He wants to punish himself? 

I can't help but deflate, I don't want to allow myself to get frustrated but instead, I feel saddened. There's a part of him that needs this, I understand that now. 

"Punish yourself?" I repeat back. "You shouldn't blame yourself for sparing a life. I can agree that killing her might have been more simple but what is done is done, you trusted her on her word and that is not your fault." 

My fingers close on his bicep as he attempts to slip out of my grasp, avoiding my gaze. Patiently I waited, not willing to let this topic slide back into the depths as it was now affecting my wants and needs. Intimacy had always been our strong point, denying me that for some silly case of 'blame' seemed cause for intervention. 

"What if she had succeeded in killing you or Marisol?"

I shrug lazily, unable to stop the chuckle that follows. My life is constantly at risk, and Red is not someone who particularly frightens me. "I think you know better than anyone what Soli is capable of, and to be quite frank, Red doesn't hold a candle to the power that I have. I tapped into the wolf and fried her, she would be foolish to attempt to get so close to me again." 

I'd love for her to try because I'd like to be the one to end her myself while killing was not something I condoned; this woman had earned herself a notable exception. By my own hand, I'd love to watch her die. If I could get close enough to her, perhaps I could pull blood off of her and render her incapacitated. Of course, that would be very visual, and with the number of television screens surrounding us, the possibilities of doing that subtly were slim.

Verando's not laughing, failing to share in my inner monologue. I reach for his face and he snags my hand pointedly, preventing the contact. "I'm disappointed in myself, Nic. I don't need a pep talk. I need time to-" 

"To what?" I demand. "To wallow? Absolutely not. I know exactly how it feels to be disappointed in your own performance, but shutting me out because you want to feel sorry for yourself is ridiculous. I don't care that you didn't kill Red, I care that you aren't touching me to punish yourself for not doing something illegal! Randy, if you had killed her you would probably be in jail." 

"Your safety is worth everything to me." His voice is low and stern; I sense the growing irritation with my tone and how I command him. My heart begins to pick up speed, heat building in my body as I drink in the warmth emanating off of him. "I would do whatever it takes to keep you safe, slacking on my duties because I don't want to do something is childish. I deserve punishment. Last time I faltered, it nearly cost both of us our lives, here I am doing it again-" 

In defiance, I slap him, and those light eyes smolder as he glares down on me. 

"There. Happy? Is this punishment enough for you? You're ruining what could be a wonderful morning." If he wants to act like a child, I'll treat him like one, and children get spanked. Isn't that one of his rules? 

"Do you want me to tie you down and beat you as she did? Is that what you want?" 

Verando appears taken aback by my statement, it's one of my more bold comments but I stand by it. I refuse to allow him to do this to us, to put this limit needlessly between us. I want all of him, not pieces, whenever he chooses. In my time as the ring leader, while he got his mojo back, I'd grown bold. I hadn't had an actual 'Alpha' figure in so long; my tongue ran wild with the temptation to tell him how I felt. 

Grabbing my other wrist in his large hand, I hear the growl curling in his chest. "You will not speak to me that way." His voice is hard, resonating in me like a siren song. He grips me tightly, almost to the point of discomfort, and I attempt to jerk my hands out of his. "You've gotten rather bold as of late. Who do you think you are?"

I pull at my wrists defiantly, twisting in his grasp, but he might as well be made of stone for all the good that does me. "What are you going to do about it? You're punishing yourself, remember? Now let me go; I'll take care of myself!" 

Verando scoffs, yanking me forward to pull me against his body. Part of me is enraged by his entitlement, and part of me pleads for no mercy. The side of me that hadn't seen this sort of action in what felt like an eternity was at full attention as I pressed against him under the hot spray of the shower. 

"As if you could satisfy yourself as I can, I should dare you to try." 

I raise an eyebrow, a challenge in my eyes, and he bends to claim my mouth. I kiss him back roughly before freeing one of my hands, pressing back against his chest, and breaking the kiss.

"Don't flatter yourself. You've been quite tame lately." I retort, trying to control my pounding pulse. My body feels electric, with an intense Alpha male ready at my fingertips. Reaching to grasp my wrist, pinning my hand behind my head, he kisses me once more, and I arch into his body as I return the gesture in a scorching fight for control. 

Catching the corner of my mouth with his teeth, I gasp and tip my head back unwillingly, feeling that sinful mouth catch the crook of my jaw. His stubble makes me writhe, my skin overly sensitive from anticipation. 

