—First life. ______'s flat, year 2018—

"What?" Jungkook stood in front of me. His body was tensed, his chest rises and fell rapidly as he tried to calm his rage. "What did you say?"

"I'm pregnant, Jungkook," I replied. I was able to speak without the same shaky breaths I had earlier when I first started this conversation.

"A—Are you sure?" He stammered and I could see how he was clenching his hands on his sides.

I hesitantly nodded. I had predicted that the news would put him into a state of shock—as it did to me when I first found out myself—yet I was not ready to face this side of him. "I'm almost two months late, and—"

"But—but you missed your period once, so it could be a mistake, right?"

I shook my head. "This is different. I already had myself tested a couple of times to make sure."

He flopped down on the couch, rubbing his face with his palms while letting out a groan in disbelief. "This can't be happening. You can't be pregnant."

"Jungkook, I—"

"Is it mine?" He asked me, looking adamant as he said them out loud.

I gasped at his words, completely dumbfounded. "What? Of course, it is, what the hell are you implying?"

"I'm just saying, that maybe you made a mistake—"

"Oh yeah? What kind of mistake, Jungkook? Seriously, what are you trying to say to me?" I was fuming. How could he said such a thing when I was already stressing out over the fact that I was bearing a growing human being inside me.

He opened his lips to speak and stammered for a bit. His face was red with anger, bewildered at the whole situation. But what he said next was the one that hurt me most. "Are you sure that it's mine? Who knows—it might belong to that guy Taehyung you always spend time with behind my back."

"What? You—" I felt my face burning up with anger, my heart shattering apart with his accusation. "I can't fucking believe you. Taehyung is my friend, my best friend. And you are the only one I've been with. I have never—in my whole fucking life—would ever go behind your back like that. What the fuck do you take me for?"

"I—I'm sorry, ______. I—"

I was too angry to give him a chance to say anything. All I wanted was to slap his face from what he had dared to say to me. "You know what? Fuck you, Jungkook. If you really can't take this reality and if you don't want to admit this baby that much, then you should just go."

"______—"

"No, I get it. I understand that this is too much to handle and totally unexpected. I get that you are afraid, but so am I. And for you to look at me on that kind of light and accuse me of such a horrible thing isn't going to erase this baby, or change the fact that this baby exists. And acting this way or thinking of me doing something so low is certainly not going to fix everything or make it go away!"

I already knew how unstable my emotions would be, and I had never in my life lashed out at him the way I did. But the pain was too much. "This is really happening, Jungkook. This baby is real, and it is yours. And if you can't man up to deal with this, then I suggest you get the fuck out of my face and out of my life!"

I was hurting by my own words, mentally begging that he would acknowledge this tiny living being growing inside me. I thought he loved me enough to accept all of this. I thought he was man enough to take responsibility.

But he didn't.

He only fell silent, keeping his eyes on the floor as he contemplated on his next step. All I could do was wait. Hoping that he would make up his mind and prove to me that I was important enough for him to fight for. But then he suddenly stood up, lifted his eyes to look at me with an unreadable glint in his eyes. He opened his mouth as if to speak, but no words came out. We only stood there for a while, exchanging glances in silence, before he finally closed his lips and turned around with clenched fists, making his way to the front door.

I watched him as he opened the door silently and walked out of my room. The reality only hit me moments later when he shut the door behind him without ever turning back to look at me, leaving me to stand there all alone in the middle of my flat.

"This is where you've been for the entire week?"

A deep voice woke me up. It sounded terribly loud after a whole week of being accompanied only by silence since the day Jungkook broke me apart. I was extremely tired. My eyes were heavy with sleep and dried tears. I had lost track of time and lost count of how many times I spent them crying.

It took a lot of effort just to move around on the bed. The mattress was covered with messy sheets that were tangled around my limbs. My whole body was rigid, every part of me was aching when I tried to move. Not to mention that my head was also in pain, either from lying on the bed for too long and being awakened too suddenly. I could not even deal with the bright light that had overcome the bedroom that had been dark the whole time I was hiding myself from the world outside.

