—First Life. Jeon Residence, year 2026—

I arrived at my old house four days after—the house where I had built my life with my husband for years.

It was awfully weird to sit inside the car and stare at the house I have known for so long, to come back again after that one eventful evening when my life was shattered completely in one blow. I was amazed by the fact that even if I haven't been gone for too long, it still felt like I have been away for years. Time became insignificant after having to go through so many things and had to endure an amount of struggles in such a short amount of time. And now as I gazed upon the house that was once my shelter, all I could sense was how distant and estranged I felt towards the place that I had once called home.

"Are you alright?" Yoongi asked me carefully. I could feel his attentive gaze on me even before I turned to land my eyes on him. He was the one who drove me to this place, in exchange for my busy older brother. And he was the man I had chosen to accompany me on my trip after knowing how much anger my older brother still secretly held against my husband.

"I'm fine," I answered him with a smile. "It's just that—it feels weird to be back here again. I feel like it's now a foreign place for me. Like I don't belong here anymore."

"Do you want me to come in with you?"

I opened my mouth to answer but stopped myself the moment my eyes landed on the garage. The garage door was slightly opened, and I could faintly see the presence of his car inside. "His car is there. Unless he went to work in someone else's car, then he might be in the house right now."

I could hear Yoongi suddenly getting ready to step out of the car and I turned to question him, "What are you doing?"

"I'm coming in with you. I'm not letting you go in there alone."

"What?" I tried to stop him. "You do realise that if he is home, having you there with me when I talk to him will only make things worse, don't you? He'll blame you for everything when you—"

He faltered on his seat and locked his eyes on me while resting his hand on the door handle. The look on his face was filled with worry, anger, and—

"Something happened, didn't it?" I asked him, and by how his lips turned into a tight line, I knew I was right. "Yoongi, did he come to you while I was away?"

He groaned and leaned back on his seat. His eyes flickered with annoyance and regrets, while he clenched his hands over his thighs as he spoke, "You were right about him blaming things on me. He has been putting the blame on me about you leaving him since day one," he said, stopping to release a deep sigh and looked away. "He has been coming to my apartment, looking for you. He tried to contact your old phone that you left at my place. And when he failed, he contacted everyone who knows you, trying his best to get ahold of you and find out where you are."

I looked away as I was overwhelmed by the sudden revelation. Since the night I left him, I had thought that he would possibly try to stop me or look for me. But as I focused on myself and my recovery, I had never heard anything about him after the last time I talked about him with Hoseok, and it only made me think that he had stopped caring. Our fragile life together before that night was already crumbling, that when I never saw him since that night, I had thought that maybe my choice of leaving him marked as our end. That he too had decided that there was nothing left to be saved.

It was that thought alone which helped me focus on myself, to not fill my mind with the thought of him or with hopes of reconciling. And it was that thought alone which brought me here today, because I thought it was finally time to let go, to find closure to this long silent fight we were having.

Was I wrong all this time?

"What did you tell him?" I asked Yoongi while keeping my eyes away.

He tapped his fingers on the steering wheel before answering, "I told him nothing. I never told him where you were all this time, and what you were going through since I promised you that I wouldn't."

"Why didn't you tell me anything about this? About him bothering you?"

I heard a scoff coming from him and I turned to look at him. "I couldn't. You have been doing so well on your treatment. I didn't want him to distract you, okay?"

I only gave him a smile. "Still—I hate knowing that I had dragged you into my problems. And even having him coming to you." And then suddenly the thought about Jungkook blowing out in anger flashed through my mind. "Did it ever get violent?"

"One time," he nodded. He saw my eyes widening in shock and quickly reached out to grab my hand. "It was nothing, I promise. He came to my place at midnight, extremely drunk and fuming with anger. He was getting frustrated for failing to find you and he accused me of hiding you from him. We—uh, got into a big fight, but it was more of him giving me one hard punch to let his anger out and he passed out right before any neighbours came out."

