The gentle rock of the car, coupled with the occasional sharper jolt, stirs me from my curled position in the passenger seat. At first, my body goes on high alert, ready to spring and defend my newfound charge. Blinking away the sleep, I struggle to believe that I slept through their return but on closer inspection, I recognize the scent with the dull hint of elf blood masking its potency. 

Slowly stirring, I realize that the little boy is gone and my hands instinctively go to my chest as I panic. Wheeling around in my seat at a speed that threatens to snap off my armrest, Verando's hand snatches my bicep to force me to still, his fingers like vices against muscles that hold their own. 

The force might have injured a weaker version of myself, were it not for the sound of the impact, I might not have noticed in my state of panic. 

Wild-eyed, I flash my teeth as I retract my arm. "Stop." He growls, his voice a hushed whisper. "Tonic has him. We had to put him in some actual clothes, he's in the back seat."

Oh. 

As quick as it came, the panic ebbs like a wave receding into the ocean. The waters of my mind once more in a state of calm, the storm passed. Absently, I rub my eye with the back of my hand as I settle once more into the hard bucket-style seat. My stiff body ached from being in such an awkward position, teetering on the edge of claustrophobic now that we were in motion. 

I could smell the exhaust, the putrid stench of burning gasoline, fire, and soot humming from the rebuilt motor. 

My ears tune in to every crank, every grumble, grind, and squeal the vehicle could make only it was nearly silent to human ears. Verando had worked with me to train me to block out certain sounds, I could only think that he was right about this world being so much louder than our own. 

Flinching at the noise, I note his glance of sympathy at my expression. 

I take a look over my shoulder at the back of the car, illuminated by the pale greens of the dashboard's control panel. Casting strange, ghostly shadows over bits of their features, it would appear that our company had succumbed to exhaustion just as I had. It was only our leader who pressed on, a soldier determined to finish the task.

Allowing my shoulders to sag, I draw up my legs as I prepare myself. The scent that had drawn me to hunt was not his but the blood that saturated his being. He'd done his best to clean up, something so potent couldn't hide from my sensitive nose. 

"Thank you for doing that." I could only assume their origin, had I seen Elf children at the castle?

I don't expect a response, folding my hands in my lap, I keep my voice impossibly low and fiddle with the hem of my shirt. An eternity in silence, his hand tensed on the steering wheel before finally, he permitted the smallest exhale, a quiet permittance to accept my gratitude. 

My lips pull into a thin line as I allow myself to watch him once more, his eyebrows pulled down in anguish and concentration. It was a side of him reserved for when we were alone, the darkness lying heavy on his shoulders saturated in guilt and self-loathing.  

"Please don't punish yourself." Without control, the words come out as a plea, an appeal to spare me watching him torment himself over something inevitable. "Tyr was never going to allow them to live."

"I know."

Too often are our problems solved by touch, by the coping mechanism that we share. My fingers twitch, impatient with our restricted space but there was nothing to soothe my desire to show him how sorry I was, to prove to him that I still loved him and that this decision was not made hastily. 

My body could not work as a sacrifice to his will, there was nothing left to do but to default to what we often shied away from. 

"I did it because-" I try and think of the words. My love for what Gabriel could have been? My desire to see Fergus live on and watch this mad world keeps turning. A crack of a laugh slips out and I lean back into the seat to clutch my knees to my chest loosely. "There is no one better than us to take care of this child."

I expect rage, frustration, and pain, but instead, he sighs as if he'd been on edge for my reaction. We were wary of each other, I was fresh and new, and he was set in stone with his beliefs and convictions. I'd seen how bad it could get, I knew what it looked like when he reached his limit. He knew what I could become should my control wane for only a moment. 

"I never expected you would have to pay the price for this, but I couldn't have asked for someone kinder or more considerate of the value of a life to do what needs to be done. You saved those people from Tyr's dismissal."

Patience washes over the light eyes reflecting the odd neons of the dashboard. "You give me more credit than I deserve. The elves understood once Tyr arrived with the unicorn what it would mean for their lives, they knew what helping us would cost them much as some wanted to believe otherwise. There's always hope a god might show mercy, Tyr does love humanity much as it might appear otherwise these days."

