He wants to punish himself? 

I can't help but deflate, sadness fills my chest, quickly replacing anger. 

There's a part of him that needs this, I understand that, and yet it feels so alien to me. 

"Punish yourself?" I repeat back. "You shouldn't blame yourself for sparing a life. I can agree that killing her might have been simpler, but what is done is done; you trusted her on her word, and that is not your fault. We don't want to have to kill people." 

My fingers close on his bicep as he attempts to slip out of my grasp, avoiding my gaze. Patiently, I waited, unwilling to let this topic slip back into the depths. Intimacy had always been our strong point; denying me that for some silly case of 'blame' seemed cause for intervention. 

"What if she had succeeded in killing you or Marisol? For something so silly as sin, as convenience, why spare someone who takes little regard for the lives of others? It was cowardice to leave her alive."

I shrug lazily, unable to stop the chuckle that follows. My life is constantly at risk, and Red is not someone who particularly frightens me. 

"You know better than anyone what Marisol is capable of, and to be quite frank, Red doesn't hold a candle to the power that I have. She would be foolish to attempt to get so close to me again. If you had killed her, we would be under the thumb of the government even more so. The future is full of witnesses; there's no hiding that it was you." 

Truthfully, I'd love for her to try. I want to be the one to end her myself, while killing was not something I condoned; this woman had earned herself a notable exception. If I could get close enough to her, perhaps I could pull blood off of her and render her incapacitated. 

Of course, that would be very visual, and with the number of television screens surrounding us, the possibilities of doing that subtly were slim, landing me in the same spot. 

Verando's not laughing, failing to share in my inner monologue. I reach for his face, and he snags my hand pointedly, preventing the contact. "I don't want a pep talk or to listen to you talk about something that is not in your nature. You and I are both well aware of what we've done, what we've had to do to keep each other safe. I need time to-" 

"To what?" I demand. "To wallow? Absolutely not. I know exactly how it feels to be disappointed in your own performance, but shutting me out because you want to feel sorry for yourself is ridiculous. I don't care that you didn't kill Red because that's exactly why I love you-- it pisses me off that you aren't touching me to punish yourself for not doing something illegal! Randy, if you had killed her, you would be in jail." 

"Your safety is worth more than any consequence." His voice is low and stern; I sense the growing irritation with my tone and how I command him. My heart begins to pick up speed, heat building in my body as I drink in the warmth emanating off of him. "I would do whatever it takes to keep you safe, slacking on my duties--" He stops.

 I know he's speaking of his arrangement with Anuetta. 

"I deserve punishment. Last time I faltered, it nearly cost both of us our lives, here I am doing it again-" 

In defiance, I slap him, and those light eyes smolder as he glares down on me. 

"There. Happy? Is this punishment enough for you? You're ruining what could be a wonderful morning with something absurd." 

If he wants to act like a child, I'll treat him like one, and children get spanked. 

Isn't that one of his rules? 

"Do you want me to tie you down and beat you as she did? Would that make you stop acting as if I care in the slightest that that miserable bitch lives?" 

Verando appears taken aback by my statement; it's one of my more bold comments, but I stand by it. I want all of him, not pieces, whenever he chooses. In my time as the ring leader, while he got his mojo back, I'd grown bold. 

I hadn't had an actual 'Alpha' figure in so long; my tongue ran wild with the temptation to tell him how I felt. 

Grabbing my other wrist in his large hand, he growled low in his chest.  Verando grips me tightly, almost to the point of discomfort, and I attempt to jerk my hands out of his. "You've gotten rather bold as of late. Who do you think you are?"

I twist defiantly in his grasp, but he might as well be made of stone for all the good that does me. "What are you going to do about it? You're punishing yourself, remember? Now let me go; I'll take care of myself!" 

Verando scoffs, yanking me forward to pull me against his body. Part of me is enraged by his entitlement, and part of me pleads for no mercy. The side of me that hadn't seen this sort of action in what felt like an eternity was at full attention as I pressed against him under the hot spray of the shower. 

