—Present life, year 2015—

They had warned me about the struggles I had to face against the illness, against the demons that were growing inside my body. But thankfully, I was in good condition at the moment of the surgery. In addition to how early it was found, I was able to beat them almost completely through the first surgery. I had even survived the second one which took place months after.

The recovery process, however, was a pain in the butt.

Not to mention the long list of the procedures I had to endure to thoroughly clear those demons out of my system.

I hated chemotherapy. I hated what they did to my body. But at least I got to skip the radiation process, which sounded more terrifying to go through than the other ones.

But that was only because it would not be the first time I had to endure that process. There was a part of my brain that still remembered how it felt, even if my body itself had never experienced them—well, not in this lifetime, that is. Not yet.

Days, weeks, months passed by until the hospital gave me a green light, showing me the latest test results and radioscopic pictures showing me that there was no longer any tracks of masses found in me. Although that did not necessarily mean they had let me go without a warning, a long lecture of the one thing that would possibly happen to me unless I undergo a routine health check and follow up treatments every month. Everything that was necessary to make sure that I would not fall into a relapse.

Little did they knew how much I knew a thing or two about them.

That first year was rough. Having to face recovery while keeping up with school was a long and troublesome battle. Everyone insisted that I took a break from school until I got better, but I refused to take my time for granted, insisting to catch up with my study—which, to be honest, was hard but not impossible to do.

I was living in the body of the model student in school. And since my current brain still held the knowledge of my recent studying life—regardless of having the memory of an old housewife sealed in the back of my mind—I could still catch up with a lot of things. And thanks to the help of Taehyung and my other classmates who stayed by my side during my stay in the hospital with piles of school books and after-school lectures, I could still graduate at the same time as I did on my old life.

Which led me to the day I finally started the new step in my new life.

College freshman year.

I was standing in my new dorm room, staring out the window with my mind wandering back in time. Everything that had happened for the past few years came running through my head. Events regarding my journey against the illness had been hard and time felt like an eternity and never-ending when I had to go through all the hardship. But now when I have passed all of that, all of the things I went through seemed like a dream. Like glimpses of short movies. Yet thanks to the past hardship itself, I was able to push back all of the memories from my past life and seal them away momentarily, giving me a chance to focus on my current life, focus on getting better.

They would still come back to me occasionally like pieces of puzzles. Each piece appearing much clearer than the other as they came and went. But I had decided to not let them completely control me, as I had decided to not let the chance of my new life for granted, to not cling onto my past life and gain the best I could of what I was having at this moment.

And now that my life was becoming a lot more in peace, I should be prepared to have those memories coming back to me to remind me of why I came back in time.

The sound of rushed footsteps slightly dragging themselves on the floor, followed by the sounds of ragged breaths and deep grunts grabbed my attention. I turned around to see my brother and my best friend passing through the door, each one of them carrying a huge box on each of their arms before dropping them down on the floor.

"Ah, finally—" Hoseok roughly groaned, bending down with his palms resting on his knees as he tried to catch his breaths. Taehyung, who came in with the same state as he did, flopped down on the bed, sprawling his sore limbs over the clean mattress as he lied down on his back.

"How can you carry more boxes of books than your clothes?" Hoseok complained between short breaths, straightening his body and placing his hands on his waist to look at me. "Should I be concerned about your social life?"

Taehyung chuckled from behind him, keeping his eyes still spacing out at the ceiling. "Don't worry. She still has me around to have fun with," he said with a geeky grin on his face.

My brother turned his body slightly to glance over at him, sighing to disagree. "Ugh—Great, now I'm getting more worried."

"Oh, come on, Hoseok," I chuckled while walking closer to my brother, placing my palms on his shoulder to make him turn around and look at me. "You should be thankful that you have a sister who is a top-class nerd, who only hangs out with the world's best geek. It saves you from the trouble of kicking assholes out of my bed, or pushing away fuckboys that would dare to come closer."

"I was actually looking forward to that," he nonchalantly said to me with a playful frown. And then he laughed, wriggling his eyebrows as he spoke, "That way I can show people what kind of reliable big brother I can be."

"Not in this lifetime, big brother," I told him with a wink.

"So what's your plan this semester?"

It was a warm and bright day, when Taehyung and I laid down on the clean grass side by side, with our eyes looking up at the bright sky to watch the clouds. We had our stomach full from early lunch, droopy eyes from attending our morning classes, and was so close to falling asleep on one of the quietest parks in our campus.