I nibbled my lips to hold my tears from coming out when I suddenly remembered the day he came to accompany me on my treatment, wearing his glasses the whole time and continuously avoiding my gaze. I remembered him lying to me by saying that his eyes were swollen after staying up all night to work. Now I knew what actually happened.

"I'm so sorry."

He only shook his head while holding my hand. "Look, that's the reason why I should come with you. I don't want him to hurt you."

"He won't. I know him. He has hurt me so many times, but he had never laid a finger on me violently. I will run as fast as I could and call for help if I'm wrong."

He looked into my eyes as I tightened my grip on his hand to assure him. I could feel his internal battle as he tightened his jaw. We stayed silent, both of us waiting for the other to give in, until he finally sighed. "Are you sure about this?"

"Yes, Yoongi. I need to deal with this on my own," I told him, before I convinced him that there was no need for him to wait for me. "I don't know how long this will take." And he had to reluctantly agree to let me go inside without his guard.

I took my time before I made my way to the house, keeping my eyes at Yoongi's car as he drove away before turning on my heels. I stood still right in front of the gate to stare at the house right after. If I had felt how foreign this house was before I stepped out of the car, all I felt now as I looked at it was sadness. I could subtly feel the emptiness that I knew would be waiting for me inside.

Taking the first few steps were hard, since my legs had become wobbly with nerves and wary. Yet I just had to push myself forward so I could carry on with my mission. "You got this," I muttered to myself between a few deep breaths. "You have to do this. Be strong."

As I walked past through the front door, I had expected to find myself entering the familiar silence that was once my loyal companion. Yet the moment I stepped into the space that used to give me my solemn shelter, the foreign and detached feeling I had felt outside only grew stronger. At that moment I knew, that the house had no longer serve as my home. That I truly no longer belonged there.

The entire living room was dark as all of the lights were turned off and all the curtains were closed shut. From the silence that welcomed me, I expected to have the house completely void of any presence. But as I remembered the sight of the car outside, I couldn't be completely sure.

"Jungkook?" I called out cautiously. There was a part of me that silently hoped that he was not home. But then my mind was suddenly filled with different scenarios of what I would find.

I have been prepared to find him there, lingering somewhere in the house. But I suddenly could not help but worry about finding him in the house with a company that I would not like to see. Or even if he was away, I started to wonder who it was that had taken my place in driving him to his office.

My heart started to ache as the troubling thoughts left me wondering and silently guessing who that person would be, if he had in fact already decided to move on.

Will I be ready to witness that, the silent thought came through my mind and I slowly started to regret my decision of coming to the house totally unprepared, when my heart had not completely healed from the pain he gave me. I instantly stopped walking as the pain in my chest started surging through my body, and my legs started to wobble even more as every confidence I had earlier slowly crumbled.

"_______?"

At first, I failed to hear his voice, too lost in my own thoughts and in controlling my breathing. I even failed to notice him approaching me, as I was standing in the middle of the living room with my back facing the study room where he had just come out from. His presence only came to my knowledge when he gently placed his palm on my shoulder while calling my name gently, "_____—"

I gasped at the sudden touch and turned to find him standing beside me, still resting his hand on my shoulder with a careful grip. Our eyes met, and while I could not really tell how I looked like as I was facing him, his eyes widened at the sight of me.

He opened his lips and halted. They quivered before he was finally able to speak. "You're really here," he mused with a shaky voice filled with disbelief. "You're actually here. I'm not—I'm not imagining you, aren't I?"

It was hard to find my own voice for a while, having trouble to register his presence—finally—right before my eyes. I felt like I was being split in half, as a part of me wanted so much to jump forward and hug him, to hold him tight and ask him to take me back, while the other part of me wanted to lunge ahead to push him off and yell, "Why?"

But as I finally regained my own thoughts and my voice, none of those things came out of me. For some reason, I could not understand how, I was able to take a deep breath and calm myself before I spoke, "Yes, Jungkook. It's me."

A sob came out through his quivering lips the moment he heard my voice. He moved his other hand to capture my shoulder and turned me around until we were standing face to face, his grip slightly tightening to keep me at my place, perhaps too afraid that I would run away.

