TRIGGER WARNING: internalized homophobia, swearing, underage drinking, suicidal thoughts, yelling

All thoughts in italics are Evan's thoughts, unless implied to be Connors.

I'm not sure how good this is, but I like the ideas. Let me know what you think! Jared's a little OOC and I changed the texting format too.

BREAKBREAKBREAK

Evan and Connor got through the day without talking about the whole 'Connor was drunk and called him cute' fiasco. School went by in a boring blur, neither boy wanting to publicly acknowledge what had happened. They ate lunch together, ignoring all the stares and remarks from others. The day was uneventful, except when Connor invited him to dinner.

"C-Connor, this really isn't a g-good idea." Evan whispered, nervously taking the passenger seat of Connor's car. He couldn't help but flashback to the crash, his breath taking itself away.

"The dinner or the car?"

"The dinner. I-I don't too well with people."

"Want to explain?" Connor asked, starting the car. Evan resisted the urge to pull painfully at his thumb, trying to stop the thoughts running through his head.

He's concerned for you. He actually cares.

Why would he care for a depressed nobody?

"A-anxiety." He whispered, watching the trees go by as they drove. Maple, Pine, Apple trees... Evan couldn't help but count.

"My mom's a bit persistent. Zoe's a bitch and told her about me making a friend, like I couldn't do that at all." Connor complained, his temper rising as he talked about his family.

"But you couldn't. I'm your o-only friend." Evan smirked, receiving a painful punch to the shoulder, pushing on the fading bruises of his chest.

"Shit, Hansen! You made a semi rude remark! I'm proud of my child." Connor laughed, the smile on his face making Evan's heart flutter.

"I'm your child now? I-I thought I was cute and adorable." He blushed, a smile creeping onto his lips.

"You're that too. Do you want to talk about that?" Connor inquired, the breaks screeching as he turned the car. They had passed the neighborhoods, both their houses left behind them. There were a few hours left before dinner.

"Y-Yeah. Are you, you know, um, g-gay? I mean, I don't care if you are, it doesn't matter to me. I don't really care who you're into as long as you're not a j-jerk. You can be gay and into guys, that's okay. I'm obviously into girls, but I'm kinda into guys too in that way so it would be hypocritical for me to say I'm not okay with someone being gay. Really I think the lifestyle-"

"Evan. Stop. Yes, I'm gay. I think. Truly, I like guys more, but if I fall for a girl I fall for a girl. Whatever. No girl would fall for me. No guy would either." Connor spoke, his voice slowing the down the further he got. Sadness crept upon his face, his hair moving in front of his eyes.

"I-I would."

What are you saying. What are you saying?! What the hell is wrong with you Evan?! Get out of this car right now, get out of the car and step in front of another one right now!

"Evan. Evan! EVAN!" Connor's voice broke into his head, the car pulling over onto a dirt road. He pulled over to the side of the road, leaving his car door open as he ran to Evan's side.

"I'm- I'm so-so-sorry." Evan sobbed, curling in on himself. Connor took the seatbelt off, gently pulling Evan out of the car. The tight space of the car could only make things worse.

Grunting, Connor carried a sobbing Evan into the woods. They didn't go in far, just far enough that no one would see what was happening.

You're so stupid. Fight him, run away. He doesn't need to deal with this. Evan Hansen you're hurting your only friend.

"Shhhh." Connor cooed, cuddling the shorter boy in his arms. He didn't care how this looked to anyone else who may see for some reason, he just wanted his friend to feel better.

"I'm p-pathetic." Evan cried, burying his face into his friend's shoulder.

"Having feelings for someone isn't pathetic. It's okay. Really. I'm not mad. I... really like you... more than a friend... You don't need to feel that way back." Connor reassured, careful of the bruises on Evan.

"I-I d-do l-like you that w-way." Evan choked out, his brain exploding again.

Shut up shut up shut up! Seriously Evan, what's wrong with you!

"But you're not ready to admit your sexuality. It's okay. Truthfully a little frustrating, but I don't mind that much." Connor whispered, squeezing Evan's torso. There was a study that tight pressure can calm someone down, Connor planned to do that.

"I'm s-still s-sorry." Evan stuttered, the tears continuing to fall.

"Do you want to um, talk to someone that's not, you know, me?"

"Y-yeah sorry.."

Shaking, Evan pulled out his phone. He turned on the messaging system, remaining in his friend's arm.

{Texting Jared Kleinman}

Evan
Jared, can we talk.

Jared
What's up my man?

Evan
I feel bad.

Jared
Someone hurt your little feelings?

Evan
No. I hurt myself.

Jared
You did what?!

No response.

Jared
Shit dude, I'm gonna have to talk to my mom about that.

Evan
Emotionally. And I guess physically.

Jared
Where are you? I should probably come and get you, drive you to your mom, does that sound good?

Evan
You've never acted this way before.

Jared
Well, I know I act like a piece of shit, but I'm not a complete dick.

Evan
You're the incredibly cool Jared Kleinman

Jared
This is serious Evan, where are you? Stop teasing me about being a caring human.

Evan
I'm with Connor. I just needed to talk.

Jared
Did he hurt u?!

Evan
No. He can read the convo by the way.

Jared
Ok. Uh, so what happened.

Evan
You'll tease me. You'll hate me.

Jared
If it's bad enough you hurt yourself, I'll refrain. Again, I'm not a total dick.

Evan
I have a... crush on Connor...

Jared
Oh man dude, the rumors are true!

Evan
No they aren't! It's just a crush

A crush you shouldn't be having you freak.

Jared
Alright alright, I'll refrain for now because you're particularly emotional. But later, boy are you gonna hear it.

Evan
I look forward...

Jared
Need anything else?

Evan didn't reply. He knew Jared was trying to help in his own twisted way, teasing was just apart of his friend's personality.

"He's a dick Ev, but I guess he's not totally shit. You seem calmer." Connor said, releasing his grasp on Evan's body. Evan remained in his arms though, reluctant to leave the warm grasp.

"He's rude, but t-that's Jared. I feel a little better now." Evan mumbled, his face burning and itching from tears.

You shouldn't feel better.

"You don't have to do dinner with my shitty family after that. Maybe your place?"

"I-I don't know."

"Come on, Ev!" Evan flinched, leaving Connor's arms as his voice raised. "What the hell!"

"I-I'm so sorry."

"Shit. Shit shit shit. Ev. I didn't mean- I get angry over stupid things I shouldn't I'm a freak Ev, seriously-"

Connor couldn't even finish his sentence before Evan ran the other way, stumbling over his feet. "Evan! Come back! I'm sorry!"

{Texting Jared Kleinman}

Evan

I'm off the main highway, running towards the Mph sign. Please get me.

Jared

On my way