I find it hard to believe, while I'm unfamiliar with the lore, it would seem the man was blinded by his desire to catch Fenrir. Perhaps he desired to save the world which drove him to do whatever it took, regardless, he'd lost his pedestal in my mind. 

"I'm selfish. It is not only the death of the elves that caused me to lash out as I did, while I don't take that lightly, I do also understand they would not have been left alive once we declined Tyr's offer." Exhaling downward, he frowns and sterns his gaze on the road before us as if it might help him find his reasoning. "Nic, this is a contract. We have to give the child back eventually."

Thinking back to the proposal, I do remember Tyr reminding us that once the child was eighteen, we would be free of our charity work. I hadn't thought much of it at the time, my mind had been locked into saving Gabriel and saving our lives. 

"I remember he said we would be finished when the boy turned eighteen. He will regain his memories of being Fergus."

Verando glances at me, gauging my expression and my mental health. "It means the child is not ours, he belongs to the world yet the world can not know him. It's going to be a lifetime of hiding and servitude, as someone who has experienced what it's like to devote their life to a cause and a people... to be taken from your family... can you honestly say you will let him go? You know better than anyone what is waiting for him."

All outside noises fade as my mind tries to mull over how we could know what it would be like when there had never been a human born of this magnitude before. I rationalize, over and over, explaining away the theory much like I did the suggestion to my alpha wolf. 

The more I thought and twisted the situation, the more I came to terms with the validity of his words. Just as I was, each magic user is a 'sort' of an unknown for no being was the same. 

They would take this boy, on his eighteenth birthday, and they would do everything they did to me to unlock whatever was lurking inside and prepare him for the task of safeguarding the entire planet. My mind drifted to Fergus, his brief tale of his lonely life before Tomas. 

Alone in all of his past lives, only to be captured and tortured for four hundred years once he had settled with a family; once he had met us. Without us, would they ever have caught him? 

Domestication was a death sentence and this child would be the continuation of a permanent life of servitude. Never ending, with humanity as a crutch.

"I could train him," I whisper, feeling the emotion welling up in my eyes at the loss that hadn't even occurred yet. I had signed a deal with a god to carry this creation to term, then hand it over to hell's gates like a virgin sacrifice. I was to love and tend to this child, only for them to never know love again once we parted. 

Careening, spiraling, I'm brought to terms with my upbringing and the loneliness I felt. Stuck in those castle walls while my siblings gained my father's favor, it was only my mother who had time for me and my unique schedule. I'd always assumed it was my preference that kept me at arm's length, now I question if it was for my safety and the assurance of my survival. 

Played before my eyes, I listen to my murky words begging with human desperation to not be sent away to a school in which few returned. 

"I did not want you to have to go through this," Verando responds, somber in his tone. "Deals with gods always come at a high price." His own had been quite costly, bonding himself to me had spared no consequence.

My breathing stabilizing, I look over my shoulder once more to assure myself that Tonic remained seated in the far back. The tufts of gray hair peeking over the middle row, I tuned in to the gentle rise and fall of his breathing and the strong, fast patter of a child's heart. 

"I won't shelter him, he will know of his fate in a way that I didn't, he will be prepared for what's to come." 

Cautiously, Verando extends his hand, slowly slipping his fingers between mine to fold our palms together. I marvel at the size difference, his strong hands still holding some mild discoloration from our fight with Caspian or perhaps a training session with some unfortunate inanimate object. 

I brush my thumb over one of his knuckles and bring the back of his hand to my lips. 

Talking wasn't the waste of time that I had written it off to be, while I'd often begged him to talk to me, oftentimes it was our bodies that communicated the strongest. I kiss the back of his hand, clutching it to me like a lifeline. 

"Do not think that we are spared Tyr's wrath, we are lycans, we are rather worthless to him. If you interfere with the child, I can assure you, we will be replaced. Without Fergus and with Tyr free to look for Fenrir on his own, we have become quite obsolete."

"So I just act like everything is fine? I just raise this boy and we treat him as I was treated? Like an outcast? A freak?" Rubbing roughly at the wet betrayal under my eye, I exhale in frustration at myself. "Gabriel deserves better."

"As someone who is a reborn celestial being, I can assure you that child is not Gabriel. Just as I am not my grandfather, much to Mother's disappointment." Wrinkling my nose, I refuse to entertain his attempt at humor. His eyes are far too tired to suggest he'd put much effort into the joke. "Perhaps this is where you can do better, but, he's not ours. I don't think there are any good answers." 

