CHAPTER EIGHTEEN » SAY SOMETHING
"It's always been you."

♔

"You didn't tell him?" Glenn pressed, his eyebrows raised. "I thought you wanted people to know?"

I shook my head. "I couldn't do it. We ended up talking about something else and it didn't seem right and I guess- well, I just panicked."

Glenn sighed, his eyes darting around to see if anybody was listening. He lowered his voice. "I was talking to Dale about it and we were thinking that maybe we need to tell everyone."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" I asked, glancing back over at the group. The outcome of telling everybody was going to be a complete disaster. Not to mention it would tear apart the Greene's trust for us if everyone reacted badly.

"I was thinking of doing it at breakfast. I have to get it over with. I can't keep this quiet much longer."

I sighed, deep down knowing it was the right thing to do. Everybody needed to know eventually. We needed to stop putting it off. "Okay."

The tension was already thick enough at breakfast. I scraped my fork along my plate, feeling too rattled with nerves to eat anything. I kept on catching eyes with Glenn and Dale and once with Maggie, who shook her head as if begging us not to say anything.

I heard Glenn clear his throat and stand up in the view of everyone. I felt my pulse rise, watching as Glenn's nervous hands shook by his sides. "Um, guys..." His voice cracked as everyone's attention turned to him. And he didn't even sugar coat it. "So, the barn is full of walkers."

Everyone paused, looks of pure shock and horror on their faces. And that's what I liked to call, the calm before the storm.

~

"You cannot tell me you're alright with this," Shane said above the moaning and groaning sounds of the walkers from the barn.

Rick turned to him. "I'm not, but we're guests here," he pointed out. "This isn't our land."

"This is our lives!" Shane yelled.

"Lower your voice," Glenn hissed.

"We can't just sweep this under the rug," Andrea spoke up, looking between the two of them.

Shane nodded. "It ain't right. Not remotely." He began to pace behind Rick before eventually stopping between all of us. "Okay, we've either got to go in there, we've got to make things right or we've just got to go. Now we have been talking about fort Benning for a long time-"

"We can't go," Rick said firmly.

"Why, Rick? Why?"

"Because my daughter is still out there." Carol said, watching him with wide eyes.

"Okay," Shane said. "Okay, I think it's time that we all start to just consider the other possibility."

"We're not leaving Sophia behind," Rick snapped.

"I'm close to finding this girl," Daryl reminded. "I just found her damn doll two days ago."

"You found her doll, Daryl. That's what you did. You found a doll," Shane said, beginning to cross the line as disrespectful. Carol didn't need this.

"You don't know what the hell you're talking about!" Daryl snapped, his anger rising as he began to grow defensive.

"I'm just saying what needs to be said," Shane countered, making me shake my head.

"No, you're being a complete ass," I pointed out, causing him to send a harsh look my way before turning back to Rick.

"Look, you get a good lead, it's in the first 48 hours-"

"Shane, stop," Rick warned.

Shane ignored him, his look lingering on Daryl. "Let me tell you something else, man. If she was alive out there and saw you coming all methed out with your buck knife and geek ears around your neck, she would run in the other direction."

Daryl lunged for him, Rick holding him back.

"Hey, back off," I cautioned, moving closer towards Shane. "You think this is helping?"

"Keep your hands off me," I heard Daryl say gruffly from behind me as shouts and curses from the others filled the air. I kept my eyes locked with Shane

Rick moved away from Daryl, speaking calmly. "Now just let me talk to Hershel. Let me figure it out."

Shane whipped around, raising his voice. "What are you gonna figure out?!"

"If we're gonna stay," Rick stated. "If we're gonna clear this barn, I have to talk him into it. This is his land."

Dale stepped forwards, gesturing to the barn. "Hershel sees those things in there as people. Sick people... His wife, his stepson."

The rest of the group looked surprised that Dale had known too. Rick turned to him, breathless. "You knew?"

