Third of June.

I can't. I'll die. Berenice... I don't know. I love her of course, still. It won't change. It's kinda annoying, but comforting in the same time. Everything I see in her is wonderful, and the gold is that she isn't perfect, she's got flaws, but she knows them, accept criticism and advices with pleasure and tries to correct herself.

She's kind and curious. Always there to listen and comfort. And to have shitty ideas that may be dangerous, but she's so fun and laugh at everything. She's smart as hell, patient and casual, smiling with you, but she will cry with you too. She doesn't hide. She's authentic.

A little bit too sensitive, she can becomes mad really fast, but she works on it. I don't know if it's a bad thing, but she can disappear for days reading a new book.

I love her. So much.

But she... Is becoming distant, she's less with us, she's distancing herself. It hurts, by Aphrodite! It's hurt so much.

Too, I talked with Nath about my "problem". I told I love someone, but I felt like I was incomplete, maybe broken, cause of the total absence of physical attraction and desire.

They rolled their eyes, I don't know why, maybe who I love is obvious (I hope not!). But they said I'm not broken, and I don't have to worry.

They said I may be asexual. And explained what it is too me, showed me testimonies, how asexual live their life's and romantic relationships, for those who aren't aromantic.

That was wonderful. I didn't know about this orientation before, and I felt heard and understood, not alone. I felt normal.

I'm still not absolutely sure, but I think I'm probably asexual. And it's so good feeling I'm not broken.

I still hurt cause of Berenice's attitude but knowing about asexuality calms me down and makes me feel able to deal with it.

I texted her, five minutes ago, asking why she does that.

She received the text but didn't open it, still. I'm so scared of her answer.

I probably did something wrong, too awful or too strict, I may have said something wrong and hurt her... I couldn't forgive myself if it's that.

I die by her distance, I hurt when she's hurting, her smile is enough to make me smile.

I'm so foolish, that's ridiculous.

My phone rang! She answered!

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you... You've done nothing wrong, okay? It's just... It's me. I'm messing everything up, and I don't want you to see it. I want to protect you, kay? I could hurt you and..."

I don't understand. What? What does she mean, protect me? Why? Against what? Her? She'll never hurt me by staying with me! I tell her, but she says that's better.

She's not okay! I need to help her!

But what could I ever do...?