“Hiraya Castellano?” the police were shocked to read the name. “Anong ginagawa ng anak ni Mayor rito?”

We were all behind Hiraya habang nasa harapan naman niya ang babaeng may-ari nf shop. Ramdam ko ang pangangatog ng katawan dahil matagal na akong hindi nakakatapak sa lugar na ‘to. Hindi ko na rin matandaan kung kailan ang huli at wala akong balak na matandaan.

“Anong pwedeng ikaso sa kanya, Sir? Sinubukan niyang magnakaw sa shop ko,” the woman looked hopeful sa parak kaso he dismissed it.

“Depende sa ginawa niya. Pero sigurado ka bang si Hiraya ang gumawa at hindi ito?” he pointed at us using his ballpen. Nanggigil agad ako. Sinubukan kong ambahan ang parak kaso nahawakan ako ni Eos sa braso. She shook her head.

Tangina pala nito. Kaya walang marangal na pulis sa Pilipinas dahil sa mga katulad nila. Lakas maka degrade na akala mo naman, may naiambag.

“No, Sir.” Tinuro niya si Hiraya na ngayon ay tulala na lang. “Siya talaga ang gumawa no’n.”

Pinagmasdan ulit ng parak ang papel bago napailing. Mukhang hinahanapan ng butas ang complaints ng babae. Not that I don’t want Hiraya to be bailed. Pero kung sa ganitong paraan naman, then it is a dirty tactic.

“Impossible, Miss. Anak ni Harold Castellano ‘yan. Impossibleng gagawin niya ‘yan kasi anak ‘yan ni Mayor,” parang nangungumbinse pa ‘tong parak.

In this point of view, makikita mo kung gaano sila ka-bias sa mga pamilya na may kapangyarihan sa syudad. Kumpara sa mga pamilya ng mga nasa middle class or sa slums.

“Are you saying that this case should be dismissed? Are you enabling the theft that she did? Pang kabuhayan ko ‘yon, Sir. Para sa pamilya ko. Kaya anong karapatan niyong gawin sakin ‘to?” the woman responded. “Wag kang bias. Hindi porket anak ng Mayor o kung sino pang poncio pilato diyan, pinalalampas niyo.”

The police were taken aback by the woman’s aggressiveness. “Hindi naman sa ganoon, Miss . . .?”

“Nola. Nola Deabanico,” sagot ng babae. “Hindi ko kayang tumanggap ng patawad na half-baked. At iinsultuhin pa akong babayaran pagkatapos mag-play ng stunt na ganoon sa shop ko.”

“Binayaran naman pala, e,” sagot ng pulis. “Pabayaan mo na.”

Putangina. Hindi ko alam ang dapat i-react lalo. Hindi ko inakalang may mga ganitong pulis pa pala.

“Ano bang gusto mong marinig?” Hiraya finally spoke up. “I said I’m sorry . . .”

Umiling si Nola. Unsatisfied. Napabuga ako ng hangin. “’Pag pasensyahan mo na siya, Ate Nola. Nagrerebelde eh.”

I felt something vibrate on my pockets nang magsalita ang pulis. I excused myself to go out of the station when I got to meet Mayor Harold halfway. Napagilid ako at kinuha ang cellphone sa bulsa. Tiningnan ko munang makapasok si Mayor bago sinagot ang tawag.

“Hello, is this Gideon Albrecht’s girlfriend?” a woman sounded like in the middle of 20s asked.

“Sino po sila?” wala sa sariling sagot ko. Kahit hindi naman dapat sinasagot ng tanong ang isa pang tanong. “Hindi niya po ako girlfriend.”

“This is from Terveys Medical Center. We have Mr. Gideon on our ward. He got into an accident from the motorcycle. Ikaw ang nasa speed dial niya kaya ikaw ang una naming tinawagan,” wika pa nito.

Disregarding the fact that I am on his speed dial, I told the nurse that I’ll be on my way. Kumabog ang puso ko sa pinaghalong kaba at nag-aabang na sakit dahil sa narinig. Matagal ko nang hindi nakita si Geo kaya nakakapagtaka. Anong ginagawa niya e hindi naman siya nagmo-motor?

Tiningnan ko ang station at nag-contemplate kung papqsok pa ba ako sa loob nang makita ang isang taxi papunta sa banda ko. Pinara ko na ‘yon at agad na sumakay. Tinext ko na lang si Eos na hindi na ako makakabalik sa loob dahil kailangan kong umalis.