Pursing my lips, I can't help but smile just the slightest as I sniff back the emotion. "That's a long-winded way of saying you don't know."

"I'm quite tired, darling, it's been an emotionally taxing day."

"Want me to drive?" I can't help but hope that he declines for I'd only driven a few times and my skills were lackluster at best. In the open expanse, I could probably manage but nearing town and remembering the brake from the gas proved to be too much of a task for my easily complicated mind. Luckily for me, I'm met with a look of near disgust at the thought. 

"I'll be damned if I die at the hands of your driving."

I feel better, lighter, as I trace over the back of his fingers with my opposite hand. Our body temperature matched, our pulses shared, I had prepared for many things in this adjustment but this hadn't been one of them. It had seemed like running was no longer an option for him, perhaps because now I could catch him. 

"Thank you." I finally manage, my heartbroken, and full all at once. 

Shattered, torn, but rekindled in my conviction, I squeeze his hand just a little tighter. "I really am sorry."

Considering me with a quick scan of his eyes, he smirks, dimpling his cheek. "You must be tired, you're apologizing to me first."

Jutting out my chin, I move to slip my hand out of his but he quickly grips it, bringing my fingers to his lips for a swift kiss. "You're such an ass." I sigh heavily, shaking my head at the disappointment of a moment ruined. "Every time I'm starting to like you, you remind me why everyone runs and hides."

Scoffing, Verando samples the scent of my wrist with a small inhale. "Reputations run true, darling. Unfortunate as those truths might be." Trailing off, I know I've touched a nerve and offer him a smile as I climb onto my knees and lean over to kiss his cheek. "Afraid you have gone mad though, loving a murderer and what have you. Shame, really, you were a nice guy."

It was banter I recognized from my time with him and Marisol, a way to blow off steam as she used to say, their lives together were stressful and the casual insults brought a bit of humanity to inhuman deeds. "I don't think I've ever been a nice guy. I believe you often referred to me as spoiled."  

"Mmm, still do." Verando hums appreciatively. 

I'm emotionally exhausted from preparing for the worst and receiving this strange truce instead. I could only imagine it stemmed from his level of fatigue coupled with the completion of the task. There was no going back and saving those elves, they were dead on arrival the moment that Tyr walked in that door. 

Snagging the heavy jacket, I lay it on the console between us and slide his armrest up to lie across the small space with my head in his lap. 

With his fingers lightly trailing up and down my side, I'm uncomfortable but perfectly content as he drags long trails from my shoulder to my hip then back again. We almost lost each other again, we had come to death's door and back; assured that this would be the last ounce of cosmic help that we would receive. 

As he ignites my skin with the delicious sensation of gentle stroking, the beast lurking beneath the film of darkness lights a whole new beacon. 

I peer up at his stubbled jaw, listening to him quietly hum a show tune that would have been in his last concert of our European tour. From the time I first met him, to this moment here in this van leaving the most difficult task of our lives, there was only one thing in this world that was certain and that was an imminent demise. 

I'd be damned if I was going to waste my one existence.

"Randy?" The humming stops in response to my question. "I can't promise that I won't help these people, that I'll leave the council, but I'd like to change the pace in which I give my time to these charities. I made you a promise, I intend to keep it." 

Taking long slow breaths to keep my heart rate steady, I carefully scoot the slightest bit closer to him. 

"Would you marry me? Again? I feel like we missed out on a fabulous venue and while I adored our rooftop ceremony, I think it's about time the entire world knew exactly who I belonged to when they attempt to call me for petty things."

Silence fills the small space, the eternity of waiting brought me a hefty mental scolding for all my half-hearted rejections when it was common practice for him to ask for my hand. His hand is still on my side, the small smile curling onto his full lips, I manage to breathe when I see him crack the first hint of a boyish grin. "So you want to be with me for my reputation, hmm?"

"Randy." I groan impatiently, yawning in protest of my heavy lids. 

"Of course, love. I'd be glad to make an honest man of you again." 

With that, I drift off to the gentle humming of the song he sang for me at my wedding to Filippa, trying not to focus on what another large wedding might entail. Instead, I bask in the glory of my own first 'Yes'.