-------------------Gulf's POV----------------------

I spend that day watching and reading everything about the other me, it felt so weird reading information about someone who has not only the same appearance and full name but also same birth date, blood type and we even like the same drink and food, it scared me and even wanted to stop reading more about him yet there is one difference between us two, our character, he is known as a kind sincere and dense person, well he is so skilled when it comes to acting but his personality is the opposite of me and that's because we have different life.

He grew up in a loving supportive family, has a great friends, got a great job and became so popular in no time, he finished his studies, has his own condo and a good manager, speaking of him, he did come visit some time after noon, I tried explaining everything but he brushed it as a joke and started complimenting my acting and left me the schedule starting Monday, it's true I decided to be the other Gulf until I find him but I'm not sure how to face all the people I'm going to meet, or how to stand in front of the camera

I spend the next day watching some of his high rated series, movies and TV shows, he looked so professional, he was shining when acting, every time I see him on screen, I can feel the huge gap between us, between our lives, our status, our talents which makes me even more depressed than before, I also was surprised to find his fridge full of all kind of things which mean he could cook and eat healthy food

When I wanted to rest my eyes, I walked around the condo searching every room, there was his super big bedroom, two guest rooms, a large bathroom and an office, more like a library, he had so many books, there was also a section that have many drama and movies scripts, I also found a section that was full of pictures for his modeling job, I sat on the sofa checking the scripts, a little cold yet refreshing wind came through the half open window made me feel a bit relaxed, I looked around the room and that's when I noticed a big frame

At first it looked normal, with a picture of a beautiful sunset yet as a got closer I noticed that there was an unusual space between the wall and the frame, the moment I touched it a notebook fell down taking me aback for a moment

"this must be a private notebook since he was hiding it" I starred at it for a while

"I'm sorry, I'm just taking a peek, maybe this will help me find you" I apologized opening, I started reading the first few pages

"this is a diary" I was stunned as I read everything, he wrote about his feelings and things he went through from time to time, he started writing it when he was 19, he talked about his family and two close friends who kept encouraging him to become an actor and how he was enjoying it as a new experience in his life, after reading few more pages

"... I'm really enjoying trying all kind of new roles, I'm somehow getting more and more popular, many people started to recognize me when I walk outside with my friends, I was even stopped by a group of female asking for autograph and picture when I was in university and because of that I was late for an important lecture..." after reading some more I could understand that he wasn't really happy about acting

"... it's been almost 4 years since I celebrated a normal birthday with my family and close friends, I got so busy right after graduation and only could see my family once in two weeks, even though my manager make sure to give me arrest day every week yet I find myself so exhausted to even go out, I really miss them..." I was more shocked, somehow I could feel his sadness from him writing, maybe we also shared the same dream, when I read the last page I became so sure of that

"... this is not the life I wanted, I hate my current life, I can't do anything freely, I get surrounded everywhere I go, I forgot the last time I had a private time with my family and friends, they even sounded sad when they called me yesterday, the scary letters and gifts keeps appearing in front of my door, I get stalked every time I go out, the media never stopped chasing me revealing everything about my life and lately I feel like I'm glared at all lot, it seem that there is some people who really hate me and that makes me even more afraid, all I wanted was to have a normal life, work in my father's company, get a wife, have a couple of kids and live peacefully with my family for the rest of my life but it's too late now... too late..." I leaned back having mixed feelings about what I just read

I never imagined that he had it this hard, being rich and popular can't make everyone happy apparently, even though he enjoyed acting but he really didn't love it as his job and wanted to have a normal life, just like me, he was mostly sad, depressed , scared and mostly, he was lonely, I was wrong, he did share the life after all even though we had different jobs, that's when a question popped up

"what if he decided to ran far away from his life? Will I be able to find him?" this question made me worried since I really have to find him

*************************************

Monday came and I got so nervous, according to the schedule, I have a photo shoot for both a magazine and a new drama he just finished, then I have to learn how to dance for an upcoming movie where the MC who is me is a dancer and lastly I have some radio live Q&A which is I'm worried about the most

As soon as I arrived, I was so stunned by the stage, the cameras and everything around, I even froze for a minute watching everyone running around getting ready, all present person was staring at me yet I didn't pay them any attention I was only focused on how am I going to stand in front of the camera, before I knew it, I was dragged into the dressing room and I'm sitting alone waiting for them to call me, I was extremely nervous and even thought about running away yet a message stopped me, it was from the stranger I talked to two days ago, he asked how I was doing so I called him

"I'm super scared and nervous, I don't think I can act normally in front of all those cameras" I said as soon as he picked up, there was silence for a while then I heard him laugh

"honestly hearing you say that feels so weird since you, no, I mean the other Gulf worked as a model since high school"

"I've never done smth like this before, what should I do? I will ran away, that's the best option" I was really taking my coat and going toward the door

"calm down Gulf, first you have to relax, sit down and take a deep breath" somehow I found myself doing as he said

"it must be hard doing this for the first time but remember, you are a famous person so even if you made some mistakes they will never criticize you or do anything so when you go up there just be yourself and do what they tell you to do, you already have the good looks so anything will do for them as long as you keep looking handsome"

"thank you, it's the first time someone compliment my looks"

"then be more confident because you are attractive and many people love your appearance"

"I never imagined that I will be smth like this before, well thank you for your advice, I know you don't believe me and may think I'm crazy but you're the only person I can talk to"

"anytime, it's not like I don't believe you but... I've known the other Gulf for many years and since you look exactly like him..."

