"Why was Verando dressed like that?" Helen asks, sighing heavily as he exits.

 I mimic her response, forlorn in his absence. Much to my disappointment, I was growing used to the constant interruptions. A younger self might have been much more perturbed by his removal from my clutches.

"I relinquished to Tiberius the reins on this plan, we're trying to attract Caspian to follow Tiberius back to the capital and distract him from the attempt to collect Fergus. This just seemed like the best way, he and Randy have a lot of history together." 

I note that she didn't call him Papa, curious, I glance up and down her form as she stares after him. By the look on her face, she hadn't quite forgiven him for kicking her butt in the apartment.

 "Is Landon safely with Bet?"

After a long moment, she nods. "Yes, much to his disappointment." Helen rolls her eyes, crossing her arms over her chest at the sarcasm. "He's pretty entranced in her. Men." She sticks out her tongue and I can't help but laugh at the behavior. She reminded me so much of myself, something I never thought I'd say in comparison to Helen. 

"What, you're enjoying eighteen-year-olds now? Taking after your grandsire?" It's tempting to warn her that youthful partners can cause you a lot of heartache and headaches. She shrugs one shoulder, indifferent. Her full lips pull into a slight pout as she drags the edges of her fingers through the short reverse bob. 

Those large light eyes lock on me and for a moment, I can see the appeal in women though I'd never entertain being with one. Her high cheekbones and thick pale lashes rimmed large, round light eyes. The delicate color of her pale cheeks at the embarrassment of being caught in her pettiness. 

Helen was quite beautiful when she allowed herself to be, it wasn't often I extended that compliment to women due to my fragile self-esteem. This had only recently developed, I suspected with maturity. I could appreciate the beauty in other people without feeling the aftereffects on my appearance. 

"Sometimes I just feel so unwanted." She admits with a sigh. "It really... sucks.. seeing everyone having fun and then I come into the room and they're all afraid of me." She huffs, blowing her bangs out of her sight in irritation. "Afraid of Malka. Afraid of Verando, now. Daddy.. or they respect Tyler too much. Tyler is so busy being perfect. It's the most irritating thing on this planet that he doesn't even notice and the worst part is, he would do anything I asked him to, I just don't want to have to ask him." 

Ashamed, she hugs herself with a frown. 

Her words resonate with me more than I care to admit. How many times I had pondered my humanity while the world was crashing around me? Helen had learned just as I had how to handle stress, it was a constant state in our lives, there would be no time to feel human if we waited for the correct moment and it seemed raw emotion lived among the damned. 

"Damn him." I chuckle, offering a sympathetic grin. "That bastard."

"Right?" She giggles. "Caring about me to a bloody fault. I suppose there are worse things. I'm sorry, Nic, I don't mean to keep putting this on you. I just feel like I can't say this to anyone else and now I'm worried that..." Embarrassed once more, she scratches her arm as she searches for the words. "Now that Verando is back, you will be too busy for me, too."

It was the last thing I expected her to say. Capturing her hands in mine, I give them a firm squeeze as I wait for her to catch my gaze. She was one of the few people in our group that were close to my height so the attempt at contact was made simple. 

"I think we understand each other a lot better now. I would like very much if you'd keep telling me all of this stuff, the good and the bad. I see a lot of myself in you, maybe that's why we didn't get along, to begin with."

I know exactly why we didn't get along, I was going through hell and she was existing in the same space as me as a gentle, soft creature who needed protecting. I needed Helen, as much as she needed me if not more so. I needed someone who would remind me when I looked at them who I was, someone who would keep me in check on a more internal level. 

I never wanted to be in that headspace again, where I damned a woman for existing in my world. 

As the music begins to play in the background, I slip my arms around her and hug her, her warm body welcoming to the inferno that was my skin, effectively reminding me that I was normally cold instead of blazing hot. In the background, the gentle hum of the beginning of a guitar riff echoes from the speakers. 

I know it's just the opening act, a simple song to draw the crowd in, and if my predictions were right, they surely would. 

Something was alluring about Siren music, much as I didn't care for it myself, it seemed to rev up the current generation. "Do you have your earplugs?" I ask her, wanting a distraction from the background chatter as Tiberius speaks to the crowd. 

He was a good patriot, singing our praises and encouraging unity between humans and magic users.

She nods, once, as we depart to stand backstage. The well-placed television in the main entrance to the town hall showed that I was correct in my assumption that the streets and surrounding buildings would be overflowing with patrons. What had just been a few only an hour ago had exploded into more people than the camera crew could fit in in a single pass. 

They poured over every available surface, a sea of faces, and an abyss of hiding places for our enemy.

