The next day Maxine insisted that they follow a routine of sorts during the time that Ildri was learning. Ildri did not bother to tell Maxine how pointless it likely was, instead she simply agreed to what Maxine had decided. Every morning they would walk for ingredients and every afternoon Ildri would repeat yesterdays frustrating and pathetic attempts to master something she probably had no capacity to learn.

The results were just as bad as the day before except that she shattered nothing, which was almost disappointing. At least shattering the bowl had been something instead of endless, frustrating nothing.

The day after was much the same and the day after that as well. Ildri was nearly ready to give up the whole attempt. She could enjoy her time with Maxine if she quit. She could even help Maxine with the physical part of mixing potions.

The fifth day a heavy downpour began which prevented them from taking a walk. Instead Ildri pretended to read a book on witch magic. She looked at the same page many times, but instead she thought about everything but. Her whole life had been composed of one disaster after the other and she did not think that she had the capacity to pretend otherwise any longer. The only good thing that had happened to her was Wildwood. She would return there and give up the nonsense about learning to protect it. It was enough that she could cook for them. It was an important part of life there, good meals could keep people's moral up.

Cooking was about the only thing that was going well at Maxine's. Even Allan had mumbled a grudging compliment and Ildri could clearly see that Maxine was enjoying her food, but she could do that at Wildwood. Perhaps she could invite Maxine for a visit there.

When the afternoon finally came, Ildri ran through the rain to the work shed. She could not wait for it to be over, when nothing happened today, she would tell Maxine that she was giving up. She felt oddly guilty about quitting, as if she was letting someone down, perhaps Maxine or perhaps Lord Wildwood, she did not know. Or perhaps Ildri was letting herself down, suggested the silent whisper at the back of her mind. Nonsense. All Ildri owed to herself was to be happy and this clearly was not the way to do it.

Ildri really did wish that it had been different. It was as chef had said, she just had no control. It was not as if she could change that. Chef was not being unkind. Ildri just was the way she was.

Ildri looked down at the unfinished Dredil's tonic with real loathing. She was sick of looking at it, sick of the slightly minty smell of it, sick of remaking it every day. She wished that Maxine would let her try something else but Maxine was resolute. It was the easiest potion to make magically. Just simple drawing and twisting. Anyone could do it. After she mastered this, she could move onto something more magically complex.

But it wasn't like she would be moving on. She was having exactly as much success with this stupid potion as she would have with the most complex one on the planet. Absolutely none!

"I am so sick of this!" Ildri snapped to the empty workroom.

She did not know how it happened but it was much the same as it had been when she had broken the bowl. Without warning, a spot on the workbench caught on fire. She stared at it in shock for a moment. The fire was licking the wood and growing rapidly. Water? She needed water! Where was water? The pitcher was empty on the shelf. Or she could slap it out with something. A towel? Or should she just run? What was she supposed to do?

Ildri stood there for a long, panicky, indecisive moment before she finally moved. "Maxine!" she cried as she pushed the door open. "Fire!"

Luckily, Maxine was near the house on her way out to the shed. "Fire? In the shed?"

"We need water," Ildri cried. Maxine's work shed was going to burn down, and it was all Ildri's fault!

Maxine grabbed a bucket from somewhere, Ildri did not know where, it almost seemed to materialize in her fright. "Ildri! Get out. Find Allan if you can!" The fire was growing and dark smoke was rolling out of it.

Ildri rushed to do as Maxine had said, running through the rain and nearly slipping twice. Allan was mercifully walking back along the road to the house. She did not waste another moment. "Fire! In the work shed!"

Allan nodded and it took them only moments to hurry back. Ildri tried to help.

Allan's voice was brisk. "There's nothing you can do, Ildri. You're getting in the way, go wait in the house."

Ildri walked back to the house, feeling dejected. She sat down beside the door and waited. She realized in passing that she was wet and thought it was odd that the rain could so quickly soak her. She shivered and drew her legs up to her chest and hugged her arms around them.