Aalis muna ako.
Kayo na munang bahala kay Hiraya.

Eos the Great: Okay. Ingat ka.

“Saan tayo, Ma’am?”

I bit my lower lip, trying to calm myself down. “Sa Terveys Medical Center po.”

Malakas ang kabog ng puso ko nang tumumog ang telepono ko. Kagat-kagat ang kuko, nabasa ko ang pangalan ni Sven sa caller ID. Lalo ako biglang nakaramdam ng kaba at kirot.

“Hello, asan kanna? Susunduin na ba kita?” he sounds excited that it made me feel guilty.

“Sven, I’m sorry . . . I can’t.”

Tumahimik ang kabilang linya. Naririnig ko naman ang paghinga niyang dumadagdag sa kaba na nararamdan ko.

“Anong ibig mong sabihin . . .?” nanginginig ang boses niya. “May sumundo na ba sayo? Bakit hindi mo ako sinabihan?”

“No, no, no.” Umiling ako as if makikita niya. “I’m . . . pupunta ako kay Geo.”

“Ah . . .” the life on his voice vanished. “Bakit . . . bakit siya?”

Bumuga ako ng hangin. “Naaksidente siya, Sven. Hindi ko alam ang gagawin . . .”

“Paano na ako?”

Hinga . . . buga. Ramdam ko ang kirot sa boses niya. Nandoon yung takot na baka hindi na ako sigurado sa kanya. Yung uncertainties na baka hindi ko na siya balikan. Lahat nandoon.

“Hihintayin pa rin kita, ha?” pumiyok ang boses niya. “Sana . . . sana bumalik ka pa rin sakin.”

Pumikit ako at isinandal ang ulo sa head rest. I let my lone tear fall from my eye. “I like you, Sven . . .”

It took seconds before he answered. And when he did, my world shattered.

“I love you, Emraida.”

Nang makarating sa Terveys Medical Center, agad akong nag-abot ng bayad at tumakbo papunta sa front desk. I was greeted by a nurse who was busy checking her records.

Mabilis ang heartbeat ko kaya kinalma ko muna ang sarili bago nagtanong. “Miss, saan ang room ni Gideon Albrecht?”

Umangat ang tingin niya sakin at chineck ang records niya. Pagkatapos ay may tinuro siyang way sa akin. “This way to the ward, Ma’am.”

Tumango ako, nagpasalamat. At pinuntaham na ang ward kung nasaan siya. Bunungad sa akin ang iba’t ibang beds na walang tao. Meron naman, kinukuhanan ng heartbeat. Bukas ang ilang curtains. Pero ang iba ay hindi.

I tried peaking on the curtains, one by one before I found his bed. Geo was just staring at the ceiling, looking lifeless. Dahan-dahan akong pumasok at sinara ang curtain. Hindi ko alam kung napansin na niya ako o hindi pa.

I let myself examine him. May cast ang isang braso niya at may mga band aid sa mukha. Bumuga ako ng hangin. It feels heavy being in a room with him.

“I came as soon as I heard the news,” I broke the silence between us. I embraced myself, caressed my arms because I’m not used to hospitals ever since Papa Kairo’s time. At some point, it made me feel traumatized. “Anong ginawa mo?”

“I wasn’t enough . . .. all my life, kahit sabihin mong may kaya ang pamilya ko at nabibigay nula ang gusto ko. I’m still not content. I always wanted more,” sagot niya. Then, he looked at me. His eyes were puffy. It is as if he was crying the whole damn time. “I don’t want to prolong my agony by finding my purpose na wala naman ako. I want to end my pain, Rai. I’m tired.”

I stared at him and all I could see was his version of vulnerability. Gone is the Geo who does nothing but to flirt. Gone is the Geo who wanted me to destroy my friendship with his girlfriend just for him.

This Geo in front of me is a whole new version. I took three long strides and stood behind him. I was hesitant at first but I managed to put my trembling hands on his hair and caressed it.

“It is okay not to be okay, Gideon,” I whispered to him. Hindi na rin ako nakagalaw nang yakapin niya ang baywang ko. At sinandal niya ang ulo niya sa tiyan ko. “It is okay . . .”

A deafening silence took over us but this time I can’t feel any awkwardness. What is left is empathy.

