"Nothing would ever be the same and I don't quite believe that it was meant to be. The world we left behind could not be the same as the one we had created,  change was a necessity if we were to survive. 

When we were brought to this strange time, fractured with its sickness and overrun by the villains of our era, I wondered how it would be possible for two men to ever overcome the ending of a planet. With the payment of blood, sweat, and tears, we had prevailed to do something that I had never imagined possible when that man strode into my life that fall evening. 

I had been a boy then, much like the world we arrived in, I was damaged by the cruelty of those surrounding me and had seen it fit to succumb to those illusions of failure for things beyond my control. My sexual preference, my upbringing, my weaknesses, and my faults, all became moments that had defined me as irredeemable. Beyond saving, beyond considering a worthy cause, much like the crumbling planet, I had been undesirable. 

It was in my state of disrepair that I had found pieces of myself, pieces that were colorful and worth keeping. Amidst the wreckage, broken and tossed again and again despite attempts to repair it, something new had to be created and in letting go of that broken boy, I created an identity. 

There were still runs, missing pieces, and ugly divets but there was also life and a story unraveled in the tapestry that had been formed through this journey that often felt like it would never end. In this journey, I was not the perfect person, but I was capable of the task of rebuilding this planet. In this journey, I learned that I no longer had to do this on my own."

Sitting in the small study, I close the handwritten journal and consider dosing off to the gentle crackle of the rolling fire. Lotta had been the most encouraging since we'd returned from Romania, now securely in France for the past week. It was Lotta who had pushed me to write, to put all the trauma of the past into something that could be used as the whole truth. 

History books were written by the victors, and her account of my person, when we had met, had shown us all that there was a side of our story that had been left untold. But, I was no poet and surely not much of a writer, my lack of knowledge in English or French made it difficult to transcribe thoughts so I settled for mixed pieces composed in my language. 

If nothing else, it made for sentimental moments where I could listen to my written words like a song on repeat.

Despite my appreciation for her enthusiasm, I doubted I would ever finish this work for it was much too personal to give to the general public. I suppose they called us mythical for a reason, it was too fantastic for anyone to ever believe it. 

Sipping a glass of wine, I stretch as I stand and move to the desk to set the journal in the locked master drawer. Not that I feared that Verando would read it, though he had been working on his Romanian, for the simple fact it was one of the few secrets I had left. I still hadn't come down from our time living on the edge, none of the world had, truly. 

Windows were still boarded, and buildings were still in shambles, it was wrong to feel we had come to a conclusion when all around us society trembled. 

Glancing out the plated glass window, I cross my arms as I drag my lower lip over the rim of the glass in contemplation. The first of the haphazardly constructed cars rolls lazily, lumbering like an iron giant down the freshly paved roads. There was talk of the Americans sending over their modernized vehicles, yet there was hesitation in that too for most were battle-ready and quite dangerous to people who had never driven. 

A vacuum, as Leo had called it, had erupted in the infrastructure of modern society, and in its depths, it called hungrily for any political figure who had ever desired a higher seat of power. I clutch my glass the slightest bit tighter, controlling the stir of the wolf inside as I tighten my eyes on the disappearing taillights. 

Everyone was hungry for their pound of flesh and it would seem I, as a true carnivore, was unwelcome at the table in my current state. 

As if on cue, the door opens and closes, I smell him before I hear the first light step. 

"How was the meeting?" I ask as kindly as I can, hiding the bitterness of being quarantined until I am in better control of my wolf. It was foolish to think that coming home would do anything but hinder my ability to communicate with this creature and gain control of the emotional swings. 

"Oh, as well as it can be with a bunch of children who don't know what they're doing. You would have enjoyed it, there were name tags and nobody even sat in the right places. Lotta was appalled for you." His words drag me out of my funk and I lean back against him as his arms encircle me from behind. 

"Echo is going to stay to help Helen rebuild, humans aren't happy about it but it seems to have made the Heroes more at ease. Small groups are popping up all over the world and Landon is doing his best to make contact with them."

Trailing off, he catches the wine glass from my hand and rests it on the desk, before tracing his fingers up to drag under my jaw. I practically purr as I brush my cheek against his knuckle, "In other words... it's messy but they are getting along just fine?"

