My sister asked me to do creepy makeup on her today and I'm v proud of myself

All I had was a stick of face paint eyeliner and I didn't have much time so I didn't get to finish so this is p good

Also I made her cheek bones fucking perfect like wOw

In other news, today I went to my first college open house which both scares and excites me. Like it's extremely scary bc like I'm gonna be an adult soon and I'm gonna have to y'know live my life and shit and go into the real world without any preparation and holy shit it makes me feel so much anxiety at once I wanna die. But it's also so exciting bc high school is soon to be over thank god it's like being released from a prison sentence. I'll have freedom to express myself and learn things I'm actually interested in its exciting af.
And when we went to the open house we went to the art department bc that's what I want to do with my life. First we looked at Arts, Literature and Communication which is like theater, music, literature, language, media (like illustration and animation) and some visual arts. Its like a bunch of different art disciplines. And the guy who was talking was really selling it like I'm so pumped just from him talking. But the thing is I wasn't sure bc I was p sure I wanted to go into visual arts, and he was talking a lot about theater which doesn't really interest me much bc I can't talk in front of more than three ppl at a time so no thx. But then he mentioned that it's not just acting, there's also behind the scenes and it'd be so cool to do the makeup and costumes or the set. And I also like music and literature and animation so I think that program would be super cool since I'm not completely sure what I want to do. And they said you could always switch at the end of a semester. And the program is also good bc when u go into university you could still get into visual arts, even if you've done mostly music or smt, as long as you get good grades. We also went to see Visual Arts and that was also interesting bc it focuses mostly on drawing, painting and sculpting which is what I'm most interested in bc I really like sketching. But I think I like the other one better bc then I could discover different art forms and see which one I wanna do for the rest of my life.

But there's also dance and I want to be a dancer, I love it so much and I'm passionate about it, but lately I've been thinking like do I really want to be a dancer? I love it so much but I want to draw nd shit. But I know that if I leave it behind I'll miss it and regret it for sure, and I don't want to just do it as a hobby, I want to do it as a career, but idk lately I've been questioning it for some reason. Idk man I'm just super confused bc I'm so passionate about art in general idk which one to pursue. And I also like music a lot and it'd be so cool to be a musician. I could be in a band that'd be fucking amazing. Or I could be an artist and draw album covers for bands. Or be a photographer and take pictures of bands. Or be a writer and write articles abt bands. Or be a dancer and dance in music videos for bands. Or i could make the set for concerts (for bands). Or I could do band members makeup. Like guys I could literally be a professional fangirl.

Anyway yeah I'm having a quarter life crisis and I'm in only grade ten like wtf I shouldn't be worried about this yet but I am. I don't want responsibilities, I just want independence and freedom without having all the restraints of being an adult. I'm not even an adult I'm a teenager, why do I already care about this help.

Anyways idk I'm gonna go to more open houses obviously and look at my options. The thing is tho in Quebec there are literally only 4 English colleges and one of them is private and the other one is kinda sucky. So there are two English options and the rest are french and I'm gonna kms if I have to go to a french school. But I'll probably apply for a french school anyways just in case.

There's also smt else I wanna talk about and ik this chapter is long af and I'm impressed if ur still reading this but I need to add smt bear with me.

What is it with adults and "having a plan B". Like if you mention that you want to be a singer or an artist or smt they're always like "oh but do u have a plan B" bc being a successful artist seems like such an unobtainable dream. But the thing is, once we have smt "safe" to fall back on, we almost always go to that option for fear of failing. It's like if you're walking a tightrope that's 2 feet off the ground, you'll most likely fall. But if you're so far up that you'd die if you fall, the adrenaline will kick in and you will do anything you can to not fall, even if you're hanging by ur hands. The floor is like your plan B, and once that plan is gone, you try so much harder to stick with plan A bc you know that its all you got. Don't get me wrong, I completely get that you should have smt just in case you fail, but the temptation to take the easy way out is so much stronger when you have another plan to fall back on. Sometimes you have to take off the training wheels bc even if you fall, its not too late to get back up. You can always go back to school of you change ur mind, but once you've gone to plan B, you'll probably stay on that path. And the further along you get down the easy path, the harder it is to get back to plan A. It takes so much will power. Idk its just I feel like the second ur dream seems even the slightest bit hard to reach, adults are like nO go into science and become a doctor so you can earn a lot of money. Like um no fuck off I want to enjoy my career, even if success seems hard to reach. It might be scary but won't it be worth it? And the road to success might be a bumpy one, but doesn't the journey matter more than the destination? (Or an expression similar to that, I can't remember exactly). Idk guys I'm trying to be insightful and opinionated but its after midnight so I probably make no sense at all lol.

Alright I'm gonna try to sleep and by that I mean stay on wattpad for another hour until I fall asleep.