"Look at you. You're a mess, and I've hardly touched you. Perhaps you should reconsider your empty threats?"  

I grip his hair, hooking one of my legs over his hip to bring him to me. "Shut up and do something about it." My voice sounds wrong, a mixture of a pleading and a command. I can hear the desperation in my tone. 

Verando pushes me down, spinning me to press me firmly against the wall and smack my ass. My impatience gets me in trouble; I'm so used to taking control, so used to commanding my way out of the discomfort of the slow build. His hard cock slides against my ass, making me shudder as I stand on my toes.

"You know," His hand cups my ass, rubbing in slow, firm circles. "I'm tired of how bossy you've been." He smacks me firmly, and I inhale sharply. 

It doesn't hurt as it would sound; it sends a jolt through my body that makes me wriggle against the cool stone wall. With my hand pinned behind my back, I'm effectively immobilized. 

"I can't even decide my own punishment; you must be reminded..." His lips near my neck, and he bites the junction between my neck and shoulder with a sultry growl. "Who." He kisses under my ear, tracing his tongue up the bite mark. "Is in charge. Maybe what I need is to blow off some steam."

I tilt my head back to expose my neck to him, "Don't be gentle." I plead. 

I need this, too; I need to recharge and reset. I wanted to feel something other than the overwhelming stress of our situation, and while I loved who he was, I adored this man who could make me feel this way. I craved the submission he brought me to; I thrived in the chase of his desire to get me to heel while worshiping me at the same time. 

Shutting off the shower, he pulls me out of the bathroom without bothering to dry us. I feel myself being shoved towards the bed with a rough command to bend over it. Grabbing two ties from his closet, I feel him stand beside me where I've positioned myself obediently over the edge of the bed. 

Verando stands behind me, observing his prize as I lay exposed before him. Pressing my thighs together, my chest heaving, I almost shiver with anticipation. 

My body feels as though it's on fire as he grabs my jaw from behind. "Open. I'm going to gag you, I don't need Marisol hearing us." 

As the gag is tied and he binds my hands behind my back, I'm totally at his mercy. I feel the slick substance being generously applied, and I shudder at the feeling of his fingers. "Do not come until I tell you to. Do you understand?" 

I glare at him over my shoulder at the request but nod. With my behavior, a firm slap to my ass makes me yelp, and I bow my head. Using his fingers, he slid two inside of me, lazily dragging them back and forth as if this was boring to him as if he lacked interest in what I had to offer. 

"You need to be reminded who is in control. You belong to me, just as I belong to you. I want you to prove it. Satisfy your Alpha." His voice is a cool purr as the fingers of his other hand trail up my back to grip my shoulder. "That would please me and brighten my mood. Can you behave?"

I nod, whimpering as his fingers slow. It wasn't enough; my body was on fire. I struggled not to writhe beneath him as I attempted to hold as still as possible. "That's better. Look, you can be a good boy."

Applying the third finger, I groan against the gag, gasping as he shoves between my thighs, exposing me to him. "I must say, you look absolutely ravishing from this angle." Glancing over my shoulder, I see he's at his limit. 

If I were good, I would be rewarded. Pressing back against him, I gasp as he smacks my ass once more, leaving me to suffer as his fingers slide out of me. "I'd swear you were in heat with how badly you want it. Lucky for you, I've been thinking about this since we were so rudely interrupted."

I don't know how much more I can take. "Please." I manage against the gag, only to cry out as he fills me with one thrust. 

The intensity is overwhelming as he uses my shoulder as leverage to pin me beneath him. My body yields to him as he takes me without remorse. Each stroke was deeper than the last, filling me entirely and pushing me to my limit with the merciless position I was in.

I don't know whether to beg him for forgiveness or to plead with him to keep going; I moan against my gag and feel it oddly satisfying to be silenced. I'm left trusting him, totally helpless to his will. Where I would almost find it terrifying after what I'd been through, I find it oddly remarkable. 

A level of trust built on the grounds of his devotion to me, I feel myself starting to climb and move back against him in a silent plea. 

Releasing my shoulder, he grips my hair to tilt my head back. The weight of him on me feels so good, one of his hands moves to gather my thigh, shoving it up onto the bed to expose me even more. Cursing, my body begins to shake. "Already?" He teases. I attempt a nod, making him chuckle. 

"Go ahead, you serve me tonight, don't think your inability to cope will spare you."

