CHAPTER SEVENTEEN » CHOICES
"That is next level creepy shit."

♔

The sound of a gunshot ringing from the distance not only scared the living shit out of me, but it also caught everybody else's attention.

I'd been in the kitchen with Lori and the others, attempting to help cook a meal, when all of a sudden a loud bang, followed by Rick's shouts, was heard very clearly. Lori, suddenly very pale, dropped everything where she was and ran outside. I placed the plate in my hands on the counter and followed her out, my heart thudding in my chest as I thought of horrible possibilities. The last time this happened, Carl was shot.

"Rick!" I heard Lori sob from ahead of me. Andrea turned her head, looking incredibly guilty.

"What on earth's going on out here?" Hershel demanded, his eyes scanning around all of us.

I moved forwards, watching as Glenn and Dale stepped out of the RV. Everybody began to gather on the grass where Shane and Rick were holding an unconscious Daryl up.

"Oh my god," I breathed out, stopping beside Glenn. "Is he okay?"

"Is he dead?" Andrea panicked.

Rick and Shane began to haul Daryl along, me stepping backwards to keep up with them. "Unconscious," Rick informed. "You just grazed him?"

I whipped around, facing Andrea. "You shot him? What the hell were you thinking?"

"I thought he was a walker," she mumbled back, her guilty eyes looking distant.

"But look at him," Glenn started. I glanced at Daryl again; his clothes were torn, his skin bloodied and scratched. "What the hell happened?" I shook my head, walking beside Rick as Glenn seemed to notice something else. "He's wearing ears."

I frowned, noticing the ear necklace around Daryl's neck that Rick quickly pulled off and tossed to the ground. "Let's keep that to ourselves."

"Guys," T-Dog called out, causing me to stop and look over at him. A tattered doll was in his hand and I immediately recognised it. "Isn't this Sophia's?"

~

The next morning, the atmosphere was a little tense. After Andrea shot Daryl, Hershel became much more cold towards us. Along with everybody wanting to get looking for Sophia, the dinner we had all prepared didn't go down well and the tension hadn't eased overnight either.

Daryl was inside, lay in bed with a scowl. Taking a deep breath to prepare myself, I knocked lightly on the door, expecting him to turn me away as soon as he saw me.

"Hey," I gave him a weak smile, stepping inside the room. I got a grunt in response. "How are you doing?"

"Fine," he replied coldly.

"Daryl," I started, with a heavy sigh. "I'm sorry about what happened back at the highway."

"Not your fault."

"Yeah it is, I was angry and-"

He cut me off. "You were right. We all need to start pullin' our weight around more and that what I've been doin'."

I pulled out the chair beside his bed, smiling as I sat down. "Thank you. You know, everything you've been doing to find Sophia has been really great."

He shrugged. "Just doin' my bit."

"And we're all grateful for that," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder. "Oh, and I'm sorry you almost got shot. Shame she missed though," I teased, causing Daryl to look up at me with a glare. I laughed. "Just kidding, I'm glad you're okay. Rest up, yeah?"

Receiving a nod in reply, I took that as a sign to leave and patted him on the shoulder again before standing up. As I left the house, heading to camp, I noticed an anxious looking Glenn with a basket in his hands. Once he saw me, his own brown eyes widened and he literally froze on the spot.

"The hell is up with you?" I asked, eyeing the basket full of fruit in his hands. "Where did you get this?" I took one of the fresh looking peaches out, holding it tight in my hand. I hadn't had one of these for ages. "Nowhere."

I bit into the peach, narrowing my eyes at Glenn. "Ah, so they just magically appeared?"

He groaned, his eyes darting around nervously. "Okay, look if I tell you something you have to promise not to tell anyone."

I folded my arms over my chest. "Glenn, you're worrying me."

"Okay, so last night I was exploring and I ended up at the barn-" he paused, sighing dramatically. "Do you know what I saw?"

"No, Glenn. I have absolutely no idea so please enlighten me," I said, shaking my head at his story as I took another bite into my peach.

"Walkers."

The air in my throat suddenly became tight as I almost choked. "What?"

"They've got walkers in the barn!" He hissed quietly. "And Maggie is trying to buy my silence in fruit!" He gestured to the basket in his hands.

"And did she happen to mention why they have a barn full of those things?" I asked, suddenly not wanting to finish the fruit in my hand. "Because that is next level creepy shit and definitely not okay?!"

"I know," he replied, his hands fiddling with the basket in his hands. "What do we do?"

"I'm telling Rick-"

Glenn reached out, grabbing my arm. "No, don't-"

"We can't just-"

"Blaire," Glenn said firmly. "Please don't tell Rick. I just- just give them a chance to own up to it before we act."

