TRIGGER WARNING: IF YOU ARE ON THE SPECTRUM OR HAVE A FORM OF EPILEPSY, PLEASE DON'T WATCH THE VIDEOS. THIS CHAPTER ALSO TALKS ABOUT SELF HARM AS A COPING MECHANISM. PLEASE, PLEASE TAKE CARE

So

This book is probably going to be focused on this a lot

Idk why I'm doing this either ok

Sorry

AnYgAy

My PDD-NOS

First, the Wikipedia definition: 

'A pervasive developmental disorder not otherwise specified (PDD-NOS) is one of the four (ASD) and also one of the five disorders classified as a (PDD). According to the , PDD-NOS is a diagnosis that is used for "severe and pervasive impairment in the development of reciprocal social interaction or verbal and nonverbal communication skills, or when stereotyped behavior, interests, and activities are present, but the criteria are not met for a specific PDD" or for several other disorders. PDD-NOS is often called atypical autism, because the criteria for autistic disorder are not met, for instance because of late age of onset, atypical symptomatology, or subthreshold symptomatology, or all of these. Even though PDD-NOS is considered milder than typical , this is not always true. While some characteristics may be milder, others may be more severe.'

Basically,  PDD-NOS means: Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Not Otherwise Specified. It's a generally mild form of autism, now known under the umbrella term of Autism Spectrum Disorder, or ASD. Every case is different, but this is what it means for me is that I need more help with planning, I'm more awkward in social engagement because I have trouble understanding and/or reading emotions. I also have a shorter attention span, about 10-15 minutes, and need structure in my life. I can't handle change very well, and surprises are also a kinda big thing for me to handle. I also hear almost everything that's going on around me, which is why I basically live with my headphones on, and I notice a lot of small details both with sounds and what I see.

If that sounds like too much info, here are a few videos that basically are how I see the world and how I experience it: 

In the third clip, the woman asks what you would do to make it stop. That's what you call stimming, or self-stimulating. The point is basically to give yourself a stimulation that drowns everything out. In my case, that's mostly scratching at my throat, collarbones, wrists and arms, tapping on anything, rocking back and forth and cracking my knuckles until they hurt. This works pretty well most of the time, and gives me one thing in the chaos that I can control. 

So yeah

That's it, I think

If you got any questions, feel free to ask I s'pose