined gaze in his that had once managed to make me sway.

And that got me seething with anger.

"But you have. You have given me up. You have looked away. And you have promised me once before that you wouldn't. But I guess you forgot," I said to him with venom hanging in my words. "How long will you forget this promise again in the future, Jungkook?"

I saw him winced, and for a second, I thought I should stop and step back. But the more I felt the hurt burning inside my chest, the more I wanted to hurt him. The more I wanted to ask him the reason why he kept giving me all these torments while all I have ever wanted was to love him.

"What is it that you want from me, Jungkook? You barely acknowledged me or showed me that you truly cared for me when I was with you, but the moment I finally found myself strong enough to walk away, you always come back to chase me. Why? Why do you do this to me?" My emotions erupted as I spoke. The tears came down relentlessly, and I never bothered to brush them off or hold back.

Jungkook slowly let my hands go, moving his palms on my cheeks instead to hold me there while brushing my tears away.

"I have no other explanation of how badly I treated you all these years. I only know that I cannot live without you. But I also have no idea how to make you happy with me. I'm sorry for all the pain I've put you through, I've never wanted them to happen. It's just—" his sigh was shaking and I felt as if he was breaking apart as well. "It just happened and I had no idea how to stop it. Let me make it up by staying by your side. Please. I can't—I want to be here for you. I want to change."

The one thing I have known so well all through these years was how easy it was for me to crumble. Every time he looked at me with those same loving eyes, how he pleaded with those promises, I would instantly break apart and give up. Letting myself back into his arms again so easily.

I am stronger now, I reminded myself when I closed my eyes, concealing those pleading eyes away so I would not fall for them again.

"I think you should leave. I'm really tired, Jungkook. It's been a long day for me," I muttered then, never looking his way.

"I'm not leaving. I'm not going to let you fight against this alone," he insisted, sounding so terribly stubborn that it only irritated me the more I listened to him speak.

Just then, all the people that had been there to act as my strength since the day I fell sick came to me. Replacing his pleading doe eyes with those of my brother's, Yoongi's, my doctors' and nurses', then my heartbeat steadied as I remembered Jimin's eyes and smile that had been my strength. The thoughts had me feel determined and strong enough that I finally opened my eyes, willing my tears to never fall and forcing myself to look into his eyes as I said to him, "But I'm not fighting alone. Not anymore."

His gaze flickered, changing from a hint of confusion into recognition. I barely had a chance to understand the meaning of his gaze when he suddenly lunged forward, taking my lips into a strong, possessive kiss, as if marking me as his possession. As his.

My mind went completely numb that I could not react to it at all. He pulled away before I managed to do anything, only realising then that my hands were clutching onto his shirt. I could feel his hot breath on my lips when he stayed close. I shuddered under his strong presence. Not because of the kiss, not because of his claim on me, but for the words that he gave me after—

"I'm not letting anyone take you away from me. Not even death."

—Present life, year 2017—

It was a slow day. My classes had been cancelled and my friends were busy, so I relied on the one place I knew would give the perfect sanctuary for me to spend my pastime.

The library.

After the eventful morning when I woke up back in the age of fifteen, having knowledge of a part of my life that had not yet happened, I found myself fallen in the charm of books and literary works. All thanks to those days when Taehyung would come to the hospital with books and we spent hours to find out about what was happening to me. And then what started as hours of reading books for research ended up as a form of refuge.

I found comfort in getting lost in those books, of being taken away to a different world and different life. And being in the library only accentuated it all. Being surrounded by books, old and new, breathing in the scent of old books and paperbacks, everything that was there soothed all my worries away.

I was lost on my thought as I walked down the aisles, passing shelves of books while softly grazing on a few of their covers. The silence was so comfortable that I never thought of stopping or choosing one to read.

It was long after when I decided that I should probably read something or finish the essay I was supposed to submit this week while I was here. So after having a moment of solace between those old books, I made a turn at the end of the aisle to head onto the Architecture section, only to be stopped on my tracks by a hard wall of—chest.

"Oof—I'm sorry," I muttered as I was pushed back, quickly taken aback when I finally saw who it was.

"That's okay," he said with a chuckle. His smile and his eyes were all wide when he regarded me. "And we finally meet. I think we must be fated if we keep bumping into one another like this."

"Oh, Jungkook—hi," I stuttered, still in shock of seeing him there that I could not even move away.

"Hello to you too," he said. "I've been wondering if we'll ever get a chance to see each other on campus grounds. We've only been meeting up at the pub, and I keep wondering if you have been deliberately avoiding me on campus or if you think I'm not worthy enough to see you. I had even thought of asking you if you live there instead of anywhere close to here."

I scoffed. "Well, now that you see me, what do you think?" I could not help but grin. There was something about him that somehow managed to bring my playful side to reveal itself.

"Hmm, I don't know. I might have to stay with you a while longer to find out. Gotta see for myself if I could stop you from running away," he said with a smirk.

"Nice to know that you still know how to flirt outside of that pub," I sneered at him as I started to walk around him and walked towards the aisle I was heading to.

