•Aaliyah

Dear Aaliyah,

It's been a while Habibty. A very long while! Where do I start from? Happy birthday love. Today is the blessed day you were brought into this world so please enjoy it. Two years ago you stopped replying my messages and e-mails so I aimed for a letter hoping you'd reply. I understand you have a lot going on with school and your spoken words activities so feel free to sit this one out too.

I've been following your works for a year now and it seems you're cooking up a storm in the literary world. I'm proud and impressed. Your words are just as beautiful as you are. So much to say yet little time. I'll make it quick. I don't have enough time. I'll be boarding the plane in nothing short of twenty minutes.

I want to start by telling you how I feel lest I digress from my initial reason for writing this letter. I hope you're well? How is your studies? I heard you've found love along the distant shores of the emirate. It's none of my business but I live for your happiness. Masha Allah he's some lucky fellow! I hope he's doing right by you. If he does anything I'll still lend you a shoulder to cry on. Damn! That sounds bad. I do wish you well in your relationship. But again, be careful.

Bilal says you'll be back in a few months. I'm sure these last few months will be hectic so take care and study hard. Remember I have all your best interests at heart. That sounds desperate, lol.

I may not be able to attend the graduation for I'm in a distant land but I'll send a gift. I feel like a goose writing this letter because I'm all up in my feelings. It's been two good years and I'm yet to be over you! I'm not telling you to earn your sympathy rather your empathy. Something tells me I still hold a place in your heart. I just want you to see how I'm suffering. I tried getting over you but I realized I couldn't because I need you just as you needed me before.

Time and distance really did separate us. Anyways, forget all that! Stay happy. I love you and I'll always love you. Two things I'll never stop telling you. I'll tell you today, tomorrow if I have the chance and in the next ten years. FOREVER! Just as long as you don't forget me. Forever is a long time so imagine me still telling you the same things in Jannah. I hope you won't get tired love. Even if you're not mine at least I know you're still aware of my existence. I wish you all the best. Stay safe. Allah's Noor and Khair for you in abundance Cinderella. May this day mark the beginning of of greater achievements in your highly eventful life.

Happy 23rd birthday my everlasting heartbreak story!

I traced the bottom of the card where the brand name was engraved onto it.

Love Letter Inc.

And read their slogan for the umpteenth time.

Dreams come true when the stars allign! It's all about Feelings.

Were these tears about feelings?

I've been in the same position for the past twenty minutes staring at this beautiful letter Hamza sent. Should I reply or throw it into my closet where a myriad of similar letters that were sent by him layed scattered?

I'll make it an addition to the swarm just to feel less guilty about my current love life.

I've met different men since I came here and no one has been this persistent and I don't think I've loved any as much as I did him.

Ali, Ehsaan, Jameel, Dalil, Zubair, Anwar, even Musa! then my dearly beloved. None compared to Hamza.

What do I do?! I have another but I'm still in love with Hamza.

Maybe he was also my everlasting heartbreak story because I have finally come to realize that I actually love him. A traitor I was to myself for not giving my heart what it so yearns for.

Why?

I don't know.

I just had to be the confused bitch! Am I really with the right person. Ya Allah please give me a sign.

I don't think anyone has ever had such a love story. Bumpy, rocky and stale.

Why can't my life just be as cliche as every romantic movie I've watched?

Life isn't fair but at least I should get spared for all my sufferings. I mean, life is too short. When I'm old and bedridden I want to look back at my past and smile knowing that I enjoyed a part of it even if most of it was tainted till the end.

But this isn't the end right?

I have someone now but will he suffice? No matter how good he has been treating me I couldn't stop thinking of Hamza. Hearing his name knocked me out of breath. What kind of life is this? Even I can't explain why I can't give myself to him.

In a few months, I'll be going back to Nigeria where I'll be seeing him everyday. Yes, I've managed to cut ties by using the distance but the pending proximity will cause me more disaster than prosperity.

Oh God I promised Azeema I'd attend her baby shower!

I scuttered out of Starbucks with my fanny pack slung weirdly across my shoulder as I squeezed the letter inside and fixed my veil with the bobby pins to have it sit on my head properly.

Let's rewind a bit. Azeema is my housemate. She's my lecturers daughter who mistakenly spilled coffee on my shirt one moody, Monday morning.

You can imagine how that went.

She begged profusely, trying to appease me and my already soaked hoodie, that was my favourite, by the way, only to have me spill the ice tea I was taking on her face. We almost got into a physical fight but her mother broke it, forced us to apologise to each other like we were elementary school kids before we dispersed to our distinct lecture theatres.

Since then we became best buds.

Simply because we were two petty children in the bodies of adults.

I moved out of the dorm that was in the school when she offered a proposition that entailed me paying half the rent while she payed the other half. She came just at the right time because I was indeed searching for a new accommodation.

She got married during our second year then moved out so I had to find a new roommate to fill her spot. A year later, she got pregnant. Luckily, it wasn't during the first year if not it would've destroyed her study plan.

Masha Allah she was married to a loving man who was willing to support her to the point she gave birth to two lovely twins. Anisah and Adam.

Sometimes I feel jealous when I look at her then my deceitful mind betrays me with images of me and Hamza living all the way in Qatar with twins who turned out to be our dopplegangers. And we'd name them Lamis and Junaid.

Stupid me.

Anyways, I was already late so I had to speed walk back to the bus station since cabs were just too expensive with the meter method they adopted recently.

A friend's car whisks past me and I dial her number so she turns back to pick me and now we're at Azeema's front yard waiting for her to open the door to the beautiful house.