"Yesterday I talked to Hershel," Dale replied.

"And you waited the night?"

"I thought we could survive one more night," he replied. "We did. I was waiting till this morning to say something, but Glenn wanted to be the one."

Dale's eyes flickered towards Glenn and I and I silently thanked him for not throwing me under the bus too, despite feeling a little guilty about not actually sharing any blame.

"The man is crazy, Rick, if Hershel thinks those things are alive-" Shane started again, until the sound of chains rattling against the barn doors cut him off. Everyone stared at them, me feeling my heart rate picking up at the thought of all of them escaping. Hell was about to break loose.

~

"Where is everyone?" Andrea questioned later on, when the whole group were stood around, only a few people missing. I frowned, realising that Andrea and T-Dog were supposed to be with Rick looking for Sophia. Instead, they were out here.

"Wait, you haven't seen Rick?" I asked, knowing how strange it was for him to just disappear.

"He went off with Hershel," Andrea replied. "We were supposed to leave a couple hours ago."

"Yeah you were," Daryl said gruffly from behind us. "What the hell?"

"Rick told us he was going out."

"Damn it. Isn't anybody taking this seriously?" Daryl asked, eyes shifting over all of us. "We got us a damn trail," he said, indicating to the forest, where Shane had started to appear from. "Oh, here we go."

I squinted my eyes, noticing the bag on his shoulders that I recognised as the one holding all the guns in.

"What's all this?" I asked, watching as he held out a rifle to Daryl.

"You with me, man?"

Without hesitation, Daryl took the gun, muttering a "yeah."

"Time to grow up," Shane turned to Andrea. "You already got yours?"

"Yeah," she answered, a bemused expression on her face. "Where's Dale?"

"He's on his way." He passed a gun to T-Dog.

"I thought we couldn't carry," I said, eyeing him suspiciously. He dug into the bag and handed me my gun, which I took hesitantly, although I was actually quite glad to have back in my hands.

"We can and we have to," Shane replied firmly. "Look, it was one thing sitting around here picking daisies when we thought this place was supposed to be safe, but now we know it ain't." He stopped, looking at Glenn. "How about you, man? You gonna protect yours?

Glenn paused as we all watched him expectantly. His eyes flickered to mine for the briefest instance, and I saw him sigh and take the gun.

"Can you shoot?" I heard Shane ask Maggie, who huffed.

"Can you stop? You do this, you hand out these guns, my dad will make you leave tonight."

"We have to stay, Shane," Carl said, stepping down the porch steps with Lori behind him.

"What is this?" Lori questioned.

"We ain't going anywhere, okay?" Shane assured, setting down the guns. "Now look, Hershel, he's just gotta understand. Okay? He- well, he's gonna have to." Shane crouched down, taking a gun out of his belt loop and bending down beside Carl. "Now we need to find Sophia. Am I right? Huh? Now I want you to take this." He placed the pistol in Carl's hands. "You take it, Carl, and you keep your mother safe. You do whatever it takes. You know how. Go on, take the gun and do it."

Lori stepped in front of Carl, angrily pointing a finger at Shane. "Rick said no guns. This is not your call. This is not your decision to make."

"Oh shit."

Upon T-Dog's exclamation, I turned around to the edge of the woods where three figures emerged. One person was in front, leading two other people who had walkers attached to poles.

I noticed it was Jimmy who was clapping, leading the walkers towards the sounds. Rick and Hershel were the people holding the poles.

"What is that?" Shane muttered, pushing past everyone. "What is that?"

He took off running, causing Lori to shout after him. I started following, along with the others. 

"What the hell are you doing?"

"Shane, just back off," Rick replied, holding the walker out of arms reach.

"Why do your people have guns?" Hershel asked, looking between all of us.

"Why do you have walkers?" I retorted back, anger flaring up inside me as my eyes shifted to Rick. "What the hell are you playing at?"