"What the fuck—" I cursed under my breath, lifting my hand to cover my eyes from the blinding light. There was a reason why I kept my room dark, and whoever had woken me up from my long sleep had signed his death threat by turning all the lights on.

"I'm the one who should be saying that," my intruder spoke again. His face finally showed up as my sight came clearer.

"Taehyung—?"

He was busy looking around with a face filled with anger and disgust when I called him, and he kept the same glare in his eyes the moment he turned to look at me. "Do you know how worried I have been? I haven't heard from you for a whole week. I couldn't find you anywhere, and you never answer my calls or give me any signal of life when I knock on your door," he ranted, walking over to the bed while lifting his long legs high up to avoid the pile of trash and dirty clothes that were spread on the floor. "God, this place looks like a pigpen," he muttered, before turning to look at me as he sat on the side of the bed.

"Did something happen?" he asked me with a much softer voice when I have yet to answer him. "Are you sick? Why didn't you call me and ask me to come here so I could—"

"Tae—" I cut him off with a croaked voice. I felt all broken inside, and the shattered pieces inside me started to reveal themselves as the rest of my drowsiness slowly being lifted away from me. "Why—um, how did you get in?" I managed to speak, pushing away the urge to cry—even when all I wanted to do was to jump up and hug him tight.

He only frowned at me, pushing his anger away with a sigh and replacing them with concern. "I went to find your ex-roommate. She still kept a spare key, so I just let myself in since I have no idea where else to look for you."

He fell silent for a while and I had to look away. I knew how easy it had always been for him to read me.

"Are you okay?"

I refrained myself from shaking my head. I didn't need him questioning me or asking me anything I certainly did not want to talk about. I just wanted everything to go away and to be left alone. But I knew it would be hard to kick him out when I was so weak, so I nodded my head. "I'm fine."

He knew I was lying, yet he said nothing about it. He reached over to me and ruffled my messy hair. "Look, I got you some food. Go ahead and clean yourself up so we can eat together. I will stay and help you clean this dump later, okay?"

"Okay—" I answered with a sigh. He reached out to help me up, which I gladly took only because I had no energy left to push myself from the bed on my own.

I even had to walk to the bathroom with his help, and he only left me alone then. I looked at my reflection in the mirror, finding the evidence of my broken heart and my misery on my hair and face. I already felt too numb to cry, and was able to clean myself up. As I stood under the running water, as I washed away the remnants of makeup I never bothered to clean and the grease that was covering my messy hair, I kept wishing that the pain would be washed away down the drain, along with all the dirt that had soiled my body.

I left the bathroom after I felt refreshed and decent enough to present myself to Taehyung. Parts of my room had already been cleaned out by then. Not a single empty box of takeouts and leftover meals is seen on the floor, no more tissues—the ones which I had tossed away after hours of weeping and crying—and not even a glimpse of my dirty clothes being discarded on the corners of my room.

Taehyung was waiting for me in the living room, sitting calmly on the sofa with food and cold drinks all set on the coffee table, and a warm blanket on his lap. He had his eyes on the phone as he waited for me, and only raised his face to look at me when I stepped into the room.

"Now you look better. Less like death," he chuckled, with a warm smile showing on his face. "Feel any better after that shower?"

I shrugged. "Kind of—"

He only nodded to refrain himself from asking anything else. "Come sit down and eat. From the looks of your trash I know you haven't had any decent meal lately," he said, padding on the sofa next to him.

I sat without saying anything and only watched as he put some food on a clean plate while murmuring, "I bought this from that new place you wanted to go to. I already guessed that you've probably been skipping meals since I've never seen you around the cafeteria lately. I haven't even seen you attending any of your classes either, so I figured you must have been eating junks. You really got me worried, you know."

"I'm sorry—" I whispered, feeling guilty all of a sudden. I had never expected that I would have anyone searching for me, when the only one I wanted to care never even once did. "—for making you worried. I didn't mean to—"

"Shh—talk later. Eat first," he said, shoving the plate onto my waiting palms before reaching for another plate to set his own meal.