"Hi lovelies!" She beamed as she hugged us both with her protruding belly poking us from the side.

A girdle would do the trick.

"Hi Zeema." We chorused.

"Shall we?" She motioned for us to go in before shutting the door.

"So what do you have planned out today?"

"Several activities babies! There's going to be a game for us to play, food, and more games then lastly an announcement by me. I'd like to share a pice of information with you all." She avowed.

"Ok then. Is Fatima here yet?" Vivian asked.

"No. She said she wouldn't be able to make it."

A notification appeared atop the screen of my phone and I excused myself to use the bathroom.

"When will the package be here?" I asked Marie in a hushed tone.

"It'll be here soon. Chill bitch! He's just been late with a few minutes. Check your door now." Marie stated.

I ordered a set of Abaya's and fitted readymade ankara dresses for Azeema then lastly, jumpers for her babies from a really close friend, Marie, an upcoming fashion designer who's clothes had been trending for a while now. I know Azeema would probably go crazy as she was obsessed with them.

Right on time!

Just as I exited the bathroom, the delivery man arrives with five bags. He rings the doorbell a few times before I rush to open it and collect the clothes before handing him the payment for his delivery.

He reversed back to his motorcycle and I shut the door.

I made a beeline to the living room where Azeema was with Vivian, Hadiza, Jameelah, Kim, Cara and Noorie.

"Zeema!" I called out.

"Yes boo."

"Here's your gift." I handed her the bags smiling genuinely for I knew despite how ridiculously expensive these cost me, they were going to the perfect person.

She takes them and opens the bags with a wide and beautiful smile. And a few seconds later, she was screaming as if she won a lottery.

"Thanks baby!" She hugged me before raising two of the bags in the air so her friends could see.

The other girls threw me looks of irritation, signifying their already dripping jealousy but I couldn't care less.

They each brought out their gifts for her after seeing mine. And none was as good as mine. Jameelah gave her a tea set, Viv, a jewelry set, Kim brought acupuncture needles which I was sure Azeema would never use!

Noorie, Hadiza and Cara gave her money and baby clothes. It wasn't much. 200 Dirham was just like the donation given to an extremely poor person. I thought they were extremely wealthy ladies...

Whatever! That wasn't even my business.

I wonder why they just had to announce how much they gave her and what was inside the boxes they brought. Dumb ass bitches...

After everyone was done giving their gifts to the celebrant, we headed to the dining room to eat before playing a game of Charades then later, Never Have I Ever.

I was really bad at guessing things so it was a no brainer that I'd lose ever so gloriously. Azeema and co enjoyed it though.

Next, Never Have I Ever, which was pretty interesting. I found out that we each held grave secrets in our hearts but I was sure that out of everyone I was the one with greatest secrets because I lied till the end.

Not because I was involved in any illegal activity, I just had so much baggage following me everywhere like a tail. No one would understand but I was having issues a lot couldn't nurse without loosing their Iman or running mad.

Who knew that Kim was once a stripper in China? Jameelah was a video vixen, Noorie has stolen from a bank in Spain, coincidentally!

Now she gives me money heist vibes!

Cara fought in underground tournaments before leaving Jamaica. How is that even possible with her 4'2 stature? Hadiza used to scam women with fake jewellery whenever she travelled to different countries on vacation.

Vivian's case was the worst. She drugged men whenever she went on dates with them then she'd steal all their money before disappearing from their lives. None judged but we agreed that it was a survival tactic. She grew up without parent's so what could she do?

Don't get me wrong. I'm not justifying her actions but I understood that she was desperate to find a way to fend for herself and her only sister. Let's just say she found herself in a period of misfortune so she used a wrong solution to salvage her armth.

Me and Azeema probably had the cleanest slates. The worst she had ever done in her life was insult her uncle.

Wow! We were on the same level. I slapped my aunt.

Maybe mine was worse...

Never Have I Ever siezed to be a game the moment it was switched to an open mic confession.

Some cried, others pried while I lied.

"Now, the last one. It's a subtle question so we all don't start a crying spree all over again." Azeema sniffled as a giggle escapes her lips, "Never have I ever fallen in love?"

Should I lie again?

It's only fair if I say one truth.

Ok, "Yes I have." We chorused except Azeema.

What?!

"Azeema how is that possible? Aren't you in love with Nasir?" Jameelah asked, concern etched in her tone.

"He loves me but I don't love him." She wiped her tears and paused take a breath, "I just got married to him because we committed zina so we had to get married so that it won't stain his image and destroy mine?"

Wow, Azeema!

If her mother hears this, she'll kill her!

Thank God she's an adult. If not...

She left a while ago to rid herself of the make-up and tears before returning to make her big announcement.

"I love you guys and all but this had to happen. I'm going to miss you all." She sobbed.

She broke my heart just as she started. What could it be?

"What do you mean?" I asked.

"I'm leaving to Egypt with Nasir after graduation."

Hell no! She's my only friend here. The rest are just acquaintances that would never make it to the point of friendship. What would I do without my cheeky hoodie annihilator?

And we all went in for one last hug because this would be the last just before our graduation since none were in my department except Azeema.

These ladies weren't necessarily my friends but the good will was established in Azeema's honour.

Left to me, I wouldn't be friends with any of them because they were too ostentatious.

Vanity simply ran in their blood. It could pass as the definition of their entire existence. How can one forget their past so easily?

Oh well...

That was none of my business.

Let's hope to meet in Jannah.

Hopefully Allah forgives all our sins before then.
____________________________

~Aisha Safiyanu🥀