Right when I finally had a much clearer view of him and my eyes adjusted themselves to the darkness in the room, I noticed the lines appearing on his face. I took notes of the wrinkles around his forehead, cheeks, and eyes. The bag under his eyes that never before existed were now prominent, while his eyes were bloodshot red, both from exhaustion and from the tears that were building on the corner of his eyes.

"You're back," he sighed in relief, yet subtly sobbing between his words. His tightening grips were now shaking and I could tell how much he was slowly crumbling in front of me. "Thank God, you're finally back."

"Jungkook—"

"I—I came to find you, and you weren't there. How could I not notice that you left? How did I—" he kept talking. His voice turned into hushed whispers as he sobbed. "I should've stopped you. I—I waited until morning came and waited for you—"

I raised my hand to hold his arms, gently shaking him to make him stop and look at me closely. "Jungkook, what are you doing home?"

He faltered. And instead of giving me an answer, he moved his eyes to trail over my face, scanning me from the top of my head and down, before they landed on my hair. "Your hair is much shorter," he mused with cracking voice.

I absentmindedly reached up to tidy my hair nervously, finding the end of its length right below my earlobes. I had no choice but to cut them so short, since they have been falling out and drying over the last few weeks. The medications which I had been taking have made a toll on me, making the most significant changes in my body.

"Yes, it is," I answered him nervously, deciding not to tell him the whole truth. "I just- thought it would be good for a change."

His lips twitched briefly, and he forced himself to smile. Yet the pained look in his eyes was impossible to hide. "It looks good on you."

"Thank you," I answered him without looking away. He breathed out once more, allowing me to finally notice how he reeked of alcohol. "Jungkook, you didn't answer my question. Why aren't you at work? Why are you home at this hour?"

His eyes started to shake. And for a moment, he looked so lost and so frail. "I—uh, I haven't been to work for the last few days. I can't focus. I can't—I've been worried sick about you, I've been looking for you everywhere I could think of and—"

"But Jungkook, your work—what about your job?" I gently pressed my palms on his chest, unsure if I should push him away, but already knowing that he would not even budge if I did. "Have you been drinking?" My chest clenched in pain as I took in his sight once again. This time, landing my gaze at his dishevelled hair and pale skin. I could feel how his hands were trembling even more as he tightened his grip on my shoulder.

He only stared into my eyes with a lost look, before he finally answered, "What?"

"Jungkook—" I reached up and cupped his cheeks. And right the moment our skin touched, he sobbed, closing his eyes tightly before he sighed. "Look at me, please," I begged him, and waited until he opened his eyes again before I carefully asked him, "You just got promoted, Jungkook. You shouldn't just leave your job and live like this."

He knitted his eyebrows as if he was trying to let my words sink in, before a spark of realisation appeared in his eyes. "Oh- No, no, I didn't leave my job, baby. I just took a leave only to look for you." He started sobbing and stopped only to take a deep breath. "I can't stop thinking about you. I can't work or do anything, so I just—I can't even sleep thinking that I might have lost you."

"Is that also why you're drinking?"

He sighed and nodded, turning his face away as if trying to hide his regret. "It's the only way I can sleep. It's the only way I can stop feeling so hurt without you." He looked up to me once again and suddenly pulled me into a hug, crushing me to his broad chest. I silently hoped he would not notice how much weight I have lost, and how powerless I was under his touch.

"But it doesn't matter now," he said, crying with his face buried in my hair. "I'll be okay now that you're back home. You're here. It's all that matters."

It was so sudden and took me a while before I registered what had happened, of what he had just said. I started screaming in my head, It's not supposed to be this way, why is this so hard to do.

My heart was in pain from seeing how fragile and how broken he was, and I was so close into surrendering myself to him again only to make things right. For him. "Jungkook—" I tried to speak up and choked. But I took my time to control my emotions before I continued to speak, "I'm not here to come back for good."

His body stiffened in an instant before he carefully pulled away. "What do you mean? What are you talking about?"