I stared at the food I held in my hands silently, having no appetite whatsoever and feeling my nausea slowly coming back to me at the scent of food. I took a deep breath and pushed them away, reminding myself that I wouldn't be the only one suffering if I keep neglecting on feeding myself. So I reluctantly took the first bite with that thought alone.

"Is it good?" Taehyung asked me, smiling proudly when he noticed.

"Yeah, it is," I answered him once I managed to swallow the food I had just forcefully shoved in my mouth. My throat was in pain as the food past through, as if I was eating a piece of rock. But I tried my best to hide it. "Thank you, Tae."

We ate in silence. I knew he had a lot of questions and I silently thank him for choosing to wait before asking me. I tried my best to focus on shoving the food into my mouth, when he finally couldn't find it in him to wait any longer.

"What did he do this time?"

I stopped everything I was doing. I probably even stopped breathing when I heard him. I turned to look at him only to find that he was already staring at me with a deep, concerned gaze.

"What did you say?"

He licked his lips, taking a deep breath before asking me again, "When I was looking for you, I couldn't get a hold on Jungkook too. So I figured whatever this is, it has something to do with him. Am I right? What did Jungkook do this time?"

The moment I heard his name, I could feel my chest tightening. My heart was close to breaking apart again and everything started spinning. I leapt to my own two feet the moment I felt my nausea folding in my stomach and I was so close to exploding. "I'm sorry—" I mumbled, covering my mouth with my hand and ran as fast as I could to the bathroom.

I was hunched on the toilet sink, emptying the content of my stomach when I heard him coming. I could not look at him. Too ashamed for being seen this way. Although even as I was cleaning up my mess, I could feel his eyes locked towards me, his deep gaze emitting his anger like never before.

"_____— Tell me what's going on."

"Taehyung—"

He kneeled next to me to hand me a glass of water. It was then when I finally looked up to him. I took a gulp of the water and tried my best to control my breath. But the moment the pain I had in my stomach dissipated, I crumbled in tears as the pain in my heart erupted.

"______, are you—? You can't be—"

I felt my tears falling down on my face and I did nothing to stop it. I kept my eyes locked my own two shaking hands as I answered him between my wailings, "I thought that we—We did our best to be safe. We used protections, I took pills. I don't know how we became reckless, how—it was only one time, Taehyung. We were careless for only once—"

"______," he reached out to hold my shoulders when my body started shaking, when I became a sobbing mess in front of him.

"I'm scared. I don't know what to do—" I held on tighter on the glass in my hand while I could feel his hand holding me tighter as I continued, "I told him about it and he left. He left me, Tae. He left me because of this baby."

01.08 AM

I looked over at the clock on the wall to see the time. I wrapped my arms around my chest as I paced around the living room, feeling more anxious each time I noticed how much time had passed. It had been 6 hours since Taehyung ran off from my flat, fuming with anger after I told him everything.

"I'm going to kill him. I'm going to fucking kill him and I won't stop even if he begs me for his life," he swore to me as he stormed out. And now I felt nothing more than worry, afraid that something bad would happen to either of them. I kept praying that they wouldn't meet each other, and prayed that they would both be safe.

I turned to reach for my phone for the umpteenth time to try and contact Taehyung. He had been avoiding my calls, and no one I had called knew where he went. I was focusing on calling him when I heard someone knocking on the door so loud right when my phone call was getting through.

"Taehyung?" I called out, shutting off the phone before throwing it away as I ran to the door.

But the moment I opened them, it was not Taehyung's face that I was met with.

"Jungkook—"

My heart skipped a beat the moment I saw him standing there, hunching forward with his hands holding tight onto the door frame, his chest heaving for air as if he had been running all the way here. He raised his head and looked at me the moment he heard my voice.

"Oh my God—" I gasped at the sight of his face. He looked pale and disoriented, his eyes were red with tears and there was a cut at the corner of his swollen lips. "What happened—"

"I—Can I come in?" He said with a broken voice. His eyes shook in fear and shame that he couldn't look at me more than a few seconds. I said nothing as I moved aside to let him in.