Ildri felt like crying, but she bit back the emotion. This was no time for self pity. Even if she was a disaster at magic, even if her parents were dead, even if Saul had played her for a fool, and even if Ty was gone...

And tears rolled down her cheeks.

* * * * *

The door opened a few minutes later, and Ildri hastily wiped her eyes. She hoped that her face just looked wet from the rain. Maxine entered and Allen followed behind her.

Maxine smiled sympathetically. "The shed is saved," she told Ildri kindly.

"That's good. I'm going to quit, Maxine."

Maxine's benevolent smile disappeared. "You want to quit? After that?" she asked, incredulously.

Ildri nodded and looked away. "I'm too dangerous."

"What..." Maxine said, seeming at a loss for words in her outrage.

"Maxine, let me talk to her," Allan said suddenly.

Maxine seemed surprised. "Oh. Okay. I'm going to wash up." She hurried from the room.

Allan sat down across from Ildri and looked at her calmly. "You need to keep learning."

"But--"

"Just listen," he said slowly. "That disaster in the shed proves it. You need to learn control. You obviously have a fair amount of magic. That was no ordinary fire. I could feel a surge of magic, it must have been when you started it."

"You really are a wizard, then," Ildri breathed.

Allan shook his head. "I suppose so. Most would say I am not, but I do work magic. It helps a soldier stay alive and some are not so convinced that wizardry should stay in the ranks of the nobles as others are. If all that was without meaning to, you must learn to control your power before you do something irrevocable."

"But I can't!"

"Then perhaps you are as much a danger to others as to yourself," he said shortly. He stood up. "Lord Wildwood gave me the job of protecting you and I mean to do it. I'm going to check the perimeters again. You must learn to control yourself," Allan said as he walked out the door.

Ildri sat on the floor feeling worse than ever. So she had power, did she, and she was a danger to other people? Maybe that was why Lord Wildwood had been so amiable with her leaving the castle.

Maybe Ildri should just go far away from other people. The thought was as wretched as any she could have had. She did not like to be alone.

Maxine came back into the room. "Did Allan leave?" she asked.

"He went out to 'check the perimeters'," Ildri intoned.

"There may be more to him than I thought," Maxine said absently as if she did not realize she was talking. Then she turned to Ildri. "I think you've done enough for today. I'll clean up the shed better and we can begin again tomorrow."

Ildri looked at Maxine and felt pure envy. Maxine was beautiful, capable and could work her magic as easily as breathing. She was also kind and Ildri hated to let her down. But she must. "I don't want to," Ildri said as she looked down at her hand. The spot where the glass had broke her skin days before was scabbed over. She wondered if there would be a scar.

"What are you talking about?" Maxine asked sharply.

"I don't think I should stay around people."

"How ridiculous," Maxine began. "That fool man, he didn't say that, did he? Just when I was starting to think better of him!"

"No, he didn't say that," Ildri said. No reason for Allan to be blamed for Ildri's lacking.

"So it's your fool idea, then," Maxine said. "Don't be ridiculous. Have you ever done this before?"

"I caused fires a couple of times and other weird things kept happening when I was learning with chef," Ildri said stubbornly.

"Exactly. You're only dangerous when you're trying to do magic. The rest of the time you're safe," Maxine said reasonably.

Ildri felt lighter, but only a bit. "Then as long as I stop trying to learn--"

"Did I say that? No, we'll just take precautions, like keeping water in the shed. Allan said he would make a new top for my workbench and if the one wall is charred, well, that hardly affects my work. You have more than enough magic, it would be a shame not to use it."

"But I don't think I can!"

"There's half your problem, that."

"I tried to think positive, but it's hopeless!"

"You likely spend every second moment that you should be concentrating worrying that you can't do it, or feeling frustrated," Maxine said, observing her.

"I was frustrated," Ildri admitted.

"Exactly. Therefore, your assignment for the night is to not think that you cannot do magic. No more worrying about your lack of control or thinking about past failures or anything of the sort."

Ildri did not feel like arguing with Maxine any longer. She would do what Maxine wanted, or try anyway. Then maybe the woman would let her fail in peace.