"Take care of yourself, and yet you moaned like a whore when I barely touched you. The state of you when you came to my bed would prove those words false. Is it so wrong that I'm disappointed in myself for putting your life at risk? Can you truly find fault in that?" 

I raise an eyebrow, a challenge in my eyes, and he bends to claim my mouth. I kiss him back roughly before freeing one of my hands, pressing back against his chest, and breaking the kiss.

"Yes, because how dare you doubt my ability to protect myself. I am a King, the lord of our realm, the survivor of more hell than any man other than yourself." I retort, trying to control my pounding pulse. 

My body feels electric-- Verando kisses me once more, and I arch into his body as I return the gesture in a scorching fight for control. "That bitch doesn't stand a chance, and it wounds me to think you consider her a threat."

Catching the corner of my mouth with his teeth, I gasp and tip my head back unwillingly, feeling that sinful mouth catch the crook of my jaw. His stubble makes me writhe, my skin overly sensitive from anticipation. 

"Look at you. You're a mess, and I've hardly touched you." Verando murmurs, dragging his fingers over my hip, groping my ass as I inhale through my teeth. "You're also a man of restraint, and she plays by no rules. It just takes a simple mistake, that's why I'm so upset with myself. I made a mistake, and what if she got lucky?"

I grip his hair, hooking one of my legs over his hip to bring him to me. "If we lived our lives by the fear of the future, we'd be dead four hundred years ago. I'm fine. Look at me--" Lifting my gaze, catching his eyes with my own, I skirt my nose against his, soaked by the spray of the shower, panting against his lips as he clutches me so impossibly close. 

"I'm fine," I assure him. "And I was a fool to force you to leave me in that damned city, thinking this was your fault."

"I prefer to think of you as a spoiled brat, but you're welcome to go on." Verando muses, making me roll my eyes heavily as he captures my lips. 

"Shut up and do something about it." I groan.

Verando pushes me down, spinning me around as I'm pressed firmly against the wall, smacking my ass. His hard cock slides against me, making me shudder as I stand on my toes to accommodate the height difference. 

Had he ever taken me this way?

"You know," His hand cups my ass, rubbing in slow, firm circles. "You've been a royal pain lately." He smacks me firmly once more, and I inhale sharply. 

It doesn't hurt as it would sound; it sends a jolt through my body that makes me wriggle against the cool stone wall. With my hand pinned behind my back, I'm effectively immobilized. 

"But you're right. You're tougher than I give you credit for, you've been through more than most can even comprehend, so I shouldn't think of you as a damsel who needs rescuing." My warlord considers my stance, only to chuckle, kissing the top of my head. "You're shockingly short, you know. I forgot that I always pick you up in the shower."

"You're such an ass." I shake my head in disbelief. I needed this too — to recharge and reset. 

I wanted to feel something other than the overwhelming stress of our situation, and while I loved who he was, I adored this man who could make me feel this way. I craved the submission he brought me to; I thrived in the chase of his desire to get me to heel while worshiping me at the same time. 

"Would you just fuck me already?" I demand, glancing over my shoulder, shoving my hips back into him defiantly.

Shutting off the shower, Verando pulls me out of the bathroom without bothering to dry us. Shoving me towards the bed, he commands me to bend over before leaving me. Grabbing two ties from his closet, he stands behind me, his hand grips the back of my neck, shoving my face down into the comforter as I try not to shiver from the chill of the room. 

Verando stands behind me, observing his prize as I lie exposed before him. Pressing my thighs together, my chest heaving, he twists his grip in my hair, pulling my head back. "Open. I'm going to gag you; I don't need Marisol hearing us." 

My teeth close on the silky material as he ties it behind my head, the next one encircles my wrists, keeping my hands behind my back. "Do not come until I tell you to. Do you understand?" 

Glaring over my shoulder, I reluctantly nod. "Right, you're committed to being a brat." Verando reminds himself, sliding two fingers within me as he applies the lubricant. I jolt at the sudden intrusion; his legs keep my knees apart, and I resist the urge to squirm as he curls the long digits within me. "A brat who can't even relax for his lover, even in bed, you fight me."

