Ildri's sleep was filled with nightmares she could not later remember. She did not watch the army ride away. The castle was still well protected both by magic and a regiment of good soldiers.

The mood in Wildwood was dark the day after the army left, as if its heart had left it. Ildri certainly felt like hers had, and she spent her time wondering if she had been a complete fool not to have spent more time with Ty. It seemed he had some interest in her and she wanted nothing more than to be with him. The other part of her knew that she had not been a fool, because it would never work between someone like her and someone like him. It would have led to heartache. Yet her heart was aching anyway, so it seemed that she was trapped in it either way. If he died, what would the point of holding herself back have been?

Ildri spent her morning working on potions again and Anya seemed truly miserable. Maxine still smiled but Ildri could not help but think that it was not quite the same beautiful, vibrant smile the older woman generally wore. Keziah flew around making a nuisance of herself and Sabin cawed at her any time she came too close. The rabbits huddled under the shelves, even Rebecca seemed leery of the other familiars. Even the twins were getting on her nerves, and she usually thought they were cute and amusing.

Finally Ildri had enough of all of them. "I'm taking a short break," she announced. She had enough of the tiny room.

"We're not making much progress," Anya said gloomily.

"I think we should all take a break," Maxine added.

"I certainly have more bloody important things to do," Damani complained.

"Don't say that, Damani," said Anya and Kallie together. He scowled.

"Bloody important mess," added Keziah.

"Why does the bird get to say bloody if I can't?" he complained.

"If I could stop her so easily, I would," Ildri snapped.

"Come on," Anya said to the twins and they departed with Sabin flying after them. Maxine smiled at Ildri and left as well.

Ildri walked towards the door. Keziah landed in her favoured spot on Ildri's shoulder. Ildri looked at the bird. "I don't want to hear one word out of you if you're coming," she said, hoping the bird knew what she was talking about.

* * * * *

Ildri went outside and walked around the perimeter of the stone walls. The sky was cloudy and dark and looked as if it would pour at any time. Ildri scowled at it, daring it to go ahead and do just that.

Ildri kept walking briskly around. She felt like a caged animal, which was odd because there was a time that she would not have minded the feeling at all. She did not want to think about what the difference was, either. She had enough worries without.

"Ildri!" she heard a shout and turned around.

Hanna came running forward. "I was looking all over for you!"

"What's wrong?" Ildri asked.

"Oh, nothing's wrong. I just wanted to say goodbye."

"Goodbye? You're leaving?" Ildri asked. She had not expected anyone to take Lord Wildwood up on his offer to leave the castle.

Hanna shrugged and looked bashful. "My mother wants me to return. Since we're not in danger of losing the farm any longer, she feels it would be better if I'm at home to help. I think she's hoping that if we lose the war, they might not take our land if we seem not to be allied with the king."

"Oh," Ildri said, surprised.

"I don't think it would make a difference, really, but that's what she wants. I said that they should come here instead, but she said no. Says the farm's my birthright or something."

Ildri shrugged. "They're your family. You should be with them, I guess."

"I knew you'd understand! Don't worry, Ildri, we'll see each other again! I don't think they'll attack Wildwood or my parent's farm, I've heard that all the enemy troops are moving north towards the capital."

How nice that the troops were moving towards Ty, Ildri thought sarcastically. It made her feel so much better.

Her thoughts must have shown on her face. "Don't worry. He looks like a capable guy. Make sure to give your handsome man a kiss for me!" Hanna said as she hugged Ildri tightly. Then she spun and dashed towards the castle. "Goodbye!" she called.

"Farewell!" Ildri called before Hanna disappeared inside.

Ildri did not see Hanna again before she left. In the end about a dozen of the servants left the castle, which was only a small percent of those who lived at Wildwood. Ildri supposed that she might feel different about staying if she a family somewhere outside, although she really could not understand why they did not just bring them to Wildwood, too.

As the days passed there was little news of the army and what little they did get was annoyingly vague. There was none at all of Ty.

* * * * *

Ildri was not surprised, but she was frustrated. Reports were sent semi regularly and she thought that Lord Wildwood might have thought to let her know anything as he knew more about what had happened with Ty than anyone. She supposed that he had more important things to be doing at the time, but she wondered if it would really take that much to just add a little message when the soldiers came.

Or Ty himself could have sent something! She may have been avoiding and ignoring him, but she thought that he might have figured out that she cared about his well being with their last conversation. Men!

Of course, women were not much better. Other than the soldiers there were mostly women left at Wildwood and they were driving Ildri near to distraction. It felt like everyone was cranky and snappy at every little thing and Ildri was so sick of dealing with them she spent as much time alone as she could. Most of them had someone they cared about off in danger and even those who did not seemed strained by recent events. Even women she normally liked and got along with such as Maxine annoyed her, and Maxine was not doing anything whatsoever wrong. It was just that those sad, fake smiles that reminded Ildri of how bad things had become.