"Honestly? I have no idea," I answered him then, only when I could roughly guess what he was actually referring to.

He shifted next to me, turning to lie down on his side to face me. "So are you totally going to nerd out all through college just to avoid this allegedly future husband of yours?"

I pursed my lips, shrugging at him as I tried to act as if I didn't really care. "Maybe? Or I can just at least avoid getting into public places and crowds. But then again—" I sighed. I had been avoiding on planning out my next steps, only focusing on the things that were happening right in front of my eyes. So when I finally had to face the most significant period of time which I strongly believed might influence my fate, I felt completely lost.

I was clearly clueless.

There was something that I could never really tell Taehyung honestly. It was the fact that whenever I closed my eyes, I could picture glimpses of how I was going to meet him. Each piece of the memory came to me at one night and I had Taehyung helped me put those pieces together,—or at least, parts of them—until I could replay them in my head whenever I needed a few reminders of him.

There was a party. With loud music, hot bodies dancing in a dim-lit room, brushing and bumping at each other. The air was filled with the scent of cigarette, booze, and sweat. The image of him walking towards me in long strides was picture-perfect, with his body standing upright and a warm smile as he asked me, "Are you alright?" as if I was a delicate flower.

Every other detail that came to me had been too vague to remember. But I remembered his voice.

The sound of his gentle voice as he spoke to me against the music, "Let me get you a drink."

The gentle palm he placed on my back when he whispered close, "Stay by my side, okay?"

More details had come to me one at a time on different occasions. Some had even managed to awaken my senses to remember what I was supposed to be feeling on that eventful night; how his warm body was pressed on mine when we danced together, how my heart fluttered by his touches and at the look in his eyes when he was staring at me closely.

Whenever I recalled every single scene in my mind, my body would immediately start reacting as if I was reliving the whole thing.

I could not exactly remember when and where, and on which party would I finally see him. But I remembered his face, his hair, his voice so vividly. and I had always feared for what I would feel if I ever had any chance to actually meet him in person. Of what would I do if our encounter would ever become a reality.

I opened my eyes again when I heard Taehyung's voice. "You can hide away in solitude to avoid meeting this supposedly future husband you were anticipating to see and I can understand perfectly the reason why you would do so. But I should probably remind you, that if you do just that, hiding and running away from all the possibilities, then you might also lose any opportunity to find the one that has been in your dreams."

The one in my dreams. I looked away when another image came to mind. Another person, another blurry face, another part of that life which had also been coming back through my dreams to remind me that he also existed. Assuming he really was there somewhere.

"Guess things aren't going to be all smooth and lovely, huh?" I sighed. I finally pushed myself up to sit on the grass, groaning as I moved my tired limbs on the hard soil beneath me. The fatigue went away at the same time those images faded from my memory, yet I still had to pierce my eyes to adjust to the bright sun above our heads.

"When did it ever?" I heard Taehyung humming next to me, while I chose to say nothing when I tried to memorise anything I could think of about him.

"If only I remember more of him."

"Jimin? What do you remember then? All we ever talked about is Jeon Jungkook. I feel like I can probably point him out in the crowds before you can do it yourself after how many times you have described him to me," he chuckled, earning my own laughter to join his. "Do you think that he is the reason why you came back in time? Jimin, I mean."

"I honestly don't know, Taehyung. I really don't want to assume anything yet since I still can't remember the last parts of my life before the leap happened. I can barely remember him, only by name and by—" The memory of him slipping away from my hands came flashing at the back of my mind. I could feel the pain and misery that was left behind, and the loss of not having him by my side. Even if I could not remember every other detail of what actually happened.

And I have always failed in finding the answer, no matter what I had done to force myself to remember.

"All I know is that I don't remember seeing any memory of him and anything regarding to my college life happening together. So we probably would not be meeting each other yet anytime soon."

Taehyung sat up next to me, wrapping his arms around his knees and leaning his head back. The scrunched nose and creased brows showed me that he was trying to help me think. "Do you not remember where he went to college? You said you can remember some of the things you talked about with him."

I shook my head. "He is in this city. That part I know well, but I can't remember where. I just have this strong hunch saying that he isn't here."

"I still think—" he said with pursed lips. "What if you are supposed to find him?"