I pray that he will heal from all of this. Just like how I am not stopping in hoping that I’ll heal too.

Emi Fujiwara: Hello, Rai. Do you want to come with us for lunch? I missed you. Malapit na ang birthday mo. We wanted to celebrate it with you, at least.

Bumuga ako ng hangin and turned off my phone. After I left Geo on Terveys, hindi na ako ulit nagpakita sa kanila. Kahit sabihin mong I was with Geo because of his situation, hindi nan ako ang dapat na nandoon.

“Nandito ka lang pala. I’ve been looking for you for one week already,” bumungad si Geo sa akin na malaki ang ngiti. Wala ng galos ang mukha niya pero may cast pa rin ang braso niya. “Don’t you miss me?”

Kumunot ang noo ko. Bumalik na naman ba ang ugali niya? Mukhang temporary lang sa kanya ang magpahinga sa pagiging gago.

“Why would I miss you? Isa pa, bakit nandito ka? You’re supposed to be with Emi. She’s your girlfriend. Hindi ako,” I lowered my voice because we are at the library. Bringing my books in my arms, I walked away and found a spot for me to study. May upcoming midterms na kami.

I can’t afford to be distracted. Lalo na ang hihirap ng majors ko.

Geo took a seat in front of me. I closed my eyes and held my breath. Ang hirap talaga niyang pakiusapan.

“Ikaw ang gusto ko, Rai. Hindi si Emi. Haven’t I told you that?” he smirked. “Besides, wala ka namang boyfriend. Hindi naman kayo nung ugok na reindeer na ‘yon. So why not give me a chance? I’m free. Walang sabit.”

I looked at him with disbelief. “Are you seriously justifying your ass moves? Look, Gideon. I have an upcoming midterms. I have to study. Wala akong panahon makipaggaguhan sayo.”

“So, kelan meron? Kaya kong makihati basta sa majors mo lang,” he winked at me.

Umiling ako sa kanya at hindi na siya pinansin. I have no time and I only have less energy para makipaglaro pa sa kanya. He was always this draining to talk with. And to be honest, he is getting more toxic.

Hindi rin naman suya nakatagal at umalis suya sa harapan ko. Giginhawa na sana ang pakiramdam ko kung hindi ko lang naramdaman ang presensya niya sa likuran ko.

Sasawayin ko na sana siya na huwag panggulo ng pagharap ko, bigla niya akong hinalikan. I immediately closed my eyes and let my mind wander for a while.

“You’re kissing me back . . .” he whispered.

My eyes went wide and pushed him away from me. I didn’t feel any strange feeling just like what I usually feel when Sven’s near me.

“You love me,” Geo stated. “I felt it.”

“No!” I told him. I let him see the rage in my eyes. “Hindi kita gusto. Hindi kita mahal. Hindi kailanman.”

“Don’t deny it, Rai—”

“Rai . . . Geo?” a confused voice in front of me caught my attention. “Anong . . .. anong meron?”

Mas lalong lumakas ang heartbeat ko habang pinagmamasdan si Wren sa harapan namin. Nakapoint ang daliri niya sa amin.

“Anong ginagawa ninyo?” her voice is confused. “Geo, pano . . . pano si Emi?”

Natutop ang bibig ko. Walang salitang lumabas sa bibig ko. There’s no excuse dahil totoong hinalikan ko siya pabalik. It is plain betrayal.

I felt Geo’s arm slings over my shoulder. I dodged it. “We like each other,” Geo says.

“It is not what you think—I mean, argh . . . I’m sorry, Wren,” my voice cracked. “He kissed me . . . and . . .”

I shook my head. Hindi ko na alam ang sasabihin ko.

“Is Emi and Geo have broken up?” she asked, voice lowered. Her face is expressionless. Hindi ko mabasa ang iniisip niya. “If yes, I guess . . .. it is okay.”

Kununot ang noo ko. “What? Anong sinasabi mo, Wren?”

Tumaas lang ang kilay niya. Bakit ganito sinasabi niya? She should be telling Emi the situation right now. Pero bakit ganito? Why is she tolerating Geo’s shit?

“If you like each other—”

“I don’t!” I cut her off. “Hindi ko siya kailanman magugustuhan. So please—”

Natigilan ako nang may isa pang nag step up sa commotion. This time, wala na akong masabi.

“Alvara . . .”