"I know, thank you mister Mew"

"Mew is fine" I smiled feeling more relaxed than before

"get ready because I'm going to bother you with my calls"

"I'm prepared, well good luck and remember just be yourself and be more confident"

"I will thanks again" the moment I hanged up a girl came telling me to follow her to the stage, my steps were very heavy and my heart was racing making me feel breathless but Mew's words encouraged me, I must do this, maybe my appearance will surprise the other Gulf and he will come back

"... let's start by the magazine shoot, you will be advertizing for this perfume, you must make people who see your picture that you really like the smell of this perfume"

"I understand" I did like the smell of the perfume, it wasn't very strong and had some sweetness to it, I took one last breath before sitting on the prepared chair holding the bottle close to my face, I've seen many pictures the other me did and usually when he advertize for a product he always hold it close to his face and stare at the camera

I noticed that I could keep smelling the perfume when it's this close, it's really god and refreshing, without a warning, camera flash started shining around and many pictures were taken, I was acting myself just doing any pose I saw before, my mind wasn't even focusing on the camera with Mew's word 'be confident' ringing inside my head and before I knew it the photo shoot ended and it seem everyone loved all the pictures

I send a message to Mew telling him that it went fine and he was glad for me, next, I spend about 4 hours learning how to dance, of course my body was stiff since I didn't do any sports for many years but I guess running every day to the train station helped me a bit and I managed to learn the first dance, after taking a quick shower, and eating smth we headed toward the radio station.

I called Mew who gave some advices on how to answer and he assured me that he will be listening, and then the questions started, the first ones were simple ones like if I have a new upcoming work, some questions about my daily life but then somehow the questions started to sound weird for me, they asked if I have a secret lover and to be honest, they kept insistent although I keep saying no until I lost

"could you stop asking this? First of all, everyone knows everything about me because of the media that never stop chasing me, secondly, even if I get a lover I will never tell so no one will bother her/him and last but not least asking the same thing over and over again doesn't mean I will suddenly change my answer" everyone stared at me in disbelieve, it seem they never expected for me to act like this

"I'm sorry, all your fans are curious about their favorite actor and you know that many want to know those kind of things" the female said after being speechless for a while

"I love all my fans and I don't mind sharing other things with them but having a lover is a part of my private life and I want everyone to respect this please"

"of course we all respect you mister Gulf, oh it seem it's time to read some fan letters" I read some letters, some were cute, some were in the form of questions and then this one

"Gulf Kanawut, please marry me!"

"wow! You sure have all kind of fans, what you will say to this one"

"umm, I want to ask this fan, are you asking me for marriage because you truly love me or just because I'm a popular actor? And don't say you love me because I'm kind and talented and sincere, true love isn't like that so please make sure to properly fall in love before speaking about marriage, I'm not just saying this for this fan but for everyone out there, marriage is a serious thing, sharing the rest of your life with someone you really love is not the same as sharing it with someone with no feeling"

"I completely agree with you mister Gulf, talking about marriage is like talking about the couple's future, I wish a happy future for all of you"

"me too, may you all find your true love and have a happy life"

"well this was the last letter for today, thank you mister Gulf for accompanying us through today's program, please come again, I'm sure everyone would love to hear more advices from you" she said smiling

"I'd love to share them with everyone, good night dear listener and sweet dreams!" with that the program ended and I fell back on the chair feeling exhausted, on our back

"you really surprised me today Gulf, you are usually patient and never get this serious during live programs and you answer for the last letter fan also stunned me"

"I told you, I'm not the Gulf you know, I used to have a normal life and now I ended up taking his place to find him, well you didn't believe me and I'm sure no one will but it's fine, I will keep doing my best, from now on you will notice many changes since my personality is not the same as before" I said with a tired voice

"you kept saying the same thing but no matter what I see, it's the Gulf I know, even earlier during the photo shoot, you were perfect as always"

"maybe I also have a talent for that, I never tried it before, anyway, see you tomorrow" I said getting out of the van, I could tell the manager was confused and worried about me saying nonsense, after taking a bath and eating smth, I laid on my bed, and that's when I noticed Mew's message

/// I was surprised by your answers but you did a great job, I could tell that you are being yourself and that's what matters, keep doing your best

I wanted to reply but my body was heavy and I quickly fell asleep with the phone in my hand

I wonder for how long must I do this? 

Will I be able to return to my previous life? personally, I prefer to be here since I feel more free and refreshed than my other life...

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I'm sorry, I may not be able to update tomorrow but surely on Sunday I will post a new chapter about Mew's part of story ;)