"Let me get something for that wound," I said, immediately turning on my heels to head into the kitchen after I shut the door behind us. But he immediately stopped me with his arm blocking my path.

"No, it's okay. I'll be fine," he said, turning to face me. He looked hesitant for a brief moment and looked away. "Can we please talk for a moment?"

I bit my lower lip. My tears were already threatening to fall at the feeling of his warmth and the scent of his cologne, and I instinctively moved backwards to create distance between us.

"Go ahead, talk," I answered firmly, crossing my arms over my chest as a shield to protect me from his touch. He looked disappointed at my cold demeanour. Little did he know that I was doing it solely to keep myself from crumbling in front of him.

He sighed. He let his head bent down before he spoke, but kept his arms holding my shoulders, keeping me from running or from pushing him away.

"I'm so sorry. I am sorry for being such an idiot. I shouldn't have walked away," he pleaded. His voice was shaking and his grip on me tightened. He lifted his face to look straight into my eyes as he continued his plea, "I was scared. I didn't know how to react and I didn't know how to face you so I kept on running and avoiding you. But it was wrong. I was wrong. I was supposed to be here with you. Please forgive me, ______."

I let my tears fall over my face when I saw him shedding his tears. I could see his pain through his eyes, but I still felt my anger building inside me. "I am scared too, Jungkook. Terrified, even. Neither of us is ready for this, but this is really happening and I don't know what to do. The minute you walked away, I—" I stopped to take a deep breath. "—I started to beg for it to go away. I kept thinking, that I don't want it anymore. I don't want this, I want it to go away."

"No, don't say that. I'm sorry, it's all my fault." He pulled me into a hug and his warmth instantly stopped me from sobbing. It was the only thing that I needed all along. His comfort. His support. Him being with me to help me deal with this huge part of my life, of our life. "I was a coward, but I'm here now. I just needed time to clear my mind and get rid of the fear. I know it took me too long, but I'm here." He pulled away to stare into my eyes with the kind of look that had always earned my trust. "We'll get through this together. I promise."

"Promise me you won't leave me again?"

"I would never," he said, pressing our foreheads together. I saw his eyes flickered from my eyes and to my lips. "I promise." And with those words, he leaned down to press his lips on mine. Every worry I had since he left that day started fading away from me. I could feel every bit of my pain being lifted away through his kiss, which stopped abruptly when he let out a hiss.

I opened my eyes and saw him gritting his teeth and pressing his finger on the cut he had on his lip. "Oh—I'm sorry. Did I hurt you?"

"No, it's okay. I completely forgot about it—"

"Who gave you this cut? What happened?" I hovered my finger over the cut, only pulling back when he suddenly flinched at the slightest touch.

He licked the cut and looked down in shame. "Your best friend did."

"Taehyung?" I stared at him with wide eyes, and he nodded.

"He came to find me and landed a punch the minute he saw me—"

I gasped. "My God—I'm so sorry. He was here, and he got angry when he found out. I tried to stop him, but—"

"I deserved it." He cut me off, and once again looked into my eyes with such a deep gaze. Showing me his remorse as he did so. "I deserve every pain for each one that I gave you."

I shook my head. "No, you don't have to—"

"I love you."

His words caught me off guard. I would be lying if I said that I haven't been waiting for him to say those words to me. "What are you—" my voice was caught up in my throat. "Jungkook, I—"

"I love you. I'm sorry that I've never said this because I've been afraid for what I feel for you. I'm in love with you, _____. And it scares the hell out of me, I just—" he shook his head. "I never felt this before and I was overwhelmed, then when I found out that we are having a baby, it was too much for me to handle. I should've faced them instead of running away. I'm—"

I cut him off by leaning forward and kiss his lips. I wrapped my arms around his neck to keep me from falling as I deepened the kiss, wanting to feel that love he said he had for me and to let him feel mine. He froze for a while, but he finally relaxed and returned my kiss.