"I feel so guilty hiding all these things from him. First, about Lori and now with the walkers in the barn. Glenn, I can't keep this up for long."

Glenn's eyebrows furrowed into a confused expression. "Lori? What's wrong with Lori?"

Upon realising what I'd just mentioned, I slapped my hand over my mouth quickly before trying to come up with an excuse. "Nothing. Nothing's wrong with Lori."

"Hey, I shared my secret."

"Glenn, this isn't a competition on who's got the most shocking gossip," I reprimanded, glancing around quickly before leaning closer to him. "Lori's pregnant."

"That's not-" Glenn rubbed a hand over his face exasperatedly. "Shit."

"You can't tell Rick, okay," I warned, taking another bite of the fruit "Oh god, what do we do?" I shook my head, swallowing thickly. "This is way too much responsibility. We just- we don't tell anyone just yet, okay? Especially Rick."

"Blaire, I'm the worst at lying," he said, lowering his voice to a whisper as he began to bounce on his feet. "I can't even play poker It's too much like lying!"

"Okay, look, just act normally. Go hand out the fruit or something," I suggested.

"But-"

"Leave it to me," I said, placing my hand on his shoulder. "It's all going to be fine."

Whilst Glenn went to deliver peaches, which would hopefully take his mind off things, I located Lori and the two of us headed out into a quieter area. "How are you doing?" I asked, leaning back against a tree.

"I'm okay," she replied, her eyes wandering behind me.

"Have you told him?" I asked, earning a shake of her head. I leaned forwards. "Are you kidding me? Lori, you need to tell Rick."

"Okay but you have to, Lori," Glenn said from behind me, startling me. I whacked my hand against his chest upon noticing the betrayal on Lori's face.

"You told Glenn?" She asked, the disappointment in her eyes suddenly making me feel very guilty about spilling her secret.

"I couldn't just-" I cut off. "It just slipped out!" She huffed and I sighed. "I'm sorry, Lori. But just- you really need to tell Rick."

"Lori, you're pregnant," Glenn reminded. "You need vitamins, medicine, and a nice pillow," he said, reaching for the jerky in his basket. "You can have my share."

"Honey, I don't want your food, okay?

"You need to eat," Glenn urged. "You're too skinny. And if you're not gonna let Rick take care of you, then someone has to."

I smiled at Glenn's kindness, whereas Lori just glanced behind him, probably looking at Rick.

"Lori, you have a medical condition," I reminded, grabbing her attention. "I'll make another run into town. Just tell me what you need."

"I'll go too," Glenn offered.

Finally caving in, Lori nodded. "I need you to be quiet about this, all right? Please."

A whistle suddenly broke through the air, catching my attention. I glanced back at Shane, who was stood with Rick. "Hey! Peach man!"

Lori began to resume what she was doing as Glenn sighed and started to head over to the smaller group. I turned back to Lori. "Write us a list of what you need and we'll get it for you."

"Thank you. I know you hate me at the moment-"

I stopped her mid sentence. "I don't hate you for what you did. You thought your husband died and you were looking for comfort. There isn't anything wrong with that, Lori. But I can't keep this secret much longer, it's not fair. You're going to need to tell Rick soon otherwise one of us will."

Lori nodded solemnly. "I will. I will tell him. Just give me a little more time."

"Okay. But to be honest with you Lori, I don't like being in this position," I admitted. "And I'm sorry about telling Glenn, I can give you my word that he won't tell anyone. But please, Lori, please let Rick know,  the sooner the better will be best for all of us. Come find me when you've got your list."

I left Lori alone to think and headed over to the others in hopes of finding Glenn. The nerves radiating around him were making me increasingly more worried that he was going to blurt something out to somebody, and I had to stop that.

"Hey, Blaire!" Shane called over, stopping me in my tracks. "We're doing some gun training  for the others. Wanna help out?"

I frowned, glancing over at Rick, who shrugged, and then back at Shane. "Me? Help out? You want me-"

"Like you said, you're trained and you're good with a gun."

"Wow. Is there something in that fruit or-"

Rick snorted and Shane chuckled shaking his head. "So could you help us out?"

As much as it would have been a bit of a release of emotions, my loyalty to Lori and her list came first. "Sorry, no can do today. I've got some important things but if I get them done I'll be sure to join you all. Thanks for asking though."

I waved goodbye to Rick and Shane, just catching sight of Glenn heading into the RV. Praying he wouldn't say anything to Dale, who would most definitely blab, I quickly rushed over, opening the door just in time to hear Glenn blurt, "There's walkers in the barn and Lori's pregnant." The door slammed shut behind me and Glenn turned around slowly, slight relief on his face that it was only me that heard, but also fear. "Oh, boy."