Ironically it was Anya who became the person who Ildri found easiest to be around, considering that she had spent so long feeling angry and resentful towards her. Anya was not precisely happy, but she never had been anything but solemn so it was nothing out of the usual. Sabin seemed to have learned to tolerate Keziah when she was not acting crazy, so their potion making was slightly more peaceful as the weeks went by.

Whenever the messengers came Ildri would send a portion of what they had produced to Lord Wildwood and the rest were given to the guards or stockpiled for protecting the castle.

It was seventeen days after the army had left—not that Ildri was counting—and Ildri, Maxine and Anya had spent the morning producing a good number of potions. The twins were helping, too. Ildri was mixing ingredients into a potion and stirring at the same time, as the recipe called for.

"This is such a waste of my time," whined Damani.

"It is not a waste of time," Anya said absently as she focused on a potion.

"Yes it is. I could be working on my wizard skills but instead I'm being forced to work like a bloody slave warlock."

"Bloody slave mess," agreed Keziah.

"Stop swearing in front of Keziah, Ildri's trying to get her to stop," Anya corrected him.

"So I can swear any other time?" Damani asked innocently.

"Of course not, Damani," Anya said with a sigh.

Damani scowled. "And I'm not even getting to do the good stuff, I'm just mixing potion ingredients. Why does she get to and I don't?" he asked, pointing at his twin. Kallie smiled at him smugly.

Anya frowned at her younger brother. "Kallie has been helpful and shown an interest in learning. You, on the other hand, spend half your time helping and the other half complaining and trying to make excuses to leave."

"Of course I do! Because I've got more important things to do! I could be out there protecting everyone, and instead I'm stuck here with all the women as a bloody slave mass producing potions for people who don't know a thing about magic! I want to crush all those bloody enemies with my mighty power but—"

Anya cut him off. "You're still a boy, and this helps more than you know. Anyway, don't you think that we would all rather be out there? Everyone is frustrated and worried and tired of waiting but there are important tasks that need to be done here at home. And you may still end up fighting if it comes here. So be patient."

"Easy for a woman to say," Damani muttered under his breath as he started mixing different ingredients in another bowl.

No one acknowledged what Damani had said, but it hung in the air like a curse.

Ildri was so sick of the waiting and wondering. She threw down her spoon into the bowl. "I'm done with this," she announced.

"What are you done with?" Maxine asked.

"I'm not staying here and waiting any longer. I am so done with this."

"Like Anya said, you've got an important job to do," Maxine said. "And it really isn't safe for an inexperience woman to travel through the countryside. You could be killed or worse. I doubt you even know how to wield a knife."

"No. I can't take this anymore. I'm worried about all of them and I can't get it out of my mind. I'm going after them. I'll use magic to disguise myself as a man," Ildri said. The words felt sluggish as if they might stick in her throat but she said them anyway because she really meant every syllable.

"Ildri," Maxine said slowly.

Anya looked at Ildri for a long time and she waited for the recriminations to begin. "I'm going, too. If you can disguise me, too. Then Jim won't have to know and worry. I assume it's something you've learned."

"More like an accident, but I can."

Maxine looked between them. "Are you quite certain?"

"Yes," the two said together.

"I'm going, too," Damani added.

"No, you're not," said four female voices together.

Damani knocked over his bowl and then stormed out the door. Kallie went running after him.

Ildri was surprised that Anya did not go after her brother. "She'll calm him down, don't worry. They fight, but they have a strong bond," Anya said unconcernedly.

"We'll have to get some supplies together. I wonder if they'll let us take horses," Ildri mused, thinking through the list of things that they might need.

Anya smiled. "I've got a better way to travel. We'll fly."

"Fly?"

"I've a potion that will get us there far more quickly."

"Fly?" Ildri repeated. It sounded frightening, but... "Are you sure that it is safe?"

"Of course I am. I've tested it extensively," Anya said confidently.

"All right then. We'll do that."

Maxine sighed. "If you really are going to fly off into the sunset, at least inform Lady Theresa and the captain of the guards before you leave so they are not left to wonder and I'm not left to explain."

"We'll do that right now," Ildri said.

Anya looked uncomfortable. "I'll talk to the captain and..."

"No, you can do it together, Anya. I know you're uncomfortable with Lady Theresa but if you can't even do that..." Maxine trailed off.

"Let's go." Anya's jaw was clenched.

"You wait here, Keziah," said Ildri firmly to her familiar and left the room with Anya. She definitely did not need her familiar's curious brand of help when she was preparing to tell her liege lady she was about to ignore her lord's orders.