"I just thought it was worth a shot," I felt him shrugging as he followed me close behind. "So, what have you been up to?"

I entered an aisle, stopping in front of a random bookshelf to face him. "Nothing much," I said, before looking around at the books and started searching for what I needed. "I'm just here to find some materials for a paper I need to work on. What are you doing hanging around here?"

"Looking for you. I've tried looking elsewhere, from the basketball court, football court, the main atrium, the public cafeteria. This was the last place I've gone to and the only place that I haven't paid a visit yet. And what do you know? Here you are," he said, while making a dramatic gesture of waving his hands to point at me.

Shaking my head, I held back a laugh and rolled my eyes. "Come on, you can't be serious," I told him. "I bet there's a lot of girls around campus that may have caught your interest that you barely remember me if we haven't bumped into each other here." I tried to sound nonchalant as I spoke, but I could not stop the pang of hurt that came to me at the thought him with other girls. I shook my head to brush the thought away, catching his gaze that somehow appeared hurt for a moment before he quickly looked away.

"Okay, you got me. Honestly speaking, I was actually here to look for—" he looked around, scanning through the books around us before he reached out to one, confidently pulling a thick old book off the shelf, and said, "This!" He saw me raising my eyebrows and turned the book, reading its title loudly, "The Myth of Sisyphus and Other Essays, Albert Camus. Ha!"

"Really?" I bit back my laugh. "I didn't take you as someone who would be interested in philosophy."

He looked up from the book, his surprised look faded into mirth as he responded, "Ha! Me neither."

No matter how convincing he sounded, his interest in the book that he had taken with him was short-lived. As he followed me around and sat down with me on the nearest desk, he became more interested in—well, me, mostly, and the paper that I was working on. Even when my own interest in my essay had been long forgotten since we started talking.

"What major are you in again?" I asked him when he made another gesture of peaking on my notes to try to read them.

"Business," he said, leaning back in his chair after he got my attention. "But, um—I'm also taking a second major, starting this year."

"Really?" I instantly snapped my head towards him. "What's the second one?"

Jungkook grinned and looked sheepish for a moment. "Music. I've been interested in it for quite a long time, I just haven't had the guts to properly learn and focus on it."

I found myself unable to look away. His confession struck something in me that I was left speechless. Suddenly, the 'Jungkook' who was sitting next to me now, this 'Jungkook', seemed like a completely different person compared to the one my memories had painted for me.

Interesting.

"That actually sounds good," I mused, only after I caught him glancing my way nervously as if he was looking for an approval. "I—remember how much you enjoy playing music. At the pub, I mean. So, I'm happy for you."

Jungkook's eyes grew wide and I saw him releasing a relieved sigh. "Thanks. I, uh—I really appreciate it."

Soon after, not only did his book, but my essay was also left forgotten. Our conversation strayed to everything we wanted to know about each other. There was not much about him that I knew or remembered so I had too many questions to ask. And he seemed to feel the same way as well.

He asked me things about my classes, my hobbies, my friends. Occasionally smiling sadly when either Taehyung or Jimin was mentioned. But I never truly paid much attention to it when every time that happened, he would change the subject, leading us to talk about something else. In turn, I also asked him things about his life, his classes, everything he loved to do and his interests in life.

Everything felt so familiar, so comfortable, that our conversation kept flowing until we were both too exhausted to remember the reason why we came here in the first place. "Do you want to continue this somewhere else? Some other place where we don't have to talk so low, maybe?" he suddenly made an offer when we were starting to feel like we have caught other people's attention as if we were talking too loud.

I looked around, trying to find out if there was anyone giving a hint of discomfort for our presence. I only realised then that we had been talking for a long time, that the group of students that were there studying around us had left and a new group had taken their place.

I was still registering to his offer when I turned back to face him, finding him already leaning close.

"Please? I've been searching for you a long time, like hell I would let you go that easily," he practically begged me in a soft voice.

It was hard not to fall for his beautiful doe eyes, I came to realise it then. Gnawing at my lips, I thought about it for a moment, before I nodded.

"Fine. If you don't mind spending time with me, that is," I said to him, making him smile so wide that I could not help but smile along.

"I would never mind," he said, as he helped me returned all the mess we made and made our way out of the library.

We found a small coffee shop not too far away. And our conversation picked up where we left off after we had gotten our coffee.

"Remember back when I told you how I keep feeling like there is something missing? That I feel like I have to search for something?" I answered him with a nod, curious to know where he was going with this. He gave me a sad smile then. "I've been doing everything I thought would be enough to help me find it. But then I realised that none of my efforts would matter if I don't exactly know what it is for me to find."

There was a void in his gaze then, something that was troubling him enough to make him seemed like a lost child. But the moment he noticed me looking closely, he quickly shook his head and chuckled. "I'm sorry, I don't know why I'm sharing this with you."

I only smiled at him. "It's fine. Feel free to talk to me about anything if you want," I said to him. "Don't give up, okay? I'm sure you'll find it soon, whatever it is."