"But how? I can't remember where or how—" I groaned, running my fingers through my tangled hair before pulling them out of anger. "I am starting to hate all of this."

"Why? You loved reading mystery and thriller novels since high school, don't you think it's thrilling to find out the truth?"

I scowled at him. "Reading thriller stories and actually living in them are two completely different matters, Taehyung."

He laughed before playfully shrugging. "I still think that all of the mysteries and theories we've been making are so insane, I'm just interested to find out what's going to happen. Besides, didn't you say that everything is already so different? Perhaps many others around us have changed already before you even start doing anything about it. Perhaps everything about your life now and everything around it is also going to run differently than how they were in your past life."

I kept silent as I stared at him, letting his words to sink in while silently accepting them. Because maybe, maybe he was right.

"You will find him. If you are meant to find each other, then you will."

Basically, the solid plan I had in mind was for me to live in solitude during freshman year. Through the pieces of memories I had and recorded on Taehyung's notes, we were able to conclude that I had a fair amount of fun filled with nights of college parties and coming back into dorm highly intoxicated with alcohol and sticky hair smelled of smoke. All of that happened during my first year alone, the kind of life I had chosen as a personal mission to avenge the life I had as a model student during high school.

So since I decided to make a big change, I have decided that it would be the first thing in my life I was about to change.

Which confirmed that yes, I was nerding out.

I spent my first semester locking myself up in my dorm most of the times, limiting my social circle in university to only conclude my classmates, my roommate, and Taehyung only. With a few additional visits by Hoseok on weekends when he had no plans or no girls to hook up with.

Most of my days would consist of going to classes, to do my part-time jobs in the afternoons, then later hang out in the common room with my dorm mates or at a coffee shop with Taehyung, before returning to my dorm room at night to study or finish my assignments.

I avoided attending parties, either those which were held in frat houses or dorms, or other hang out places within campus proximity. I even locked myself away from the ones that had ever been held in my own dorm building. I never really minded the noises and the crowds hanging on my floor during those nights, only because I refused to care. There were other ways in which I was still able to enjoy myself during those nights. One of which would be how my roommate would be so kind as to go back and forth to bring me drinks without having me leave my solitude.

At first, she had done it only to lure me out of my hiding, so she could drag me out into joining the rouse. But as her efforts had always failed so miserably, as I had always so stubbornly refused to walk out the door without ever refusing the alcohol being sent to me, she finally gave up trying.

"At least you can still become a part of the crowd this way, and I can still make sure that I won't be the only one waking up with a massive hangover in the morning," she told me once, while handing me a plastic glass filled with questionable mix of alcohol when our floor had turned into a makeshift rave party joint.

"Are going to keep on doing this then? Hide yourself from human civilisation until graduation?" Taehyung asked me once we found a spare time to hang out.

The finals were right in the corner and he had come to pick me up after I finished my class to drag me to the nearest cafeteria, since I kept missing lunch every time I stayed up the night before to finish my assignments.

"No, of course not," I sighed, walking by his side and keeping my eyes on the students grouping around us as we walked by. "I just thought that I should make the most of it while I can. Get better grades, graduate faster. Besides, I don't always hide away, you know. I go out too—occasionally."

"You do?" Taehyung scoffed, glancing at me with quirked brows. "To where?"

I pursed my lips. "The library—" I hesitantly answered, before we fell into a fit of giggles. "Alright, I'll change things up in the next semester. I promise. I just wanted to give my all in this semester and enjoy college life while I can."

"Yeah, you should. You need to enjoy your youth, before your time runs out," he said, smacking his lips before wrapping his arms around my shoulder and urged me to walk faster with him. "Normally, we get to hear people would say, 'Stop taking your life for granted, you only live once'. But I keep reminding myself that I can't really say that to you, can I?"

That had me laughing for a moment. The irony of it could never escape me. I let him drag me with him on the pathway before pressing my body to his to push him away. "No, you can still say that to me. I don't think this whole repeating my life thing is something that will permanently happen. At least, I hope not."

I could barely make sense of it by living through it once. Will it make even more sense if things keep repeating itself? More importantly, would I have known it if I had repeated my life cycle before? And would I ever know it happening if it ever repeated itself again?

"Good—" He said, pulling my body back to him and practically started dragging me as we kept walking ahead. "Then I say we should start our mission to find Prince Charming soon once this period is over. Right, Comrade?"

