“Seriously, what the fuck do you want?” bungad ko nang sagutin ang tawag ni Geo.

Kaninang umaga lang nang muli niya akong i-text gamit ang ibang number. Talagang matigas ang bungo ng lalaking ‘to. At ayaw tumigil.

“Sasama ka kay Wren sa Friday?” hindi niya pinansin ang hostility sa boses ko.

I heaved a deep sigh. This guy is making my head ache. Dumadagdag lang siya sa gloomy na nararamdaman ko ngayong nakikipagtitigan na naman ako kay Selene.

“Hindi ko alam kung anong gusto mo o kung bakit sa dami ng pwede mong guluhin—ako pa. But I’m not humored. Girlfriend mo ang kaibigan ko,” I emphasized the word ‘girlfriend’. “And even if I’m not a good friend, susulpot bigla nung birthday niya, I’m not a traitor.”

“I like you, Emraida. That’s why I want you. Wala akong pakialam kung hindi mo ako gusto kasi hindi rin naman magtatagal, sisiguruhin kong mahuhulog ka sakin.” I can feel him smirked. “At kapag dumating yung panahong ‘yon, you’ll bend your principles for me.”

Confirmed. Nababaliw na nga ang lalaki ‘to. Hindi ako ganun ka gago. Kung iyon ang iniisip niya. Kung nagawa ‘yon ni Papa Kairo noon dahilan para masira ang pamilya namin. Pwes, hindi ko uulitin ‘yon.

“Nakashabu ka lang. Tigilan mo ‘yan.” I ended the call.

I leaned over the rails of my mini-balcony and felt the wind flying my hair over my face. It is as if Amethyst is still with me. I took a deep breath.

I’ll visit her tomorrow. Lagi na lang kasing siya ang gumagawa sakin no’n. Lagi na lang siya ang nag-e-effort sa pagkakaibigan namin.

I’m sorry, Amethyst . . .

“Ayos ka lang ba?” tanong sakin ni Sven.

Nanginginig kasi yung katawan ko. Kami ang huling magpe-perform para sa P.E. tapos malapit na kami. Katatapos lang din nina Wren at Nathan kaya malaki na ang ngisi niya habang nakikipagkwentuhan sa mga natapos na ring mag-perform.

“Kinakabahan ako,” sabi ko sa kanya.

Malamig na rito sa loob ng practice room. Mas dumagdag lang dahil kinakabahan talaga ako. Pero natigilan ako anang maramdaman kong may gumagap sa kamay kong nanlalamig.

“Huwag kang kabahan. Isipin mo lang na parang nagpa-practice pa rin tayo,” saad ni Sven habang nakatitig sa kamay naming magkasalikop.

Parang may kulisap na nagwala sa loob ng tiyan ko. Is this kilig? I don’t know either. Pero natutuwa ako at kahit papaano nahubsan ang kaba na nasa dibdib ko.

“Kung iisipin ko ‘yon, edi papalpak ako. Alam mo namang lagi akong palpak sa practice natin eh.”

He let out a chuckle. It became music to my ears. I have always admired his patience with me. Pakiramdam ko sobrang espesyal ko para sa kanya. But then again, we are best friends. Best friends protect each other.

“And now for our last pair, Emraida Miravalles and Alaric Gallego. Please come forward.”

Magkahawak kamay kaming lumapit sa gitna at dinig namin ang mga palakpakan ng mga kaklase namin. Nangingibabaw doon ang boses ni Wren.

“Go, love birds!”

Pumwesto na kami ni Sven sa position namin ng sayaw. Sven chose the song for us and it was emotional. Tagos sa puso. Tagos sa pagkatao ko.

When I started dancing, I felt that strong emotions enveloped my being. It was as if I was being sung a lullaby until I fell asleep.

I felt Sven touched my face using his warm hand then made me face him. Kitang-kita ko mula rito kung paanong mukha siyang lasing na lasing about something. He caressed my cheeks as part of the choreography. Ganoon din ang ginawa ko then we did the play Jerusalem habang nakahawak sa pisngi ng isa’t isa at nakikinig sa mga mata.

The whole song titled Carry You by Ruelle featuring Fleurie made me feel that I am not alone. Where someone is willing to carry me while I feel weak and unsteady.

The last part of the choreo is where I would lean into Sven’s chest, arms wide open, while he had to drag me habang sinisipa ko kunwari ang lapag. Tapos, tatayo ako upang harapin si Sven saka ko isasabit ang kamay ko sa leeg niya at ihaharap sakin.

Eyes closed. I felt his breath fanning my face. His nose is on my nose. The music stops.