"I'm not here to come back, Jungkook," I gently spoke to him, afraid that he might break even worse, despite the possibility that I might crumble in front him before that ever happened. "I'm here to say goodbye."

"No—" he gasped, shaking his head as he chanted, "No, no, no—" he sobbed as he spoke, and he held me even tighter as he did so. "No, please don't say that. Please don't—"

"Jungkook, please forgive me."

"No, please," he tried to beg me even harder as he pulled me closer. He urgently kissed me, desperately, with his trembling lips while begging to me between his rushed and sloppy kisses, "I love you. I love you so much, I can't do this without you. I can't lose you, baby."

My body reacted on its own. After years of getting used to his touch, for a long period of time I have never felt him this close to me, so I returned his kiss and surrendered to him. My body longed for him, and so did my heart and my soul that had been yearning for his touch and to feel his love again. I was so close to letting myself to melt away in his embrace, in his love, when I suddenly remembered the reason why I was here.

"Jungkook—" I whispered to him as I pulled away. "Please don't make this so hard to do."

"You can't be serious," he whispered to me with desperation lingering in his voice. "I—I don't understand—" he abruptly pulled away and started to walk around, pulling his hair while he kept muttering with shaky breaths, "Why? But you're here. Please don't do this to me, _____. Please—"

I tried to speak and call his name to make him stop. Yet the moment I opened my lips, I started to sob and cry instead. I could feel my tears came running down my cheeks and everything started to blur. From my hazy sight, I could see him turning around to look at me, my sobbing voice calling for him instead and he took long strides of footsteps to return to me. He reached for my cheeks, cupping my face with his large palms as he rested his forehead on mine. "Please don't leave me," he gently begged. "I love you. I love you too much, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"I can't—" I managed to speak between my sobbing mess, "—I have to, Jungkook. I'm sorry."

"No," he growled before he shouted, "No!" I flinched at the sudden outburst of his rage, making me jump backwards to avoid him. Terrified.

The moment he lost my touch, he immediately realised what he had done. With eyes widened, shocked at his own outburst, he slowly fell on his knees. "I'm sorry—Please forgive me," he pleaded with tears falling on his face. He reached for my waist and pulled me closer, holding me tight with his head resting on my stomach. "Please tell me what to do to make things right. Please tell me what I should do to stop you from leaving."

I let my tears fall as I ran my fingers through his hair. The familiar feeling of his smooth hair brought me back to many years ago, when he did the same, when he was begging me to take him back. I remembered how easy it was for me to forgive him, how sure I was to give him a second chance. And I took my time to look inside my heart, searching for the same 'me' who was there to hold him and take him back that many years ago. Only to find that the person I searched for had gone, lost in the memories, while the person who was now standing in front of the man I loved so dearly was another 'me', someone who was more determined to move on.

"Jungkook, please listen to me," I brushed his hair until he looked up at me with a desperate look in his eyes. "It won't work. Not when the only time you show me your love and fight for me is when you realise that you are about to lose me. This isn't the first time, and I know what would happen if I stay again this time."

He looked down, sobbing, and I broke down along with him. "I'm sorry," he sobbed, "I'm sorry for being such a fool. I never wanted to hurt you—No, I shouldn't have hurt you."

I joined him to kneel on the floor so I could hold him tight in my arms. For some reason, my tears had stopped falling ever since I found my determination once more. I could still feel the pain in my heart, the ache felt deeper and stronger than ever before.

"But everything already happened, Jungkook. It's time for you to let me go. This might be better for both of us, because we can't keep hurting each other much longer."

I could not remember how long we stayed there, kneeling on the floor together in a tight embrace while we kept saying how much we loved each other through our tears. We stayed until the sky outside had grown dark, until he finally agreed to let me take him to the bedroom where he could rest and sleep off the rest of the alcohol in his system.