I can hear the smirk, and feel the lightness in his chest without seeing him. "While I'm sure they are desperate for your help, I've threatened their families if they dare reach out without giving you proper time to settle. Remember, we just adopted a child. Don't think it's from a lack of need, I assure you it's terror." 

A playful growl rumbles in his throat as I tilt my head back to narrow my eyes up at him, unable to keep the smile off my face. 

"You brute." I feign disappointment as I tug his arm more snuggly around my body, enjoying the pressing that I'd often seen lycans partake in. It was strangely comforting to feel the pressure of another body seep through your skin, nearly to your bones with a deep warmth and contact that was deliciously satisfying. "And the rebels?"

There was a time when we were rebels, it was difficult not to think of us as aggressors when I'd been on both sides of this war. 

"Leo is working to negotiate a truce with the magical side; if nothing else a cease-fire. As for the humans and Caspian's armies, they seem scattered but I have my suspicions. They're out there, it will take time to round them up, it's an excuse to bring these trained militias in and rebuild the military, give people jobs, and get everyone back to work."

My warlord was back in his element. While assisting to orchestrate the military and place the appropriate people in positions of power in our task force, he was also navigating the capture of Senator Campbell as well as conducting his search for Caspian with the help of Landon's analysis of crime throughout the continent. 

The search for Caspian was his number one priority, not the betterment of society for the ungrateful beings who wished to have us exterminated. 

Between hate speech, propaganda, and protests of what the new world would bring, we were left with an impasse of us and them once more, only 'them' had grown substantially in size considering that it was no longer just one force we were worried about. Humans and magic users alike weren't keen on living in this joined world, and it felt like personal neglect to leave them to sort it out on their own. 

My mind drifts to the sweet, unicorn boy who we'd adopted into our lives. Much as I'd fought him on this, he was too abnormal to leave in his current state of soft perfection. Nobody looked as he did and explaining how I obtained a child so like myself would be much too difficult. 

"Did you check on Darius?" The precious boy named after my father, who never got the credit he deserved either. 

"The surgery went fine, Tonic is with him now."

The thought of putting the boy through cosmetics made my stomach threaten to flip. But, it was for his safety. Modeled after our female elf companion, her altered ears were the best way to give Darius a safe passage through the public eye. "Did it have to be an elf?" I sigh, unamused as he places a chaste kiss on my cheek. 

I'd taken on the much more domestic role of housewife, much to my chagrin. While he was able to rearrange a tour with Tiberius and casually step in and out of meetings, I was practicing all forms of control and doting on these two little lads who had stepped so soundly into place in our lives. It was all I'd ever wanted and yet I was chomping at the bit to get out. 

Sensing my dismay, he turns me in his arms, swiftly seating me on the desk to observe my face. 

"I know it's hard darling but you'll get the hang of this soon."

The words of encouragement don't do much to sedate the claustrophobic feeling I got every time I realized there was no forest to run to, no animals to hunt, no escape beyond these walls for me to run as I had when I first woke up. My wolf had remained elusive, beyond when it wanted something, I'd been unable to call it forward and unable to conjure any magic. 

At this point, I was practically a magical mute and stuck in the most frustrating game of limbo. I was good at pretending to be human, but any attempt to communicate what it wanted, when it wanted it, resulted in failure and aggression.

My cheeks darkened from the sudden flash of excitement of the contact, more than his effect on me, it was fighting off my instincts to return the gesture that kept me at bay. The primal aggression my body exhibited in these moments had been enough to back me off considerably in my advances and while it didn't seem to bother him at first, I can tell it was beginning to affect him now. 

With a frown, he brushes his fingers over my cheek before cupping my jaw to drag his thumb over my lower lip, earning a rolling growl from my throat as I capture my lip in my teeth to stop the progression and grip onto the desk with my hands, an anchor for my trembling form.

 "Maybe we shouldn't," I manage. "I just put Xavier to bed." 

Skirting his nose over my neck, I inhale sharply through my mouth as his stumble ignites my skin and sends a tingling sensation down my spine. 