Wishing to retort, I merely sink my teeth into the gag, rocking my hips against his fingers as he applies a third. "Right, you don't like foreplay, you'd rather I mistreat you, is that what you're after?"

I nod, whimpering as his fingers slow. It wasn't enough; my body was on fire. Each time he plunged within my depths, I wished for him to be deeper despite the discomfort. With each curl against my sweet spot, it sent a warmth to my stomach that lacked the ability to build; he was merely tormenting me with a taste of what I craved. It was as if I was going out of my mind, envisioning what would come next, wondering if he would take me hard or slow. 

"I must say, you look absolutely ravishing from this angle. Though I must admit, I'm missing the red." Glancing over my shoulder, I see he's at his limit. "Don't ever take yourself away from me again, do you understand?"

Pressing back against him in response, I'm left with nothing as his fingers slide out of me. "Ever since we were interrupted, I've been thinking about what I'd like to do to you."

I don't know how much more I can take. "Please." I manage against the gag.

"You know it drives me wild when you want me to be rough, then you give that speech on how tough you are, and I can't help but wonder just how much you can take." The restraint is clear in his voice.

 I wonder if I should have put up with more foreplay as Verando pulls me sharply to the edge of the bed, and his cock slides against my entrance.

"As a lycan, I find myself constantly holding back with this fragile mortal body. But you're right, we've both been to hell and back, it's an insult to continue to spare you."

Regret clouds my mind, yet my body begs for the promise of limitless bliss. We were both damaged beyond repair, and while the beginnings of my intimate career had been riddled with pain and confusion, I was desperate for him to rewrite every story. I craved punishment just as he did, and when there was no sin to atone for, I'd gladly sacrifice my body to his torment. 

Verando fills me with a single thrust, and I cry out against my gag, cursing myself for my dislike of foreplay.

The intensity is overwhelming as he uses my shoulder as leverage to pin me beneath him. My body yields to him as he takes me without remorse. Each stroke was deeper than the last, filling me to the hilt, pushing me to my limit with the merciless position I'd found myself in.

Caught in a limbo of begging him to stop and pleading with him for more, I moan against my gag yet feel it oddly satisfying to be silenced. There was nothing left to do but trust him with my satisfaction, to present him with my body and believe he knew what it craved.

 Where I should find it terrifying after what I'd been through, I find it oddly remarkable. 

A level of trust built on the grounds of his devotion to me, I feel myself starting to climb from the notion. So turned on, my body ignited from within-- this ridiculous man who loved me more than life itself, who would do anything for me, had come back for me the moment I had allowed him.

I feel tears rolling down my cheeks, angry with myself for sending him away, furious at my selfishness to hide our love from these people who mattered so little to me in the end. 

Releasing my shoulder, he grips my hair to tilt my head back. The weight of him on me feels so good, his warmth welcomed on my chilled back. One of his hands moves to gather my thigh, shoving it up onto the bed to expose me even more. Cursing, my body begins to shake with every stroke. 

"Already?" He teases. I attempt a nod, making him chuckle. "Go ahead, you serve me tonight, don't think your inability to cope will spare you."

My body comes undone at the slightest permission, and yet his conquering of my territories doesn't lessen. This was more than anything I'd felt, so hot, so primal, my body didn't know whether it wanted to give in or fight back. Overly sensitive, he gives me no reprieve, cursing at the way my body tightens with my release.

 "Gods, you feel so good."

Breath hot against the nape of my neck, Verando sinks his teeth into my shoulder. My body feels strange, shaking beyond my control; I'd bite through my gag if I had the fangs he possessed. I want to beg him to stop, yet I can't keep my hips from moving, from chasing the discomfort of sensitivity with the ache to please him. 

His fingers slip to wrap around my throat, lost in me, claiming me as his own, and I damn myself once more.

Drowning in lust, my body responded beyond what I thought it was capable of. I wanted it all, everything he had to offer me. 