"You see?" Shane stepped forwards, gesturing to the two of them. "You see what they're holding onto?"

"I see who I'm holding onto."

Shane had done a full circle around them by the time he came to a stop. "No, man, you don't."

"Shane, just let us do this and then we can talk," Rick said, causing me to shake my head in disbelief as the two of them began to lead the walkers back to the barn.

"What do you want to talk about, Rick?" Shane snapped, following after them. "These things ain't sick. They're not people. They're dead. Ain't gonna feel nothing for them 'cause all they do is kill! These things right here, they're the things that killed Amy. They killed Otis. They're gonna kill all of us!"

"Shane, shut up!"

"Hey, Hershel man, let me ask you something." He stopped, blocking the path to the barn. He had a dark glint in his eyes as he held his gun out in front of him. "Could a living breathing person, could they walk away from this?"

He pulled he trigger, shooting the walker in Hershel's hands three times in the chest.

"No! Stop it!" Rick yelled, his shouts blurring with everyone else's.

"That's three rounds in the chest. Could someone who's alive, could they just take that?!" He pointed at it. "Why is it still coming?" Two more shots rang out. "That's its heart, its lungs. Why is it still coming?"

I stepped towards Shane, holding my hand out in front of me. "Okay, now you're taking this way too far. Come on man, just calm-"

More bullets whizzed past me and flew towards the walker, causing Rick to raise his voice. "Shane, enough!"

Glenn reached forwards, tugging me back as I breathed out in shock, noticing how close those bullets were to hitting me.

"Yeah, you're right, man," Shane said, storming towards the walker. "That is enough." One final gunshot rang out, the bullet going through the walker's head. The pole fell to the ground, Hershel falling to his knees with it. "Enough risking our lives for a little girl who's gone! Enough living next to a barn full of things that are trying to kill us. Enough!"

His shouts seemed to startle everyone and my own heart pounded in fear as I became worried about the gun in his hands. Or more so, what he could do with the gun in his hands.

"Rick, it ain't like it was before. Now if y'all want to live, if you want to survive, you got to fight for it! I'm talking about fighting right here, right now," he stormed towards the barn.

"Take the snare pole," Rick instructed. "Hershel, take the snare pole! Hershel, listen to me, man, please." As he pleaded, I watched in horror as Shane started to chop at the barn doors, beginning to untangle the chains. "Take it now. Hershel! Take it!"

"No, Shane!" I yelled, stepping forwards.

"Do not do this, brother," Rick begged.

"Rick!" Lori cried out.

"Don't do it!"

"Rick!"

"Please!" Rick let out one last yell, but Shane had already pulled the wood holding the doors together.

He slammed his hands against the doors, causing growls from the walkers to sound from inside. "Come on. Come on, we're out here."

"This is not the way! Please!"

"Get behind me," I heard Lori say to Carl and I edged more in front of them, not wanting Carl to have to become involved in this. Glenn moved beside me and we shared a worried look.

"Come on!"

There was a snarl and a walker in overalls stumbled out. Andrea ran over to Shane, holding her gun out to shoot alongside him as more of them flooded from the barn. Along with T-Dog, I rushed forwards, adding to the shots being fired.

I watched a walker fall down after every couple of bullets, alongside the cries of the Greene family in the background, which I desperately tried to block out.  It seemed to go on for forever until everything suddenly came to a standstill.

Slowly, I started to lower the gun, looking around at the mass piles of bodies and devastation around us. But soon, a single growl filled the quiet air and a figure moved through the cracks.

A sickening feeling built up inside me as I recognised the little girl stepping out of the barn.

"Sophia?" Carol started, her eyes widening as she ran forwards. "Sophia!" Daryl dropped his crossbow, grabbing Carol before she could get any further. "Oh no. Sophia."

Sophia stumbled closer towards her, dressed in the same outfit we last saw her in, sporting a purple bite mark on her neck. My eyes filled with tears as my heart broke for Carol. I suddenly didn't want to be in that position, I didn't want to be there in that moment.