Tiberius was dressed almost identically to Verando, he practically skips across the stage as he talks about the music they would be singing coupled with Keeta's eccentric dancing around every verticle object she could find, as if he were turning her into some kind of wild animal. 

The ends of her pale hair were bright red from her time pretending to be me. As it grew out, I came to realize that she was a platinum blond naturally, reflecting oddly in the hair to go from stark red to almost white at the roots. 

As the camera panned, I knew exactly what it was looking for. Helen pursed her lips, chewing on the knuckle of her thumb. 

"What keeps them from marching right in here and attacking a second time? You said it yourself, you have what he wants. If I remember the story correctly, Caspian wanted you to be killed and that's why Randy banished him?" 

Hmm. So we graduated to Randy? Did it take so little for her to warm back up? 

That would please him, I knew how hard it was on him to be strict with her.

I suppose I hadn't considered too strongly that they would come here for us. It didn't seem like enough notice and Gabriel, surely, was still hurt. With Landon and Bet monitoring Gabriel, I was reluctant to delve too deeply into the worry of a secondary attack.

 "Randy didn't banish him, he was supposed to have Caspian put to death. Sota banished him after Randy allowed him to live."

Helen makes a surprised sound, sarcastic once more. "Oh, well then what are we worried about?"

Nudging her with my elbow, I roll my eyes. "I just don't see Caspian making a move just yet, it would be incredibly impulsive and while that is his style, I think we're going to see much more patience out of him for this assault." It doesn't even occur to me to out my husband for his trauma and I'm proud of myself, for adhering to the very building blocks he set when he brought me back from the brink. 

As the song ends and I watch him take the stage, I feel a sudden pang of remorse. I had been less than understanding considering the circumstances. I was so wrapped up in showing him how much I loved him that I had forgotten exactly how patient he'd been with me when I experienced my trauma at the hands of his brother. 

I needed to thank him when all this was over, once more he had been incredibly patient with my advances. Advances I'd promised to stop making.

The thunderous roar of the crowd reminds me much of my coronation and all I can think of is how badly I want this time in my life to be over. I want to take my husband and my son home, I want to be done with it. I felt much the same at that point, too. Coronation had felt too permanent, while I was married to him now, again I felt that tug to serve. 

I only had one, single, mortal life, did I truly have to give it all? 

Helen's thumb brushes my cheek, capturing a tear, and I start with a sudden inhale, brushing my eyes with the back of my hand. "I'm sorry, I don't know what came over me. I'm feeling quite dramatic these days. Spending too much time with others, I'm not used to being alone with my thoughts anymore." 

I laugh it off as she offers the smallest smile. 

"Well, that just means it's your turn. What's wrong? We have plenty of time to kill, waiting for an army to show up."

I consider the words, chewing them over, testing how they would feel as I say them in my head. Wrapping his coat tighter around me, I inhale the intoxicating scent of my collar to settle my nerves. A single event with this man and I was at his mercy, a mess of emotions. 

"I'm not going to live forever."

She raises an eyebrow, tilting her head. "None of us are, that's why we're doing this?"

It didn't surprise me that I was the only one who lay awake at night, fearing the inevitable. 

"Your father is over four hundred years old, if we're successful, you will live a very long time."

 Pausing, she watches the ground as she chews her lower lip. Slowly, her arm curls around mine and she leans her head on my shoulder. I lean back against her, appreciating the pressing I'd become accustomed to. 

"I will live a normal, human life span."

"But Gabriel..." Her voice trails off. Gabriel was surviving by the use of Fergus and the dark magic, the same as my father. I was unwilling to do the same. 

I say nothing for a long time, watching the screen. "I'm going to get old. I noticed it this morning, feeling particularly morbid today I suppose... after coming out of the dragon realm, I look... older..." 

Pulling away from me starkly, her sharp eyes scan my form with a look that suggests I've gone mad. There could be some small changes that she might not see, the firmness in my face, the lack of youth in the roundness of my jaw, the gradual increase in body mass as my body reached full maturity.

 As a Romanian royal, I wasn't exactly the largest man to exist but since I'd come to this time, I'd noticed it more and more. I was aging. 

"Everyone ages." She reminds me firmly. 

"I'm sure it's nothing, I'm not even thirty, it's just something to think about. Using, the way that I do, takes a great deal of energy. My people designed lycans because the magic had made our citizens so weak, they were unable to do for themselves." 

Not much different from the people of today who couldn't even fend for themselves, let alone perform a job. 

"I've been looking into my death..." Helen frowns and I give her a firm look to let me finish. "I died of a heart attack."

"You died from Verando dying, first." She snaps.

