"Allan!" Ildri shrieked.

"Bloody hell—" she heard him mutter and she was pushed roughly into something hard. She could felt the bark of a tree scrape her hand as she landed in something prickly.

The sound of movement was in front of her and Ildri was torn whether she should move forward to help or backwards to flee. She wished that she could see and felt around for the lantern. There was a loud crack, and then light flickered in front of her.

It took Ildri's eyes a few seconds to adjust, and then she saw his face.

"I thought you were dead," she said through her utter shock. She had never thought that she would see him again.

"I did, too," he agreed. "Bloody bastard nearly gutted me. Luckily my friends got there in time."

"You were always lucky, Saul," she agreed automatically. She glanced around for Allan. He was laying face down on the ground, the basket and star flowers strewn all around him. "What did you do to him?" she asked as she rushed over to his prone form.

"I just hit him over the head. Tough bastard. He'll probably be fine." He shrugged, his handsome face looking completely cold and unconcerned in the lantern light. Ildri wondered how she had ever been so stupid as to believe she might love him. He was a cold unfeeling snake.

"Allan," she pleaded as she tried to see if he was breathing. "Please don't be dead!"

She could see Saul watching her with his head cocked slightly. "Never tell me you've replaced me with this old man, Ildri," he said with an annoyed expression.

"Of course not. He's just my friend."

"Good. Because, I would not like that. In fact, I confess myself disappointed at your lack of enthusiasm at my safe return, Ildri. I thought you loved me."

Ildri could see the knife and sword hanging loosely at his belt and could clearly remember the way he had moved to stab Ty that first night, quick as a predator. She swallowed hard. "I'm in shock. I really thought you were dead."

He shrugged. "You said that already. But as you can see, I'm not. I came back for you."

"Why?" she asked without thinking.

"Because you're my girl, of course."

"Oh, Saul," she said, trying to sound happy. It seemed a pathetic attempt to her ears.

Saul moved, but he did not go for his weapons. Instead he bent down and tilted her face up. She shut her eyes, feeling paralyzed. "Since he's your friend, I suppose I won't finish him off. Let's move away so we can talk, love."

Ildri nodded and he helped her up with the manners of a courtly gentleman. The same facade which had tricked her before. He led her through the trees until she could no longer see Allan. She did not protest, she wanted him as far away from the prone man as she could get him. Maxine would be devastated if he died.

Saul stopped suddenly. "I've decided we should marry."

"What?" she asked stupidly before she could stop and think. She cursed her loose tongue. Saul looked confused by her reaction.

He shook his head. "I realize that you thought that we were forever separated, but I confess that I'm disappointed by your reaction. All these months I've imagined how happy you would be when I came back for you, but all you can do is stare at me like I'm your worst nightmare."

Ildri felt a twinge of guilt. "I'm sorry, Saul." Even more than guilt she felt a strong desire to pacify him. She did not want to die, there were so many things she still wanted to do! She would say whatever he wanted to hear. "I was so upset that you were dead, Saul. I thought my life was over. And then I was kidnapped and I was so scared. I was just starting to accept that you were dead, and now, here you are. I am having trouble believing it! But I'm so glad that you're alive! I really am! I guess I'm just afraid to lose you again, like it's a dream and I'll wake up and you'll be gone again." She tried to look like she was going to cry and hoped desperately he would not see through her lies.

He put his arm around her. "I understand how you feel. I'm sorry. I guess I was just dreaming of this moment for so long."

"Oh, Saul," she said.

He kissed her, and under all her fear and tension it felt bland and tedious. What had she seen in him and how was she going to escape? If she ran away now, he might go back and murder Allan for spite. She would have to stop him herself.

The kiss was over, and then he looked into her eyes. Something in his mannerisms scared her now. She tried to remember how she had acted when she had adored him.

"So, will you marry me?" he asked.

"Yes," she said, forcibly unclenching her teeth.