Nobody moved.

Rick was the one to finally step forwards, moving past each one of us before stopping in front of Sophia. He held the gun out and I watched as a snarl curled on her lip as she stumbled closer towards him.

Swallowing thickly, I watched as the trigger was pulled and she fell to the ground. I let out the breath I'd been holding, staring at the whole scene in shock.

Carol had shoved Daryl away and ran out of sight, whereas Beth Greene stumbled towards one of the corpses, kneeling beside it. "Mom?"

A sudden scream rang through the air and I noticed the walker's hands reaching up to grasp Beth's arms and hair as she struggled to move away. The others ran forwards to help her break free but I stood frozen on the spot, my eyes despondently wandering around.

"Blaire," I heard a voice say after a while, catching my attention. "Blaire, honey are you okay?" Lori's hand was on my shoulder as her eyes softly checked over me.

I inhaled, noticing a couple of the others were watching me too. "I'm fine," I breathed out, meeting Lori's eyes to reassure her. "I'm fine."

Hershel started to pull Maggie, Jimmy and a still sobbing Beth towards the house and everyone's attention turned back to them, specifically Shane's. The man stalked past us, shouting to the Greene family.

"We've been out-" Shane started angrily, radiating approximately zero sympathy. Lori and I shared a look before following Shane, along with Rick and Glenn. "We've been combing these woods looking for her and she was in there all along? You knew?!"

Maggie whipped around, tears brimming in her eyes. "Leave us alone."

"Hey, Shane, just stop, man," Glenn said.

"Get your hands off me," he snapped shoving Rick, who'd attempted to get him to back off, away from him. Shane pointed a finger at Hershel. "You knew and you kept it from us."

"I didn't know."

"That's bullshit!" Shane snapped. "I think y'all knew."

"We didn't know!" Maggie yelled.

"Why was she there?!"

Hershel let go of Beth, and Patricia took the poor girl into her arms, leading her onto the porch. He then turned back to the rest of us, eyes lingering on Shane. "Otis put those people in the barn. Maybe he found her and put her in there before he was killed."

"You expect me to believe that?" Shane's voice became angrier and louder with every word. Rick noticed, walking over to place a hand on his chest. "Do I look like an idiot?"

"Shane, hey hey hey-"

"I don't care what you believe!"

Rick moved between the two men, his arms extended out like a barrier. "Everybody just calm down"

"Get him off my land!" Hershel ordered.

Shane harshly stepped forwards. "Let me tell you something-"

Maggie stormed down the porch steps, her eyes burning with anger. "Hey!" She shouted, stepping over to Shane and striking him hard across the face. "Don't touch him! Haven't you done enough?"

"I mean it," Hershel glared. "Off my land."

The Greene family headed inside and Glenn shook his head and stormed off, along with the others, leaving Rick, Shane and I.

"What are you doing?" Rick asked Shane, who was rubbing his hand over his face in annoyance. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"Daryl almost died looking for her, Rick. Any one of us could have. I'm gonna tell you right now, that son of a bitch," Shane pointed towards the Greene house. "He knew."

"He didn't know," Rick dismissed. "He's not like that. He opened his home to us."

"He put us all in danger. Man, he kept a barn full of walkers," Shane argued.

"So you just start an insurrection, hand out guns and massacre his family?"

"His family's dead, Rick."

Rick shook his head. "Well, he doesn't believe that. He thinks you just murdered them in cold blood."

"No, man, I don't care what he thinks."

"I was handling it, brother. I was handling it and you just-"

Both of them started to raise their voices, their words blurring together until Shane's voice rose above.

"You had us out in those woods looking for a little girl that every single one of us knew was dead!" He shook his head disappointedly. "That's what you did. Rick, you're just as delusional as that guy." Shane then turned to me, as if waiting for me to react. "What? Lost your voice now? You've usually got plenty to say."