We were both out of breath and completely shaken for the overwhelming feeling inside our chests, both of us were left staring at each other once I pulled away only to answer him, "I love you too."

The smile he gave me right after and the butterflies in my heart made me believe that everything would be alright.

It took me another two days before I returned to campus. My body has not yet recovered or gained my energy back, and I was still having uncontrollable morning sickness even after I made up with Jungkook. I tried my best to catch up with the classes I had missed, and all the meals I had skipped.

"Good to see you eating well," my classmate, Sora, spoke to me as she watched me shoving another spoonful of food into my mouth. We sat together in the cafeteria right after our last class, but it was already the third meal I had for the day.

"I didn't know you cared for me that much," I snickered as I taunted her, earning her to stick out her tongue at me.

"I'm not the only one, you know. Everyone's been wondering where you've been. You never skip class even if you have the worst hangover in the morning."

I finished the food in front of me and let out a long sigh. My stomach was full, but I was happy about it. "I needed a break. Sorry for making you worry—and thanks for showing your love to me through the five missed calls you left me each day," I teased her with a wink.

She scoffed. "Glad to know you have your wits back," she laughed with me over her own words. "But it really is good to see you back. I guess that break helps you a lot with the heartbreak, huh?"

I froze. "What do you mean?"

She shrugged. "Isn't that why you disappeared? I kind of already guessed that you would probably need some time away before coming back after you broke up with Jungkook."

"What?" I chuckled nervously. I tried to tell myself that it might be a misunderstanding but something in the back of my mind kept telling me that there was something else hidden in her words. "What makes you think I broke up with him?"

I kept my eyes staring at her with knitted eyebrows, while she looked at me with a hesitant stare. She placed her drink in her hand on the table as she spoke to me softly, "Well, it's the only thing that came into my mind since you were nowhere to be seen, while I kept seeing Jungkook—"

The words that left her lips right after became faint and distant as my senses were clouded by the sound of my thumping heart, and as I felt myself shattering into pieces once again. I gripped tightly onto the table while denying her words.

"—he's been hanging out in the frat gatherings and dorm parties, and he was never alone."

The words kept echoing inside my head for the rest of the day, and it rang louder as I took long strides towards the boys' dorm building across the campus vicinity. I spent hours trying to find out if there would be any party being held this week and I was fortunate enough to find out that there was one being held tonight. I spent those hours convincing myself that Sora's words weren't true, that she might have mistaken him for someone else.

[08.11 PM] From Sora: The south side building, fifth floor. Please be careful, _____. Call me if you need anything.

[08.12 PM] From Sora: I'm so sorry.

I took another glance at the text message I had received from her two hours ago. I needed time before I managed to gain the courage to walk all the way here from my flat. My heart pounded continuously with each step I took on the mildly humid road. I stopped in front of the building once I got there, and looked up to the floor where I needed to go to.

This is it. You're here, I told myself. Whatever you find later, please don't fall apart. Not now.

I reached down to stroke my sweaty palm over my lower stomach, taking a deep breath while closing my eyes. The thought of the baby inside me gave me the courage to finally step forward to enter the building.

The faint sound of the music from upstairs resonated through the walls and floors the minute I walked past the lobby, and the beat from the party vibrated around me as I entered the elevator. I felt grateful for how slow the elevator moved upwards before reaching to the designated floor, as it had given me more time to prepare myself before I had to face whatever truth waiting for me.

My legs were practically shaking as I stepped out of the elevator when I reached the fifth floor. My whole body was shivering from the cold that had been building up from my own anxiety, but I tried my best to fight them off by keeping my breath steady. Everyone was busy chatting with each other or dancing to the music, some were already busy making out on the hallway, and I kept my eyes on each one that I passed by to make sure neither of them was him. I paid close attention to everyone as I walked past them while they practically ignored my presence, and I kept on walking, looking into each of the rooms I passed by to look for him.

Until I finally found him.