"Aye—" I said, grinning as I let him drag me around. Not letting him know how terrified I was towards everything that I was about to encounter ahead in time.

Eventually, the first semester came to an end rather quickly, with its exams being uneventful and felt like hell.

But I survived.

Yet the habit of letting my school projects and my study to take control over my life had grown too deep in me, I just could not help myself but continue being the total nerd that I was when the next term started. Whenever my roommate looked over at me, I would be drowned in books and papers, and lots of times being surrounded by all kinds of drawing utensils as I focused on finishing my assignments. And whenever Taehyung came over to see me, I would have bags under my eyes, evidence of the late nights studying I constantly had going on.

The sound of a deep sigh pulled my attention away from the textbook in my hand, the one that had me distracted and allowed me to ignore my surroundings. It was actually a beautiful day; with the warm breeze around me, the comfy grass beneath me, and the people lying around, lounging on the park between classes to enjoy the sun. I looked up and met Taehyung's eyes that were already locked on me, no expressions on his face whatsoever as he studied me closely.

"What?" I asked him.

"Watching you frustrates me," he sighed, pouting at me. "For how long are you going to keep this up, really?"

I pursed my lips, closing my book shut and tossed it away to face him. "Is it so wrong that I just love studying?"

"It won't be if it's the truth," he snapped at me while scrunching nose, as if the thought of me being in love with studying was a bit repulsive.

"But it is the truth," I answered him. "I just enjoy studying really, really well."

He kept his gaze on me with raised brows but no answer. And I could only sigh in defeat, knowing that he could read me so well. Too well, in fact. "Okay. Only half of that was true. Stop reading my mind," I groaned, shoving him away until he fell back on the grass with a grin.

"I can't help it. You are so predictable," he laughed while sitting back up. "Okay, but seriously, why are you hiding? Are you afraid of finding—well, whichever is the one you are avoiding in seeing?"

Biting my lips, I released a deep sigh when I could feel the one thing that had been there inside my heart the whole time I have been going through all of this. A pure, deep hesitance.

"I'm afraid of a lot of things, Taehyung. I'm afraid that I will only end up reliving the same life, the same story. I'm afraid that I will end up being unhappy no matter what I do. I'm afraid to see what would happen if I ever find either of them. I've been afraid, all this time—because I honestly still can't make sense of what the hell is going on with me and why I'm going through all of this. I don't even know if these things are even real."

Taehyung only gave me a smile and tilted his head. There was not a hint of surprise in his eyes for he had heard me talking about these things over and over again throughout the past few years. Not only did he know the circumstances I was in, but he also knew my insecurities. Every bit of it that was present in me. "I know that you are afraid," he said with nonchalance, and a pure smug on his face for having been able to drag the truth out of me. "Why do you think I'm staying around all these years to help you? And if this isn't real, then what is it? A dream? A very long, exhausting dream, and I'm merely a figment of it to keep you company?"

I tilted my head back, groaning at the way the frustration was starting to give me headaches. "I don't know, I'm just lost."

I have always been.

"Then just do as I always say. Enjoy it. Embrace the life you have now," he said, with a shrug. "You were the one who said that you were going to do just that, so stop hiding behind your projects all the time. Time is still running and you just need to keep up with it."

I grinned at him. "Yeah, you're right," I said, and I could not help but laugh at myself. "Thanks for reminding me how I keep taking my words back. I somehow feel quite stupid now."

"No, you're not."

My eyes fell on his warm smile and I felt my hesitance slowly fading away. "Alright, I won't stop you from being such a nerd, but you really do need to start having fun. And stop exhausting yourself up by thinking the worst of things. Don't you remember how you relapsed at our final exam back in school because of all the stress?"

"Oh, right—"

"Don't drain yourself up with negative thoughts. Come with me to hang out this weekend. I won't take you to any frat parties if you don't want to go, but at least leave your books for a while and have fun."

I had no other choice but to agree. What other choices would I have when he reminded me about my last relapse right before I graduated high school? I remembered how my body had given up after I studied too hard that I was missing sleep. It had gotten so bad that I had to return to the hospital for treatments and was kept under observation just in case my illness had come back. It never did. But one could never let their guards down, especially when they already faced the consequences once.

I tried to slow my pace down after I promised him—and to myself—to do so that day. I started to get more relaxed, spent more time out of the dorms and away from studying at times, either with Taehyung or my other close friends—yes, I managed to expand my social circle and gained more friends to hang out with.

