•Hamza

"Do you feel anything for me? Even if it's a pint."

My heart beats frantically in anticipation to her response.

"I do, ok."  She sighed.

"That's a relief. You know I was talking about..."

"Just wait! I'm not done." She cuts me then adds, "I feel something I don't want to feel. I want to go back to school and graduate just like you. Maybe then I'd give in to the thought of a relationship but now is just not the time."

"I know an apology will make this worse so all I can say for now is if you know what you feel for me is real then please wait for that moment when I'm ready and surely you'll be able to call me yours."

The pain or rather realization of unrequited love is what I'm feeling now. I can't really explain it because it's just inexplicable.

But you either know or you don't right?

Well I don't. It's foreign and hurts from every angle not only my heart.

It feels like I've been struck on the face with a rejection slap.

No. That would've been better if I was just slapped but these were her words scarring me in the most unforgettable way.

Her words hinted at uncertainty. Does she really have feelings for me? Or am I just an infatuation that will soon be lost in the memories of her past when she meets a better person.

I've never felt this way about a girl. Man or boy I don't care, the truth is I want to curl up on my bed, covered in my blanket and cry for the period of time she can't be mine.

But I'll wait if that's all it'll take. At least she feels something. That's good right?

But what if she meets someone better than me wherever she goes to study? No...that's outrageous. I'll just pray for the best.

I'll wait...

"Are you still there?"

"Yes, my lo-Aaliyah."

"I hope this doesn't deter the status of our friendship? but if you don't want to be friends anymore I understand."

"No. It's fine. Just know that I love you and I really can't explain how that happened amma ina son ki min alkawarin wani abu (but I want you to promise me something)."

"What is it? I just hope I can fulfill it."

"Promise me that... you'll come back for me after you complete your studies. I know it's selfish to want that but I can't help myself. That's just how I feel and you know very well I don't like beating around the bush."

"Yes. I'll be back and it'll be like a Cinderella remake. A beautiful reunion for two lost souls. I can't say I love you now because I'm in a very confused state but I feel something though and I'm yet to understand what it is but I know I want to be with you."

"I'll take your word for it."

I didn't have the strength to continue the phone call so I ended it there and stared at the ceiling for the remainder of the night.

Just take a look at what a woman is doing to me...

*****

As expected, my mother came back this morning acting as if nothing had happened.

She literally waltzed into the house throwing bags at everyone and screaming 'gifts for my babies'.

Like seriously!

My father had already left for work so it was only me, Zahra, Fadila and Yusra in the living room watching a movie. To be honest, a part of me thought she wouldn't come back but she did and I couldn't be more happier.

They all abandoned the movie as she came into their line of view and they ran to hug her, squeezing the life out of her. I love her but I was still angry so I picked up my gift bag and walked straight up to my room.

"Baby kana ciki? (Are you inside?)" She asked with her head poking from behind the door.

"Hmmmm."

"I'm coming in now baby."

I don't answer and she opens the door wider and gets in then closes it behind her.

I use my feet to drag my body forward, towards the edge of the bed where she's sitted. A thick fog of silence serenades us with a weird vibe.

"Hamza how have you been?"

"Umma why are you asking? If you cared, you wouldn't have left us for such a long period of time."

"Hamza! Watch your tongue. You don't speak to me like that. I know what I did and I'm sorry. It had to be done. You won't understand." She snickered.

"I'm old enough to understand... that family sticks together but ours is just different."

"We're together now. I promise to never leave again. I'm going to cook your favourite food today."

"So why did you have to travel there?"

"It's not something you'll understand. Just forget it." She said, firmly.

"Ok." I said, concluding in my head that she was indeed up to something mischievous.

"Where is your father?"

"He has gone to the office."

"Ok. Bye baby. I'll be in my room. I hope you like your gift."

And with that, she exits my room.

I want to call or text Aaliyah but since the whole proclamation episode, we haven't spoken. I want things to go back to normal but I guess we complicated it with the 'L' word.

I know I'm fighting a lost battle because I'm at the edge of nabbing the phone from the bed and calling her.

My phone rings and I forget all about my plans when I start talking to Bilal.

"Bilal I'm in trouble!"

"Mai ya faru?! (What happened?)"

"Aaliyah happened."

"I don't understand."

"I finally told her I loved her and she said she has feelings for me too."

"That's great! What's the trouble there?" He questioned.

"We haven't spoken to each other in 24hrs. I feel like she needs space that's why she hasn't called or texted. Na fara jin tsoro fa (I'm starting to get scared)."

"24hrs?!" He hissed. "See, don't be scared. Maybe she really needs space so give her time. Ka kira ta (Call her) after like a week. I hope your week heart can do that?" He taunted.

"Shut up joor!Thanks for the advice."

"You're welcome."

"But has she told you anything regarding me recently?"

"Not really. You know since my workload increased, I've barely had time to check up on her but I'll ask her some things when next I see her."

"Alright. Thanks bro!"

"So, how is my sister in law?"

Bilal laughs. "She's good. I miss her sef. Get off my phone let me call her."

"No. You can't just do that."

"Oops I just did!" He hangs up.

Goofy [22/02/20 12:45] : I'll call you later. My love is waiting for me and so is yours!

Bilal is such a fool.

I sleep immediately after reading the message and soon I'm being woken up by Fadila.

"*Yaya tashi (wake up) lunch is ready. Be fast!" She drags my blanket and throws it on the other side of the bed.
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*This is used as an endearment for older siblings (boys). For a girl it's Ya. E.G: Yaya Hamza, Ya Zahra.

~Aisha Safiyanu🥀