"You're so beautiful." Verando exhales, tightening his grip on my throat possessively. "You're taking it so well. This little body is tougher than it looks. The way you pull me in, it's as if you were built to be taken."

As he slams into me, I come again, pushing him over the edge as he finds completion deep inside. My chest heaves; I'm a mess, sensitive and overstimulated, underneath this glorious warlord. 

In a daze, I'm limp as Verando unties my gag and my hands. Unable to move, my body shudders from the intensity as he places the stretched-out ties in the hamper, before returning to me with a towel so that I might finish drying off. My hair is still wet, but my body was a lost cause, as it was difficult to distinguish between sweat and the actual shower. Placing me in a chair, I'm at a loss for words as he changes the damp bedsheets like a true psychopath.

______________________________________________

I rest my head on his chest as he trails his fingers slowly up and down my side, basking in the afterglow. Kissing his chest, I shut my eyes and tempt myself with the thought of more sleep, but the daylight reminds me that it's morning, and I've lost track of time. I'm uncertain of how much rest I actually got.

"You sure know how to make a point." I allow, following the scars on his pectoral muscle with my fingers. My voice was hoarse, and I briefly wondered if I would have to worry about marks from the gag, as his hand collects my cheek.

"Are you alright? Did I hurt you?" His thumb brushes at the redness under my eye, concern crossing his face. "You were crying at one point."

He's a mixture of the Alpha I fell for and Randy, whom I fell in love with. Alpha never cared how I felt after; he usually left, but now I think I might have achieved the best of both worlds. 

Propping myself up on my elbow, I brush his hair out of his face, only to collapse onto his chest. I had nothing left; my body was limp, useless after such thorough lovemaking, perhaps I wasn't as strong as I thought.

"I'm fine. Randy, I like rough sex. When you grab a hold of me like that and-" Exhaling shakily, I glance up at him with a grin. "I like it when you dominate me because I know that you can turn it off. Honestly, I've been wanting you to do that since we came to this century. I feel like... I've finally got all of you back, like you've been withholding something from me. I've missed this side of you, and I think you needed it just as much as I did." 

I kiss him slowly, dragging my fingers through his stubble. "You're hot as hell when you're out of your mind." I remind him with a smirk.

Verando rolls his eyes at my affectionate tone; as masculine as he likes to appear, he appreciates my admittance. "Explains why you have attacked me every chance you get. I didn't need to savage you, but I appreciate the effort, nonetheless. It was quite the experience." 

I scoff, shaking my head. "Well, you need to develop your palate, Mr.Mercer, for I will be expecting nothing less from now on. I will never get enough of you. I might not be able to walk, but it was worth it. By the way, have you spoken with Johnathan about arrangements for France?"

"Briefly. Ron is going to handle some logistics and possibly plan a tour... there's a band coming over for the holiday, and he thought it'd be good to meet up with them. Their lead singer can sing; we suspect he's a lycan, but in today's day and age, who the hell knows?"

"How would you feel about using the wedding as publicity? We could invite some higher-ups to pump them for information on Fergus. Maybe this band would be willing to do a concert, attract more attention, and make it more prestigious. I want to make it too big, loud, and outrageous; someone is bound to get drunk and say something." 

Verando watches me suspiciously, and I make a face. He wants me all to himself; this is special to him. Not to say it isn't special to me, I lean down to kiss him, taking possession of his mouth. 

"Verando Xavier Mercer, you will own every bit of me that day, but we are also running dangerously low on time. I want to make sure there is a world in which I get to spend the rest of my life with you."

Brushing his nose against mine, sighing in defeat, he shrugs one shoulder. "My only request is that you lose this hair color before then. Black is alright, but I much prefer the red."

In a few short weeks, I would belong to him as he would belong to me, on paper, for the world to see. I'd finally be able to fulfill my promise to him; I would be Nicolas Alexandru Mercer. With a slow inhale, I climb onto his lap and tangle my fingers into his wavy gray locks. 

"I can't wait to marry you, Mr.Mercer. You'll have to excuse my behavior, but it looks like we're skipping breakfast," I murmur against his mouth, getting lost in him all over again.