I lost every sense and lost control of my own body the minute I saw him inside one of the rooms. There were other people in the room enjoying the party, but my eyes were locked on nothing else but him. I could no longer feel my own two legs and it was as if they moved on their own to walk over to him.

He was there, sitting on the couch in the corner of the room, holding a plastic cup on one of his hand, while his other arm rested on the back of the couch. He was not alone. My eyes turned to follow his gaze that was locked on the girl sitting next to him, and I kept watching her as she leaned forward, resting her hand on his thigh. I was still watching them closely when her hand kept moving upwards, when she leaned in to plant her kisses on his neck, when he smiled widely with his eyes closed tight.

And that was when I lost it.

"Jungkook! What the fuck is this?"

The music was loud enough to drown my voice, but I probably had unknowingly screamed to the top of my lungs since he immediately opened his eyes and looked at me. The look on his face changed instantly as he caught the sight of me standing there and he stared at me with wide eyes. "______," he gasped, pushing the girl away and tried to stand on his feet.

"Jungkook, why?" I was emotionally unstable thanks to my pregnancy alone, and the sight I had just witnessed had made the dam inside me broke apart. I was too angry and too hurt to care about holding back the tears that came flowing through my eyes. "So this is how you clear your mind? This is where you've been when you were being scared?"

"No, ____. Please listen to me, it's not what you think—"

But I was too fed up to listen. Too hurt to keep staring at his face and to stay in that room any longer. I turned around to quickly walk out of the room and rushed towards the elevator, practically running and pushing everyone that was blocking my way.

I could hear him following me behind and begging me to stop. I pressed the button calling for the elevator to come up, but thanks to fate, it was still held on the main floor and he was coming to me faster.

"Will you please stop and listen—" he screamed at me while pulling me back to him, making me turn abruptly to face him and let him, only so he could see my pain. I saw him breaking apart the minute he looked into my eyes and saw my tears, and I could hear him mumbled, "Oh my God. _____, I'm so sorry—," under his breath.

"Sorry? Sorry for what? For being caught?" I screamed at him through my desperate sobs. "Fuck you, Jungkook. I trusted you. You never loved me, you liar!" I pushed him away and turned to run towards the stairway.

He ran after me, chasing right behind while begging me to forgive him and swore through his breath, "—I never lied to you. Please stop running, you will hurt yourself and the baby—"

I was able to run past through the door to reach the stairs and he was able to catch up to me as I reached the landing. "Please, _____. I beg you, please wait and listen—" he managed to get a hold of my arm and tried to pull me back.

"No! Let me go!" I turned to push him away. But his body was stronger. So much stronger that he would not budge no matter how hard I had pushed him. And I was pushed away from him instead.

I was still too weak to hold on or to stop it.

I already had one leg over the edge of the landing and I lost all balance when I pulled my arm away from him. "No!" he screamed out as he tried to reach out to me when I started to fall back.

But alcohol had made him slow, and gravity was faster.

His face and his wide eyes were the only two things I saw as I was being pulled back down for a long fall and an endless pain.

—Present life. Blue Smoker's Pub, year 2016—

The music from the old jukebox was still faintly heard as we stood in the middle of the dance floor.

But we were no longer dancing.

We stood there together, holding each other in a deep, tight hug. My body was shaking from crying, as the pain in my heart took over and my head was throbbing in pain from recollecting the painful memory. My tears were running down like a stream, my soft sobs and wails were muffled as I buried my face on his shoulder. Meanwhile, I could feel Taehyung shaking so hard from anger.

Neither of us spoke for a few moments as I let my emotion came flowing out of me, as he let everything to sink in.

"If one day he appears before you. No matter what you do. Run." He finally spoke in a low voice, gritting his teeth of anger. "And if you lose any will to do it, when you feel like you are ready to crumble and give in to him as you did in your past life, call for me or run to me. And I will take you away from him as fast as I could, and as far away that he could never find you again. Promise?"

I let out another sob. I could feel another kind of pain appearing in my heart, not only from the dark memory but the fact that I had to let him go. That I had to imagine myself forever be separated from Jeon Jungkook.

"I promise."