But it wasn’t the music which made my world halt. It was his gesture where he bit my nose. It was just in a short span of time but it made my heart beat faster than usual.

Tapos narinig ko na yung palakpakan.

Humiwalay kami sa isa’t isa pero hindi ko na siya nilubayan ng titig. Habang siya malaki ang ngiti sa papuri na naririnig namin sa mga kaklase namin at sa P.E. teacher namin.

It made me confused. Bakit ganito mag-react yung puso ko sa kanya?

“Can you please hold my bag?” Hiraya asked when she took off her stiletto then held it with one hand.

Kinuha ko naman ang bag niya nang sundan niya si Eos para pasukin ang gate ng Abandoned Beach. Just like what we planned last time, na ngayon lang nangyari, pumunta kami rito sa infamous Abandoned Beach ng La Douleur City.

Bias siguro ang opinion. Pero I was amazed by Hiraya’s reflexes. Halatang parte ng akyat bahay gang, eh.

“Toss my bag, Rai,” utos ni Hiraya na ginawa ko naman. Hinagis ko papunta sa area niya ang bag niya tapos ako naman ‘yong umakyat at tumalon papasok ng gate.

“Nasan si Eos?” I asked her kasi tumakbo na yung babaeng ‘yon pagkatapos niyang makapasok dito.

“Probably on the shore.”

Hinawi muna namin ang mga dahon na humaharang sa daan bago namin tuluyang nakita yung itsura ng beach. My jaw dropped.

Bumungad sa akin ang mansion ng mga Sevaños na kahit ilang beses dinaanan ng iba’t ibang bagyo ay nananatiling matatag. The mansion was styled in the Victorian era and it looks like it was ruled by a monarchy.

“Emraida, Hiraya, come here!” Eos shouted with glee.

Sumunod naman kami ni Hiraya sa kanya. We sat down beside Eos and watched the sunset as it went down the horizon.

“Buhay pa rin pala ang mansion,” wika ko sa dalawa.

“Yeah. Maybe because of the love of Dr. Chardy Almaz still lingers in the mansion,” said ni Eos. “Maybe he was the one who had the mansion maintained in its current state, knowing that his wife’s memory is still there.”

Dr. Chardy Almaz . . . I know him. Who wouldn’t? When his family is famous here in the city because they served for the community. They are a family of doctors.

And . . .. he was the one who tried to revive my father nung dinala siya sa Terveys Medical Center after the accident. But it was too late.

But a wife? I have no idea that he had one.

“Nasaan ang pamilya nila?” I asked.

“When their Unica Hija, Relicta Sevaños-Almaz died, they left. Wala na rin ang mama niya before that. Kaya yung father niya had to arrange her marriage with Dr. Chardy Almaz thinks that it will be good for her,” Hiraya answered.

My heart aches for Relicta and Chardy. Hindi ko inaasahang meron palang ganitong kwento na nailibing sa depths ng La Douleur City.

“Why did she die?”

“She took her own life,” Eos said, sighing.

I didn’t know how to react. Why would she do that? How about her husband? What about their child or is there one?

Pero isa lang ang nag-blurt sa labi ko, “Bakit . .?”

“She loathed the idea of having her own family. Thus, Chardy’s love is unrequited. Dahil na rin sa pagmamahal ni Chardy sa community, he busied himself. Nasa isip niya na iyon lang ang magagawa niya para hindi maramdaman ni Relicta na kinukulong siya nito sa kanya. But in the end, she still did it. For her, it was the only way,” kwento ni Eos.

At some point, naisip ko bigla ang galit at hinagpis ni mama over my papa’s death. Na baka nga siguro, kung sumama ako sa kanya nung araw na ‘yon—hindi ako magsisisi ng ganito. Hindi magdurusa ng ganito si mama.

I wonder how Dr. Chardy dealt with the pain and depression over losing his wife while he serves for the community. What did he feel? May displacement din kayang nangyayari sa kanya like how my mom acts towards me?

Bumuga ako ng hangin. The story was so sad na napaisip ako kung gusto ko bang magpakasal. Kung ang kwento ni mama ay papa ay maaaring kasing sakit or beyond pa sa nangyari kina Chardy and Relicta.

“That’s why when the time comes na magmamahal ako, I wanted someone who can love me back the way I loved him. Kasi sobrang hirap isipin na habang minamahal mo siya ay gusto na pala niyang kumawala sayo,” wika pa ni Eos.

This got me thinking . . .. ano naman kaya ang tawag sa nararamdaman ko para kay Sven?