Sighing heavily, I knew it was ridiculous to voice these concerns. "Verando was stabbed in the lung, drug through a wilderness, and thrown into an elven prison for months. I've seen him bleed out more than any other man should stand and walk away from it, Verando is- was- a demi-god due to Whitewind. In the end, it doesn't matter. What my point is, it will be something stupid. It will be something that nobody sees coming, a car accident or choking... falling down the stairs. Let's say I do live to be eighty, ninety.."

"You will." She glares at me now, determined. 

"Then what? I get to die knowing I killed my husband, too?" 

This conversation felt ridiculous. What were either of us to do about my lack of sanity? Silently, I scold myself for being so bold as to voice such a selfish opinion. The entirety of the world, save for a select few, lived a mortal life. I was the only one with the lack of decency to complain about it.

 Verando was on stage dressed like an escort to lure a lunatic and I was worried about my wrinkles. 

"I shouldn't put this on you, Helen. I'm-"

Helen's eyes lock on me, wide, uncertain. "Then don't die? I... Solomonari are human? Humans with abilities? I share the power to create, let me change you. Problem solved." 

Change me? Change me into a lycan?

 I'd considered a lot of things, admittedly, that wasn't one of them. Visions of those in the army shifting, screaming in agony, racked through my mind. She was a part of the rebuild, she had been dealing single-handedly with people who wanted this lifestyle for themselves. While it was tempting, it terrified me to think that it might not even work. 

To think that that could be what killed me, coupled with the fact I highly doubted my control freak overlord would go for that. He wanted nothing more than to be human. 

"You do know your grandsire, right?"

Helen shrugs. "He wants you to live just as badly as I do. If it killed your Solomonari powers then maybe you would finally get some peace. It's a new world, a lycan is no longer the scariest thing out here. It might be your ticket to a life that you want.." 

Verando had bitten me multiple times and I'd never shifted. I knew, now, it was because he had to decide to do it but the thought of willingly handing over my identity for a new one, even if it meant freedom from my responsibilities was terrifying. Helen's hands grasp mine, squeezing them firmly. I absorb the warmth, feeling the iron grip of her hands on mine. 

"I would do it. For you. If that's what you want."

Before my lips can part, I pull my hands out of hers and stalk a few feet away, trying to erase the offer from my memory. Grabbing a drink from the side table, I take a quick sip.

"I have a job to do, Helen. Thank you but.. I can't. Please, do not tell Randy we had this conversation." 

I didn't even know if I wanted him to know. He would be upset, hurt, and furious that I considered such a thing. Reluctantly, she nods, giving me space. She had looked so prepared, so ready for me to end my life as their king and begin it as their brother. 

As Verando sings, a male rendition of 'Bad Romance' by Lady Gaga, the deeper tone is particularly alluring. I drag my eyes over his outfit, the sultry words resonate with me in a way his typical style had dulled. I was used to it, but this was something new altogether. 

Tiberius was right, if anything would attract Caspian it would be this performance.

Fadri comes to stand beside me and I sigh, shrugging my shoulders to shake off my obsession. "Fadri, not now. Knowing that your skin is Kestrel's gives me the creeps."

The vice snaps over my mouth quicker than I can register, a spider-like device that covers half my face and clings to the back of my head. I grip the arms of the device, trying to pry them off as I twist. I hear it hissing, a low whirling sound as I feel gas filling the void. 

Kestrel watches me, his expression is that of the agonized man, eyes wide and creased from years of stress. I clutch my throat with one hand, trying to freeze the mask with the other yet ice refuses to form on the material. 

Helen lay unconscious at his feet, in my distraction I hadn't even noticed. Her device had already been removed, in a quick motion, as I begin to spiral, he jerks mine off as well. I slump against him, weakly attempting to freeze him solid while he redirects my hands to blast the cold at nothing. 

"Is Nicolas alright, Fadri? When did you get here?" 

It's one of the police officers, at least that's what the outfit looks like in the haze. I try to shake my head, clutching the man's shirt as I struggle to stand but his arm locks tightly around my waist. 

"He and Helen had drank a bit much... you know, a couple of light weights."

The officer's shape fades in and out. I can see the concern as he looks between us, I know by his body language that this makes him uncomfortable. Yet, faced with the idea of dying for me, the man opts to step out of the way. "Carry on, sir... do you need help?" 

"That would be wonderful. Could you grab Helen?" He doesn't smile, his voice is even and relaxed. 

"Bastard...." I seeth, I feel drained, "What.. was in.."

Keying in on the part he has to play, he opts to fill in my blanks before I can alert anyone else to our situation. "Your drink?" He asks, lightly. "You know alcohol messes with your magic... best to just let me get you a safe place before you hurt someone."

The officer carries Helen as we make our way down the hall into the darkness of the building.