"Do you not want me?" His insecurity cracked my will, I wasn't often the one who rejected him, and my libido was well-known by anyone who'd spent any time in my company. "You haven't let me touch you since we got back." 

My fingers twist, desperate to answer the request. Through lidded eyes, I feel the surge of adrenaline, a response to something that was purely mine and that begged to be claimed. It's enough to make me flinch, my body felt as though it was engulfed in flames, yet this was as far as I ever got before the fear of the unknown sent me into a full retreat.

 What if I hurt him? What if I couldn't stop myself? What if he couldn't love me this way? 

He had always enjoyed me as a submissive, what would he think when I told him that I was more like him than he could imagine? Pascal had her theories that two alphas could coexist, my research on my interactions with those carrying the genes suggested it was a struggle not to kill each other, which made me on edge to trust these basic instincts to launch myself at him. 

They only seemed to grow stronger as I did, the more control I gained, the more obvious these feelings had become. His lips part, placing a gentle kiss under my ear and my head tilts back on its own accord to invite his touch. 

"I spoke with the wedding planner today." I manage- an attempt to distract him. "It would seem we can rearrange at the same venue, we just need to pick a date."

"How about tomorrow," Verando suggests in a rumbling hum as his fingers tangle in my hair and his tongue bathes my skin. Like vices, my hands shoot up and grip his shirt, jerking him to me in a swift motion as my legs capture his hips. "Summon them, I'll wed you here and now."

I lean back to meet his gaze. The way he looks at me, I can't help but feel undeserving considering I'm keeping a large part of myself a secret once again. It was bubbling to the surface, dying to come out. 

"You're quite extraordinary in this lighting, Mr.Mercer." I yank him to me, popping the buttons on the white button-up before roughly undoing his tie and wrapping it firmly around my fist to hold him while I claim his mouth. His hands catch himself on either side as I drag him to me, "I think tomorrow would give people very little time to prepare."

"Fuck 'em." He exhales before deepening the kiss, bringing a frustrated groan from my chest as I protest against my withholding. Opening my eyes to witness this glorious man, I note the light red scratches on his chest, mirroring the brutal scars left by his father and it sobers me at the thought of the damage I was capable of inflicting. 

Panting heavily, burning with unfathomable desire, my fear of hurting him brought my hand to his lips as he moved to kiss me once more. "I scratched you." I sigh as he bows his head in defeat and I flop back onto the desk to rake my hands through my hair in frustration. 

Kissing my stomach, he takes a moment to collect himself. "I'm sorry. I just.." What could I say? "I would never forgive myself if I hurt you."

"I think you are quite full of yourself if you think you're capable of hurting me." 

That was exactly the problem, I was too full of myself, my animalistic side wanted a chance to prove itself and it only had eyes for him. I was too nervous, too wary of it, to even consider letting it out of its box. I knew what it looked like, and I knew what would happen if I went feral, he would never hurt me... but would I hurt him? 

I think back to the time in the snowy clearing, his body was battered and it wasn't from our sparring, it was from being close to me. I needed to let him know what I was thinking, I needed to get it out so he could have an option in this madness that was my mental state. "I need to tell you something."

Verando straightens, eyeing me suspiciously, lifting my hand to his mouth to kiss my palm in slow presses of his full lips. With a sad scoff, I prop myself up on my elbow, trying not to focus on the graze of his teeth over my skin. "What if I told you I was having a complex from screwing around with another teacher again?"

My joke is in poor taste as he narrows his eyes at me, pulling me roughly back into a sitting position to inflict his politician's face on my unsuspecting person. "If you're stopping me from having my way with you for something so ridiculous, I can't promise I'll be gentle with you." 

He wasn't in the mood for my antics, I shiver as he kisses my wrist, lacing our fingers together as he bends my hand to expose the veins of my forearm. I feel the sharp tip of his canine as those wicked teeth scrape the tender flesh, his burning eyes watching me, a predator hunting his prey.

"Promise me it doesn't change anything. Promise me that we will figure it out." 

My words put him on edge, forcing him to straighten. "Out with it, Nic."

I will myself to change my mind, but I know that if there was anyone who could help me, it was the man before me. "I'm an Alpha.  I'm afraid that the reason I keep lashing out- what if it's you my wolf is after?"