It was false and wrong and she did not feel bad about the lie in the slightest.

Saul nodded. "Good. But before we can be wed, I have something that I need you to do for me, for our future together."

Ildri did not feel surprised at his words. She kept her face smooth.

"I need you to go back to Wildwood," he began.

"But darling!" she protested, getting into her role as old Indra. "I don't want to be parted from you! We've just found each other again!"

He nodded looking unconcerned. "I know, love. But it needs to be done. I just need you to go into Wildwood and send me messages out from time to time. Just letting me know what is going on."

"You want me to spy on Lord Wildwood?" she asked, forgetting to pretend in her disgust of him. It was the same thing. He did not care about her at all and even though she had figured that out before, she was disgusted with him. She was just a tool to him, she always had been. She had worked in the castle and been closer to the marquis than he, so he had groomed her to pass him information by playing on her insecurities and desires. He was such a wretch and she felt utter indignation well up inside her. He was the worst sort of villain! How dare he?

Saul seemed oblivious to what she was feeling. He obviously assumed she was the same old Ildri, naive and easy to manipulate. He spoke in his kind, condescending tone. "No, of course not. I would never ask you to put yourself at risk like that! No, I just worry about everyone there so much."

He did not really expect her to believe that, did he? "But Saul love, where were you all this time," she asked as meekly as she could manage.

He looked at her a little more carefully than she would have liked. Questioning him could get her killed. Surely the obnoxious talking potion was not still influencing her. "I was healing, Ildri," he said softly. "And I'm working towards a better life. For us. But I still care about Wildwood."

"I believe you," she lied. Yet she would not do what he asked and somehow she could not bring herself to pretend that she would. She was not the old Ildri, and she was not going to allow him to push her around. She felt for the vials she had tied to her arm and tried to make it look inconspicuous, like she was scratching her arm. They were in place. She did not know which was which but it hardly mattered. Any would work. She held one firmly in her grasp, ready. "Saul, I don't think I can do it."

"You don't?"

"I won't. You're working with Scelus now."

"You won't do it?" he asked slowly.

"No."

He shook his head, as if severely disappointed with her.

The light went out again and everything went blank.

The last thing she heard was his cold, remorseless tone. "I'm sorry, Ildri."

* * * * *

Ildri's skull felt like it was splitting from the inside out. It felt like tiny monsters were digging inside her skull with tiny claws. She wondered how to get them out.

But the idea that there were monsters in her head was ridiculous, was it not? She tried to remember what had happened. She did not know where she was but she was certain that if she so much as moved the pain would intensify to a point she could not endure.

It was already almost unendurable. Ildri drew in a shaky breath. A wave of nausea hit her. She rolled to her side and heaved until her stomach was empty.

She pushed herself away from her mess and opened an eye. Cold grey stone. She was lying on a hard stone floor with scattered straw.

She tried to remember what happened but it slipped away like the wind. Exhaustion overwhelmed her and she fell back into the dark.

* * * * *

The next time Ildri surfaced, the pain in her head was more bearable. She opened her eyes and pushed herself up into a sitting position. She felt oddly calm as she surveyed her dilemma. She remembered everything that had happened with a sort of detached ennui.

She should have lied to Saul, played along until she was safely back in the castle. Maybe she could have convinced him to bring Allan closer to the walls. She hoped Saul had not hurt him more. She groaned.

She wondered how Saul had knocked her out, without her seeing him. How had he managed to get so close to them without Allan knowing? Maybe she had underestimated Saul as much as he had underestimated her.

As odd as it was, there was also a small thread of satisfaction winding around all the fears and troubles spinning in Ildri's head. She had stood up for herself even though she had been afraid.

And she was going to get herself out of this problem, too. She was not going to sit here and do nothing and wait for someone to rescue her.

It would be nice if someone did, but what if they never found her? She had to rely on herself this time. That was what she had wanted to be able to do, was it not?