Jungkook's smile was everything after I said that to him. For some reason, he appeared more relaxed and we were able to continue to talk. Once again, our conversation flowed as if we were old friends meeting up again to catch up about life. Time seemed to have stopped into a standstill while we were there, that we ignored how much time had passed since the moment we met.

The sky outside was turning from bright blue into a shade of sunset hue when we finally left the place, and he insisted that he would walk me home.

"So, this is me," I said, right when we arrived at my dorm building.

We stood on the entryway without saying anything to each other. I looked at him as he gazed up, a deep longing look appeared there as he hummed, "You're living in the dorms."

"Uh, yeah, I have been living here since the first year," I told him, slightly confused to see his reaction. "Why? Is there something wrong?"

His shoulders stiffened all so suddenly, then he looked at me with an amused gaze in his eyes that was soon wiped away as he smiled. "No," he said, shaking his head. "Nothing's wrong. I just—I'm surprised, that's all. I could have found you here if only I knew."

I let out a chuckle. "Oh, trust me, you wouldn't even find me unless you stroll down the hallways every day and make me bump into you."

"Well, if I did know that you were somewhere in this building, I might deliberately do just that until I find you," he said, chuckling when he saw me rolling my eyes. He always seemed amused whenever I did that, while I felt like it was the only proper response I could give him then. There was no helping it when he kept teasing me that way, and there was no stopping it when I suddenly yawned a little. The long day finally taking its toll on me as the night was coming near. I caught his gaze softening when he looked at me. "I should probably let you in. You look really tired and it's getting cold out here. I've taken a lot of your time today already."

I chuckled lightly. "Oh, please. My usual days are way more boring than I had today, so I'm actually grateful that I had you around to talk to. I usually just end up spending the day reading or watching boring TV series in my room."

"Somehow, I find that really hard to believe." His soft, amused gaze never changing as he spoke. A gust of wind passed by and I shuddered to the cold, making him react by reaching out to place his palms on my upper arms. He started rubbing my covered skin gently, never looking away as he did so. And I could never look away either, as if his strong gaze kept pulling me in.

"Thank you for keeping me company and for the wonderful conversation we had. I'm really happy that we met today. I had a great time."

I felt as if I was sucked in into his gaze with his words blanketing me that I felt warm. And I suddenly refused to be anywhere else but here. With him.

"Me too," I said to him after I took a deep breath, pulling me out from my daze. My voice came out as a whisper, but it was enough to make his eyes darkened with intent.

Everything seemed to slow down then. Even when I had my eyes on him, I barely registered it as he leaned closer. I was in another daze, something that felt so comfortable and safe that I gave in to it, letting my body react to him. I was still lost in his dark eyes that I failed to notice how close we were to each other until his breath fell on my lips. But I had no chance to stop it when he gently took my lips in his, kissing me with the most delicate and passionate kiss.

I felt one of his hands moving to my back once he realised I was kissing him back, pressing me onto his chest. A moan slipped out of me when he bit my lips, deepening the kiss right after to soothe the pain away. Our lips glided together, moving in the same rhythm as if they belong, as if I was completed. I turned my head. My whole body moving on instinct to feel more, to get closer, to let the burning heat that was building in my body to spread and engulf me in.

But then he released a deep grunt, rumbling from deep within his chest.

And that was when I caught myself, snapping out of my daze instantly that I stilled. My hands were clenched on my sides when the kiss started, and when I regained control of my body, I slipped them between us, pressing my palms on his chest as I gently pushed him away.

My heartbeat was racing in my chest, and I felt my face flushing with heat. I had no idea what kind of emotion my eyes had when I studied him, but I saw the look that he gave me instead.

His face was flushed with a pink shade of blush, and I had no doubt that he might be feeling the same way as I did when his eyes were still lost in a daze. But the moment his gaze fell on me, it seemed as if he was snapped out of it. His eyes suddenly widened and his face paled.

I watched the change of expression with a shock. Frowning, I reached up to him, "Jungkook?"

He suddenly flinched. "I'm sorry. I don't know what—" he stuttered, and he slowly pulled away from me. His eyes were still on me, still with the look of surprise in them when he closed his mouth with a palm, while the other hand started pulling his hair. "I'm—I'm not supposed to—"

I felt like my chest tightened. Not because of his words, but for the pained look in his eyes and the disappointment that was there. "What do you mean? What are you—"

"No, I just—" he started, taking a step back while his eyes started shaking and appeared glossy. He froze when his eyes met mine. Then he started to panic. "I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Fuck."

Before I could understand what was going on, or understand why he reacted that way, he looked at me apologetically. Looking awfully remorseful as he muttered another apology, right before he suddenly turned around and started running.

My whole body froze. A cold shiver ran down my spine as I watched him leaving me. His back appeared so lonely and sad even as he ran further away.

"Jungkook? Wait!" I tried calling him, in desperate need of knowing what was going on in his mind. But I was too late. He was already gone, disappeared from my sight as he made a quick turn down the street, much too far away from my reach.