Until came the time when I had to return to the usual pace of hardworking and intense studying.

It was the longest two weeks of my life, right at the end of the school year. Piles of assignments and projects needed to be done on time, pages of textbooks to be read, and I have had the least of sleep ever since I woke up in the present life years ago. Taehyung's warning that had been my anchor was forced to be pushed aside and forgotten when I was constantly being chased by deadlines. Along with tight schedules from the courses I had taken as all projects were due before the final exam. All happening in the same period of time.

By the time exam and submission period was arriving, I had spent the last three days straight working in the studio on campus to finish a set of drawings meant to be submitted during the exam week. I could not take them back to the dorm, afraid that the noises and parties would distract me, or that I would be clumsy enough to ruin my drawings before I had a chance to finish them. And I would not return to the dorm until close to midnight, not until my roommate had gotten so worried that left me dozens of messages on my phone telling me to come home to sleep.

At the last morning before the deadline, I woke up feeling drained with fatigue and stress. But I dragged myself out of bed anyway, since it would be the last chance I had to use the studio before the term ended.

"Are you sure you're okay? You don't look so good." My roommate, Jisoo, had stopped me before leaving the room. She had both of her hands placed on her waist as she was ready to scold me from overworking myself.

"I'm okay." I gave her a small smile, forcing back the exhaustion at the back of my head so she would let me go. "Just need some food and coffee, and maybe a quick nap at the campus." I stretched out my limbs while standing, before grabbing my bag and jacket to leave.

"Wait—" she said, frowning. "Are you going to be in the studio the whole day again? Can't you rest for just a day?"

"I would, but then I won't finish it on time. The studio will not be available during exam week, and I can't finish the drawing using my small writing desk," I explained to her, pointing at the clustered mess happening on top of my desolated study desk. "Don't worry, I won't push myself too much today. I'm almost done with it anyway, so I can return to the dorm earlier than usual."

She pouted, but gave in anyway. "Just let me know if you're not feeling well and I'll come to pick you up, okay? And make sure you don't miss lunch again."

I smiled at her and nodded. I would have hugged her to reassure her if I could, but then she might notice how tired I actually was and stop me from leaving again.

"Sure. Don't worry, your name is on my speed dial," I said, giving her a wink as I walked past her on my way through the door. I made haste to avoid seeing the worried look in her eyes and only to bid my goodbyes to her by looking over my shoulder. "See you later, Jisoo! I'll call you once I'm done!"

The day passed by so quickly.

Or perhaps I was too focused on work to pay attention to how time went by until it was past afternoon. There were only two other students staying in the studio other than myself. Yet they had both stopped working since lunchtime to have their much-needed break, while I was still bent over my drawing table, drowning myself in my work even after lunch break was over.

"_____, take a break for a moment and eat something."

I raised my head to look away from my work and look at both my classmates, Hara and Jiyoung, sitting on the floor across the room with crossed legs. They surrounded by empty boxes of snacks they had just finished eating. Not entirely the perfect choice of lunch, but at least they were eating something.

At that moment, I started getting a bit dizzy. I could not tell whether they were from having my head down all the time to concentrate on working, or perhaps from hunger. Briefly looking down on my watch, I saw the time and had decided that perhaps it was the latter.

"I only need to finish a bit more and I'll be done," I sighed briefly while looking at the girls who were lounging sleepily on the floor—one with her left hand covered in faint colours of ink from her drawings, and the other had a few fingers from her right hand covered in red spots from holding a pen for too long. "I brought some sandwiches earlier so you guys can eat up ahead."

Neither of the girls answered me, but I saw how Hara raised her eyebrows before standing up to approach me. "______, are you okay? You look really pale."

"I'm alright."

I heard a sigh coming from her as I started to turn back around and continue working. "No, seriously, _____. Come on and rest for a while, you don't look so good. We still have a few hours to go anyway," she said.

At that moment, I was already starting to feel as if everything around me was spinning. My head was having a constant throbbing which had even started to cloud my hearings. So I finally gave in, answering her with, "Alright. I should probably eat something anyway," before straightening my back and stood from my seat.

I should have known and understood how my body would react by now. And I should have known not to make any sudden movements when I knew there was something wrong with my head.

But I did it anyway.

And I could not stop myself from falling to the ground as darkness took over me.