"You-" I started, jabbing a finger at him. I'd never felt to frustrated in my whole life. Shane had ruined everything for us and destroyed an already broken family whilst he was at it. "You fucked up real bad. Actually, you know what, you're not even worth wasting my breath on-" I started to move away but I heard him speak again.

"Taking Rick's side again?" He scoffed, causing me to turn back around. "Thought you'd started to see sense and agree with me. Guess you're both just as delusional as each other."

Before I'd even thought about it, my hand connected with Shane's face, the slap probably even harder and more hate-filled than Maggie's. Rick moved between the two of us before Shane had a chance to react, causing him to just shake his head as he walked off, muttering something.

My heart thumped loudly in my chest as my hands shook at my sides. Rick turned to face me, placing a hand on my bicep. I shook him off, moving backwards. "Don't-" I held my hands up, shaking my head. "Just don't."

Angry tears burned fiercely in my eyes as I stormed back to my tent, inevitably passing some of the group. Andrea stopped in front of me, looking concerned as she said my name. I brushed past her, as well as Lori, who also asked if I was ok.

"Hey-" I halted, Glenn's hands on my arms to stop me from crashing into him. "Blaire-"

And suddenly I couldn't hold it back any longer. Everything I'd been feeling suddenly spilled out of me as sobs heaved through my body, causing Glenn to unsurely stare at me for a moment before wrapping his arms around me.

"It's okay-"

"No, no it's not-" I sniffed, pulling away from his embrace to wipe my eyes. My head pounded from all the thoughts bouncing around my skull. "I need- I need to tell you something."

"Blaire-" he started, but I cut him off.

"If I don't say this now I might never get chance to."

"Blaire-"

"Glenn, just shut up for a moment and listen to me okay," I took a deep breath, collecting my thoughts.

This was it.

"Glenn, the other day, in the pharmacy, I came really close to dying. Really close. For a moment I genuinely believed that was it - that was the end. But the thing is, I've always thought that when that moment came, I would be ready. I've always thought- well I've always hoped- that I'd die in some kind of heroic way. Maybe I'd sacrifice myself for one of you or something along those lines. And that would be my decision, you know. It would be my choice. And I'd know that I was ready for it. But when that happened, it wasn't my choice. It was like I'd lost control over everything and my life relied in the hands of fate. And that scared me, Glenn. No, that terrified me because I could have ended up as one of those walkers in that damn barn. I could have ended up like Sophia!"

My chest heaved with every breath I took as my eyes fluttered around whilst I tried to steady my voice.

"See, Glenn, I've imagined all sorts of scenarios. I've imagined so many ways my life would end with me not having the control. But, once again, I've always thought that, in my last moments, I'd accept that I was ready to go. That didn't happen. And I didn't understand why until now. Admittedly, I never lived my life to the full. There were so many things I wish I could have done; I wanted to travel, I wanted to see the world, I wanted to get married and have a perfect family. But those are the things I've accepted that I will never get to have."

Glenn stared at me wide eyed and confused whilst I took a deep breath, ready to admit everything.

"The reason that I wasn't ready to die was because I've been hiding something; I've been holding back something. And I have had so many damn chances to do something about it but I've never taken them. But now I truly realise how precious those chances are. So I'm going to take one. Glenn, I like you. I like you more than a friend. I have done for a while but I think I've only truly just started to realise it. The reason I survived the other day, the reason I want to keep surviving, and the reason I chose to keep fighting in the first place, was because of you. It's always been you. I wasn't ready to die because I know that I have to keep fighting. I have to keep fighting for you."

I let out a long breath that I didn't realise I'd been holding. Glenn stared at me, his mouth slightly parted in shock. I started to frown, my heart falling as worry built up inside me.

"Say something," I prompted, my eyes searching his for some kind of giveaway to what he was feeling. "Please."

❃

Words: 3945
Published: 29th August 2016

Shit just went down... 😱