~

"Blaire, please talk to me."

I sighed, pursing my lips as I continued to head to the pharmacy, Glenn a few paces behind me. Neither of us were fans of the horses so we decided to walk.

"I'm sorry I told Dale. I'm an idiot."

I snorted in agreement, shaking my head. "Look, you messed up, yeah. But so did I when I told you about Lori. I guess I'm just upset because I know they don't trust us a lot, especially Hershel. And I don't know about you but I really like it here," I sighed. "I just don't want anything to jeopardise that."

"I know," Glenn said with a sigh. "I'm sorry. Dale promised he wouldn't say anything though."

"He better not. Otherwise I'll throw him in that damn barn," I joked, which caused Glenn to raise an eyebrow. "Kidding."

The two of us approached the pharmacy and I pushed open the door, the bell ringing again reminding me of when me and Maggie first came here. "What does she want now?" Glenn asked as I reached for the list in my back pocket.

I pulled the piece of paper out and unfolded it, scanning down the list, my eyes widening. Emergency contraceptive pills.

"Blaire?"

"Um, she wants lotion, conditioner and soap opera digest if you can get that. I'll handle the rest." I crumpled up the list and headed to the back of the counter where I knew I'd most likely find them.

I started to look through the shelves, looking underneath bottles and then discarding them. I didn't know how to feel about the situation. I knew that it was Lori's choice overall and I wouldn't want my child growing up in this world, but I still couldn't wrap my head around it.

I rose onto my tiptoes and started to skim through some more things like antibiotics. I was aware of Glenn rummaging around at the front of the shop and glanced over to see him staring in my direction. "You okay over there?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Fine," he replied, frowning down at what was on the shelves in front of him. "You?"

"I'm good," I said, smiling to myself as I turned back around to the shelves.

Just as I went to start looking again, I heard an all too familiar low growl from behind me. I felt the smile slide off my face as I stepped backwards, reaching for my knife as I saw it come stumbling towards me. I crashed into some counters, my shakiness causing me to lose balance and fall to the floor, the walker falling on top of me. "Oh, shit."

The stench of its dead breath was on my face and I scrambled backwards, trying to reach for my knife in my pocket. "Blaire!" I heard Glenn shouting over. "Blaire!"

I shoved the walker away but it's bony fingers grabbed my jacket, holding on. It smashed it's teeth together, coming closer and closer to my face. Trying to hold it back with one hand, I reached for my knife with the other, finally curling my hand around it and slamming it into the walker's skull. I pulled it out slowly, as it appeared to be stuck, and then jammed it in again. The walker fell forwards across my legs and I shoved it off, pressing my back against the counter as I tried to catch my breath.

"Blaire, are you okay?" Glenn bent down in front of me, holding his hand out to help me up. I took it, stumbling into Glenn's arms, my panicked breaths taking over. "Did it bite you?"

"No," I choked out, holding on to his arms to steady myself. Glenn's arms moved from around my back and pulled me away, his hands softly gripping my wrists and turning them over to check for bite marks.

I felt my eyes start to fill with tears as Glenn rubbed his hands over my arms comfortingly before bringing me closer to him again. "It's okay, you're okay."

The hot tears slipped from my eyes and I sniffed, holding on to Glenn tightly. I could feel my whole body shaking and I couldn't stop it. I'd never come so close to not making it before. Glenn's arm wrapped around me and I pressed my face closer into his chest. I didn't want to move. I was too afraid to move. I felt safe in his arms.

~

The way back from the pharmacy had been silent. I had so many thoughts whirring around my mind. I was angry at Lori, angry and the fact that I almost died for pills for her to kill her unborn baby. I was mad at the fact that I couldn't defend myself quick enough. I was scared that it caused me to freeze up like that.

"I'll take these to Lori," Glenn said once we'd reached the farm. "You should take a break today." I nodded, swallowing thickly as I handed Glenn the paper bag. "I'm sorry, this was my fault."

I frowned, looking into his brown eyes. He looked upset, defeated, guilty even. "Glenn, I offered to go. This wasn't your fault." He gave me a small nod, looking down at the ground. "I think I'm gonna go for a walk."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, I think I want to be alone," I said, but Glenn looked hesitant to let me be by myself again. "I'll be fine," I assured. "I'll see you later."

Glenn nodded, tightening his grip on the paper bag. I turned away from him, starting to head down the large stretch of fields. I could feel Glenn still looking at me, watching me carefully. I didn't head too far out of sight, just far enough to be alone with my thoughts for a while.

