My fears

Here are my fears because why not... Except that I got a lot of fears. And that I'm ashamed with most of them.
I will start with my greatest fear then with the others that are a bit less scary.

1: Proditiophobia.
-The fear of being betrayed or backstabbed by someone I love.
I got that fear because I was backstabbed a lot in my childhood, by my "friends" or my own family. So sometimes, mostly unintentionally because I'm triggered by something, I'm going to go into a kind of state where I think people just don't like me, that they're all lying and pretending, that they feel pity for me, that they just take advantage of me, that all my relationships will end like in my past and it will never end. But it's like intense thoughts that I can't stop. I don't really know how to describe it. When that happens, it can temporarily guide me to a short period of emotional numbness.

2: Nyctophobia.
-Fear of darkness.
I'm really ashamed about this one, because I feel like a baby.
Darkness makes me feel dead, like I don't exist, and I neved understood why. I'm also afraid of what can happen or hide in the dark because I'm scared easily. I have this fear since I was born and can't get ride of it.
If I'm in complete darkness, there is a chance that I let out a scream and then proceed to be in an anxious state and have great difficulty in breathing. I would also tend to cling to anyone or anything in an attempt to feel my surrondings and seek protection, and also seek light.

3: Pediophobia.
-Fear of dolls.
I'm not afraid of all dolls, because I played with some in my childhood, but most freak me out. I've had this fear since I was 7, when I was traumatized by Annabelle and Chucky.
I feel constantly watched by most of dolls, which makes me really uncomfortable. I just can't touch them, I can't. If I'm forced, I'll throw it across the room, immediately screaming... It's extremely dumb and I'm ashamed of it, but I'm afraid that they are haunted or alive because of my trauma. And I'm afraid they'll attack me if I ever come into contact with them.
If I see certain dolls, I can freeze and stay like that, in silence... which will lead me to a sleepless or nightmarish night later.

4: Acrophobia.
-Extreme and irrational fear of heights, especially when one is not particularly high up...
I don't know why I have this fear, I just can't remember. Maybe my brain erased the reason? Anyway...
I've always had this fear as far as I can remember. The gym is a real nightmare because of this fear. I can't do the overhead exercises or climb the balance beam, and no one in my school understands my phobia.
When I'm up high, I freeze and can't move, no matter how hard I try. And oh man, I tried. I'm shaking uncontrollably, and worst-case scenarios play in my head on repeat. I can't do anything and I hate it.
Someone always has to hold my hand or help me when I'm high up, because I can't do it on my own...

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