"Stay," he pleaded, suddenly grabbing my hand as I was about to walk away from his bed. "Just for tonight. It's been too long since I hold you to sleep. At least give me this one last chance. Please—"

He was broken, and so was I. And I loved him too much to leave him when he was too fragile to be left alone. I knew how much I needed to hold him for the last time, for my heart and my body still longed for him. I nodded before climbing to the bed and lying next to him. He gratefully sighed, before lying on his side to face me.

"I love you, ______," he whispered to me while brushing his palm on my cheek. "Please forgive me. If only we could rewind everything, if only I could change the past, I would do anything—everything I could to make you see how much I love you." He kept repeating those words to me, begging me to forgive him with his hands wrapped around my body, until he finally fell asleep.

I watched him as he was lost in his slumber and let my mind wandered to our past, to the night we first shared my bed as I was lying drunk on my bed and he stayed with me all night only to watch over me. Back when we were young, innocent, and completely oblivious of how much our love could drive our lives to a long, painful path. My tears started falling again as I thought about us back in our youth, when we spent our lives loving each other so innocently. I let the tears fell as they were tears of relief, as I could feel myself slowly growing stronger as I silently let him go.

"I will always love you, Jungkook. Always."

I could not remember how I fell asleep.

It was still dark when I woke up, but I could feel the dawn coming close and Jungkook was still sleeping soundly beside me. I had thought that I would have been awakened with aching pain in my chest, just like I did the morning after I had first left him. Yet at that moment, all I felt was relief, despite the sadness that still lingered deep in my heart. But I knew then that I was finally ready to let him go.

After I made sure that he was still deep in his sleep, I carefully moved to leave the bed. I walked out to the hallway right outside our old bedroom to retrieve my bag, and started to collect all the belongings that I needed. I opted to leave all the pieces of jewellery he had given me throughout our marriage behind, and only took those that mattered most to me. It took me a few hours until I decided that I had collected more than enough, and started to make my way downstairs.

I stopped in the middle of the living room, glancing around through the darkness until my eyes landed on the low cabinet at the corner of the room. It was where our framed pictures were displayed, where all the evidence of our lives together were kept together. I kept my eyes on them as I walked closer. It was bittersweet to see each and every one of the pictures still standing there, some were dusty than others as a sign of them never been touched, and I grazed my fingers carefully on each one as I let the memories come flooding through my mind.

My eyes landed on the one I have always kept safe at the back to see the picture of us both, one which was taken back when we were young college students. I took the picture in my hand, holding it tightly before placing it inside my bag as a token of our past. In exchange, I reached into my purse and retrieved a folder that I had prepared since a few days before.

A folder containing the divorce papers which I had signed right before I came to this house.

I held it in my hand, reading the words on the folder before placing it on top of the cabinet, right in front of the framed photo of our wedding. "Forgive me," I whispered to myself, as I kept my eyes locked on the image of the two of us smiling brightly on that very day. The smile that showed our happiness that had been lost for so many years.

Exhaling a deep breath to push away my tears, I turned around to take a last glance around the room as my last goodbye. I lost track of time and was lost completely in my deep sorrow, that I failed to hear him waking up, or to notice him walking down the stairs.

But as I silently gave my last goodbye to the house which had become an important part of me, I knew instantly that he was there. That he was standing right in front of the stairs, silently staring at me.

I turned around to face him, holding my purse on my right arm and my suitcase with the other. My tears started to flow as our eyes met, and I could see how his eyes were starting to tear up as well. Yet before I ever had a chance to say anything, he gave me a small smile.

"You should go now," he said, his voice was still raspy and it cracked at the end of his words. "Go before I rush over to you and hold you tight. Before I do everything that I am capable of doing just to stop you and force you to stay here with me forever."

I sucked a deep breath, forcing myself to stop my tears from falling. I could never let him see me crumble, and I certainly could not falter now when I have made up my mind. When I had done everything I had planned to do, and was ready to do even more.

"Goodbye, Jungkook."

—was the only thing I said to him, before I turned around and walked as fast as I could to leave the house. Never once did I turn around to look at him as I walked past the front door. Not even when I could hear him sobbing from inside the empty house as I close the door behind me.