Ok so I've been dancing ballet since I was two and I really love it. And in grade five I joined a program where you go to school from 8 to noon and then you get on a bus and go to ur sport. The sport I chose was dance. Since grade 7 I've been dancing 20+ hours a week. And this year it's gonna be like 25 or smt and the only day I have off is Sunday. And I'm p ok with that cuz I love it so much. And every year around Christmas time my studio puts on our version of the nutcracker. U guys probably know what it is (I think) but if not, it's a well known Christmas themed ballet. And I love doing it but u miss like a week of school. And sleep is not involved. And it's p stressful. And I'm a p reasonable person (not really but still) so I decided not to do it this year. I mean this year is really important cuz there's a lot to learn crammed into one year and colleges look at ur grades from this year to see if u get in. And I'm not really the best in school. I mean I'm not bad but I'm p average and I don't want to miss too much. So, for obvious reasons, I decided not to do it this year.

But then I was going through my closet and I found the little book that everyone signed and I just remembered all the silly sleep deprived fun we had. I remember when my friends and I were so tired that we were just laughing the whole time. And the time my friend accidentally put mascara on her eyebrows. I remember dying of laughter in the corner as my friends ran around the room slapping each other in the ass (don't judge us, during this week we sleep around 3 hours a night and run on caffeine.) And I remember trying not to laugh on stage when smt went wrong. And how we'd make popcorn and eat such shitty food and laugh about it. And every year we do secret Santa. And I miss it so much I really want to do it again. Except if I do my schedule will be even crazier cuz I'll be dancing ON SUNDAYS TOO to rehearse for the show. That's 7 days a week. And during the week I get home the earliest 8 and latest 9:30, depending on the day. I'm gonna be super stressed with school AND nutcracker. But I feel so nostalgic and I don't want to miss out. It's really fun and I want to do it but I don't want to fail. So the question is p much do I have fun or be responsible? I'm not a v responsible person but I have to think about college. And I don't want to cuz the future is scary. But I have to cuz I don't want to live in a cardboard box in the street. Honestly rn I feel like I'm gonna decide to do it cuz fuck school, I like being happy sometimes. Except it's midnight so it might be the sleep deprived Pipina who's talking atm.

Idek why I'm saying all this cuz in the end it has to be my decision cuz I should probably listen to myself and not other ppl. But I just need some advice even tho I'll probably ignore it. I just want support tbh this is hard.