I finish at the moment he gives his permission, and yet his conquering of my territories doesn't lighten. Overly sensitive, I feel my eyes threatening to water with the intensity in which he takes my body. This was more than anything I'd felt, so hot, so primal, my body didn't know whether it wanted to give in or fight back.

Cursing against the nape of my neck, he sinks his teeth into my throat as he yanks my head back by my hair. My body feels strange, shaking beyond my control; I'd bite through my gag if I had the fangs he possessed. I want to beg him to stop, and at the same time, I want this never to end. "You feel incredible." he manages, leaving my hair to clutch my throat. 

Drowning in lust, my body responded beyond what I thought it was capable of. My hips moved hungrily, beyond my control. I wanted it all, everything he had to offer me. 

"You're so beautiful." Verando exhales, tightening his grip on my throat, claiming me, his lips so close to my ear as his thumb brushes over my jaw, keeping my head craned back and exposing my neck to him.

As he slams into me, I feel myself finishing again, pushing him over the edge as he finds completion deep inside. My chest heaves; I'm a mess of sensitive and overstimulated man underneath this glorious warlord. 

I feel as though I'm in a daze as he unties my gag and my hands. I lay in a heap on the bed and tried to recall who I was and my significance to this life as he placed the ties in the hamper and climbed into the bed, pulling me to lay with him. 

I rest my head on his chest as he trails his fingers slowly up and down my side, basking in the afterglow. Kissing his chest, I shut my eyes and tempt myself with the thought of sleep, but I'm quickly reminded by the daylight that it's morning and lying in bed all day is not an option. 

"You sure know how to make a point." I allow, following the scars on his pectoral muscle with my fingers. My voice was hoarse, and my cheeks reddened with the emotion my body had just gone through. "Holy shit, Randy."

"It's nice to feel like myself again. Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" His thumb brushes the wetness away from under one of my eyes, concern crossing his face.

The question warms my heart because he's better than he was. He's a mixture of the Alpha I fell for and Randy, who I fell in love with. Alpha never cared how I felt after, he usually left, but now I think I might have achieved the best of both worlds. 

Propping myself up on my elbow, I brush his hair out of his face, only to collapse onto his chest. I had nothing left; my body was made of jelly. He chuckles, kissing my hair and wrapping his arms around me.

"No. I like rough sex, remember? I've wanted you to do that since we came to this century. Really, since before my coronation. I've felt this side of yourself has been gone since Taryek took you. It's nice to see that look on your face again; I like Alpha as long as you don't turn back into a dictator. I like it when you dominate me because I know that you can turn it off."  

I kiss him slowly, dragging my fingers through his stubble. 

Verando rolls his eyes at my affectionate tone; as manly as he tries to seem, I know he appreciates it. "Explains why you have attacked me every chance you get. Are you satisfied?" 

I scoff at the audacity. "Never. I will never get enough of you. I might not be able to walk, but it was worth it. Have you spoken with Johnathan about arrangements for France?"

"Briefly. Ron is going to run some logistics and maybe plan a tour... there's a band coming over for a holiday, and he thought it'd be good to meet up with them. Their lead singer can sing; we suspect he's a lycan, but in today's day and age, who the hell knows?"

"How would you feel about using the wedding as publicity? We could invite some higher-ups to pump them for information on Fergus. Maybe this band would be willing to do a concert, attract more attention, and make it more prestigious. I want to make it too big, loud, and outrageous; someone is bound to get drunk and say something." 

He watches me suspiciously, and I make a face because I know what he's thinking. He wants me all to himself; this is special to him. Not to say it isn't special to me, I lean down to kiss him, taking possession of his mouth. 

"Verando Xavier Mercer, you will own every bit of me that day. I'm a professional; I can do both, and that night, I'll be all yours and every day after that. For as long as we both shall live."

He brushes his nose against mine, sighing in defeat. "It's your wedding; I want the world to know who I've chosen to spend my life with. My only request is you lose this hair color before then. Black is alright, but I'm missing your red."

It hadn't sunk in until now that I would be getting married again, in France, just as I had the first time. I would be marrying him, for real, for the world to see. I would be Nicolas Alexandru Mercer. I climb onto his lap and tangle my fingers into his wavy gray locks. "Well, that settles it; it looks like we're skipping breakfast," I murmur against his mouth, getting lost in him all over again.

TL;DR for mature scenes - Randy has rediscovered his Alpha side only he's mastered aftercare, Nic has rekindled his love for being dominated while still having a voice. Healthy relationships are being formed ;-; they're growing up!