The world ending, the walkers in the barn and Lori being pregnant aside, my mind was mainly focused on what had happened at the pharmacy.
Sure, I'd been in dangerous situations before, but I'd never been so frozen up that I genuinely believed that it would be the end. And despite everything, in that moment I didn't want to die. I didn't want to die because I couldn't leave everyone, I couldn't leave this life. I cared for everyone so much, especially Glenn. I wanted to keep fighting for that. I wasn't ready to die.

Later on, I saw Rick and Lori a bit further away talking privately. I saw Lori look back at me and Rick turned around too. I presumed they must have been talking about Lori being pregnant and quickly put my head down. I hated keeping that secret, especially because it could have now damaged Rick's trust for me. But I was glad she finally told him.

Lori ended up storming back to camp, Rick watching after her for a while until he turned back in my direction. Frowning, I watched as he walked towards me, his face unreadable. I didn't know if he was angry with me, disappointed, upset. I couldn't tell what he was feeling at all. And that scared me.

He let out a sigh, sitting down on the grass next to me. He didn't speak for a while and neither did I, until the tension eventually became to thick. "I'm guessing she told you?"

Rick nodded, his jaw clenched. "How long have you known?"

"A couple of days," I answered, shaking my head. "I'm sorry."

"It's not your fault," he said, turning his head to face me. "Lori said you got attacked at the pharmacy. Are you alright?"

I nodded, giving him a weak smile. "Just a bit shaken up that's all." I looked down at my hands, squeezing my palms together as I debated whether or not to ask the question that had been burning on my mind ever since I came back. "Rick." I finally spoke up. "Can I ask you a question?"

"What's on your mind?"

I sighed, shifting towards him. "Do you think there's a middle ground between friendship and romance? Or is it just one or the other?"

Rick turned to face me. His eyebrows were drawn together in confusion and his eyes were questioning, but he had an amused smile on his face. "Do you?"

I let out a bemused sigh, shaking my head. "I hate it when you answer my questions with another question." 

Rick chuckled lowly, eyes flickering back to the stretch of land in the distance. He was silent for a moment, I presumed he was thinking about how to reply. "I suppose, maybe there is a middle ground. One where you're figuring out what you want from the relationship. Are you just really close friends, or do you desire something more? I guess, yeah, that's your own middle ground. The one where you have to make a choice and figure things out for yourself."

Choices. I hated making choices. I usually made bad ones. Some decisions were easy to make, though. For example, trying to survive a herd of walkers - it's either survival of death. But some decisions were more difficult.

"Do you-" I hesitated, fiddling with the necklace around my neck. "Do you think love is a choice?"

Rick looked down for a moment, causing me to regret my decision to ask him that question at such a bad time between himself and Lori. As I was about to speak up and apologize, he lifted his head up again, his body tensing into the leader stance he so often occupied.

"Yeah, I suppose love is a choice." I watched him eagerly, waiting for him to elaborate. "It's something that two people can choose to make work. You can choose to identify it - to feel it. You can choose to break it down. And you can choose to fix it. Loving feelings can fade, but in the end, you are the ones who choose to stay in love or not. Love, Blaire, is all about choices."

I shook my head, my mind working in overdrive to process all the meaningful words that Rick had just spoken. "Wow. That was- I really needed that. Thank you."

"I think I needed that too." He mumbled, so quiet that I barely heard him. I knew he was thinking about Lori and Shane. Lori and the baby. The decision to still love his wife, though, was his choice - just like he told me.

"If you believe that love really is all about choices then, deep down, I think you must know the right ones."

The corners of Rick's mouth twitched into a grin. "You're a wise girl, Blaire."

I stood up, returning his smile. "I had to wise up fast, you know, with the world ending and all."

Rick nodded solemnly and I wondered if he was thinking about Carl and how he's been changing. How the new world has changed him from such a young age. Rick and Lori's new baby is going to have to live in this world. A world of destruction and darkness. How long is it before all of our humanity is shredded? How long is it before we are unable to feel things and make choices, like the choices of love? It's only a matter of time.

"Good luck with Glenn." I paused, narrowing my eyes at Rick, who had a teasing grin plastered on his face.

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

Rick laughed, shaking his head. "Just promise me that when you figure out what you want, you'll make the right choices."

"I promise. And the same goes for you."

With a small exchange of nods and smiles, we said goodbye and I headed back to camp; determined to figure out what I truly wanted. Determined to make the right choice. For once.

❃

Words: 3799
Published: 22nd August 2016

Sorry for not updating in absolutely ages I've been really busy. Hopefully this chapter makes up for it slightly 😉